Bob Canada's BlogWorld

Said The Actress To The Bishop

2012-02-01T09:39:00.000-06:00

I just finished re-watching the original British The Office on DVD this week.

One thing I noticed this time through: according to the closing credits, the show first aired in 2001. That was ELEVEN freakin' years ago. That's just not possible. Please tell me it's not possible.

Excuse me, kids. I have to go take my rheumatiz medicine, see if my AARP magazine came in the mail and then pre-plan my funeral.

I'm A Grown Man And I Bought This: Crime Syndicate Of America Box Set

2012-01-29T12:54:00.001-06:00

If you're a comic book geek as I am, you'll know that the Crime Syndicate is the evil equivalent of the Justice League of America. They were originally located on Earth 3, a parallel planet where there were no superheroes, only supervillains. Eventually a sole superhero appeared to fight the endless hordes of villains: Lex Luthor. Cool idea, huh? From the era when comic books were actually fun to read.

I think the Crime Syndicate is now located on Earth 2. Why they changed it, I have no idea. Either it was part of some confusing multi-part storyline or the writer just forgot where they were from.

The Crime Syndicate box set is part of Mattel's DC Universe line, which has been around for a good five or six years now and has produced hundreds of cool figures from DC's history. I used to be an avid collector of this line, but around Wave 8 they started becoming impossibly hard to find, and the price tag for an individual figure ballooned to a ridiculous and astonishing $18! Ouch!

The box set contains figures of Ultraman, Owlman, Superwoman, Power Ring and Johnny Quick. It's a Walmart exclusive, so if you want one you'll have to put on your best pajama bottoms and venture there.

It also originally cost between $75 and $80, depending on the store. Sorry, Walmart and Mattel. That ain't gonna happen. I don't spend that much per week on groceries! There's honestly no reason this toy line should be so expensive. These figures are all basically repaints. The entire DC Universe line routinely uses three or four different basic body types, so all they did to design these figures is make five new heads. Certainly no reason to inflate the price to such levels.

Apparently I wasn't the only one suffering from sticker shock, as I saw this set on clearance at Walmart for a more reasonable $35, so I picked it up.

Anyhow, enough whining about the cost, and on with the reviews. First up in the set is Ultraman. Obviously the Earth 3 equivalent of Superman. He's not from Krypton though– he's human, given his super powers by an alien after he accidentally wandered into hyperspace.

Not a terribly exciting figure, but that's the fault of the source material.

Owlman is the evil twin of Batman. In the comics, the original Owlman wore a costume that looked pretty much identical to Batman's, except he wore an owl mask on his head. That was no doubt considered too campy for modern, serious comic readers. This version seems highly influenced by Night Owl from the Watchmen movie of a few years back.

Like Batman, Owlman has no actual superpowers and relies on his cunning and an array of high tech gadgetry.

This is probably my favorite figure of the lot. It's a cool design, there's lots of detail and the flexible "feathered" cape is a nice touch. One of the few figures that's not a simple repaint of an existing figure and actually required some effort on Mattel's part.

Next up is Superwoman, who's pretty obviously the counterpart of Wonder Woman. She has powers similar to those of Wonder Woman, with the addition of heat vision. According to the back of the box, Superwoman's magic lasso (which was not included in this box set- way to cheap out on accessories, Matell!) not only forces people to tell the truth, but also to reveal embarrassing secrets about themselves. Um... aren't those pretty much the same thing? Isn't the truth sometimes embarrassing?

Superwoman is a little more S&M than I'm used to seeing in the toy aisle, what with her shiny vinyl bustier and all, but what do I know. My figure came with a wonky left leg that makes for some strange poses. I think it might have resulted from the plastic tray warping her leg over a period of months. I'd be royally pissed if I'd paid full price for this set.

Power Ring is the evil equivalent of the Justice League's Green Lantern. Unlike our Green Lantern, his super-powered ring is not alien in origin, it was given to him by a Tibetan monk named Volthoom. Wha.... ? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say with confidence that Volthoom is not a traditional Tibetan name.

This is a prime example of why these figures shouldn't cost as much as they do. This is basically the regular Green Lantern figure with a different paint job and a tiny mask added to his face.

Once again, this figure has leg problems. His left leg appears to also have been warped by the plastic tray. It just looks odd no matter what position it's in. Maybe over time it'll straighten itself out.

Rounding out the Crime Syndicate is Johnny Quick. You don't have to be a comic fan to figure out he's the evil version of the Flash. Again, this is pretty much a repaint of the regular Flash figure with a new head sculpt.

And what's up that goofy noggin? Hopefully that's just his helmet, and his head isn't actually shaped like that underneath.

According to the back of the box, Johnny Quick derives his powers from drinking "Speed Juice." Congratulations, DC and Mattel. You've made the first drug using super hero.

All in all it's a decent but not great set containing some interesting evil versions of fan-favorite characters. Somewhat marred by the warped legs that affect some of the figures, which may just have been symptomatic of the box I bought. Definitely not worth the original asking price, but an OK buy at the marked down price of $35.

My favorite part of this set though is the box. Specifically the back of the box, which contains short bios of the various characters. Allow me to highlight a few of the character descriptions:

Owlman: Not even loyal to his own syndicate, he is having an affair with Superwoman and blackmailing Ultraman.

Superwoman: Married to Ultraman, she is having an illicit affair with Owlman.

What. The. Hell. Seriously, Mattel? You printed those two passages on the back of a box of action figures found in the toy aisle. Was it absolutely necessary to include that info? Are there even any editors working in the marketing department at Mattel? I guess this proves that like the comics that inspired them, action figures are for adults now and no longer aimed at children.

I cannot wait until some six year old gets this set for Xmas, reads the back of the box and says, "Mommy, what's an illicit affair?"

Wheel Unfortunate

2012-01-28T20:11:00.000-06:00

This week, perennial game show host Pat Sajak admitted that he's occasionally hosted TVs Wheel of Fortune while drunk.

Dear God, who could blame him?

I feel like I'd need to get hammered just to watch an entire episode of that show. How he's managed to bear hosting it week in and week out for the past 30 years is beyond my comprehension. I honestly cannot conceive of a worse hell. If anything he deserves the country's utmost pity and compassion.

Think about the amount of pure willpower it must take him to force his feet to shuffle into that studio once a week for three decades. Imagine the sheer inner strength he has to muster in order to feign interest in whether a soccer mom from Sheboygan wins or loses. Try to imagine how grating it has to be for him to hear the phrase, "I'd like to buy a vowel" for the 100,000th time. Think of the seething, red hot fury that must build inside him when a mouth-breathing contestant can't guess a puzzle like "CATS AND D_GS."

How this man has kept from climbing to the top of a clock tower with a high powered rifle and going on a shooting spree, I have no idea.

Some may say he has one of the best jobs in the world. He works one day a week and is no doubt a millionaire many times over. There are some things though that just aren't worth any amount of money.

I can't fathom what abominable sin could he could possibly have committed to deserve such a curse. Just remember as you go to bed tonight, thank whatever deity you may worship that you weren't born Mr. Pat Sajak.

It Came From The Cineplex: Red Tails

2012-01-24T20:44:00.003-06:00

I had high hopes for this movie as I took my seat in the theater. It's an interesting story about a period of history I find endlessly fascinating. Then this credit flashed on the screen:

Executive Producer: George Lucas

Uh-oh. The man responsible for unleashing the Star Wars Prequels onto the world. My first thought was, "I have a bad feeling about this." Then this credit popped up on the screen:

Inspired by true events

Oh boy. The dreaded "Inspired by" credit. Few credits can inspire as much dread in me as this one. If the movie says, "Based on true events," then chances are it'll be a fairly accurate depiction of the story in question, with only a few embellishments to make it more exciting for the silver screen. "Inspired by true events" means what you're about to see is loosely based on a story your friend heard his bus driver's grandpa tell his butcher once. The only credit scarier than "Inspired by" is "And starring Rosie O'Donnell."

Set in 1944, Red Tails tells the true life story of the Tuskegee Airmen, a division of black US air force pilots who were grudgingly allowed to fly routine patrols in worn out, hand-me-down planes from their base in Italy. The pilots sadly realize that even in the service of their country they will never be treated as equals.

But when the U.S. begins losing too many B-52s in its bombing runs, the military decides to give the Tuskegee airmen a chance. Their commanding officer manages to get them supplied with new and proper planes (complete with tails painted bright red, hence the title), they succeed in protecting the bombing missions and make a difference in the war. The all white bombing squads grudgingly accept the Tuskegee pilot's help and they become the most requested escort crew in the war.

Supposedly Red Tails has been a dream project of George Lucas since the 1980s. Unable to find financial support from any major studios, he financed the picture out of his own pocket. Lucas has since blasted Hollywood, saying they wouldn't fund the film due to its all-black cast. Personally I think they shunned it because they got a peek at the script.

The movie could have been great, but like so many historical films, it plays it safe by focusing on one small bright part of the story, ignoring the struggle and strife that occurred before and the sometimes tragic outcomes that happened after.

The acting ranges from fair to downright awful. The pilots are played by relatively unknown actors who manage not to embarrass themselves (for the most part). I can't say the same for Cuba Gooding Jr. and Terrance Howard though. Gooding plays Major Emanuel Stance, the superior officer of the pilots, and is constantly chomping on a pipe that doesn't ever seem to emit any smoke. In fact he looks a lot like a kid who found a pipe and is pretending to smoke it.

Terrance Howard plays Col. A. J. Bullard, commander of the base. All the pilots call him "The Old Man," despite the fact that he appears to be the same age as everyone else in the picture. Maybe it's just tradition to call the C.O. "Old Man" regardless of age? Bullard seems incapable of speaking in anything but motivational speeches, which grow tiresome halfway through the first one.

Because this is a WWII movie, it of course needs a Nazi villain. The script dutifully provides us with an evil German pilot that the Red Tails nickname "Pretty Boy." How they could have possibly got a good enough look at his to give him this moniker as they whiz by his plane at hundreds of miles an hour is left to hour imaginations. He dutifully turns up in every aerial battle no matter where it takes place. "Pretty Boy" is the consummate cartoonish Nazi, complete with fencing scar!

The film is also riddled with cliche after cliche, which is somewhat to be expected in a war picture. This one trowels it on thicker than Lucille Ball's makeup though. In addition to the usual war time cliches, the script also stocks up on the racial cliches as well. It's like an extra large stuffed crust cliche pizza.

The script has a very non-committal tone. Over and over we're told unsavory details about various characters, but there's never any evidence of these failings. For example, we're told that squad leader "Easy" (Yes, all the pilots have annoying nicknames) has a drinking problem. We see him tenatively take a few sips from a flask, but at no time in the film does he ever seem like he's under the influence, or his judgement impaired. If he's supposed to be an alcoholic, he's the most competant one I've ever seen.

We're also told that his best friend "Lightning" is not only the best pilot in the war, but also a notorious ladies man. However we only ever see him woo a single woman. In fact near the end of the film he even proposes marriage to her. That's considered womanizing?

The writing credits don't list George Lucas, but the cringe-worthy dialogue has the tell tale signs of his greasy fingerprints all over it. There's no way he didn't have some input on the script. No one but George Lucas could write dialogue like, "How you like that, Mr. Hitler?"

There's also an appalling lack of period detail in the dialogue as well. At one point a commanding officer tells a pilot to "man up." I'm pretty sure no one ever used that phrase until a couple of years ago. Certainly no one ever said it (nor would understand what the hell it meant) in 1944. Maybe that's where we are now as a society. In order to lure the coveted teen audience to a movie, an historical script has to eschew accuracy for the "kewl" factor.

Another unmistakable Lucas touch: Brian Cranston (of AMC's Breaking Bad) plays a bigoted soldier named General Mortamus. Jesus Christ, George! What next, Seargent Muderman and Corporal Evildude? This isn't the Star Wars universe, George. Charles Dickens used to give his characters evocative names as well, but he got away with it because he was a good writer.

The film also lacks a proper climax. Near the end we're told that the U.S. is planning a daring bombing raid on Berlin, deep in the heart of Nazi territory. The Red Tails are assigned to protect the bombers as they make this desperate strike against the enemy. The battle begins and is quite thrilling for a few minutes. Then one of the bombers loses and engine and is forced to turn around and head back to base. Most of the Red Tails then take on the thrilling task of following the crippled bomber to see it safely back home. Wait, what about the Berlin raid? Did it succeed? Was it a miserable failure? Apparently it's none of our business, as it's never mentioned again..

I will give credit where credit is due: the aerial battles all look spectacular. Some of them even manage to look a little Star Warsy, which I guess is inevitable, since George Lucas used WWII fighter footage as inspiration for his space battles.

Pros (sadly, this will be a short list indeed):
• Cool aerial battles

That's all I've got.

Cons:
• Corny script which would make John Wayne blush with embarrassment. It reads like a checklist of war movie and black struggle cliches.

• Horrible dialogue that is often inappropriate for the period.

• Lack of period sensibility. In one of the subplots, Tuskegee airman "Lightning" meets and falls in love with an Italian woman and after a brief courtship, he proposes to her. I have a very hard time believing that in 1940s Italy the sight of a black man and a white woman holding hands and kissing in public would not draw some sort of negative attention. To pretend otherwise in order to shoehorn a love story into the script is ridiculous, and an insult to the men who suffered through such discrimination.

• Weak climax to the film, as the Berlin bombing run is ignored so we can watch thrilling scenes of fighter planes escorting a wounded bomber back to base.

• Focus on one small upbeat portion of the story, as the more interesting (and sadly, less happy) incidents go unmentioned.

What could have been a great film is unfortunately torpedoed by a ham-fisted and cliched script. George Lucas recently stated he's going to retire from film making. I can't believe I'm saying this, but if this is the best he can do, maybe retirement's not such a bad idea. I give Red Tails a C.

I'm A Grown Man And I Bought This: Tardis Bobble Head

2012-01-24T15:21:00.000-06:00

At last year's San Diego Comic-Con, toy company Bif Bang Pow! (yeah, that's really their name) released this first ever Doctor Who TARDIS bobble head toy.

The TARDIS bobble head to only 3,000 numbered pieces. In a really bone-headed move on Bif Bang Pow's part, they only numbered the box, not the actual bobble head. I threw the box out seconds after I got it, so I have absolutely no idea what my TARDIS was numbered.

Not that I care about the number, mind you. I bought it because hey, it's a TARDIS and it bobbles. I couldn't care less about the serial number assigned to it. But some people do, thinking that a lower number makes the toy more valuable, and they're going to be mighty perturbed when they discover the number is on the box only and not on the toy.

In addition to bobbling, the TARDIS bobble head also features sounds. Push the button on the front of the maroon vase and you'll hear the trademark TARIDS takeoff and landing sounds. Both sounds are suitably loud and sound clear.

One slight complaint: There's an on-off switch in addition to the sound activation button. The switch is on the bottom of the base though, forcing you to have to turn the whole thing over in order to turn it on and off. Would it have killed them to have put the switch on the back?

Sculpting-wise, it's a pretty accurate rendition of the TARDIS. Specifically this is the Fourth Doctor's TARDIS. You know, the guy with the scarf. Most non-fans probably aren't aware of it but the TARDIS has changed radically over the past forty eight years. The height, width, markings and even the shade of blue has changed quite a bit as the old props wore out and new ones were built.

I don't have a video camera, so you'll have to settle for this still shot here of the TARDIS bobble head bobbling.

You'll never find one of these in a brick and mortar store, so if you want one your best bet is to go to whona.com

The TARDIS bobble head is a perfect gift for any Doctor Who fan, and placing it on your desk immediately tells everyone that a nerd sits here. I am so placing one on my desk if I ever get another office job.

I Think Yahoo Is Trying To Tell Me Something

2012-01-24T13:50:00.001-06:00

For the past couple of weeks every time I send off an email through Yahoo I see this screen, complete with the ad at the right. An ad featuring a ripped, half-naked guy asking me how much weight I want to lose.

What the hell are you trying to say, Yahoo? Are you telling me I'm fat?

I won't deny that I could stand to lose a few pounds. Who among us couldn't? What I don't understand is how Yahoo knows this. Does everyone with a Yahoo account automatically see this ad, regardless of of their girth? Or does Yahoo use some kind of algorithm that secretly searches the content of my emails, looking for key words like pudding, bratwurst and smorgasbord?

Do my emails make my butt look big?

I Wuz Framed, I Tell Ya!

2012-01-20T00:06:00.002-06:00

Right after the bank where I worked closed in December I went out and got a job in a frame shop. Overall it's not a bad place to work, but it's only part time and of course there are no benefits. Definitely not something I could live on long-term. But enough about those woes.

What I find interesting about the job is when people bring in their art to be framed and matted. I will pull out our samples of available mat colors and without fail at least 85% of the customers will choose a red mat.

Not just any red, mind you. They invariably pick out the brightest, most garish arterial spray crimson that's commercially available. Red that is so bright I instinctively hold it away from my privates because I suspect it may be radioactive. This overwhelming partiality toward red mats is fascinating to me.

When I was in art school it was hammered into my brain ad infinitum that mats should be somewhat subdued and focus attention on the art. Mats should make the art stand out; compliment it if you will. Red mats do not compliment the art. Red mats are the visual equivalent of a five year old child endlessly yelling, "Mom! MOM! MOMMA! HEY, MOM! Look at me, Mom! Are you looking? MOM!"

I honestly don't know why they even make red mat board. I can't think of a single instance in which a red mat would be appropriate. Maybe, just maybe if you had a photo of an awkward teen who wasn't easy to look at and you wanted to draw attention away from their greasy hair and clotted pores. Or perhaps it might look good around an original John Wayne Gacy clown painting hung in the torture pit of a serial killer's basement. Other than that, I got nothing.

When a customer proudly selects a red mat and then asks me what I think, I'm not coy. I tell them the truth. I tell them that if they pick a red mat then everyone in their bridge club is going to stare at that and ignore their artwork. Most of them instantly get it, as I see a wave of horrified realization pass across their face. I can then recommend something more subdued and tasteful to them, and they leave happy.

Every now and then though, there'll be a customer who's adamant about their choice and, knowing when I'm defeated, I shrug and cut their red mat for them. They then proudly leave the store, squinting and blinking as the full fury of their bright red mat stings their eyes.

Why I'm Moving To The Mars Colony: The "Beyonce" Horsefly

2012-01-18T13:23:00.000-06:00

This week Brian Lessard, allegedly a scientist at Australia’s Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization, discovered a brand new species of horsefly. Due to the unusual gold markings on its abdomen he named it Scaptia (Plinthina) beyonceae. Yes, you read correctly. A scientist named a fly after pop star Beyonce because of it's gold-colored ass.

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh... In case you couldn't tell, that was the sound of the last tattered remnants of my soul escaping from my mortal body.

Lessard, who insists he is a scientist and not a drunken frat boy who wandered into a lab by mistake, said he wanted to pay respect to the insect’s beauty by naming it Beyonce. He actually felt no shame in publicly declaring that he named the fly after her because its golden backside is “pretty bootylicious."

Do you need a license to become a scientist? If so, someone please revoke this schmendrick's ASAP.

Fifty years from now– hell, make that ten years from now, scientists are going to see the name of this fly and think, "What the frak is that supposed to mean?"

I really, really want off of this planet. It's things like this that make me want to be first in line for the Mars colony.

You can read the all too real article here.

It Came From The Tube: Alcatraz

2012-01-17T20:11:00.000-06:00

Caught the premiere of Alcatraz last night. First time I've watched live TV in... wow, I can't remember. Alcatraz is the latest series from executive producer J.J. Abrams, of LOST, Star Trek and Super 8 fame.

So what's it about? On a dark and stormy night in 1963, all 256 prisoners and 49 guards inside Alcatraz prison suddenly vanished without a trace. Flash forward to 2012, when the inmates begin to reappear unaged and start wreaking havoc in the modern world.

Police Officer Rebecca Madsen teams up with Alcatraz expert Diego Soto (Jorge Garcia, of LOST fame) to investigate the reappearances of the inmates. Along the way they discover a secret government project tasked with rounding up the prisoners, headed by Emerson Hauser (Sam Neil) and his assistant Lucy (Parminder Nagra).

The cast is impressive, especially for a TV show. Sam Neil is great as always. Jorge Garcia pretty much plays himself, which he's done in pretty much everything I've seen him in. Hey, it seems to be working for him, so good for him. Robert Forster's also in the show and it's always great to see him. He doesn't turn up in TV shows much. And of course I'll watch anything Parminder Nagra's in. I've been crushing on her ever since Bend It Like Beckham.

Overall I was impressed with the premiere. In addition to the great cast, there's plenty of action, a continuing mystery to unravel and even time travel shenanigans. I was intrigued enough by the revelation at the end of the second episode to come back for more.

There are lots of flashbacks to 1963, which lead to unavoidable comparisons to LOST. Hey, much of the action even takes place on an island! Hopefully that's where the similarities will end and the show won't degenerate into the murky morass of abandoned plot lines that LOST turned into. If anything the show's police procedural format is more reminiscent of Fringe, which is a good thing, IMO.

My one fear is that the show could become repetitious very quickly. If every episode is going to feature an inmate showing up and killing some people while the good guys search for him, find him and put him into super time-proof prison, it's going to get old really fast. They'll need to shake things up now and then to avoid the Scooby Doo Syndrome ("Old Man Johnson dressed up like a monster to scare people away from the Big Rock Mine treasure!"). Hopefully they realize this and will adjust the plot lines accordingly.

Take a little bit of LOST, a LOT of Fringe, some Green Mile and X-Files, and even a little bit of Friday The 13th: The Series, shake well and you get Alcatraz.

Morey Goblinsky

2012-01-14T20:08:00.001-06:00

It's been a while since I posted any of my actual art here on my blog. That's because my 2011 Xmas card took a lot out of me. Those cards always do. I work on them so intently and for so long that when they're finally finished I can't even look at my drawing table for a few weeks.

But yesterday I decided it was time to get back into the illustration habit, and I came up with this. This is actually something of an experiment for me. I normally spend a lot of time fussing over my line work, so this was my attempt at being looser and more spontaneous.

I picked a painterly Photoshop brush and just started slapping colors down. No real plan, and if you can see the brush strokes, so much the better. I did it fairly quickly; I think it took three or four hours.

It wasn't a totally successful experiment. It's still not as free and spontaneous as I'd like, but it's a step in the right direction. I don't know if I'll pursue this style any farther, but it was fun to try it.

Drawn in Photoshop on the graphic tablet.

I'm A Grown Man And I Bought This: Marvel Select Juggernaut

2012-01-14T19:56:00.000-06:00

When I first started collecting action figures as an adult, circa 1994, a five inch tall figure retailed for five bucks. That was a reasonable price and I bought many, many, MANY action figures back then. Cut to the present day, when most seven to eight inch high action figures routinely cost a whopping eighteen dollars or more! Even the small scale Star Wars figures are hovering around the ten dollar mark.

I'm not quite sure what's behind this drastic price increase. Maybe it's the ever-rising price of petroleum. Maybe it's the fact that Chinese factory workers are finally demanding a living wage. Whatever the reason, it's had a drastic effect on my figure collecting. I used to collect many different lines: Star Wars, DC Universe, Marvel Legends, Iron Man, Ben 10 and more. Now I'm down to buying pretty much one line: Doctor Who action figures.

I'm an adult and I can't (and won't!) pay $18 for an action figure. If I can't afford it, how do toy companies expect a kid to do so? I have a bad feeling that these out of control prices are going to kill action figures altogether.

Occasionally I'll see an action figure that I just can't resist and I'll bite the bullet and pay the $18 price for it. I'm almost always immediately filled with buyer's remorse and regret my purchase. That's why it's nice to buy a figure and finally feel like I got my money's worth.

Case in point: the Marvel Select Juggernaut figure.

As you may or may not know, Juggernaut is one of the arch enemies of the X-Men. His real name is Cain Marko and he's the half brother of Professor X, leader of the X-Men. Marko found a mysterious ruby in a South American temple that granted him superpowers. He's virtually indestructible and once he sets himself into motion, is unstoppable.

Make no mistake– this is one massive hunk of plastic. I bet he weighs a good three pounds. It's a big, hefty solid figure that doesn't make you feel like a chump for buying it.

Juggernaut will definitely intimidate your other Marvel and X-Men figures with his sheer height and bulk alone.

As for the sculpting, they managed to pack a lot of detail and textures into the figure. His helmet and arm bands have a nice metallic texture, while his body armor looks appropriately leathery.

His helmet isn't removable, as far as I can tell. I was afraid to pry on it too hard, lest I have to break out the Crazy Glue. It appears they took the trouble to sculpt an entire detailed and expressive face behind the helmet though.

They even sculpted treads on the bottom of his boots! Now that's attention to detail!

Note that Juggernaut is able to balance himself on one foot. That's a pretty rare talent for an action figure, probably made possible here by his sheer weight.

One of my biggest action figure pet peeves is when they can't stand up under their own power. People have no trouble standing up for hours without falling over. So how hard can it be to make a model of a person that doesn't fall down? Every damn day I have figures who leap from my shelves to their deaths on the hard floor below. I think it oughta be a law that action figures have to be able to stand under their own power, with no stands holding them up or putty cementing their feet into place. In fact I think I'll write my Congressman about it right now.

Based on these photos, Juggernaut figures are definitely on the rise, height-wise. On the left is one of the first Juggernaut figures produced by Marvel, circa 1995. In the middle is a Marvel Legends Juggernaut, circa 2000. And of course on the right, the current figure. Interesting that the past figures featured removable helmets.

If you're a fan of the X-Men, action figures, or expensive chunky pieces of plastic, then the Marvel Select Juggernaut won't disappoint.

Back To The Future Part II Countdown

2012-01-14T16:35:00.000-06:00

I first posted this a few years ago, but it's worth a second look.

We are now only THREE short years away from the year 2015, in which a good part of the movie Back To The Future Part II takes place.

While it's certainly an enjoyable movie, it was waaaaaaaay off in it's prediction of the future. According to the movie, in just three years we should have:

• Anti-gravity
• Flying hover cars
• Hover car conversion kits for older non-flying car models
• Automated gas pumps that pump the gas (or whatever fuel flying cars use) for you
• Skyways, complete with hovering traffic signs
• Hover boards
• Rocket-powered hover board boosters
• Automated hover-tech news cameras
• Self-drying clothing
• Self lacing Nike shoes
• Affordable bionic replacement parts (Biff's grandson didn't seem like the type who would have 6 million dollars to spend on elective bionic upgrades)
• Hydrating ovens
• Voice activated home controls for security, lighting and entertainment
• Self-walking hover-technology dog leashes
• Hover back braces (to hang you upside down and relieve your back pain)
• A Weather Bureau that can actually control the weather (!)
• A lawyerless justice system
• The Miami Gators baseball team
• Pepsi Perfect (whatever that is)
• Double neckties for men
• Clear neckties for men
• Goggles that can display information on the inside of the lens, such as incoming phone calls and TV shows
• Wall-sized TV screens that can display multiple channels at the same time
• Indoor fruit and vegetable gardens
• Window blind TV displays
• Thumb-pad door controls
• Dust-repellent paper for books
• Holographic 3D movies
• FIFTEEN more "Jaws" movies (Oy gevalt!)
• Holographic outdoor movie ads (can we assume by this that the movies of 2015 are also holographic?)

This list is just off the top of my head. I'm sure there were some things I missed or forgot about.

Interestingly enough, the world of 2015 still has fax machines and newspapers! Faxes are pretty much obsolete already in our time, and newspapers are barely hanging on. Marty's future also seems to have totally missed the smart phone revolution. There wasn't a cell or smart phone in sight. Maybe with the communication goggles Marty Jr. was wearing, personal phones became obsolete?

Anyway, we'd better get busy! We've got a lot of stuff to invent!

DC? More like WTF?

2012-01-14T16:02:00.001-06:00

This week DC Comics (the Superman guys) unveiled their brand new logo to the world. And here it is:

Wow. Would you look at that. That certainly is a logo all right. Definitely not a good logo by any means, but it is a logo.

I assume that this logo is supposed to invoke a (comic book) page being turned? If that was the designer's intention then they failed. Miserably. I see it as something being peeled away. In fact this might be a good first attempt if DC was a factory that made adhesive labels or Post-It Notes.

Also, I get that there's supposed to be a letter C under there, but I'm having trouble making out a letter D. Too much of it is folded over to read properly as a D.

The type at the bottom is bland, perfunctory and uninspired. It very definitely looks like an afterthought, slapped under the logo by the design team at a red light as they drove to the production meeting. Bland as it is though, it's undeniably necessary. If it wasn't there, would you have any idea that this was a logo for any kind of publishing company?

Comic books are action packed and fun. A comic company's logo should reflect that. Where's the energy? The dynamics? I've seen insurance company logos with more pizazz.

If I'm being extra harsh on this new logo, it's only because it was not only unnecessary, but patently inferior to what's gone before.

This is the DC bullet logo, designed by famed graphic designer Milton Glaser in 1976. It's simple, dynamic and has a classic and timeless look. In my opinion it was absolutely perfect for a comic book company. I love this logo and wish they'd bring it back.

This is the Swoosh logo DC has been using since 2005. I don't like it as much as the bullet logo, but it has a certain charm. It's got energy and motion and a dynamic quality.

When viewed side by side, the "meh" quality of the new logo becomes even more apparent. Which of these logos draws your eye first? Certainly not the last one. DC needs to stop letting their president's nephew design their logos and give Milton Glaser another call.

There was a time when big corporations kept the same logo design for decades. Those logos were instantly recognizable the world over. That's the purpose of a logo after all: corporate recognition. We need to go back to that time.

The Harsh Truth About Foot Pads

2012-01-10T20:37:00.001-06:00

Happens to me every time.

Dr. Strangelove Meets Twinkie The Kid

2012-01-10T20:18:00.000-06:00

Something I noticed today at breakfast: I think someone in the Hostess Marketing Department likes the movie Dr. Strangelove.

Also today Hostess announced they were filing for bankruptcy, or bankruptcy protection, or something ominous like that. Well Hostess, maybe if you didn't charge $4 for a box of Twinkies I'd buy them more often and then you wouldn't be going bankrupt.

Won't Get Fooled Again

2012-01-07T19:58:00.002-06:00

This is the cover of Disney's 70th Anniversary Edition DVD/Blue Ray of Dumbo. Notice anything odd or unusual about it?

How about the smooth, over-rendered artwork? Take a good look at Dumbo there. Why he almost looks like a 3D computer generated character, doesn't he? He'd fit right in with Woody and Buzz Lightyear.

Maybe I'm just a jaded cynic, but I can't help but wonder if Disney deliberately painted Dumbo and his mouse friend that way in order to fool kids into thinking this is another Pixar product.

Dumbo was one of Disney's earliest cel animated films, made in 1941. This is how he looked in the actual movie; ink and paint and flat colors. No smooth dimensional shading anywhere to be seen. So I can't think of any reason to render him on the cover in such a way, other than to confuse and deceive.

Dumbo's not the only DVD release to get the faux-CGI treatment: pretty much every release in stores right now have that same over-rendered 3D look.

So if your kids are clamoring for any of these releases, you might want to clue them in that they won't be watching a computer generated movie. Might save some tantrums and shoe-tossing later.

I'm A Grown Man And I Bought This: 8" Classic Thundercats Lion-O Figure

2012-01-06T21:51:00.000-06:00

I was never a huge fan of Thundercats back when it first premiered. In the early 1980s I was either A) sitting in college classes, B) doing homework, C) working or D) sleeping until noon. I was aware of the show though and had a passing knowledge of the plot line and I liked the character designs.

So when Bandai recently released a series of classic Thundercats figures, nostalgia got the better of me and I bought one.

Why release new Thundercats toys now, some thirty years after the show left the airwaves? Because there's a brand new series on Cartoon Network. It's pretty good too, from what I hear (alas, my household remains cable-less). Bandai released both a 6" and 3.75" line of figures based on the new series, and threw a bone to us old school fans and released two classic figures– Lion-O and Tygra.

In a strange move on Bandai's part, however, the classic figures are a whopping 8" tall! That's a really odd size in the universe of action figures. I can't think of any other current line in that scale. Their large size means they won't fit in with any other action figures, so if you wanted to display Lion-O next to your He-Man figures, you're out of luck.

The large size also pushes up the price point. Lion-O here cost a ridiculous $18! Needless to say that at that price, none of Lion-O's pals will be joining him in my collection.

Ridiculous price aside, how's the actual figure? Pretty good. The sculpting is well done and they managed to add a lot of detail while still retaining the simple animated of the character. The paint job is well done, as it should be on a figure of this size and for this price. The colors are bright and vibrant and give the figure the cartoon look of the source material.

I have a few minor quibbles though. If you look closely you'll see that his yellow gloves are simply painted on. For 18 bucks the least they could have done was to sculpt glove lines on his forearms.

One area in which they didn't skimp: accessories. Lion-O comes with quite a few weapons and spare parts. He comes with his Sword of Omens of course, as seen above.

He also comes with the Gauntlet of Vague Premonitions, or whatever it's called (I told you I never watched the show much).

If you don't like the Gauntlet look, you can swap it out for a normal left hand. In all he comes with two normal hands, a sword gripping right hand, and the Gauntlet left hand.

He also comes with a small dagger, that can be stored inside the Gauntlet when not in use.

Lion-O's also quite articulated, as seen here. He has quite a few points of articulation which allow him to be place in virtually any pose.

One more minor quibble that's very evident in this photo: for some reason Bandai molded the connecting pegs in his ankles the same orange as his skin color, rather than in the blue of his boots. This makes the pegs really stand out, and there's no excuse for it, especially at this price point.

Here we see Lion-O doing his best Captain Kirk pose, screaming, "KHAAAAAAN!!!" Or perhaps he's just discovered a fallen comrade and is screaming "WHYYYYYY!!!" to the heavens.

If you're a fan of classic Thundercats and you don't mind spending nearly $20 on a figure that's too big to fit in with anything else on your action figure shelf, then this is the toy for you.

Actually you may want to hold off on buying this. This bizarre 8" scale line was dead in the water almost the instant it was released. So many fans complained about the size that Bandai has canceled this line, and it releasing a NEW classic Thundercats figure line in a 6" scale. That seems more like it. Now your Thundercats can team up with your He-Man and DC Universe figures!

It Came From The Cineplex: The Darkest Hour

2012-01-02T20:47:00.001-06:00

The Darkest Hour tells the story of a group of twenty-somethings visiting Moscow when an alien invasion occurs and virtually destroys the world. The movie premiered on Xmas day 2011, no doubt so the producers could blame the inevitable poor box office showing on the busy holiday.

Spoilers, I guess.

This is a what I like to call a discount alien invasion movie; one that doesn't quite have the budget to pull off its ambitious story. In fact it looks and feels very much like a SyFy movie that somehow got released to theaters by mistake.

One of the biggest examples of the film's budget consciousness: the aliens initially look a bit like glowing jellyfish falling from the sky, but once they hit the ground they become invisible. Gee, that was certainly convenient! Invisible aliens mean you don't have to pay anyone to design their look or render a CGI army. The aliens interfere with electrical fields, so for 90% of the movie they're simply indicated by having light bulbs momentarily glow as they move past them.

Another low-budget tactic: during the initial attack, a handful of survivors hides out in a basement and waits there for four or five days, according to onscreen captions. They then cautiously peek their heads out of their hiding place and see that the city of Moscow has been destroyed. This trick saved the film makers from having to spend money on Independence Day-like battle scenes.

The final cost-slashing scheme: at the end of the film the humans finally discover how to destroy the seemingly indestructible aliens. They send the message to the few survivors spread across the globe, as the main character nods knowingly and says, "This is how it begins." That's an odd thing to say at the tail end of your movie. They don't have the money to show humanity whupping the aliens, so they have to resort to implying our eventual victory.

The performances are passable at best, and the film has a very disjointed feel, as if it was heavily edited and there are lengthy scenes missing.

There's one unintentionally hilarious scene that happens when the characters first hole up in the basement. Everyone mills around for a good sixty seconds of screen time, shouting things like "What's happening?" "What are those things?" and "What are we going to do?" The problem is, no one's mouth is moving the slightest bit during this entire sequence. What a time for everyone to practice their ventriloquism!

One more thing I noticed: virtually every single effects shot in the movie is in the trailer. So if you've seen the trailer, you've pretty much seen the entire film.

I will give props where they're due though: it was nice to see an alien invasion take place somewhere besides New York or Los Angeles for once. The actual Moscow locations are a refreshing change of pace and a definite plus, giving a much-needed sense of isolation and disorientation to the film.

If you've ever watched one of SyFy's made for TV movies on a Saturday night and thought, "Gee, I wonder what it would be like to see one of these in a theater," then The Darkest Hour will fulfill your wildest fantasies. I give it a D.

Goodbye And Good Riddance To 2011!

2011-12-31T21:46:00.002-06:00

Dear Lord, what a steaming turd of a year this turned out to be. I bet I can count the number of good things that happened in my world in 2011 on one finger– and I bet you can guess which finger I mean.

It seemed to me that virtually every day of 2011 was just a little bit worse than the one before. There was the Japanese tsunami and subsequent nuclear power plant disaster, severe flooding in Thailand, the death of Steve Jobs and Elisabeth Sladen, and the continuation of our miserable, stagnant economy.

In my little corner of the world things weren't much better. There were lots of minor annoyances, like tax problems caused by a part time job, my favorite store Borders filing for bankruptcy and closing, and various and sundry other irratations.

Then there was the big bombshell that 2011 dropped in my lap: I lost my job. The bank at which I worked had been having financial trouble for a couple of years and at the end of July they finally threw in the towel. The FDIC swooped in like the vultures they are, closed us down and put us up for sale. If they'd have sold us to a bank with no presence in town, things probably would have turned out OK. Instead the FDIC sold us to the highest bidder, which was a rival bank with branches next door to every one of ours. It was the absolute worst possible scenario. The rival bank swallowed us up like the Borg, wiping us out as if we never existed.

I guess in a way I was lucky– unlike many of my fellow employees, I was allowed to stay on in my position from August until the end of December. As part of the deal though, I had to help my old bank merge with the new one. Staying on kept me employed for an extra five months, but it was like my executioner forcing me to dig my own grave. I was very literally being paid to eliminate my position and place of employment. Not a good situation in which to find oneself.

I did manage to find a part time job at the end of December. It's not a bad job, but it's a significant pay cut and of course there's no insurance, which is a big worry to me. I'm hopeful that more gainful employment will come along soon.

I'm also hopeful that 2012 will be a better year for me and the world at large. I mean it has to be, right? Please tell me it has to be. I don't see any way it could get any worse. Unless that Mayan thing turns out to be true...

Xmas Movie Wrap-Up

2011-12-30T21:45:00.000-06:00

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this was one of the worst holiday movie seasons in recent memory. Hollywood generally saves their big-budget tent pole pictures for May and December, but they definitely dropped the ball this winter season. There's seriously very, very little worth seeing in the theaters right now. If you like talking chipmunks and penguins you're in luck, but for the rest of us it's slim pickin's indeed.

CAUTION! SPOILERS AHEAD!

Hugo
One of the very few theatrical bright spots this Xmas was Hugo, the latest from director Martin Scorsese. Based on the book The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick. Hugo tells the story of a young orphan (are there old orphans?) who lives in a bustling train station in 1930s Paris, where of course everyone speaks with a British accent. Hugo hides and lives among the walls of the station, watching the sea of people from his hidden vantage point, keeping the station's various clocks wound and trying to stay one step ahead of the Station Master (played by Sacha Baron Cohen, who seems to be channeling Peter Sellers).

In addition to his clock winding duties, Hugo also constantly searches for parts to repair a strange automaton rescued from a junk heap by his late father (played by Jude Law).

Eventually Hugo meets an old man named Georges Melies, played by Ben Kingsley (who's no doubt ecstatic to be starring in something besides The Love Guru and Thunderbirds). Melies is a toymaker who owns a shop in the station, and befriends young Hugo. He also meets Melies' young niece Isabelle, played by Chloe Grace Moritz (Hit Girl, from the Kick-Ass movie), and the two youngsters go on a series of adventures in and out of the train station. They eventually manage to repair the automaton, which offers them proof that Isabelle's uncle is actually THE Georges Melies, one of the real-life pioneers of early cinema.

Hugo is a beautifully shot film that takes its own sweet time telling its story and expertly mixes fact with fiction. The performances are great, the plot is interesting and the film looks amazing. And there are no explosions! When's the last time you saw a movie where everything didn't blow up at the end?

That said, it's also quite an odd film. The first half concerns Hugo's life and his adventures in the station, while the second half is all about Melies. In fact once we discover Melies true identity, Hugo pretty much takes a back seat in his own movie.

It's also being marketed as a family film, which I suppose is a fair assessment. Kids will most likely love the first half of it, as what kid wouldn't want to have a secret lair in a train station, complete with a robot pal. As for the second half, I don't know. I have a hard time believing very many kids have ever heard of Georges Melies or give two hoots about him and his career. They're definitely not going to have any interest in silent film or the subject of film presentation.

Pros:
• Great cinematography.

• Great performances, especially from the character actors who populate the station.

• Cool robot (OK, automaton). There really were automatons built in the early 1900s that could write letters and draw pictures.

Cons:
• A bit too long, especially for what's being marketed as a kid's movie.

• Georges Melies may not appeal to the youth of today.

• Hugo's hair features a very obvious and noticeable dye job, making it look unnaturally black. Sort of like first season Bobby Brady. It's very distracting and I spent a good deal of time wondering why a multi-million dollar movie production couldn't afford to give their star a better dye job.

It's a good, if odd movie, and one of the very few films worth seeing this holiday season. I'm going to be generous and give it an A.

Immortals
Eons ago the Gods waged war against the Titans. The Gods were victorious and ruled from Mt. Olympus. The Titans lost and were imprisoned forever under Mt. Tartarus.

Years later, King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke), bitter because the Gods ignored his prayers, searches for the legendary Epirus Bow, a weapon of mass destruction that can free the Titans and destroy the Gods. Unable to intervene directly in human affairs, Zeus recruits Theseus (Henry Cavill) to defeat Hyperion and save the Earth.

Immortals is certainly a slick looking film, directed by Tarsem Singh (who also directed the equally visually-striking The Cell). Although it has a unique and original style, it's tough to not compare it to 300.

Mickey Rourke puts in his usual intense and bizarre performance as the ruthless but strangely sympathetic King Hyperion. John Hurt is suitably theatrical as the originally named Old Man. And if nothing else, this movie gives us a good look at Henry Cavill, the new Superman from next year's reboot of the franchise.

The story was interesting and easy to follow (unlike some sword & sandal epics), but I had a couple of problems with a few of the details. First of all, Zeus absolutely forbids any of the Gods from interfering in human affairs. So what's the point of the Gods then? Seems to me that a god can only ignore a person's prayers so long before they get fed up and find a new deity to worship. No wonder nobody prays to the Greek Gods anymore.

Along those same lines, Zeus feels so strongly about not interfering with humanity that he actually kills one of his children for defying him. But later we find out that the Old Man, who is Theseus' mentor and has been training him in warfare his whole life, is really Zeus in disguise. If that ain't considered interfering, I don't know what is.

We're told that there are twelve (I think– it might have been sixteen) Titans imprisoned under Mt. Tartarus. When they eventually escape, it appears that the Gods kill at least forty or fifty of them. Were the Titans regenerating off camera and heading back into the fray? Or are they like a hydra; cut one in half and two take its place?

Pros:
• Visually striking.

• Surprisingly bloody!

• Cool weapon in the Epirus Bow.

Cons:
• Stephen Dorff as the comedy relief.

• Hard to ignore the similarities to 300 (especially the old "Slo-Mo/Super Speed" visual trick).

I give it a B.

The Sitter
Apparently this movie exists and I saw it, as I found a ticket stub for it in my pocket. I'll have to take my pants' word for it though as I have little or no memory of anything concerning this movie.

The Sitter stars affable oaf Jonah Hill before he slimmed down and became an action hero. He pretty much plays himself here as a twenty-something slacker who's roped into babysitting a trio of problem children. Hijinks then ensue.

That's pretty much all there is to say about this movie. It wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen, but I'd pretty much forgotten everything about it by the time I pulled into my driveway, and I don't think it was due to early onset Alzheimer's. It's a familiar tale that's been told many times before and brings little or nothing new to the table.

There was one joke about Morrissey that made me laugh out loud, but other than that it elicited little more than mild chuckles. Actually I wouldn't even categorize them as chuckles; I just sort of breathed a little harder than normal out my nose at a few of the jokes.

I don't even remember enough about it to make a Pro and Con list.

If you're dead set on seeing it, it's probably already available at the video store. Again, since it's Xmas I'll be generous and give it an C-.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows
Before I get to the movie, a word or three about the title. In years past Hollywood would churn out sequel after sequel and imaginatively name them by adding a number to the title. Cineplexes were littered with films like Extreme Prejudice 5 and Beyond Vengeance Part 7. I thought it was a stupid and lazy practice and it annoyed me no end.

I was wrong.

These days Hollywood has seemingly eschewed the "Numbered Sequel" practice and the new fad is to add a colon and subtitle to movie titles. I find this system very confusing. Although I hated numbers in the titles, at least I knew in what order to watch a movie series. Now I have no idea. I couldn't tell you the proper order of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies if you held a gun to my head (which you'd have to do to get me to watch those sequels again). I think the second was called Dead Man's Chest? Or was that the first one? Then wasn't there one called Here Comes the Tide? Then I think the next one was Shiver Me Timbers, followed by Polly Wants A Cracker and Arrrrh!

Maybe it's just me, but my brain doesn't seem capable of remembering all these subtitles and their order. I think I'd like to go back to the Numbered Sequels.

OK, on with the review.

Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law and director Guy Ritchie return for another Holmesian outing. This time the boys face Professor Moriarty, Holmes' arch enemy. Moriarty is hatching a complicated plot to buy up various businesses around the world. He then plans to start a war which will require goods and services from the companies he owns, making him a millionaire.

In addition to thwarting this plan and saving the world, Holmes also has to save Watson, who's been targeted by Moriarty.

Eventually Holmes and Moriarty have a final confrontation in Switzerland and the two plunge seemingly to their deaths at Reichenbach Falls (which as all Holmssian scholars know, happened in the books).

If you liked the first movie, there's no reason you won't like this one, as it's more of the same. Not that that's a bad thing. The banter between Holmes and Watson is fun as always. Stephen Fry makes a memorable appearance as Holmes' brother Mycroft, and Jared Harris is suitably icy and villainous as Moriarty.

Pros:
• Good performances by the cast.

• The semi-steampunk look of the movie is a good way to sell it to modern audiences.

• Fun banter between Holmes and Watson

• Noomi Rapace, who plays the gypsy woman Sim, looks about a thousand times hotter here than she did in the original The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

Cons:
• Holmes seems very unaffected by the death of his former lover Irene Adler. She's killed off in the first ten minutes and never mentioned by anyone ever again.

• I don't think it was a good idea to kill off off Moriarty so soon. He's pretty much the Joker to Holmes' Batman, so now what? How do you top Moriarty? I suppose if they make a third movie they can always bring him back, but still... Save the plunge over the falls for the third leg of the trilogy.

• Guy Ritchie got a little carried away with the "Slow Motion/Speed Up" shots in the movie. If you took a drink every time one occurs you'd pass out 3/4 of the way through the film.

If you liked the first one, you'll love the second. I give it a B+.

Happy Belated Birthday Stan Lee!

2011-12-30T10:54:00.001-06:00

December 28th was the birthday of one Mr. Stanley Lieber, better known to the world as Stan Lee.

Stan Lee is probably the only comic book creator in existence who's recognized by the general public as well as the world of fandom. Lee, along with artist Jack Kirby, created most of what we know as the Marvel Universe back in the early 1960s.

For the first time in comics, Marvel's superheroes actually seemed like real people, rather than stiff mannequins (I'm lookin' at you, Superman). Stan Lee's heroes had relatable flaws and even (gasp) bickered with one another from time to time.

Stan Lee never talked down to his audience either, which may be one factor that explains his enduring popularity. He regularly used words that sailed well above the heads of his grammar school readers (like me), prompting them to crack open a dictionary to learn what words like "annihilate" meant.

Back in the day I naturally assumed that Stan Lee wrote every monthly comic that Marvel published. Of course the fact that every book was emblazoned with a line proclaiming "Stan Lee Presents" probably helped reinforce that notion. In a similar vein I also used to think that Hanna-Barbera was a woman who wrote and drew all the Flintstones and Jetsons cartoons.

I almost met Stan Lee ten years or so ago. I was at Wizard World in Chicago and saw him sitting at a table. I was walking over to him to tell him how much I enjoyed his work when suddenly an ill-mannered, foul-smelling stereotypical fanboy cut in front of me and plopped a stack of at least a hundred comic books on the table in front of Stan, demanding that he sign each and every one. Not wanting to wait in line for an hour behind such a basement dweller, I walked off. So close!

I hope Stan Lee has even a small inkling of what his work has meant to me over the course of my life. Because of him (and Jack Kirby) I tried my hand at making my own comics as a kid. I probably wouldn't be an artist (and fledgling writer) today if not for him.

So Happy Belated 89th Birthday, Stan Lee! Here's to another 80 or 90 years!

Just for fun, here's a shot of Stan from the 1970s, when apparently everyone looked like a porn star.

2011-12-24T06:58:00.000-06:00

Technically Festivus was yesterday (the 23rd), but I was busy and didn't have a chance to post.

Amidst the hustle and bustle of this time of year, it's so easy to overlook the real reason for the season.

Festivus isn't just about gazing in awe at the bare aluminum pole standing in the living room, free of distracting tinsel. It's not just about telling everyone how much they've disappointed you over the past year during the Airing of Grievances, or attempting to pin the head of the household during the Feats of Strength.

It's about togetherness and sharing a nice meatloaf with friends and family.

Happy Festivus, everyone! Hope you have a true Festivus Miracle this year!

I'm A Grown Man And I Bought This: Doctor Who Korwin Figure

2011-12-22T15:36:00.000-06:00

I first started buying Doctor Who action figures around 2007. The original plan was to buy the Tenth Doctor and Rose and maybe a Dalek and that's all. You can probably imagine how that turned out, four years and several hundred figures later.

This is my newest Doctor Who acquisition: the rare and elusive Korwin figure from the third series episode "42."

You're probably thinking, "What's the big deal? It's just a figure of a guy wearing a weird welder's mask," and you'd be right. But this has been an action figure Holy Grail of mine for years now.

See, pretty much every Doctor Who figure made in England in the past five years has made its way to American shores, but for some reason poor old Korwin never traveled across the pond. As near as I can determine he was sold only in England, and even then he was part of a 3-figure set exclusively available at Tesco, which is sort of the British version of Target.

Oddly enough the other figures in the exclusive 3-pack were Captain Jack Harkness and a generic Time Lord, which were available in the States. Why Korwin was never sold here, I have no idea.

You could snag yourself a Korwin on ebay of course, but sellers always wanted more than I was willing to pay. After years of searching I finally found a reasonably priced Korwin and was able to snatch him up. Huzzah! My Doctor Who action figure collection is now almost complete!

So scarcity aside, how does the figure stack up? Was he worth the wait? Actually, yes. He's very detailed and his iconic red helmet is sculpted spot on. He's also fairly well articulated; more so than the Tenth Doctor figures released at the same time!

Only two small complaints (you knew I'd have a complaint, didn't you?): first off, his welder's mask is not removable. Repeat, NOT removable. As you can see above they went to the trouble of sculpting the back of his head, but the mask is firmly glued into place and there doesn't seem to be a face behind it. It's not a deal breaker for me, but it seems a bit odd.

Second, in the "42" episode Korwin was possessed by a living star. When he'd lift the visor on his helmet, blinding light would stream out. It would have been cool if the figure had a similar light up feature.

Minor complaints aside, I'm happy to finally acquire him. There are still a couple more figures I need before I consider my collection complete. One is the Amelia Pond figure that's available only at the Doctor Who Experience exhibition in England. Since it's highly unlikely I'm going to find myself in London anytime soon, that particular figure remains tantalizingly out of reach, mocking me. The second is the rare (in the States anyway) Revenge of the Cybermen 3-pack. Once I get those two items I'll be content.

In case you're wondering, I don't have every figure they've produced. There have been a few that I purposefully didn't buy, most of them slight variations of figures I already had. Unlike Waylon Smithers, I'm not re-buying a figure just because it comes with a hat!

It's Two. Two. Two Hits In One!

2011-12-22T13:56:00.003-06:00

Now that audiences gave grown bored and frustrated with the 3D fad, Hollywood is scrambling to find another gimmick to lure us into the theaters. Their latest attempt: the Two Part Movie.

Warner Bros. started it all when they announced they were going to split the final Harry Potter movie into two parts, whether it needed it or not. Of course they said they had to have two movies in order to "properly service the story," but it doesn't take a genius to figure out their true motive: extending the franchise from seven movies to eight and raking in another billion dollars.

Then the Twilight franchise got in on the act, splitting the last movie "Breaking Dawn" into two very lucrative parts. New Line is also splitting The Hobbit in two, which will come this close to giving them another profitable trilogy.

So who will be next to split their movies in twain? According to actor Vin Diesel, it's the Fast and The Furious franchise (!). Said Mr. Diesel in a recent interview:

With the success of this last one, and the inclusion of so many characters, and the broadening of scope, when we were sitting down to figure out what would fit into the real estate of number six, we didn’t have enough space.

We have to pay off this story, we have to service all of these character relationships, and when we started mapping all that out it just went beyond 110 pages. The studio said, ‘You can’t fit all that story in one damn movie!’

Spoken like a true marketing man. So there's really enough story and character relationships in those F&F movies to fill two whole films? I must have missed all that between the scenes of cars jumping over buildings.

It's painfully obvious that excess story has nothing to do with these two-parters; like everything else in Hollywood it's all about money. If you make a plain old sequel, there's no guarantee that the audience will come back for it. But if you end your movie on a cliffhanger with a big ol' "To Be Continued In Part Two!" then it's a given they'll be back.

Looks like we're returning to the days of movie serials, except now you have to wait six months for the next chapter instead of a week.

Krazy Kristmas Traditions: Tio De Nadal

2011-12-18T11:43:00.003-06:00

We live in a strange and wondrous world that sometimes just makes no damned sense. Case in point: the Tio de Nadal.

Once again we have a Krazy Kristmas Tradition that originates in Spain, which is apparently trying to wrest the coveted title of "Most Insane Country" from Japan.

The Tio De Nadal (which means "Christmas Log") is a large hollow log decorated with a painted face and red sock hat. It's generally supported by either two or four legs and is covered by a blanket so it doesn't get cold. It's also sometimes known as the Caga Tio, which means... "poop log."

It's brought into the house on December 8th, which as everyone knows is the date of Mary's Immaculate Conception. Each day the children of the house "feed" the log little bits of food to help it grow. The log starts out fairly small, but over the weeks leading up to Christmas the parents will covertly swap it out for increasingly larger logs to give the illusion that it's growing.

Now we get to the really Krazy part. On Christmas day the children command the log to poop. When nothing happens, the kids, armed with sticks, very literally beat the crap out of the Tio de Nadal. The log "poops" out small edible gifts, such as candy, nuts and dried figs. The kids even sing a traditional song as they beat it and it voids its bowels onto the living room floor.

I know it probably seems like I put socks on both of my hands and mashed down a bunch of keys on the computer to generate that last paragraph, but it's all well-documented truth.

You know that the log has completely emptied itself when it craps a salted herring onto the floor. That signals the end of the Tio de Nadal ritual.

I have so many questions... How did something like this every get started? Why a salted herring? And why do all of Spain's Christmas traditions have to do with defecating?

Well, I Am Officially Unemployed

2011-12-16T09:09:00.002-06:00

It finally happened– as of today I have officially joined the ranks of the unemployed.

The image above is a pretty good approximation of me right now as I sit wondering what in the name of Zeus' Mighty Nose Hair I'm going to do next.

Fortunately (I guess), this didn't come as a surprise. I've known it was going to happen for quite some time. I've been sending out resumes, filling out applications and trying to network with the handful of people I know around town, but there just isn't anything out there right now.

Obviously I would prefer a job in the advertising/marketing field, but I'm a realist; I may have to do something else for a while until things improve.

If anyone needs a creative graphic designer or illustrator with twenty years of experience, don't hesitate to call me!

In the meantime I will be working on my new country & western song, titled "Pink Slip for Christmas."

[subliminal message] Buy a Doctor Who poster! [/subliminal message]

Krazy Kristmas Traditions: El Caganer

2011-12-16T08:00:00.000-06:00

We live in a strange and wondrous world that sometimes just makes no damned sense. Case in point: the El Caganer figurine.

A Caganer is a small figurine from the Catalan region of Spain. Caganers are generally depicted as peasant men with their pants pulled down and in the act of defecating. They have been around since at least the 18th century and are a traditional part of Spanish nativity scenes. Yep. I said nativity scenes.

In Spain (as well as parts of Italy and France), nativity scenes don't settle for just the manger. They often depict the entire town of Bethlehem. complete with a farmhouse and figures of women washing clothes in the river, shepherds herding sheep, and more. And of course over in the corner, a little guy taking a dump.

The Caganer (pronounced sort of like caga-nair and meaning "pooper") is usually the most popular part of the Spanish nativity scene (natch!). Some families hide the Caganer and challenge their kids to find it.

So why a figure of a guy dropping the kids off at the pool? Some believe it's symbolic of fertilizing the Earth or some such Circle of Life crap. Some think it's to bring some levity to an otherwise solemn religious occasion. Others just think it's because poop = funny.

I just hope they have the good sense to leave the Caganer out of the Living Nativity scenes.

The traditional Caganer is always depicted as a man in peasant clothing, wearing a hat and sash and often smoking a pipe. In recent years Caganer figures have expanded to include celebrities, athletes and political figures.

All I have to say about Caganers is WHY AM I JUST NOW HEARING ABOUT THIS?

Weird Retro Xmas Ads

2011-12-15T09:17:00.002-06:00

The only explanation I can come with for the existence of these Xmas ads is that it had been a long, hard year at the Ad Agency and the Art Director just didn't give a frak anymore...

Cigarettes were apparently a popular gift back in the time when you could advertise them. There are dozens of Xmas-themed ads like this one. Giving out smokes for Xmas was so popular they even made special holiday cartons, complete with pre-printed gift tags!

It might seem tacky, but a carton of cigarettes is certainly not a cheap gift; these days it would set you back at least 60 bucks.

You know what else guards against "Throat-Scratch?" NOT SMOKING, THAT'S WHAT!

Even Actor/Former Governor/Future President Ronald Reagan got in on the act. Here we see him addressing a pile of coffin nails to all his Hollywood pals.

It's a known fact: Depression and thoughts of suicide increase dramatically during the Holiday Season. So what better gift for the sullen loner on your list than their very own handgun?

That's a pretty ominous note too, lying there next to the pistol. And who exactly wrote it? The guy who bought the gun? Or one of the many voices in his head?

There's more after the break!

This year everyone in the Compound got their very own rifle, and it was the best ~~Overthrow the Government Day~~, er Xmas ever!

In a survey, nine out of ten serial killers indicated that they absolutely loved this campaign.

Dear Lord, could this ad be any more disturbing?

Aw, what could be more adorable than an innocent little girl leaving milk and cookies for Santa. Right in front of a roaring fireplace.

Looks like Frosty sleeps with the fish sticks.

A brand new Hoover vacuum cleaner is the perfect gift for your paraplegic wife.

This poor family of wretches has apparently been without proper head support for a very long time. Dad's positively in ecstasy as he paws at that new pillow. Little Suzie is even ignoring her brand new doll so that she can cop a feel off of that stuffed sack of Nirvana.

Eyes front, Santa.

He's so desperate to get her up on that ladder that he's making up reasons for her to do so. Why else would he be handing her presents to lodge into the tree branches, twelve feet off the ground? Who's going to be able to reach those?

You know, whenever I get the urge to play with my model train set I always strip down to my underwear.

Somehow it just doesn't feel like the Xmas season to me until I listen to the Six Million Dollar Man Christmas Adventure Album.

Hanukkah Canes!

2011-12-14T09:33:00.001-06:00

Oy vey! Just in time for the Jewish Festival Of Lights, it's Hanukkah Canes! Finally candy canes that aren't just for the goyim!

They're available online at Archie McPhee, sellers of all kinds of weird and wonderful stuff. They're a little steep at $4.75 for six pieces (shouldn't there be eight?), but where else would you find such a thing?

All I know is that I HAVE TO HAVE THIS! NOW, NOT LATER!

And for your after-Hanukkah enjoyment, Archie McPhee also carries Hebrew Bazooka Joe bubble gum. Same great gummy taste and comes with a tiny comic strip in Yiddish!

A Very WhoNA Xmas

2011-12-12T11:11:00.001-06:00

This past weekend my nephews and I paid a special visit to WhoNA in Indianapolis, Indiana.

WhoNA, which stands for Who North America, is an online store specializing (almost) exclusively in Doctor Who merchandise. How a store devoted to such a British institution popped up in the corn, basketball and meth capital of the world, I have no idea.

It's run by Keith and Jany Bradbury, who are two of the nicest people you'd ever want to meet. Their customer service is amazing, especially in this day and age of surly clerks and uncaring companies. I've ordered many, many, MANY items from WhoNA and am consistently surprised at their level of customer service. I've never had any issues with them and my packages usually arrive within two days. Other online businesses could learn a lesson or two from them (I'm lookin' at you, Amazon and Mattel!). I know, I sound like a commercial, but it's a really cool place.

Because it's primarily an online store, they're normally not open to the public. However, if you call and ask nicely, they'll usually let you come in and shop in their warehouse. Now that's my kind of store: one where you have to make an appointment and are the only one there!

This past weekend WhoNA hosted their First Annual Customer Appreciation/Xmas Bash. It was a chance to visit the facility, meet up with other Doctor Who fans, eat some donuts and do some shopping.

I picked up my nephews Kyle and Aaron (who due to my subversion have become big Doctor Who fans) and with many a cry of "Allons-y" and "Geronimo" we headed for Indy.

Here we are outside of WhoNA. Who would ever guess that behind this unassuming store front in the middle of a nondescript industrial park lies a veritable Doctor Who Wonderland?

As we went inside, we were greeted by Jany, decked out in a bright red Xmas sweater. She asked my name and when I told her she nodded thoughtfully and said, "I recognize that name. We send a lot of packages to your house!" On the one hand I was flattered she remembered me. On the other hand, that's probably not good news for my poor old wallet.

We'd been to their old location about three years ago, but they've since moved to new and larger digs. The new location features the front lobby, a viewing room complete with a projection TV (which shows Doctor Who episodes, of course), a showroom featuring Keith's personal collection of Who memorabilia, a packing/shipping room, a gaming room, and of course the warehouse.

The centerpiece of the store may just be the full sized TARDIS. That's Aaron standing in front of it. Looks like he'd rather be anywhere else in the world, doesn't he? That's how he looks in every photo ever taken of him, regardless of how much fun he's having.

It's a pretty impressive replica of a TARDIS, complete with flashing light on top. It even played takeoff, landing and console sounds.

Here's a shot of Aaron and me in front of the TARDIS.

There were actually quite a few people in attendance there, many of them dressed as characters from the show. There were at least two Eleventh Doctors, a couple of Tenth Doctors and one Ninth Doctor. There was even a Captain Jack and an Amy Pond. We decided I had inadvertently dressed as Rory Williams.

Don't touch that dial! There's lots more to see after the break!

Here we are trying to break into the TARDIS, but unfortunately it was locked. You can't tell it here, but it's not really an actual four-sided prop. Keith built it a year or two ago to take to comic and gaming conventions. Two sides of it look like the TARDIS, while the back two sides are full of shelves and pegs to hold merchandise.

Here we are in our "action poses." I couldn't be more proud of this photo.

Here's Kyle in front of the TARDIS.

Kyle apparently forgot his TARDIS key.

And one more Rory action pose. I hope no prospective employers see this.

Here's some shots of the large warehouse at the back of the store. As you can see, the BBC is riding the Doctor Who gravy train pretty hard right now, pumping out an incredible and surprising amount of merchandise.

This may very well be the world's neatest, cleanest and most organized warehouse! Seriously, you could eat off of that floor!

Need a Dalek? They've got 'em. I was going to buy one of those black Cybermen there, but I couldn't remember if I already had one or not. That's generally a sign that you have too big a collection; when you can't remember what you have and haven't bought.

In addition to action figures, pretty much every Doctor Who DVD is available at WhoNA.

These masks were sitting around the top of the warehouse shelves. I think they're display pieces and not for sale. At the left is Davros, creator of the Daleks, and in the center is a Silurian.

At left is a Zygon, then K-9, the Doctor's robot dog, and Davros again.

The ball at left is an Ood orb (we think), then a Dalek.

This was an inflatable Dalek that you can actually ride around in (well, if you're a kid) and was for sale. Next to it is some kind of TARDIS vinyl playhouse deal (I think).

This is Aaron thoughtfully contemplating his purchase choices. He had 30 dollars to spend and was weighing his action figure options very carefully in order to get the most bang for his buck. That's my other nephew Kyle behind him, trying to lift his shopping basket.

Here's a piece of Cyberman wall art just outside the warehouse. I can't tell who's more emotionless, the metallic Cybermen or Aaron! Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I'm here all week!

Even the bathroom at WhoNA has a Doctor Who theme. The walls were adorned with autographed photos of various actors from the show.

Here's Kyle in the showroom. It appears that they've got one sample of everything they've ever sold in the store in here. It looks not unlike my own house.

Look at that! I don't know what he's pointing at, but Kyle wants to make sure I see it.

"Hmm. How can we break into this case without making any noise? Quick, Aaron, give me your glass cutter!"

In addition to new merchandise, the showroom also contains Keith's impressive collection of old school Doctor Who merchandise. Not for sale, of course!

The showroom also features an authentic Doctor Who pinball machine, which is a favorite of Aaron's. Who'd have thought a kid from his generation would be such a pinball wizard?

There's the Doctor's enemy The Master sneering at you on the bottom of the pinball game.

I love how the art on the pinball game tries to depict the various Doctors (up to #7) as kick-ass action heroes.

There's a crocheted Fifth Doctor hanging out in the showroom.

Along with a crocheted Master.

You've got to watch your head at WhoNA.

I took some more shots of the TARDIS after the crowd thinned out a bit.

I figured the TARDIS' instruction sign was probably just a sticker but upon closer inspection I saw that it's a real metal plate, complete with engraved lettering. That was no doubt expensive!

Here's the other side of the TARDIS, which is actually a display case for merchandise.

Here's a terrifying photo of me (is there any other kind?) as I'm about to get into the TARDIS and fly to The Planet Of Abundant Employment.

We shopped the warehouse to within an inch of its life, paid for our stuff and headed for home. If you're a Doctor Who fan and are ever in the Indianapolis area, give WhoNA a call and arrange a visit. You'll be glad you did!

Stooge Update

2011-12-12T11:00:00.000-06:00

Well, here it is: the official first trailer for the Farrelly Brothers' upcoming Three Stooges movie.

As a lifelong Stooges fan, I've been watching the development of this project for quite some time with a mixture of both fascination and horror. I was sure they were going to try and update the Stooges for modern audiences and insert tons of fart, sex and drug jokes into the movie. After seeing the trailer my fears have been somewhat allayed.

I still don't think the world needs a remake of the Three Stooges, but this trailer isn't the worst thing I've ever seen.

They've certainly got the look and feel of the Stooges down pat. Chris Diamantopoulos is positively eerie as Moe. The voice, the mannerisms, even his facial expressions– it's all absolutely perfect. It's like Moe Howard time-traveled to 2011. Sean Hayes does a pretty darn good Larry as well, which is quite a feat. Lots of people can imitate Moe and Curly, but getting Larry's raspy slur down is a lot tougher. And Will Sasso seems like he was born to play Curly.

That said, I'm still not totally sold on the remake. The trailer made me chuckle a couple of times, but the parts I laughed at were things the original Stooges always did. Eye pokes and hits to the head, that sort of thing. It's not enough to just recreate the Stooges, they need to bring something new to the table. Otherwise, what's the point of a remake?

Then there are the Jersey Shore cameos. They absolutely MUST go. Oh, I get why they're in there. The studio thinks the kids of today won't be interested in a remake of some old comedy team, so they're shoehorning Snooki and the rest of her detestable castmates into the proceedings to draw them in. In reality all this will do is ensure that the film is dated before it even comes out. Five years from now you'll be able to look at this movie and pinpoint the exact day and date that it premiered.

If the studio is smart they'll release the DVD with a special option that will skip over the Shore cast cameos.

Anyway, I feel a little bit better about the movie after seeing the trailer. I'm upgrading my rating from Outright Disaster to Mild Debacle.

New Who!

2011-12-12T09:32:00.001-06:00

Fans of classic Doctor Who got an early Xmas gift this year: two more long-lost episodes have resurfaced!

As I've mentioned before, during the 1960s and 1970s the BBC destroyed or erased dozens of master tapes of the series that were stored in the studio's warehouse. They did so to clear storage space for new material and also because certain contracts stipulated that episodes could only be aired a certain number of times. It seems incredible to us now of course, but there was just no perceived value in the tapes.

As a result of this purge, 253 episodes from the first six years of the show were erased. Amazingly, 148 of them have been recovered over the years, as every now and then someone finds a copy of an episode in some musty vault somewhere in the world.

That's exactly what happened this past week, as two episodes resurfaced over 40 years after they first aired.

The two episodes were recorded by the Australian Broadcasting Corporation in the 1960s and were then acquired by a private collector. They sat in his collection for years until he heard from a friend that Who fans were on the lookout for old episodes.

As for the two episodes, one is from First Doctor William Hartnell's era and the other is from Second Doctor Patrick Troughton's.

The first recovered episode is Part 3 of Hartnell's story Galaxy 4 (most classic Doctor Who stories consisted of 4 to 6 parts) and first aired in 1965. If you're hoping to see the entire Galaxy 4 story, well, prepare to be disappointed. The newly discovered Part 3 is the only part of the story known to exist.

The second recovered episode is Part 2 of Troughton's story Underwater Menace. Sadly, this story isn't complete either, as we only have Parts 2 and 3. This recently discovered episode is the earliest known from the Troughton era and features the first time the Second Doctor played his recorder onscreen.

Even though the stories aren't complete, it's better than nothing at all. There are now 106 missing episodes. Hopefully one of these days someone will stumble into an old vault somewhere and find all the missing tapes.

Space Dweebs Little Moldin' Book Step By Step

2011-12-08T09:00:00.000-06:00

Now that my 2011 Xmas Card/Book is finally finished I thought I'd post a step by step look at how I work, for the two or three people out there who may be interested.

I usually start out each page with a rough sketch. And I do mean rough. Look at that thing! It would be tough to prove I'm an artist if that's all I had to go by.

I drew the sketch in ink and then scanned it into Photoshop. I used Photoshop for the entire book, by the way.

Last year I drew very elaborate sketches and had everything planned out to the letter. This year I just sort of winged it. I did very few sketches on paper, doing most of them right on the screen in Photoshop. Most of them were stick figure chicken scratches that were sketches in the academic sense only.

Once the sketch was in place I added the text. This year's book is much wordier than last year's. I think because I had a more detailed story to tell.

The text changed practically on a daily basis too, as I condensed and reworded sentences for clarity.

Next it was time to start on the background. It might seem odd to draw the background first, but it helps me by giving me an environment into which to place my characters.

The wall and floor were each on a separate layer. I use a lot of layers when I work in Photoshop. It's a little extra work setting things up that way, but it pays off when you decide you want to change something. It's much easier to make changes when an object is isolated on its own layer.

Next I added a piece of molding between the wall and floor.

Next I added a curvy line to the floor. Why curvy? Because a curvy line is alien and futuristic.

The curvy line and molding were on separate layers, natch.

I struggled for a while trying to come up with something to put on the wall of the Rec Room. At first I was going to add the standard futuristic flashing light panels but that seemed too cliched. Then I thought about viewports showing the vastness of the universe outside, but was afraid that would be too busy.

At the last minute I decided to ~~steal~~, er, create an homage to the classic TARDIS interior from Doctor Who. I added several rows of round recessed panels (called "roundels") to a layer and then distorted them so they'd be in the proper perspective.

I thought the background needed a bit of color so I made a new layer and added yellow to the roundels.

There's lots more steps to see after the jump!

Now that the background was done, it was time to start on the characters. I started a new layer and blocked in the colors and general shape of Merkin first.

The first time I ever drew the Space Dweebs back in 2010, Merkin had a white shirt. That was a mistake. You can't have a character with a white shirt if you're going to put a white outline around them (as I will a few steps from now), so I changed it to bluish gray.

Normally when I illustrate something, I draw the outline first and then color it in, much like in a comic book. But most Little Golden Book art was painted. Since I was trying to evoke that style, I wanted to give my book a painted look as well. This is the exact opposite of the way I usually work and was tough to get used to.

When the basic figure was all blocked out, I added lines and details on a separate layer.

Once the details were drawn in, I locked that layer and painted over them to change their colors (for more on that process, see this post). I usually make the lines a darker color of the area they're covering, so if Merkin's skin is purple, then the detail lines are a darker shade of that same color.

Coloring the details like this helps give the page that storybook look.

Merkin is holding what appears to be an iPad. I guess they must have Apple Stores on other planets.

Next I added various other details on separate layers. Things like the lens in his glasses, a red tint on his nose, and... zits. Yes, if you look closely, the Dweebs all have bad complexions. Lovely, huh? In fact right before I printed the book I spent the better part of an evening going through all the pages, making sure I hadn't left out any zits on anyone. Ah, the glamorous life of an artist.

I also added a bright green date to the screen of the iPad. That's supposed to be the month at the top of the screen with a large date below. I decided to use an alien alphabet for the text in the story. I just drew some letter-ish shapes, so it doesn't actually say anything. I used a layer filter to give the text a slight glow.

The Space Dweebs are all what I call "expensive" characters. Not expensive in terms of money, but in time. They all have a thousand little details and are made up of many parts, which takes a lot of time, memory and energy to create. Merkin, for example, has to always have exactly three buttons on his shirt, a semi-transparent lens in his glasses (glass?), a piece of tape on the stem of his glasses, cuff lines on each sleeve, and on and on. Hence, "expensive."

Once all that was done, I added a shadow below Merkin's feet to anchor him to the environment. He was blending into the background a bit too much, so I added a white outline (on a separate layer) around him to help make him pop.

One last thing about Merkin before we move on– when I first drew the Dweebs last year, I gave him four arms. It didn't really matter back then, because at the time they were a one shot illustration. I never really had any further plans for them. When I started drawing this book however, I cursed 2010 Bob for the boneheaded decision to give him four arms. It is extreeeeemely hard to draw a four armed character. You have to try and think of something for all four arms to be doing instead of having them hang limp at his sides, and there never seems to be enough room for them all. Same goes for Churd and his four legs. Fortunately he appears from the waist up for most of the book, so he wasn't as big a problem.

Next up was Churd. I drew him the same way as Merkin; starting with blocking in the basic body shape and colors on a new layer. I used Photoshop's pen tool to draw the red stripes on his shirt. That was quicker than trying to draw curved lines freehand.

Then I added his arms and legs on another layer. That way I could add shading to his limbs without the color slopping over onto his shirt and body.

I also added a videogame controller between his hands.

Next I added defining lines to his face and hands.

Then I added his details, such as some red around his face to give him a little bit of life, some green spots on his body, and of course his zits. I added the white outline to him as well. All these were added on separate layers, of course.

Then I started in on Glaven, blocking in his body. His hair gave me a lot of trouble. It looked perfectly fine onscreen, but it would print extremely dark; almost black. I lightened his hair at least three times before it would print properly. Must be something about green.

Next I added his arms and the controller on separate layers.

Then I added detail lines to him on another layer, same as I did with the other characters.

Glaven didn't have as many fiddly little details as the others did. I guess he's a "cheap" character.

Lastly I added his shadow and white outline.

One last thing about Glaven: When you write a story, you want each of your characters to have a different "voice." You should be able to tell who's talking even without writing "said Merkin." To that end I had Merkin speak in a verbose, know-it-all manner, complete with lots of big words. Churd spoke a little less formally, closer to how a normal person would speak. But what about Glaven? What "voice" could I give him?

In the end I decided to solve the problem by avoiding it, so to speak. Glaven talks in a series of mumbles that are incomprehensible to the reader, but perfectly understandable by the other characters. The only downside to that is that whenever he speaks, you have to have another character repeat what he says in normal speech so the reader can understand what he said.

To give the scene a little more life, I added some snacks on the floor next to the two videogame warriors.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the blue snacks are a shout out to 2001: A Space Odyssey. At the end when astronaut Dave is being held in the apartment, all the food in the refrigerator is blue. Cause blue food is spacey and futuristic, dontcha know.

Logically the snacks should probably be next to Churd, since he looks like he enjoys his food. The videogame screen was in the way though, so I had to set it next to Glaven.

We're in the home stretch now. Next I added the green videogame screen on a new layer. It's a holographic game, so we're actually seeing the back of it here.

Originally I was going to draw a little holographic emitter on the floor below the screen, but I decided I didn't need it. Maybe the controllers are projecting it somehow?

Next I added a white glowing frame around the game screen. On another layer, of course.

Then I added some videogame graphics to the screen. I'm aware that the game graphics are pretty crude. It looks a lot like a 1980s Atari game. That was on purpose. I was afraid that if I made it look photorealistic like current games, it might look like they were watching TV instead.

I drew the game graphics in normal perspective (on a separate layer) then distorted them to fit the screen. I gave the graphics a slight glow as well.

I stepped back to take a look at my handiwork and decided the background was a little too intense. So I added a semi-transparent white screen between the characters and background, to knock it back a bit. That's one of the advantages of using lots of layers.

The last step was to add yellowing and aging effects to the page, as if it were thirty or forty years old. Needless to say, these aging effects were on their own layers.

And voila! Only 24 simple steps from start to finish. Actually there were many more steps to drawing the page than I've shown here; these are just the major ones! Then I repeated the process eleven more times and before I knew it I had a book!

Boldly Going Or Going Boldly?

2011-12-08T08:00:00.000-06:00

This week NASA released a series of photos of a mysterious object orbiting near the planet Mercury.

NASA scientists claim it's just a solar flare from the nearby sun washing over the planet.

Here's a closeup of the mystery object.

Let me enhance the image for you a bit. I think it's pretty obvious what it is. They're coming back to our time for some more whales.

The Space Dweebs Vs. Space Santa Little Moldin' Book: Behind The Scenes

2011-12-07T17:00:00.000-06:00

Now that my 2011 Space Dweebs Christmas Card/Book is finally finished, I thought I'd post a behind the scenes look at how I made it for anyone who may be interested in long-winded explanations of mildly interesting topics.

This was one of the few actual physical sketches I did for this year's book. Most of the sketches were done digitally, right on the screen. I didn't spend a lot of time on the sketches, as you can see– I just roughed out the bare minimum to get sizes and proportions down.

Obviously the cover here is based largely on Page 11. At first I thought I could just reuse the entire page, but the Page 11 Dweebs are looking sheepish and abashed, which wouldn't work. I redrew the Dweebs so they look more confident and arrogant, as if they're challenging Space Santa.

I was going to reuse the Page 11 Space Santa unchanged, but then I decided I didn't want his big reveal to be on the cover. So I reworked him to make him look more shadowy and mysterious. Yes, I really do put that much thought into these things. I started out thinking I was going to get away with reusing 100% of Page 11 for the cover, but ended up using about 1%. Typical.

As for the logo, I drew it in InDesign. It's based on the Burbank font, which is my current favorite. I typed out the title, then traced over the letters with InDesign's pen tool. I distorted the letters quite a bit, because I wanted it to look somewhat customized and not use an off-the-shelf font.

I went through a few titles before settling on this one. For a while it was going to be called The Space Dweebs vs. Space Xmas, but that didn't make any sense. They were butting heads with Space Santa, not the holiday.

Here's the title page. You can probably tell that's a digital sketch I did on the left.

And yes, Churd is really scratching his butt right there on the title page. The Dweebs don't have very good manners.

When I first drew the Dweebs last year I didn't think about names, which is something I had to address for the card. I wanted them to all have nerdy sounding names. I came up with the name Merkin first. Merkin is a real word; I was under the impression that it meant a chest hair wig worn by men who needed help in that area. That seemed suitably nerdy. Later on I found out that I was mistaken– it's really a pubic hair wig first worn by prostitutes in medieval times. Yikes! That knowledge kind of put me off of using the name in an Xmas card/book. I tried using "Mervin" for a while, but it just didn't have the same ring to it, so I thought what the heck and went back to Merkin. Probably 1% or less of the population knows the meaning of the name, and for those who are offended by it, I invite you to lighten up.

As for Churd, I wanted a name with a "ch" sound, since he has a chunky physique.

"Glaven" is one of those nonsense words that the early Jerry Lewis used to bleat out in his movies.

This is the establishing shot of the Dweeb's satellite clubhouse and the first page I worked on. Maybe I started with this one because it didn't contain any characters. I bet I redrew that stinkin' planet in the lower right corner about ten times. I just couldn't get it to look like the image in my head.

Originally the writing on the Satellite read "SD-1" (for Space Dweebs 1, natch). Later I decided it would be cool to use some kind of alien alphabet, so I changed it. It doesn't say anything, they're just random shapes. I didn't make up my own alien alphabet like Futurama did.

So how do the Dweebs afford a satellite in space? They just do. It's a kid's book.

Here's one of the earlier sketches I did of the clubhouse. Originally they were going to have a dish on the bottom, but I dropped that in the final drawing.

The rocket is sticking out of the top because in the first draft of the story, the Dweebs flew their rocket to Space Santa's Comet Fortress and stole HIS Giant Giftbot and went on a giving spree.

What's the deal with all the planet & city names, you're asking? Well, they're all Yiddish words. Cause Yiddish words sound funny, dontcha know. A Schmendrick means a fool or a jerk, Meshugah means crazy or insane, and Schlamazel means born loser.

Hey, don't go anywhere! There's lots more to see after the jump!

Obviously the Rec Room is a ~~ripoff of~~ homage to the classic TARDIS interior on Doctor Who.

Apparently iPads exist on Meshagah IV, as Merkin is waving one around.

The blue snacks are kind of a shout out to 2001: A Space Odyssey. At the end when astronaut Dave is being held in the apartment, all the food in the refrigerator is blue. Cause blue food is spacey and futuristic, dontcha know.

That's a pretty primitive video game Churd and Glaven are playing there; almost Atari level graphics. That was on purpose. I was afraid if I made it look photorealistic like current games, it might look like they were watching TV instead. So I made it look a bit cruder to sell the idea that they're playing a game. Also I had to flop the game screen, because once I got everything laid out there was a cartoon video game explosion right over Churd's crotch! Ouch!

I think this was the second page I worked on. Nothing much to say about it, other than it was fun figuring out how to draw the gift hologram. Originally the hologram was green. I changed it to blue at the last minute. The blue just looked better and more high tech to me.

That kind of thing happened a lot with this card. Last year's was meticulously planned out to the letter. I did a lot of improvisation this year, changing things on the fly as I went along and thought of something better. I'm not sure yet whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

When I first drew the Dweebs last year I didn't think about their personalities at all. I had to flesh them out for the book though. Merkin became the know-it-all leader. The obvious route to go with Churd would have been to make him lazy and lethargic, to match his physique. So I turned that on its head and made him industrious and excitable. Glaven became the sullen slacker.

In addition to a distinct personality, each of your characters should have a different "voice." You should be able to tell who's talking even without writing "said Merkin." To that end I had Merkin speak in a verbose, know-it-all manner, complete with lots of big words. Churd spoke a little less formally, closer to how a normal person would speak. But what about Glaven? What "voice" could I give him?

In the end I decided to solve the problem by avoiding it, so to speak. Glaven talks in a series of mumbles that are incomprehensible to the reader, but perfectly understandable by the other characters. The only downside to that is that whenever he speaks, you have to have another character repeat what he says in normal speech so the reader can understand what he said.

Another fun page. This was one of the last ones I did. As you might have guessed by now, I didn't draw the pages in order. I hopped around from page to page because I was afraid if I did them in order, the beginning pages would look less polished than the later pages as I got used to drawing the characters. By skipping around, all the pages would have an even, overall mediocrity! So even though this is the first appearance of the Giftbot, it was one the last times I drew it. I had fun "deconstructing" it, imagining what was inside it and under its red plating.

Churd's using another iPad. The boxes behind him and Merkin are there for no other reason than to help fill up space, so I didn't have to draw so much of the background (yep, I'm basically lazy). The stuff in the far background is miscellaneous junk in the Dweebs' workshop. Looks like they even have a TARDIS at the far right.

This is final sketch I did of the Giant Giftbot. I used it a lot to help me keep the look and proportions the same on each page.

This was a VERY difficult page to draw. I had the image of it crystal clear in my mind, but it was tough to get it to conform to the available space that I had to work with.

Originally the Giftbot had both arms at its side, but that seemed a bit dull, so I redrew it so one arm was in a Superman pose. Then I thought the whole page looked kind of meh. Something just wasn't right. I finally decided it was the Giftbot. It was drawn pretty much straight on, with no perspective whatsoever. So I redrew it so the top was larger and wider than the feet. That helped the page a lot, and gave it some much needed energy.

Another very difficult page to draw. I knew it would be, so I saved it for last. For some reason nytime I have to draw cityscapes it's really tough for me. The Giftbot wasn't hard to draw, but getting it, the foreground people, and the city all in the same shot was tough.

Also, I wasn't sure how many foreground aliens there should be, how much detail to give them, and on and on. It turned out better than I thought it would, but I'm still not 100% satisfied with it.

I also just noticed that it's supposed to be nighttime and I forgot to draw stars in the sky. Whoops! Oh well. If that's the only error I made, I can live with it.

This was a fun page to draw. Originally I had Merkin just waving his hands in the air, but thought it would be funnier if he was doing a little dance, so I redrew him.

It took a while to figure out how to draw a ring of lit buttons in perspective, but I finally figured it out. I wanted the buttons to look like they were glowing more, like the gift hologram on page 4, but they came out way too dark.

This was the first in which I drew the Giftbot-- and it's got a giant hole in its chest. Weird, I know, but that's just the way it worked out.

When I first started this card I was worried about the size of the Dweebs. For a good part of the story they're sitting inside the head of a giant robot. I was afraid my main characters would look like tiny, barely visible dots. They ended up being much more larger and more visible than I thought they would though, and it worked out pretty well. I kind of cheated their size on some pages too, making them larger so they'd be more visible. Hey, if they can do it in the original King Kong, so can I.

This was another difficult page. I had a lot of trouble figuring out the perspective of the giant gun and getting it, Space Santa and the city below to all fit. The gun is based somewhat on the pulse rifles from ALIENS. Not an exact copy, but definitely inspired by them. Even though I drew the gun in proper perspective it kept looking like something was off. I finally had to cheat the perspective a little in order to make it look right. Just like the Parthenon! I added the vertical yellow stripes to the gun at the last minute too– they helped fix the perspective somewhat.

This page is the first big reveal of Space Santa. As you've probably figured out, his facial tentacles are supposed to look like a beard. A pale, writhing, squirming beard. As for his coat, why blue? More improvisation on my part. Originally it was going to be red, but I thought an alien Santa should have a different colored coat, so I changed it to green. It was green for a long time until the very last minute when I changed it to blue (mainly because it went better with the background). Also in some countries their version of Santa wears blue, so I figured why not?

It's tough to tell from the sketch, but originally Space Santa was wearing some kind of jetpack to hold him aloft. There was a flame coming out of the bottom of the pack to indicate this. Unfortunately because of the angle you couldn't see the jetpack and it looked like the flame was coming out of his butt. Ouch! I tried cheating and moving the jet pack over so it was more visible and even tried adding TWO jetpacks, one on either side, but nothing looked right. In the end I just said forget it– Space Santa can fly under his own power.

As for the Jetsons-like cityscape in the background, originally it was perfectly horizontal. I thought that looked a little dull, so I angled it to give the page a little more visual interest.

On the left is one of the very first sketches I did of Space Santa. Not a very impressive specimen, is he? And he's got four arms! Argh! I'm glad I did some more sketches and didn't go with this first version. That would have been awful.

I kept at it and came up with the idea of Space Santa's tentacle beard and more imposing build.

I tried to make Space Santa as large and intimidating as possible here, while making the Dweebs look small and vulnerable.

As I said, I originally thought I could reuse this entire page for the cover, but it didn't quite work out that way.

Here's another sketch page with some early concepts. You can see here the beginnings of Space Santa's tentacle beard and more massive body. He still had the four arms there for a while, until I wisely nixed that idea.

The round objects at the middle right side of the page are a couple of very early designs for the Dweebs' satellite. And it looks like Churd was almost named "Chlud!"

At the top of the page are some rough sketches of Space Santa's very spiky Comet Fortress. In the first draft of the story, the Dweebs infiltrate the Comet Fortress and steal Space Santa's Giant Giftbot. They then go on a joyride in it and hand out gifts to the planet below, until Space Santa catches them. That storyline made the Dweebs seem more like delinquents instead of nerd geniuses so I dumped it.

I wanted this page to be a mirror of page 2, so they'd be sort of like bookends. Thankfully I was able to reuse all of the background and most of the objects like the videogame screen and snack bowl. The Dweebs and Space Santa's offspring are all new drawings though.

I wanted to have more than just two slugs bursting out of each Dweeb body, but that was too busy and complicated, so I settled on just two each. I restrained myself on the exit wounds. Trust me, I could have gone a lot bloodier!

Just for the heck of it, here's the outline of the book I typed up to help me keep track of everything. The larger bold text describes the visuals, while the smaller plain text is the actual story. I followed this outline pretty closely, but made a few changes as I went along; mostly to the text.

R.I.P. Colonel Potter

2011-12-07T02:30:00.000-06:00

Dang. Actor Harry Morgan, who among many other things played Colonel Potter on M*A*S*H, died today. He was one of my favorite actors and I always enjoyed watching him in everything he did.

Morgan was 96, so that was a pretty good run. You can't ask for much more than that.

He even had his own action figure!

Christmas Card 2011: The Space Dweebs Vs. Space Santa!

2011-12-06T12:48:00.001-06:00

At long last, my 2011 Christmas card slash book is finished! Like every year, it was touch and go there for a while and I wasn't sure whether it would be done in time for Christmas.

As always, I started thinking about this year's Xmas card as soon as I was done with last year's. And as always, I waited until November to do anything about it.

It wasn't that I procrastinated all year, honest. I decided early in January that I wanted this year's card to star the Space Dweebs, a trio of characters I'd drawn back in 2010. Unfortunately I couldn't think of a story for the card. I had a couple of vague ideas but nothing concrete.

Around August I started trying to hash out the story in earnest. I decided the Dweebs' planet would have a Space Xmas, complete with a Space Santa. I knew I wanted Space Santa to be a horrible, scary a-hole and I wanted the Dweebs to try and show him up somehow, probably with a giant robot. I was still banging my head against the wall though. Why couldn't this story write itself like last year's SantaTaur card did?

In October I decided to finish the story once and for all or die trying. That's when I finally got the idea that Space Santa only gives practical gifts like socks, and the Dweebs find out that Earth people get fun gifts. So they build a Giant Giftbot and start handing out cool gifts. Things go OK for a while, but then the Giftbot malfunctions and starts tearing up the city. Space Santa blows it up to save the world, and then scolds the Dweebs for trying to outdo him.

Unfortunately there were at least 20 pages of story and I only had 12 to work with. 11 if you subtract the title page. Something had to go. The first thing to get cut was the "haywire Giftbot destroys the city" plot. It took up way too many pages, plus it made the Dweebs look like idiots. They're supposed to be geniuses, so having them invent a faulty machine undermined that. Making Space Santa blow up their robot to stop them from handing out gifts allowed them to still be geniuses and helped make him look like the scary jerk he is.

I also got rid of the idea that Space Santa gives out socks as gifts. Now he gives out nothing but free and unwanted advice. Plus he knows he's supposed to be giving out gifts, but doesn't do it because it's too expensive and too much trouble. That reinforced his general unlikeability.

At last I was ready to draw the thing, but there was one more snag– all the job drama. Finding out I was going to lose my job at the end of the year kind of took the wind out of my sails and killed my enthusiasm for the project. Suddenly I had way more important things to think about than drawing an Xmas card. I decided in late October that I didn't feel like doing a card this year.

Then an odd thing happened. I sat down at the computer one night in early November and started doodling around in Photoshop. Before I knew it I'd drawn a page of the card. Sounds stupid I know, but it's like it drew itself. I thought, "Big deal, so I drew one page. There's no way I'm going to do ten more." Then the next night the same thing happened– I sat down with no intention of working on the card, but somehow ended up drawing a second page. By then I decided I might as well go for it. I guess this card wanted made whether I wanted to do it or not.

So there you have this year's Xmas card. Will there be a 2012 card? Probably not, unless I can think of a really awesome idea. Plus there's that whole Mayan calendar end of the world thing happening next December, so what's the point?

Hey, Dune

2011-12-06T09:12:00.001-06:00

I found this in a used bookstore a couple of weeks ago-- it's a storybook adaptation of the 1984 Dune movie. For kids.

Even after all these years I'm still amazed at the lengths Universal Studios went to in a flailing attempt to market this movie to children. The movie premiered one year after Return Of The Jedi and the Star Wars marketing juggernaut was still going strong. I assume Universal wanted to get in on some of that sweet merchandising action as well. Unfortunately the only big budget sci-fi property they had at the time was Dune. So against all reason, common sense and better judgment they did their damnedest to sell a very adult story to children.

There's very little in the Dune novel that would appeal to a child, and even less in David Lynch's weird for weird's sake movie adaptation. There's the sandworms I guess, and... well, that's about it. I can't imagine any child under 14 getting much out of it. For comparison, it would be like DC Comics made a Watchmen storybook for kids. It's an dark and complicated tale of about ecology wrapped up in political drama. It's full of assassination, intrigue and Machiavellian plots. Just the type of story kids like to see at the movies!

Some of the other highlights of Dune merchandise:

I can still remember walking into a (sadly now defunct) Hills department store a few months before the movie came out and seeing Dune action figures on the shelf. I was familiar with the book and I couldn't believe someone was actually making toys. Take a good look at the top of the action figure package: it actually says "Ages 4 and up." Yes, what 4 year old wouldn't love playing with a figure of Stilgar, the Fremen who wears a suit that recycles his urine for drinking purposes, and rides on top of a giant phallic sandworm?

There was also a Dune coloring book, full of bizarre images from the movie, including several pages of murdered bodies for kids to color(!). There were several activity books as well, featuring connect-the-dots pages and even recipes!

At least the activity book spared us from this image of Sting on the cover:

Disney's Marketing Department Confuses Me

2011-12-05T12:28:00.001-06:00

Disney Studios is soon releasing a big-budget movie based on the Edgar Rice Burrough's book A Princess of Mars. The book is the first of a series set on Burrough's fictional version of Mars, about a hero named John Carter who's whisked away to the red planet and has a series of adventures there.

Disney, in their infinite wisdom, has decided to rename the movie and call it simply John Carter. Whuuuh?

OK, I can kind of understand why they didn't want to call the movie A Princess of Mars. John Carter is the main character after all, so the Princess title would be a bit misleading. It also implies you're going to see some kind of Sailor Moon girly movie, which would keep young males away in droves.

So I get the initial title change. But why then didn't they just call the movie John Carter OF MARS? Burrough's wrote eleven books in the series, the last of which contains that title. It's unlikely they're ever going to adapt all eleven books, so why not go ahead and use that title?

It's a sci-fi movie after all. I can only speak for myself, but as a science fiction fan I would be much more likely to go see a movie titled John Carter of Mars than the ridiculously bland John Carter. Adding "Of Mars" would at least give me an inkling that it might have some sci-fi element to it. Calling it John Carter tells me absolutely nothing about the movie I'm going to see. Is it a new Tom Hanks drama? A historical epic starring Mel Gibson? A movie about a reformed mobster? Who knows? It's like instead of Star Wars, George Lucas titled his movie Luke Skywalker.

Plus ever time I see the title John Carter I think of this:

Update: Apparently I'm not the only one who's vexed by this title. John Carter director Andrew Stanton recently gave an interview to try and explain himself. According to him:

"Here's the real truth of it. I'd already changed it from A Princess Of Mars to John Carter Of Mars. I don't like to get fixated on it, but I changed Princess Of Mars ... because not a single boy would go."

"And then the other truth is, no girl would go to see John Carter Of Mars. So I said, 'I don't won't to do anything out of fear, I hate doing things out of fear, but I can't ignore that truth.'"

"All the time we were making this big character story which just so happens to be in this big, spectacular new environment. But it's not about the spectacle, it's about the investment. I thought, I've really worked hard to make all of this an origin story. It's about a guy becoming John Carter. So I'm not misrepresenting what this movie is, it's John Carter.

"Mars is going to stick on any other film in the series. But by then, it won't have a stigma to it."

Let me tell you, that is some might pretty Markletspeak© right there.

Blast From The Past

2011-12-02T15:20:00.001-06:00

I was looking at a yearbook website today and found my senior class photo online. Wow, look at collar. There's enough material there to make another shirt!

My Annual Xmas Gift Tag Repost

2011-12-02T09:19:00.001-06:00

I posted this the past two years and I will continue to post it until the economy picks up. Sadly, I have a bad feeling we're going to see this post many more times before it's all over.

Tough times call for tough measures! Due to the still-stagnant economy (and the fact that I'll be unemployed at the end of the month), I decided to severely cut back on Christmas gifts this year. In order to soften the blow a bit, I made this gift tag and attached it to the few presents I bought.

Santa was drawn in Photoshop on the graphic tablet, as well as the sketchy green oval. Everything was then imported into InDesign, where the text and the outer tag shape were added. Then I printed a bunch, cut them out with an X-Acto, punched a hole in the side and tied them to everyone's gifts.

Feel free to download it, print it and attach it to your own cheapskate gifts!

Xmas Double Feature

2011-12-02T08:42:00.001-06:00

Last weekend I watched the movie Black Christmas (the original 1974 version) for the first time. It's possibly the world's first Christmas themed horror movie and is considered by many to be the very first slasher film, preceding John Carpenter's Halloween by a good four years.

Black Christmas invented most of the slasher movie genre's trappings; a faceless homicidal killer, an ever growing body count and of course a house full of nubile young female victims. Best of all it stars the incredibly hot Olivia Hussy (on the right above). Rowwrrr!

But what's most interesting about the movie is that it was directed by none other than Bob Clark. The same Bob Clark who also directed A Christmas Story. Yep, the man who gave us the tale of Ralphie and his Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time, also directed the world's first Christmas slasher movie.

I've decided this will become a new annual holiday tradition in my home– watching a double feature of Black Christmas and A Christmas Story, back to back. To me, nothing says Xmas like the heartwarming tale of a maniac killing sorority girls, along with the story of a child's simple holiday wish– for a gun. If you have any taste, you'll adopt this tradition as well.

Now, about Bob Clark. No Hollywood director ever had as uneven a career as Mr. Clark. He directed the two highly regarded and beloved classic Christmas movies mentioned above.

Then there was the rest of his career.

Here's just a few of the other classics of cinema directed by Bob Clark:

Yikes! Dear Lord, make it stop!

Sadly, Mr. Clark died in 2007, before he could bless the cinematic world with Baby Geniuses 3: Even Geniuser. But at least we have his two classic Christmas movies to watch back to back!

The Walking Dead Season 2, Episode 7: Pretty Much Dead Already

2011-11-28T11:02:00.001-06:00

Well, it's the mid-season finale, and the last show until next February. I hate when shows split their seasons in half like this with MONTHS in between. Hate it! Do you hear me, Hollywood? I hate it!

I was expecting a little more action or excitement in this episode, but any disappointment I may have had with the pacing was more than compensated for by that ending.

Spoilers!

• Herschel talks Rick into helping him "rescue" two walkers trapped in the swamp. Could this swamp be an explanation as to why the farm is relatively zombie free? Is the farm surrounded by swampland that acts as zombie flypaper? If so, kudos to the writers for recognizing the problem and coming up with a solution.

• Daryl definitely needs to work on his terms of endearment. Calling someone who clearly likes you "stupid bitch" is generally frowned upon in polite society.

• Carol definitely has some issues with the men she chooses. First she was with Ed, who was a physically abusive alcoholic. Now she's making eyes at Daryl, who, though he has become my favorite character, isn't exactlyprime husband material. I guess maybe in this world her choices are slim.

Although if Daryl and Carol do become an item, it'll be easy to come up with a "celebrity couple" name for them, like "Bennifer" or "Brangelina." Just call them "Darol."

• Lori managed to not annoy me this week, which is a pretty good feat. A few weeks ago she said her baby absolutely was Rick's. This week she's not so sure. Now neither am I.

• So Lori is home schooling Carl. A nice touch, and something you'd definitely need to think about in that situation. By the way, Chandler Riggs, who plays Carl, is a way better actor than any 12 year old has a right to be.

• Shane says Rick's insistence on going back to Atlanta for Merle (last season) caused the deaths of Amy and Jim. Um... how's that? Weren't they all sitting around a campfire eating fish instead of posting sentries when the zombies attacked the camp? How was Rick responsible for that? I guess I need to re-watch Season 1.

• Dale is a major character in the comic, so I didn't think the show would kill him off just yet, but when he was confronting Shane in the swamp I wasn't so sure. For a minute there I was afraid this would be his last show.

• In the comic, Herschel paid a bigger price for his beliefs. When the zombies got out of the barn, several of his people were killed, which jolted him into the realization that he was wrong about the walkers and they're not just "sick people." Not so on in this episode. Maybe that's to come in February?

• One of the barn zombies that Daryl shot was Herschel's wife. You can tell by the reaction shot of Herschel immediately after she was shot.

• OK, about that ending. Wow. I've been whining for two months now about the boat anchor that is the Search For Sophia sublot. It just went on and on and on with no end in sight. It stopped the storyline dead in its tracks and seemed to be going absolutely nowhere.

But I take it all back. Oh, all that is still true of course, but they redeemed themselves with that ending. I did NOT see that one coming. It took forever to get there, but the payoff was totally worth it. Seeing Zombie Sophia stagger out of the barn was heartbreaking and horrifying at the same time. It was a gutsy move and I'm glad they did it. I'm still thinking about it, and I know I'll be haunted by Zombie Sophia for days to come.

• Now, about Sophia and Herschel's barn... did he know she was in there? Let's examine the time line here. In Episode 1, everyone hides under cars on the highway as the zombie herd shuffles by. A couple of stragglers try to grab Sophia, who runs off into the woods. Rick follows her, tells her to hide under a fallen log, then runs off to dispatch the pursuing zombies. When he's done, Sophia is gone. Apparently she was attacked and bitten minutes later. They search for her in vain for a few days, before finding Herschel's farm in Episode 2.

So when exactly did Herschel put Sophia in the barn? Was it before Team Rick arrived? Or after? Either way, Herschel had to know who he had in the barn. At some point he found a "sick" little girl and stashed her in his barn. Then a group of people who just happen to be searching for a little girl shows up at his place. He had to make the connection.

Even if Herschel himself didn't put Sophia in the barn, one or more of his people did so. I guess it couldn't have been Jimmy, since he volunteered to help with the search. He wouldn't have done that if he knew she was in the barn. That leaves Otis, which would make sense. He died before Dale and the rest of the group arrived and resumed the search. So I suppose it's possible that Otis stashed Sophia in the barn and Herschel simply didn't know about it. But I'm not 100% convinced.

It's going to be a long wait until February!

Black Friday Update!

2011-11-28T09:26:00.001-06:00

Ah, the Holiday Season. It's the Season of Giving, when people open up their hearts, love their fellow man and celebrate the true spirit of Christmas. And then they pepper spray the sh*t out of anyone who gets in their way.

This past Friday at a Los Angeles Walmart (natch), a woman wanting an XBox 360 pepper sprayed the crowd to incapacitate her fellow shoppers so that she'd be guaranteed a console.

Twenty shoppers were reportedly injured, some from pepper spray, others from "crowd movement" as the panicked masses vacated the area.

The woman has since turned herself in. Police are still deciding if charges will be filed. While I can't say I approve of her methods, I do admire her tactical skills and resourcefulness. I would not have thought to use pepper spray to gain the upper hand while Xmas shopping.

It's the reason for the season! Jesus would be proud.

Sneak Peek

2011-11-28T08:37:00.001-06:00

If you're a regular reader of my blog (as millions are), you may have noticed that the art & illustration posts have been a little light this month. That's because I'm hard at work toiling away on this year's Xmas card. I don't want to give too much away just yet, but I can say that this year's card features The Space Dweebs, who I first drew around this time last year.

People seemed to like the Dweebs after I posted them, and I too felt they had some potential and wanted to do something more with them. When I started trying to think of ideas for this year's card, I figured I might as well use them.

Then I got the news that my job will disappear at the end of the year, and that kind of took the wind out of my sails. Suddenly I had much more important things to worry about than an Xmas card. I debated whether or not to even do one this year and ultimately decided absolutely not. I just wasn't in the mood for it and there would be no card this year.

Then one night at the beginning of November I started doodling in Photoshop and before I knew it I'd drawn a page of the card. I halfheartedly started on another page the next night, and the next, until now it's almost finished. Why, it's almost like it made itself.

Despite the fact that I initially didn't want to do it, I'm glad I did. It's been good therapy for me, helping to keep me from sitting in the dark wondering what the hell I'm going to do come January.

As of today it's almost finished; I have one last page and a cover to go, so it should be ready to post in a week or two. Stay tuned!

Happy Birthday, Doctor Who!

2011-11-25T11:16:00.001-06:00

This totally flew under my radar this week: Wednesday was the 48th anniversary of the very first episode of Doctor Who! What can I say, it's the holidays and I'm busy trying to find a job.

Doctor Who premiered at 6:15 pm, November 23, 1963. The first episode was titled "An Unearthly Child" and introduced us to the Doctor and his granddaughter Susan, who was attending an Earth school for some reason. Two of Susan's teachers, suspicious of her abnormally high intelligence, followed her home to the Doctor's TARDIS and were whisked away into time, space and adventure.

Ratings for the first episode were less than impressive, mostly because Britain's (along with the rest of the world's) attention was focused on another, more important event that weekend: the assassination of JFK!

The first storyline involved the Doctor and Team TARDIS going back to cavemen days and generated a collective "meh" from the populace. The next storyline however featured the Daleks and the show became an overnight success.

Despite the show's popularity, during the 1960s and 1970s the BBC destroyed dozens of master tapes of the series that were stored in the studio's warehouse. Although it seems incredible to us now, they did this to clear storage room for new material, believing there was no value in the old Doctor Who videotapes.

As a result of this purge, 253 episodes from the first six years of the show were destroyed. Amazingly, around 108 of them have been recovered, as every now and then someone finds a copy of an episode in some musty vault somewhere in the world. Fans and restoration experts continue to scour the globe in search of the missing episodes, but realistically most of them will probably never be found (unless someone invents a TARDIS!). Meanwhile, as I've said before, every excrutiating second of shows like Two And A Half Men will be preserved in high definition for eternity. There's no justice in this world.

The show went away for a few years in the late 1980s - early 1990s, but it's back with a vengeance and bigger than ever. Amazing that the show's still going strong all these years later.

Here's to another 48 years of the Doctor and the TARDIS!

The Walking Dead Season 2, Episode 6: Secrets

2011-11-21T10:52:00.001-06:00

There was a lot going on this week. Lots of secrets were revealed and things will no doubt reach a boiling point next week at the mid-season break.

Speaking of which: OK, time to go into Old Man Rant Mode for a minute here. Feel free to read this in the voice of the late Andy Rooney. When I was a kid, TV shows consisted of 24 episodes (sometimes 32, depending on the series!). Each episode aired one after another for 24 weeks and when they were done, they re-ran them. Barring the occasional Xmas special, your favorite show would be on each and every week. It was a pretty good system that lasted for decades.

Cut to today, where many series film a scant 13 episodes per season. They air the 13 episodes– the last of which is usually a cliffhanger– then go on hiatus for up to a year. By the time the show comes back no one remembers what the hell happened last season or who any of the characters are. I'm not a fan of this new business model, but none of the networks have called to ask what I think, so I doubt there's anything I can do about it.

Lastly, I recently bought The Walking Dead Chronicles, a "making of" book about the origin of the comic and the first season of the TV series. In it, producer Frank Darabont tells about how he originally shopped the series to NBC. He said the NBC executives loved the pilot and wanted to buy it, but they wanted to know if it "had to have zombies in it." Sigh... is it any wonder there's so much crap on TV?

OK, onto the review. Spoilers!

• Only Darryl could shrug off being shot in the head as just part of keeping the camp safe.

• Nice to finally see Carl out of bed and up and about. I'm still amazed at how much he resembles Comic Book Carl, now that he's started wearing the hat. He looks exactly like he stepped out of the comic, which is a good thing. The only difference is that TV Carl seems to be a couple of years older than Comic Carl.

• After all the gruesome scenes there have been in this series, I think the most disturbing one occurred this week, when the lady from Herschel's farm (does she have a name?) broke the chicken's leg– while it was alive. Man, that made me wince!

• When Dale confronts Herschel about his zombie ranch, Herschel says his wife and stepson are in the barn. In the comic, Herschel tells Rick that his wife died six years before the world went to hell. I think the TV show made the right call by changing this. It helps justify Herschel's insane motivation a bit better.

• Lori finds out that Herschel wants Rick and Co. off his farm as soon as Carl is able to travel. She immediately lights into Rick for keeping this from her, while knowingly keeping her pregnancy a secret from him. Hypocrisy, thy name is Lori! It's almost like she's deliberately trying to make me hate her.

• The scenes of Carl wanting to learn to shoot and the resulting debate between Rick and Lori is straight out of the comic, almost word for word.

• We all knew that Shane and Lori did the deed while Rick was in a coma, but I think this is the first time we got an actual confirmation. Right? Or am I forgetting something?

• I refuse to mention the matter of the Earch-Say for Ophia-Say. Although we did get a cool zombie attack out of the deal this week.

• During the subdivision zombie attack, Andrea suddenly relaxes and uses the Force, allowing her to wipe out the entire herd. All that was missing was her lightsaber.

Seriously though, Comic Book Andrea is an uncommonly good shot, so it's nice to see TV Andrea finally taking on this mantle as well.

• So, Andrea and Shane are becoming an item. That's new.

Shane was killed (by Carl, no less!) in Issue 6 of the comic. Writer and creator Robert Kirkman now says that was probably a mistake on his part, which is why Shane is still alive in Season 2 of the series. Shane's a flawed and dangerous character and keeping him alive definitely makes for a more interesting show and character dynamic. Hopefully now that Carl's learning to shoot, he won't off Shane anytime soon.

• Woah, that confrontation between Dale and Shane! That was pretty intense. Dale's beginning to suspect that there's more to Otis' death than Shane's telling. Dale's better be careful or he's gonna be needing a new head!

Next week's episode is the last one until February and is titled "Pretty Much Dead Already." Sounds pretty ominous. I'm betting all Hell's going to break loose as the zombies get loose from Herschel's barn, and some characters are going to bite it, so to speak.

My predictions: Obviously Rick, Lori and Carl aren't going to die. Not yet, anyway. Shane seems pretty safe as well, since his descent into madness isn't over. Dale and Andrea are major characters in the comic, as well as Glen and Maggie. Daryl's not in the comic, but he's become one of the most interesting new characters, so I hope he survives. Carol can't be killed off until they find her daughter. After that, she's toast. I'm guessing T-Dog isn't long for this world either. He hasn't had much of anything to do all season besides heal from his wound.

Most of the people on Herschel's farm are nothing but red shirts. I don't even think they have names. If there's a bloodbath, I think they'll all supply the suds.

Black Friday

2011-11-21T10:06:00.000-06:00

It's well known that the staff here at Bob Canada's BlogWorld is not particularly fond of Black Friday. I participated in a few Black Fridays back in the 1990s. It was a shameful display of rampant consumerism and an all-around unpleasant experience and I've vowed never to do it again.

What I can't understand is why anyone does it.

Why would anyone in their right mind do this:

When you can do this:

Why venture out in the cold, dark wee hours and risk death and dismemberment? When you order online you get to sleep in, you can shop in your underwear, the selection's better and a surly Postal worker brings it to your house for free. There's no comparison!

Oh Fuuuuuuuudge!

2011-11-21T08:23:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I reluctantly went to the local mall, something I haven't done since... well, probably this time last year. While there, I thought I'd check out the Hallmark store to see what kinds of Xmas ornaments they have this year.

I think my favorite this year is the "Oh Fudge" ornament from the movie A Christmas Story. It depicts Ralphie as he's helping the Old Man change a tire on the family car, right as he accidentally spills the lug nuts into the air.

And just in case you're wondering, when you push a button on the ornament it plays the following sound clip from the movie:

Oh! For a brief moment I saw the bowl sillouted against the lights of the traffic. "Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuudge!" Only I didn't say fudge.

Now that is pure awesomeness! Thank you Jean Shepherd and Bob Clark, for bringing the F word to the world of Xmas movies, and to Hallmark for bringing it to the world of Xmas ornaments! Kudos!

Memorable Moments In Whostory: Earthshock

2011-11-18T11:08:00.001-06:00

Hey, it's another Doctor Who infographic!

This time instead of showcasing the various Doctors or his enemies I decided to focus on one particular episode: Earthshock, aka "The One Where Adric Dies." I'll probably do more episode specific infographics as time permits. There've been over 200 stories so far (consisting of more than 770 episodes), so that ought to keep me busy for a while.

Obviously you'll have to click "View All Sizes: Original" to read the text. Hopefully everyone will figure out how to read it; start at the upper left and follow the arrows.

Earthshock is one of my favorite episodes. It was the sixth episode of the 19th season and Peter Davisons's first year of playing the Doctor. Davison had the unenviable task of taking over after fan favorite Tom Baker left the series. He had some very large shoes to fill, and did an admirable job in my opinion. I always liked Davison's portrayal of the Doctor.

The TARDIS was becoming a bit crowded during the beginning of Davison's run, as the Doctor had three companions-– Nyssa, Tegan and Adric– traveling with him, something that hadn't happened since the early days of the show.

I had a huge crush on Nyssa back in the day, in her demure little crushed velvet jumpsuit. Tegan I didn't like so much, although I've come to appreciate her more as time passes. Maybe it was her character's abrasive personality that initially put me off?

And then there was Adric. Many fans hated the character and were definitely not sorry to see him go. He was the Wesley Crusher of Doctor Who: the whiny, know-it-all teenager. Personally I never had a problem him; I just figured he was there for kids to identify with.

Matthew Waterhouse, who played Adric, was reportedly a very inexperienced young actor when he joined the cast, and quite often it showed. He finally got a chance to shine in this episode and did a great job, in my opinion. Too bad it was his last show!

I kind of liked having a larger cast, but unfortunately the writers had trouble coming up with something for all of the characters to do in each story. For example, in Earthshock poor Nyssa has absolutely nothing to do and pretty much sits out the episode inside the TARDIS. They occasionally cut to her as she watches a viewscreen and practices looking worried, in order to remind us she still exists.

Since the cast was becoming too large for the writers to handle, it was decided the TARDIS crew needed whittled down a bit. Poor ol' Adric drew the short straw.

British comedienne Beryl Reid plays Captain Briggs in a very odd bit of casting. Kudos to the producers for casting against type I guess, but seeing a elderly lady with a bright orange beehive hairdo in the role of a hard-nosed space freighter captain was more than a little jarring. In fact some fans have taken to referring to her as "Captain Grandma." Reid pulls it off as well as can be expected though, barking out orders in her futuristic leather space jacket.

This episode marked the first appearance of the Cybermen after a seven year absence. The Cybermen seen here are rocking an all new, more advanced design. From what I've read, their big reveal at the end of Part 1 was a huge surprise to viewers. This was years before the internet and spoiler sites, so no one in the audience had any inkling that the Cybermen were returning until the final minutes of Part 1.

The same goes for the death of Adric. Everyone just naturally assumed the Doctor would pop up at the last second and save him. When that didn't happen and Adric bought the space farm, it was a massive shock to the audience. Companions just didn't die on Doctor Who, especially teenage ones. It was a turning point and the beginning of a somewhat darker tone for the series. The death of Adric showed us that the Doctor doesn't always win. That was quite a jolt to viewers.

For the first time in the history of the series, the end credits rolled silently over the image of Adric's shattered star pin.

No episode is perfect though, even classic ones, and this one is no exception. The Cyberleader's Plan B involves rigging the anti-matter powered space freighter so that it will crash into Earth and wipe out all life. Fair enough. So why then was the entire Cybermen army stored in suspended animation on the ship? That never made a lick of sense to me. Surely it wouldn't have taken more than a handful of troops to overpower the five or six crew members manning the freighter. There was no need for an entire army to be stashed there. Once the ship was rigged the whole army had to high-tail it off the ship before it blew up, to a nearby Cybermen fleet. Why were they on the ship in the first place? Why store your army inside a bomb?

Also, the Cyberleader is constantly stating that Cybermen have no emotions. He says this proudly, almost boastfully, while constantly screaming, wildly gesticulating and even taunting the Doctor. If he had a mustache he'd be twirling it. For a member of a race with no emotions, he gets pretty darned theatrical.

As for the actual drawing of the infographic, I changed the color scheme many, many times. When you have so many characters in an image it's tough finding colors that don't cause them to blend in with the background or contrast too much. At one point I thought that since it was Adric's story it would be a good idea to use the colors of his clothing– gold, avocado and red– as the color scheme. That might have been a good idea on paper, but it was eye-searing in reality. I finally settled on the steel blue-gray of the Cybermen as the main color.

I'd already drawn the Fifth Doctor before, so I was able to reuse him here. He was originally holding a sonic, but my pal Ian Ledger pointed out that #5 had lost the sonic by this point in the series, so I redrew his right arm. I'd drawn this version of the Cybermen before as well, so I was able to reuse them too.

Adric's likeness didn't give me too much trouble, nor did Captain Grandma, er, I mean Briggs. Nyssa took a while to get right, but I'm happy with the way she turned out. Tegan was the hardest one of all. I'm still not completely satisfied with her, but it'll have to do.

Lastly I would like to add that I'm glad this infographic is finished because my fingers seem to be incapable of typing Earthshock correctly. I'm tired of typing "Earthsock" or "Earthschok."

Very special thanks to my pal across the pond, Ian Ledger, who helped out with editing, text correction and support.

Drawn and laid out entirely in InDesign.

Just for fun, here's what the page for this image looked like in InDesign. I usually place reference photos off to the side and draw the characters there, then drag them onto the page when they're done. Looks like a mess, but it works for me. You can see my many attempts at a Tegan likeness on the left hand side, and several versions of Nyssa, Adric and Captain Grandma on the left.

DVD Dopplegangers: Buried vs. Buried Alive

2011-11-18T10:49:00.001-06:00

It's time for DVD Doppelgangers, where I call out art directors who deliberately copy DVD covers of classic and popular movies, hoping to fool the public into buying their knock-off version.

On the right is the 2010 movie Buried, starring Ryan Reynolds. On the left is the 2011 movie Buried Alive, starring no one you've ever heard of.

Usually when I find doppelgangers in the video store, it's only the covers that have been copied. The actual content is often only vaguely similar. Not so much this time. Here's the official plot synopsis (synopsises?) of the two films:

Buried:
Paul is a U.S. truck driver working in Iraq. After an attack by a group of Iraqis he wakes to find he is buried alive inside a coffin. With only a lighter and a cell phone it's a race against time to escape this claustrophobic death trap.

Buried Alive:
When a young man wakes up from a drug induced coma, he finds himself in a coffin, buried alive. With very few clues to go on, he must race the clock to solve the mystery and escape from his tomb.

Wow! I think the Doppelganger Bar has just reached a new all-time high! Not only has the cover been faithfully reproduced by Buried Alive, but so has the title and the actual plot!

Nice grammar there on the Buried Alive tagline too.

Also, take a good close look at that Buried Alive cover. Doesn't it look for all the world like a second person is holding the lighter in front of the protagonist's face? It is possible to hold your right hand like that, but it's incredibly awkward (try it and see). I don't understand why he's not just holding the lighter with his palm toward the camera.

Lastly, Buried Alive is apparently a very popular movie title, as I found out during my Google search for images.

It's Not My Vault!

2011-11-17T13:11:00.001-06:00

As you may or may not know, I've been working in the Marketing Department of a local bank for the past three years. Sadly, the bank failed and was bought up by another bank in August. As a result of this merger, by job will be eliminated at the end of December. Thanks, Economy! You're the greatest!

But enough of my whinging. The bank building in which I work was built in 1914 and contains an absolutely beautiful and awesome old safety deposit vault. Before I leave the bank forever I wanted to be sure I got some photos of this amazing looking vault.

Here's a wide shot of the vault with the enormous door wide open. According to the unofficial tour guide at the bank, this vault housed the safety deposit boxes of the cream of Evansville society, back in a time when people didn't wear pajama bottoms to the grocery store.

The vault was designed to impress, with lots of unnecessary but opulent details.

Whenever I'd go downstairs to the vault if felt more like a movie set than the interior of a bank. It's like some kind of steampunk time machine or a portal into some other dimension.

The vault was transported to the bank site by horse and wagon. It was lowered into the ground in 1912 and the rest of the bank was actually built around it. The building was completed in 1914.

The vault's made mostly of steel with lots of brass trappings and decorations.

Working in the Marketing Department, I never had much reason to go downstairs to the vault. I would occasionally be asked to help close it, as it takes two people. I loved going down there and just staring at the thing. I was always fascinated by the design and craftsmanship.

This, obviously, is the back side of the massive door.

A closeup view of the intricate workings inside the door. It may not show up here, but there's a thick panel of glass covering those gearing mechanisms.

Oh, we're not nearly done! There are tons more photos after the jump! Read the rest by clicking below.

Those gearing mechanisms control the locking rods (I'm making up my own names for the parts as I don't know what they're officially called). When you turn the handle on the front, all those silver rods slide out into corresponding holes in the door frame. There are 24 locking rods radiating out from the center of the door. Needless to say, no one besides Superman is gonna budge this door once it's locked.

Here's a better view of the locking rods. That discoloration on the lower silver part of the door isn't dirt or rust. I'm not exactly sure what it is; I think it's just showing up on camera, as I didn't notice it in person.

Now that is a big-ass door. It's a good three feet thick and weighs 37 tons. Yeah, tons. That's 74,000 pounds.

Despite this massive weight, the door is so precisely balanced that one person can open and close it. It ain't easy; it takes a bit of pulling to set it in motion, and it takes a long time to move it, but it is possible. It's amazing to think that you're moving something that weighs 37 tons.

Once the door's moving, you have to start pulling in the opposite direction when it gets to the halfway point in order to slow it back down so that it doesn't slam into the frame!

Here's a closeup of the outer ring of the door. Those giant bronze nuts and bolts there? Totally for show. They're just covers that can be unscrewed and removed. There are actual bolts underneath, but they're not as large. I guess the real bolts would probably get scraped and worn when tightened, so these covers keep everything looking shiny and new.

Wow, all those fingerprints look awful. They're not as noticeable in person.

The thing that impresses me most about the door is the craftsmanship. This thing was built a hundred years ago. Think about the level of technology available then and then try and imagine how they could have possibly machined something as precisely as this. Those locking rods you see sticking out there? You can't slip a piece of paper between them and the sockets. They fit together that tightly. Amazing.

In fact, once the door is shut the vault is air and water tight. Evansville experienced a massive flood back in 1937, causing the entire basement of the bank to be under water for weeks. Despite this, the inside of the vault (and the contents of the safety deposit boxes) remained absolutely bone dry!

The vault's cool to look at, but be sure you don't accidentally get shut inside it. You might be able to survive overnight, but if you got locked in on a Friday? There wouldn't be enough air to last you until Monday.

The vault has a time lock to prevent it from being opened before the pre-set time. Even if you enter the correct combination, it won't open unless the time lock is at zero. As I took these photos I could see tiny gears spinning away behind the little clock faces.

A big-ass door needs some big-ass hinges to hang on. Here's a couple of shots of the upper hinge.

Here's a closeup shot of the front side of the door.

A few more closeups of the front side of the door. That spinning handle looks a lot like a ship's wheel.

Funny story: since the door was open when I was taking these shots, the front of it was hidden against the wall. I had to close it part way in order to get some photos of the front side. I pushed it hard for a minute until it started slowly moving, then stepped between the door and wall to take some photos. As my attention was focused on the camera, I didn't notice that the door started slowly moving back toward the wall, and me. Luckily I looked up and saw it coming at me and slipped out of the way at the last second, before it pinned me to the wall until someone found me.

Here's some views of the door frame. Again, most of these details are decorative rather than functional.

Here we can see, sort of, the actual vault. The gate was locked so I couldn't go inside. All the safety deposit boxes have been emptied in preparation for the closing of the bank.

Each safety deposit box had two locks in it. The bank had a key and the customer had one as well. You couldn't get into any of the boxes without both keys. Just like launching a nuke!

It's hard to see here, but just a few feet behind the gate is a mirrored wall (I had to stand off to the side so that the flash didn't reflect in it). Supposedly this was so that clients could watch what the bank employees were doing as they handled the boxes.

A closeup where you can kind of see the boxes beyond the gate. The boxes were very decorative and opulent as well; the fronts were made out of some kind of light-refracting metal that produced a distinctive pattern.

Here's the entrance to the Stargate, er, I mean the vault. There's even a little ramp to walk up, just like on the show. Lock Chevron Three into place! As I said earlier, when you're down there it feels like you're on a movie set. It looks for all the world like some kind of portal into time or something.

This is a shot of the "escape hatch" on the back wall of the vault. I think most vaults have hatches like this as a safety feature, in case some hapless clerk gets trapped inside. The time lock prevented the main door from being opened except during business hours, but the escape hatch could opened at any time- from the outside. You can't open it if you're on the inside, so if got trapped inside, better start holding your breath until someone notices you're missing and opens the hatch.

I have no idea what's going to happen to the vault once the bank closes for good in December. I would hate for it to just sit down there and fall into disrepair.

Even if another bank bought it, safety deposit boxes are going the way of buggy whips and powdered wigs. I bet if you asked a thousand 20 year olds if they knew what a safety deposit box is, 999 of them would stare blankly at you and then go back to texting on their phones. It's just not something people under 50 seem to need anymore.

That's a real shame too. It's such an awesome piece of history and craftsmanship, it needs to be seen by everyone. Maybe they could turn it into a tourist attraction?

Action Presidents!

2011-11-17T09:24:00.001-06:00

Last weekend I watched the 1997 movie Air Force One for the very first time. Hey, don't judge me! I'm busy! Sometimes it takes me a while to get around to watching a movie.

Anyway, I liked the movie and thought it was a pretty good action flick. Harrison Ford made quite the kick-ass president. That got me to thinking: How come 1990s movies get no-nonsense Action Hero Presidents, while here in the real world we get mealy-mouthed Commanders In Chief who can't even decide what to eat for breakfast?

In Air Force One, Harrison Ford plays President James Marshall, war veteran, chopper pilot and hand-to-hand combat expert. When terrorists take over his plane, does he cave in and agree to their demands? Heck no! He jettisons his escape pod as a decoy, incapacitates ten or twelve heavily armed, gets his staff off the plane (in parachutes!) to safety, sabotages the engines to force them to land, gets shot in the arm and shakes it off, saves his family and ultimately breaks chief bad guy Gary Oldman's neck and tosses his lifeless body out the back of the plane! Then he grabs a zip line and jumps from the crippled Air Force One and into a rescue plane. Now that's a President!

Then in the 1996 movie Independence Day, Bill Pullman plays President Thomas Whitmore, Iraqi War veteran and fighter pilot. When a fleet of alien ships arrives and destroys the White House, does Whitmore surrender to outer space overlords? Hell no he doesn't! Whitmore sets up shop at Area Freakin' 51 and then leads a damned fighter squadron in an F-16 attack against the alien armada! And wins!

Contrast these awesome movie leaders against the last few we've had out here in the real world. Our recent presidents make Wally Cox look like He-Man.

There's no doubt about it- what this country needs is a good 1990s Movie President to save us!

It Came From The Cineplex: In Time

2011-11-16T10:48:00.001-06:00

In Time is a sci-fi action movie set in a futuristic world in which time very literally is money.

In this world, genetic science has figured out a way to stop the aging process at 25. In order to prevent the world from being overrun by immortals, once a person reaches the magic age of 25 they're allowed one additional year to live, unless they can "earn" more time. People no longer work for money, but for units of time. Everyone has a digital "tattoo" in their right forearm that constantly counts down the minutes and seconds of their remaining life. When their clock reaches zero, their hearts stop and they die.
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In this society the poor are constantly scrambling for a few extra minutes to live another day. Food and shelter are paid for with time. Prices and interest rates are constantly on the rise, making it difficult to survive. Meanwhile, the wealthy have enough time stockpiled in their clocks to live for centuries. Hmm... sounds a bit familiar, eh?
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Justin Timberlake plays Will Salas, a worker from one of the poorer "time zones" of the city who barely manages to earn enough time to survive each day. He crosses paths with "millionaire" Henry Hamilton, who has over a hundred years stored in his personal clock. Despite the fact that Hamilton looks like he's 25, he's lived for over a hundred years and has become world-weary and ready to cash it all in. Hetransfers his time to Will's clock and dies shortly after.
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Unfortunately for Will, his time windfall catches the attention of the Timekeepers (this world's version of the police), who believe he murdered Hamilton for his time. As he flees from Timekeeper Raymond Leon, Will meets up with Sylvia Weis, the socialite daughter of one of the richest men in the world. Fascinated by Will and bored with her privileged lifestyle, she goes on the run with him.
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It's a neat little premise and a timely one as well, coming out at the same time as all the "Occupy" protests. It's a nice commentary on how the average American worker has become a "wage slave," toiling away at a jobs they'll never be able to afford to escape.
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There are lots of clever touches that raise it above the usual sci-fi actioner. In particular I liked the way the poor, who can't afford cars or public transportation, have to run everywhere they're going. After all, they can't afford to waste a second of the time they have left. They even have to wolf down their food quickly in order to rush back out to earn more time. Contrast that with the rich, who linger over meals and take their time getting to wherever they're going.
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Another nice touch: the rich have all the time in the world (literally) and will live virtually forever unless they're killed in an accident. Therefore they're terrified of taking part in any kind of dangerous activity and their dull, endless lives are spent playing it safe.
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I was never much of a fan of Justin Timberlake, but he can actually act and does a decent job of carrying the film. Who knows, he may have a future as an action hero. Amanda Seyfried plays the bored socialite part well. The only actor I had a problem with was Cillian Murphy as Leon the Timekeeper. Everyone else in the film plays their parts with a kind of real-world restraint. Murphy, however, goes way over the top, chewing the scenery like an old-school Doctor Who villain. All that was missing was a mustache for him to twirl.
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Also, I would like to nominate Amanda Seyfried for a special Academy Award. She spent the majority of this movie being dragged behind Justin Timberlake, running flat out for all she was worth in a pair of huge platform heels without stumbling once. That couldn't have been easy and is worthy of an award in my book.

Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn't bring up one Mr. Harlan Ellison. As I left the theater I started thinking, "Didn't Harlan Ellison write a story about a society obsessed with time? I wonder how long it'll be before he files a lawsuit against this movie?"
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Mr. Ellison is an outspoken and controversial sci-fi author who's written many books and short stories. He's a very polarizing figure in the world of science fiction; you either love him or despise him. He's also extremely litigious, suing any movie that comes out of Hollywood that even vaguely resembles one of his stories or concepts. He usually wins too. He successfully sued writer/director James Cameron over the original Terminator movie, claiming he stole the idea of a soldier going back in time to prevent war.
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Back in 1965 Ellison wrote a short story called Repent Harlequin! Said The Ticktock Man. The In Time movie is vaguely similar to his story, but in my opinion is not an outright ripoff. Sure enough, when I got home I checked the internet and saw that Ellison had alreadyfiled a lawsuit demanding the film be removed from theaters and all copies destroyed.

Hollywood has never been shy about stealing concepts and even whole scripts outright. In this case though, I don't think they're guilty.

Repent Harlequin! Said The Ticktock Man is about a future society in which time and schedules are strictly controlled. Everything must run on time, or else. Being late for anything is a crime, punishable by having minutes or hours shaved off your life. If you violate this law enough times, the Master Timekeeper, also known as the Ticktock Man, can end your life by remotely activating a device that stops your heart. A terrorist who calls himself the Harlequin (who also dresses as such), takes delight in disrupting the highly ordered system by sabotaging the motorized sidewalks, distracting workers, etc. The Harlequin is eventually caught and after being brainwashed, goes before the public and admits he was wrong to be disruptive and that it's good to be on time.

I'm honestly not seeing much here that was copied. The only real similarities are the heart-stopping device and the "Timekeeper" name, which could have been coincidental. What else would you call a cop who investigates time-based crimes? "Time Cop" has already been taken.
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Repent has no mention of paying for goods and services with time, as in the movie. There's nothing about the aging process being halted at 25. Nothing about a clock implanted into everyone's forearm. Nothing about the divide between the poor and wealthy. Nothing about the rich and poor living in different "time zones." Nothing about the poor having to run everywhere while the rich dawdle. Nothing about the rich accruing enough time to live virtually forever. Nothing about the hero stealing time from the rich and giving it to the poor.
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Despite this (to me) lack of similarity, the judge in the case ruled in Ellison's favor, and the DVD will now carry a special, "Based on a story by Harlan Ellison" credit.
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Harlan Ellison is a talented writer, but he needs to learn that you can't copyright a concept. Hollywood is definitely no angel, but in this case I think the small similarities between the movie and his story are coincidental. Besides, by this point in human history there are few if any original ideas left in the world.

UPDATE!

Apparently the story that the judge in Ellison's case ruling in his favor was erroneous. He did not win the case after all. In fact, now it's being reported that Ellison stopped yelling at kids to get off of his lawn long enough to actually go and see the movie. After seeing it he reportedly dropped the case. Did he drop the suit because he agreed with my assessment and didn't see enough similarities? Or did he drop it because he received an out of court settlement from the studio? No one's talking.
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My verdict: In Time features a cool concept and a script that elevates it above the usual sci-fi action film. I give it a B+.

THIS Is Why al-Qaeda Hates America Part 6

2011-11-16T08:14:00.001-06:00

You know how sometimes you watch the news and see a story about al-Qaeda and they're always out in the streets chanting, "Death to America?" Did you ever wonder, "Gosh, what's their problem? Why do they hate us so much?"

It's because of things like this:

Presented without comment.

The Walking Dead Season 2, Episode 5: Chupacabra

2011-11-14T20:33:00.001-06:00

There was a lot going on this week: flashbacks, hallucinations, brewing distrust between Rick's and Hershel's groups, shoe-gnawing zombies and a revelation about the barn.

Spoilers!

• Ha! Last week when I saw Merle in the previews, I said I bet we'd see him in a flashback instead of in real time. Well, I was close. He appeared courtesy of his brother Daryl's injury-fueled hallucination. Man, Michael Rooker is really good at playing assholes, isn't he?

I really liked the scene where Merle was dragging Daryl by the feet and then morphed into a zombie trying to eat his foot.

• Sigh... another week without a resolution to the Sophia storyline. Even some of the characters in the show are getting tired of this subplot. We're getting closer though; last week Darryl found where she'd been staying, now this week he found her doll. Hopefully next week he'll find her.

Here's a thought: maybe Sophia doesn't want to be found. Maybe as she was wandering through the woods she found a better group that wasn't such a magnet for zombies and she went off with them.

I'm trying to figure out why I hate this subplot so much. I think it's because her disappearance is keeping the rest of the characters from moving on until they find her. That makes it feel like the series has ground to a halt as well. Supposedly the show's going to take a break after episode 7. I have a bad feeling Sophia won't be found until then.

UPDATE: Two days after I posted this, creator Robert Kirkman confirmed in an interview that we wouldn't learn Sophia's fate until episode 7. Sigh...

• Geez, the show's getting their money's worth from that traffic jam "set." They even used it in the LOST-style flashback at the beginning. Fortunately they had the foresight to film that scene before Shane shaved his head.

• Andrea finally starts to show the beginnings of her sharpshooter skills, which is a very prominent part of her character in the comic. Luckily for Darryl TV Andrea isn't as good a shot (yet) as Comic Andrea.

• I really liked the scene in the RV between Dale and Glen, in which Glen puts forth his theory about menstrual synchronization.

• We see Herschel filling up his generator, which explains why his remote farmhouse still has electricity. Nice to see the writers are paying attention and answering (some of) our questions.

• And finally we get to see what's inside Herschel's barn, and why he wants Rick's crew to stay away from it. So far this plotline is playing out exactly as it did in the comic. Next week we'll no doubt find out why Herschel's playing zombie rancher.

I'm A Grown Man And I Bought This: Mattel 12" Ghostbusters

2011-11-08T13:37:00.003-06:00

I've been a big fan of the movie Ghostbusters ever since I saw in in the theater back in 1984 (yeah, I'm gettin' old). The sequel I didn't like so much, but the original is as perfect a movie as you're ever likely to find.

The only problem was that in all these years, no one ever released any official Ghostbusters action figures. Oh sure, they had a whole line in the 1980s based on The Real Ghostbusters cartoon series, but it just wasn't the same. I wanted toys from the movie, dammit!

From what I've heard there were many toy companies that wanted to make GB toys, but there was always one thing stopping them. One Mr. William James Murray. The other actors from the film were more than happy to have their faces immortalized in plastic, but for many years Bill Murray was always the holdout. Since he was for all intents and purposes the star of the film, there wasn't much point in making toys without his character.

Then a miracle happened: the Toy Gods answered my prayers. Bill Murray finally deigned to allow his precious likeness to be used and Mattel announced they were making official movie version Ghostbusters figures. Huzzah!

These figures actually starting coming out sometime in 2009. Mattel released one every three or four months until the team was complete in 2010. However, they were priced at $60 each. Believe it or not, that's actually not a bad price for a 12" action figure these days. In fact, most 12" figures from Hong Kong toy company Hot Toys regularly run well over $200! Yeah, toys are crazy expensive these days.

So even though someone was finally making Ghostbusters figures, I couldn't afford to buy them. Thanks, Universe! You are hilarious. I went about my life and eventually forgot about them, remaining Ghostbusterless.

Then another miracle happened; just last month Mattel had a big sale on Ghostbusters merchandise. At last the price was right, and I finally managed to get my Ghostbusters figures!

I picked up the Peter Venkman, Ray Stanz and Egon Spengler figures. Mattel also made a Winston Zeddemore figure, but... alas, I didn't get him. I desperately wanted him, but I had to draw a financial line in the sand somewhere, so I limited myself to the three main members. Sorry Winston. Maybe next time you're on sale.

By the way, these are online exclusive figures, so don't expect to be able to waltz into your local Target or Toys R Us and buy them. The only place you can find them is at Mattel's online store, mattycollector.com.

The figures come in large, fairly sturdy plastic and cardboard cases. If you're one of those weirdos that keeps their toys in the box, then you're in luck. The boxes look great and the figures are clearly visible inside.

Although the boxes appear to be collector friendly, I was surprised to see that they most definitely are not. Not that I cared, mind you. I open all my figures and I pretty much destroyed the boxes trying to get them out. Keep that in mind if you plan on taking out the figure and placing it back in the box.

Oh, we're not nearly done! There are tons more photos after the jump! Read the rest by clicking below.

OK, onto the reviews of the figures. Let's start with Peter Venkman, as played by Bill Murray himself. Each of the figures is placed into its respective package in a pose from the movie. For some reason Mattel decided that the best pose for Venkman would be for him to hold his radio in front of his face, covering a good part of it.

I can't help but wonder if that was Mattel's way of taking a little dig at Bill Murray for all the years he held out on approving his likeness?

As for the head sculpt, it's not bad, but it's by no means a realistic depiction of a human face. There's no doubt as to who it's supposed to be, but it seems a bit on the cartoony side, almost like a caricature. I'm not complaining, mind you. I'm happy to finally have my Ghostbusters figures, and it's definitely Bill Murray. Just an observation.

Once freed from their plastic prisons, the detail in these figures is amazing, especially for this price point. The jumpsuits are well made and full of little details, including tiny (non-working) zippers! The belts are super detailed as well, and hold an array of equipment. Everything's scaled properly and the suit fits the figure very well. I'm not sure about those elbow protectors though. They seem a bit... puffier than I remember. I thought they were hard plastic or rubber in the film. Looks like I just found another reason to watch the DVD!

Next up is Ray Stanz, as played by Dan Ackroyd. Stanz is posed in the box holding his proton wand (boy, did that sound vaguely dirty!).

Once again, there's no doubt as to who it's supposed to be, but he's still a bit on the cartoonish side as well. By the way, as seen here all the figures come with their corresponding name tags on their jumpsuits.

All the figures' hands can hold their accessories with no trouble, as shown here. You would not believe how often that's a problem with action figures, and a big pet peeve of mine.

Finally we have Egon Spengler, as played by Harold Ramis. Egon is my favorite character in the movie and his figure is posed in his box holding his PKE Meter.

After seeing the boys side by side, I think Spengler's sculpt is the best of the three. Maybe the glasses make it easier to capture his likeness? By the way, this tiny pair of glasses are an absolute wonder of engineering. Many times action figure glasses are wildly out of scale, resulting in huge frames and ridiculously thick stems. These appear to be in perfect scale to the figures. They're also fastened to Spengler's head so they won't be dropping off and disappearing forever into the depths of the shag carpeting.

Even more attention to detail: Spengler comes with his trademark PKE Meter prop, for measuring supernatural energies. The Meter actually comes with a tiny button that when pushed, causes the "wings" on either side of the meter to spring out, just like in the movie! Amazing!

Here's a full body shot of Spengler, taking a reading.

Each figure comes with an array of accessories. All three figures come with a separate set of ungloved hands, in gripping and non-gripping poses. The Venkman figure even comes with a pair of folded black gloves that you can hang off of his belt! Spengler comes with his aforementioned PKE Meter, and Stanz comes with his night/ghost vision visor.

One cool thing about the packaging: each of the larger boxes comes with a smaller thin box that slides out. This thin box resembles a gym locker, and houses the accessories inside. Although I will not be keeping the large boxes, I will keep these "locker boxes" to keep from losing the small accessories. I wish more companies include packaging like this.

Each of the three figures also comes with the iconic ghost trap. Just like all the other accessories, it's amazingly detailed. It even comes with the foot pump!

Best of all when you push a tiny switch on the side, the yellow and black doors of the trap spring open!

Ah, but we're not finished! If you pull on the central part of the trap, the actual ghost containment unit slides out, ready to deposit the ghost into the holding pen! Now that's detail!

They just wouldn't be Ghostbusters without their proton packs, and that's an area where these figures don't disappoint.

The proton packs are incredibly detailed, even down to the ribbon cables. I'm by no means a Ghostbusters scholar but everything looks like it's there to me, and like all the other accessories the detail is amazing. They've even added some silver paint to some of the edges to simulate wear and damage. All three of the figures' packs appear to be the same sculpt, which of course is to be expected.

As if that wasn't enough, the packs even have a light-up feature. Press a small button on the bottom of each pack and a series of four LEDs lights up in sequence. The lights flash in a circular pattern for about a minute or so and then shut off by themselves.

All in all I'm extremely pleased with these figures (even moreso because I got a deal on them). The likenesses are decent, the clothing and accessories are extremely detailed and they're just plain cool.

Pros:
• The world finally has 12" Ghostbusters figures!

• Amazingly detailed clothing and accessories.

• Light up proton packs.

Cons:
• While they're cool and amazing figures, they're definitely made for the adult collector. All the little details and fiddly bits feel quite fragile and wouldn't last five minutes in the hands of a kid.

• The boxes are not collector friendly, if that sort of thing matters to you.

• If you open your figures as I do, expect to spend a good half hour trying to wrestle them out of the boxes.

• Mattel has some serious problems when it comes to their online store, and the delivery service they use. It took a full TWO WEEKS to receive these figures. From what I gather, mine was not an isolated incident. Granted we're talking about toys here, not urgently needed medical supplies, but two weeks to send something from California to Indiana seems a bit excessive to me. Be warned if you ever order from them.

The Walking Dead Season 2, Episode 4: Cherokee Rose

2011-11-07T10:28:00.001-06:00

Looks like it's back to more character building after last week's action-oriented episode. We only got one zombie this week, but it was a memorable, waterlogged and disgusting one.

The show seems to be paralleling the comic fairly closely again after veering away from it at the end of last season. Herschel's farm and the Glen and Maggie storylines were both prominent parts of the comic.

Spoilers!

• Dear Walking Dead:

Please resolve the Sophia storyline. Soon.

Signed,
The World

• I'm glad Shane only wore those overalls for a minute or two during the episode. They, combined with his newly shorn head, made him look like a halfwit inbred hillbilly.

• Herschel's barn finally makes an appearance. Keep an eye on it, as it'll become important in the next couple of episodes.

• Herschel wants Rick and his crew to leave as soon as Carl is well enough to travel. Knowing how things turn out in the comic, that's probably a good idea for both sides.

• Darryl finds a cabin in the woods, complete with signs of life. Was Sophia recently there?

• Regarding the zombie in the well: the gang doesn't want to shoot it because they fear the resulting blood and brains will contaminate the water. What about the fact that a bloated dead guy has been splashing around in the well for weeks? That doesn't count as contamination? I know there's no way I'd drink anything that came out of that well ever again.

• Glen and Maggie finally hook up, complete with dialog straight out of the comic. I liked Glen's bragging on the way to the pharmacy, contrasted to his inept shyness as Maggie declares her desire to jump his bones.

• Carl finally gets his sheriff hat! He's been wearing it in the comic for years. Very cool to finally see him wearing it on the show.

• Darryl shows there's more to him that meets the eye as he gives the grieving Carol a Cherokee Rose. I'm sure his heart was in the right place, but I'm not sure that the accompanying story– that the flowers grow where the tears of grieving Native American mothers fell– is going to make Carol feel any better.

• Lori is pregnant, which comes as no surprise if you're a fan of the comic. So does Rick already know? I was sure that at the end of last season that that's what Dr. Jenner of the CDC whispered into Rick's ear. Again the question remains; whose baby is it? Rick's or Shane's?

• Was that Merle in the trailer for next week's episode? Sure looked like him. If it was indeed him, I'm betting he shows up in a flashback. It seems unlikely that he'd be taking the same route as Rick and company and hook up with them again.

It Came From The Cineplex: Real Steel

2011-11-07T08:41:00.001-06:00

Here's my short visual review of the movie Real Steel:

All in all I enjoyed it well enough. If I was a ten year old it would be my all time favorite movie. It's about a kid with an incredibly indulgent father in a cool profession, who has a hot mom surrogateand best of all has a giant robot playmate. The life every kid dreams of!

Overall it's about as good a movie as you can expect from the artistically bankrupt business model that is modern Hollywood.

By the way, the movie is NOT based on the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots game, as most people keep saying. It's based loosely on the 1956 short story Steel by Richard Matheson. It was later adapted into a 1963 Twilight Zone episode.

Pros:
• It's a movie about boxing robots! What's not to like?

• Cool robot designs. I wish there'd been more of them though.

• The robots all looked absolutely real (to me, anyway).

• Huge Ackman doesn't sing or dance during the movie (although the kid and his robot dance).

• Evangeline Lily in a wife beater shirt!

Cons:
• For a movie about fighting robots, there was surprisingly little robot fighting. Maybe it would have become boring and repetitious if there'd been more fighting? Plus robot fights are no doubt really expensive to film, causing them to pare down the scenes.

• The kid in the movie looks disturbingly like Jake Lloyd in The Phantom Menace.

• Missed opportunity: They should have made the poster an homage to this image of the Ali/Liston fight:

• The ending was a bit predictable, but hey, it's geared mostly towards kids who haven't seen as many movies as cynical reviewers such as myself.

My verdict: Hey, its a movie about fighting robots! What more do you want from a film? I give it a B.

Christmas Creep 2011

2011-11-06T11:17:00.000-06:00

I drove past a house in my neighborhood today and saw the first Xmas tree of the season (November 6). None of my business of course, but man, that seems awfully early. I hope for their sake it's a fake tree!

I'm A Grown Man And I Bought This: Lego Star Wars Boba Fett Alarm Clock

2011-11-06T09:55:00.000-06:00

Last year I bought myself a Lego Stormtrooper Alarm Clock from the always cool thinkgeek.com website. I liked the Stormtrooper clock a lot, but was disappointed that it and a Darth Vader clock were the only ones available. What about Boba Fett? Why no love for him?

Finally my toy prayers have been answered! Behold the Official Lego Star Wars Boba Fett Alarm Clock!

I've been a huge fan of Boba Fett since his very first appearance in The Empire Strikes Back in 1980 (yes, I'm aware that his first appearance was technically in the Star Wars Holiday Special on TV in 1978, but the less said about that the better). Ever since then I've been collecting every piece of Fett merchadise I can get my hands on.

So what is it about the character that appeals to me so? Maybe it's the cool armor. Maybe it's his funky looking ship. Most likely it was his mysterious background. Boba Fett was a mystery; we knew next to nothing about him, which was no doubt a large part of his appeal.

But George Lucas couldn't leave well enough alone, and had to give us a lame origin story in the Prequels, showing us Boba's childhood and his motives for becoming a bounty hunter. Some things are best left unseen, George. That's OK, I still like the character.

Anyway, as you are no doubt aware, Lego has been making Star Wars sets and figures for quite a few years now, and this is a large sized replica of one of their Stormtrooper figures, but with a digital clock in its chest. As near as I can tell it's an exact duplicate of the smaller figure, scaled up to around 9".

Oh, we're not nearly done! Read the rest by clicking below.

It has a battery compartment on the back, as well as time setting and alarm buttons, which look somewhat complicated here but are actually pretty simple to operate.

If you look closely here you can see what appears to be a flesh colored head underneath the helmet. That's just the way the figure's sculpted; the helmet is not removable and there's no head underneath (thank the Maker!).

The clock in the chest is a standard LCD clock screen, which is an odd choice for an alarm clock. One generally looks at an alarm clock in a darkened bedroom and LCDs are invisible in the dark. Seems like it wold have made more sense to stick an LED clock in there.

Maybe Lego realized that, because when you push on the figure's head the clock lights up for a few seconds, allowing you to see the time in the dark.

Best of all, it's not just a solid lump of plastic--it's articulated just like a small Lego figure, so you can pose your clock in various positions. Here you can see Boba participating in a sit in, and then going out for a stroll.

These are fairly large figures, around 9" tall, as you can see here as Boba poses with a can of Coke Zero.

By the way, the targeting scanner (the thing on the stick on the right side of his helmet) is also movable. It can be tilted down in front of his face.

All in all it's a very cool figure and I highly recommend it if you're a fan of Star Wars, Boba Fett, Lego or alarm clocks.

There's just one thing missing, that I wish they'd have included: a gun. Boba Fett needs a gun. He seems naked without one. In fact now that I think about it, none of the other clocks come with a weapon either. Definitely something that should have been included.

Here's a group shot with all the Lego clocks I've bought so far. One cool feature: the alarm clock back lighting is color coded to the figure. Darth Vader's clock glows a sinister Sith red, Boba Fett's glows a mysterious green, and the Stormtrooper glows a yellowish white.

By the way, the ThinkGeek website has a feature that sent me an email notifying me the instant the package was delivered to my doorstep. I buy a lot of stuff online and this is the first time I've encountered this. I think it's a really good idea and one that every online store (I'm lookin' at you, Amazon) should offer.

Pros:
• It's a fully articulated giant Lego Boba Fett Alarm Clock! What decor wouldn't be enhanced by one?

Cons:
• Although it's definitely a cool looking figure, as an alarm clock it's pretty useless. The clock is virtually invisible in the dark. You can illuminate the clock face by pressing on Boba's head, but if you're like me you put your alarm clock on the other side of the room to force yourself to get up and shut it off, so a momentarily lit display is no help.

• Also when the alarm goes off, it emits a barely audible "teep teep" sound that wouldn't rouse me from even the lightest of sleeps. It's best used as a desk clock and conversation piece, rather than as a functioning alarm.

• No gun!! Would it have killed them to include a little plastic gun for him to hold?