Showing posts with label tv. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tv. Show all posts

Monday, March 3, 2014

News Flash

Last week the CW network teased this image from Flash, which is set to premiere this fall. The Flash appeared on the 2013 season finale of Arrow, and is being spun off into his own show.

So far all they've seen fit to show us is his head. It looks OK as costumes go, but the fact that they're playing coy with the rest of the costume doesn't fill me with much hope. I'll bet anything he's wearing a "kewl" leather jacket of some kind instead of the traditional one piece suit like in the comics.

And of course it's dark red. We can't have a superhero wearing bright colors these days, laws no. That would be too close to the comic and might come perilously close to being fun.

One thing I don't understand-- why is the Flash a caucasian here? Isn't it standard operating procedure to race-swap all comic book characters? You know, so the producers can show us all how sensitive and progressive they are? And why on Earth didn't they make him female while they were at it? Leaving him a white male as he's traditionally been portrayed in the comics... how positively 1963 of them.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 1, Episode 10: The Bridge

This week we finally get the inklings of a story arc, just in time for the mid-season break.

They really threw everything into this one-- Mike Peterson, Raina (the Girl In The Flower Dress), Centipede, the eyeball cameras with the kill switch and more. If you've not been watching regularly you were probably sitting there scratching your head, wondering who all these people are and what the hell's going on.

• Hey, Mike Peterson, the super powered guy from the pilot episode is back! I have to confess I'd forgotten his name already. I do like the character though as he brought some much needed energy to our sleepy little team of agents. It'd be great if he sticks around and becomes a permanent member of the team, but I'm betting probably won't happen.


• So what's the deal with that Centipede device on Peterson's arm? Several times they mention it contains a "Centipede serum." So how does he recharge or refill it? If it runs out does he lose his super powers? Does S.H.I.E.L.D. have the serum as well?

• As Simmons examines Peterson, she gets all flustered by his "perfect" physique and gushes over him like a giddy schoolgirl.

First of all, while Peterson looks fit, he's not massively built like Thor or Captain America. Simmons must not get out much. Then again, she hangs out with Fitz all day, so maybe Peterson really does look that good to her.

Second, Simmons' dialog in this scene is truly cringeworthy and made me feel sorry for poor Elizabeth Henstridge. I wonder if actors ever get their script for the week, leaf through it and say, "Sweet Jesus, are you serious? I am not saying these lines!"

The same goes for Coulson and Ward's "A whole class about women?" conversation.

• Speaking of Coulson and Ward, the scenes in which they were driving around in Lola looked really… odd. The lighting was harsh, the car was bouncing around like crazy-- it looked like they filmed the scene with a cell phone camera.

• For several weeks now Coulson and others have been telling us in no uncertain terms that telepathic and telekinetic powers do not exist. I'm not sure why they're so adamant in this belief, considering they live in a world full of aliens, gods and green rage monsters.

I'm betting this is set up for some plot point that'll involve a big reveal of a telepathic enemy. Most likely The Clairvoyant that they kept mentioning in this episode.

I guess this means no crossovers with the X-Men, eh? That would never happen anyway, as they're owned by Fox and as such aren't part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but this "no psychic powers" thing pretty much cinches it. Professor Xavier definitely has telepathic powers and Jean Grey is telekinetic, so obviously they're off living in their own little parallel universe.


• Coulson mentions-- very offhandedly-- that the Avengers don't know that he's still alive.

Whaaa?? He's really let them all go on believing he's dead for over a year? Does he ever plan on telling them? 
Now that I think about it, how could they not know? It's not like he's using an alias and got plastic surgery, he's walking around the same as he always did. Surely at least one of the Avengers would have ran into him by now and asked WTF.

Now that I think about it he seemed pretty chummy with Pepper Potts in Avengers too. Is he letting her think he's dead too? And what about the cellist he mentions here? The one he first mentioned in Avengers. He says he has to let her think he's dead too. Because... I don't know. Security?

If any of the Avengers ever did see him wandering the halls of S.H.I.E.L.D., wouldn't they be mightily pissed? Nick Fury used Coulson's death to bring the Avengers together, so I'm sure they wouldn't be happy about being manipulated so.

I'm betting they're saving this particular revelation for Avengers 2.


• When Peterson suits up and goes on a mission with the rest of the team, he wears a uniform that looks very much like those worn by the X-Men. Somebody at Marvel really likes black leather.

• There's a theory going around online that Skye's mysterious mother, who left her at the orphanage, is really Melinda May. I didn't subscribe to that particular theory at first, but this episode makes it seem pretty darn likely.

• Raina arranges a meeting on a bridge to exchange Peterson for his son Ace. It's a good thing she brought along her super powered bodyguard. At one point Peterson reaches out and clutches Raina by the neck, threatening to snap her neck. The entire time he's holding her by the throat, her super bodyguard stands passively next to her, moving nary a muscle.

OK, I get that the bodyguard is probably holding back to save her, but… couldn't he have raised his fists or assumed some sort of threatening posture, instead of standing there like he was waiting for the bus?

• The episode ends on a  cliffhanger, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. I doubt anything happens to Coulson, and hey, if it does, they can just make another copy of him, right? Ward was shot but won't die, because he didn't get a tearful farewell. And I'm betting Peterson will show up again too. Remember the Comic Book Death Rule: If you don't see a body, then they're not dead!


Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 1, Episode 4: Eye Spy

I don't have a lot to say about this episode-- to be honest I actually dozed off toward the end! I'm not sure it was the show's fault or I was just really sleepy. Either way I hope things pick up soon in this series or I'm gonna drop it.

This week S.H.I.E.L.D. investigates a woman with x-ray vision who's committed numerous high profile heists. She turns out to be Akela Amadour, a former protege of Coulson. He summons the team to capture her, believing she deserves another chance.

• Directed by Roxanne Dawson, who played B'Elanna Torres on Star Trek: Voyager. Torres directed several episodes of Voyager and has become quite a prolific TV director since.

• I've been saying for several weeks now that if this show can't be The Avengers every week, then it needs to try and be more like Fringe. Looks like they took my advice! This week's episode felt very much like a first season Fringe episode. Maybe it was a rejected script the Fringe reject pile?

• I was hoping Akela might turn out to be a character from the Marvel Universe, but instead she's just some woman with a bionic eye and x-ray vision. Marvel has hundreds of characters they could easily use on this show. I wonder if they're hesitant to do so because they don't want to waste a villain on the TV show and then not be able to use them in a movie?

• At the beginning of the episode a squadron of men wearing creepy red masks and briefcases handcuffed to them walk purposefully through a city in Switzerland (I think). Are they minions of the Red Skull? Members of the Red Tide? No, they're diamond mules.

This I don't get. Someone wanted to transport millions in diamonds and decided the best way to do so was to utilize dozens of lookalikes as decoys, only one of which was really carrying the diamonds. That way the odds of a thief stealing the right briefcase were slim at best. But then why dress all the decoys in creepy red masks? Wouldn't it have been better if they'd just worn hats and dark glasses so they'd blend in with the crowd a bit more? Why make them stand out so much and practically beg a crook to attack them?

The only reason I can come up with is that the red masks made it more comic booky, and this is a comic book universe.

• So Aleka had x-ray vision and could tell which briefcase contained the diamonds. Did she have super strength as well? She beat up a subway car full of soldiers and even ripped the hand off of one to get his briefcase. Quite a feat for a 120 pound woman.

• Once again, May is flying a gigantic airplane all by herself. No copilot, no navigator, no nothing. She even comments that she likes flying because of the solitude in the cabin. Nope!

I realize this is a comic book show, but I don't think you can fly an enormous plane like that with a crew of six.

Now that I think about it, is there any kind of crew on the "Bus?" A grounds crew? Technicians? Maintenance men? Who vacuums the carpets and cleans the bathrooms? Couslon? 

• Akela is being controlled by someone else who can see her every move through her bionic eye. If she disobeys or tries to betray this mystery man, he'll throw a kill switch and explode her head.

S.H.I.E.L.D. captures her and sends Ward to complete her mission. They rig up some technobabble glasses so that the mystery man will see what Ward sees and he's watching Akela's point of view. 

The mystery man must be really unobservant. Did Ward never once look down at his hands or feet, allowing the mystery man to see that he's not a black woman? Did he never look into his car's rear or side view mirrors? Did the mystery man not notice that his video feed is suddenly coming from six feet off the ground instead of five?

• At the end of the episode Akela asks May what happened to Coulson, then quickly drops the subject. Obviously she saw something odd about him with her x-ray vision. We can't be told what she saw though because it's only the fourth episode and they've got to drag out the mystery, LOST-style.

• In the tag scene Ward and Fitz are playing poker. Fitz wants Skye to use the backscatter x-ray feature of the technobabble glasses to see Ward's cards. Skye warns Fitz that if she turns them on, she'll be able to see his naked body under his clothes. He blushes and folds, hurriedly scampering away before she can get a peep at him.

It's supposed to be a cutesy moment, but it's just plain dumb. Have you seen what those backscatter images look like? They're about as erotic as your grandma's nightgown. We even saw a backscatter image of May earlier in the episode and she looked like an amorphous blob, so this whole little tag scene made zero sense.

I guess I had a lot to say about it after all.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Nipple Threat

I've been re-watching Season One of Community all this week. If you've never seen it I highly recommend it. Stop reading right now and go watch it on your favorite video transmitting device.

Anyhoo, there's a story arc in which the Britta character is casually dating a guy named Vaughn. He's a hacky-sack playing hippy type who rarely wears a shirt and there's a running joke on the show about how he has extremely tiny nipples.

Here's a shot of Vaughn sans shirt from the episode The Politics Of Human Sexuality. As you can see, his nipples are pretty darned small.

Naturally I assumed that this is just the way the actor was born, and once they saw the size of his nipples they wrote that fact into the show.

But take a look at another take of the same scene from the blooper reel. Suddenly Vaughn has normal, human-sized nipples. Ones that fall well within the normal bell curve for adult man-teat sizes. What the heck's going on here?

The only answer I can come up with is that Vaughn really has normal sized nipples and some poor schlub at a CGI effects house in LA had to sit at his computer and shrink them in every frame in which they appeared. Hey man, good gig!

"Hey Joe, did you hear? I just got hired by ILM to work on the new Star Wars movies!"

"That's awesome!"

"So what are you working on these days?

"Um... I'm working on some TV show."

"Oh yeah? Which one? Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Under The Dome? The Walking Dead

"Uh, no. It's Community."

"Community? Huh. That's a good show, but I wouldn't think they'd need any CGI. Whaddya do over there?"

"Uh... I um... shrinkaguysnipples."

"What's that?"

"shrinkaguysnipples."

"Dude, I can't hear what you're saying."

"I SAID I SHRINK A GUY'S NIPPLES, OK? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? YEAH, I SIT THERE ALL GODDAMNED DAY AND SHRINK HIS NIPPLES IN EVERY. SINGLE. SCENE. I've got nipples com in' out of my butt, man! I've seen so many nipples I'm startin' to dream about 'em!"

"Yeahhhh. OK, so I'm gonna go over here now and pretend I'm looking at my phone."

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 1, Episode 2: 0-8-4

This week the team travels to Peru and finds a box with blinking lights that turns out to be a weapon that everyone wants. A woman who may or may not be Coulson's ex betrays him in an effort to steal said box. The various team members argue to pad out the run time, they get captured, they blow a hole in side of the plane to defeat the bad guys, and they shoot the blinking box into the sun.

I'm very happy that we have a TV series set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and I really, really want to like this show, but… so far it's not wowing me. It's just kind of meh.


Take the 0-8-4 in this episode, for example. Supposedly that's S.H.I.E.L.D. code for an unknown, potentially dangerous object. The last time they used that code was when they found Thor's hammer in a crater in the desert at the end of Iron Man 2. So what does the 0-8-4 mean here? Ehh, just a blue box with lights on it, that might have been built by Hydra (the villains in the Captain America movie). Yawn.


They're going to need to step things up if they want this show to survive. I'm afraid that viewers are going to be expecting to see Iron Man and The Avengers level plot lines each week, but when they see stories about blinking boxes they're gonna start tuning out.


The characters aren't helping either. So far Coulson and Melinda May are the only interesting members of the team, and even then they're not exactly crackling with excitement. So far Grant's been a bland cypher, Fitz and Simmons are becoming annoying and Skye seems to serve no function whatsoever. If they can't make these characters more compelling, and soon, they need to torpedo them pronto and bring in someone more exciting.


Now that I think of it, this series reminds me a lot of Torchwood. Just like the BBC said, "Hey, let's do a Doctor Who show without the Doctor!," ABCs doing an Avengers show without the Avengers.


Peppering the script with shout-outs to Tony Stark and Thor ain't enough to keep people tuning in, guys. Plus it's never a good idea to remind people of something better they could be watching.


I hope this show succeeds, I really do. But they're gonna have to make some significant changes in order to make that happen.


Thoughts:

• So last week Coulson assembles a team, but this week we find that only two of the five have been trained for or even seen combat. Does that seem like a good idea?

• Last week we got to see the team being assembled, so of course this week we get the obligatory "Team can't get along and bickers endlessly until there's a common threat and then they all pull together at the last minute" plot.


• I get that Melinda May is a crack pilot, but can she really fly what appears to be some kind of modified C4 plane all by herself? No copilot or navigator needed?


I suppose you could say S.H.I.E.L.D. installed some kind of souped-up autopilot in the plane so one person can fly it alone. I suppose you could say that, but I remain unconvinced.


• The explosive decompression scene was very, very similar to the one in Iron Man 3. Anything that reminds me that that awful film exists is double plus ungood in my book.


• Speaking of explosive decompression, how long do you suppose it lasts in the real world? Ten seconds, tops? All that's happening is the pressurized air inside the cabin is equalizing with the thin air outside. It shouldn't take very long for that to happen.


Here it went on for a good five minutes of screen time. Long after the explosion happened the Peruvian soldiers were somehow still being sucked out of the plane. There must have been a lot of pressure in that cabin!


• Likewise, once Skye tossed the rubber raft at the hole, it too was immediately sucked up against the inner hull, keeping the pressure in. Nope!  The decompression should have ended well before then. When she tossed it, it should have just plopped to the floor. 


But let's give them this one. Let's say the decompression is still somehow going on after five minutes. If the suction is powerful enough to pull a full grown man out through the hole, why wouldn't a rubber raft be pulled through as well?


I get that this is a comic book world full of people who can fly and turn into green monsters, but everything can't be exaggerated like this. You've got to ground some of it in reality if you want us to be amazed when the super stuff happens.


• At the end of the episode the team puts the blinking box into "The Slingshot," a rocket which will carry it into the sun and destroy it. They do this because the box is too powerful a weapon for any one person or nation to possess.


Fitz mentions that it'll take eight months for the rocket to reach the sun. That seems like a awfully long time. How much do you want to bet that a few episodes from now someone's going to intercept that rocket and snatch the blinking box out of it?


• So Skye's really some kind of spy who's infiltrating S.H.I.E.L.D., eh? I honestly don't understand why she's on the team in the first place. Coulson and everyone else already knows she was the head of some kind of anarchist group. Why in the name of Aunt May's hair bun would you invite someone like that into your super spy organization?


• Holee. Crap! Samuel L. Jackson made a cameo appearance! That's amazing! And it almost made up for the meh-ness of the rest of the episode.


Has SLJ ever been on a TV series before? He's done a lot of voice work for various animated series (Afro Samurai, The Boondocks), but as far as I know this is the first time he's ever appeared in a live action show.


It was fun seeing Coulson reduced to the position of underling in the presence of his boss. Nice touch, whoever wrote that scene. See? You guys can write interesting stuff when you want to.


The most amazing thing about the whole deal is that ABC managed to keep it a secret, especially these days when people have to post photos of what they're eating for lunch. I'm honestly surprised, nay astonished, that ABC didn't run those annoying promos that take up the bottom third of the screen announcing the cameo for an entire week before it aired. The most I saw was a little spot telling viewers to stay tuned for a special appearance at the end of the episode. Whoever managed to keep the cameo on the down low, thank you for your superhuman restraint!


On the down side, I can't believe Nick Fury showed up so soon. It's only the second episode. Where are they gonna go from here? A cameo from Robert Downey Jr.?

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot

Disney's attempt to bring the Marvel Cinematic Universe to the small screen finally premieres!

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. was created by Joss Whedon (The Avengers, Buffy The Vampire Slayer and much more), Jed Whedon and Maurissa Tancharoen. The pilot episode was written by the trio as well, and was directed by Joss Whedon.

SPOILERS!

• All in all not a bad start, as first episodes go. It's definitely set in the Marvel Universe, and there was plenty of trademark Joss Whedon humor on display. It felt a bit like CSI: Marvel. Like a police procedural with superhero trappings thrown in now and then. It also felt a lot like the pilot episode of Fringe (which isn't necessarily a bad thing).

Naturally since this is TV the action was a bit more scaled down than in the various Marvel movies. Will that disappoint viewers who tune in expecting to see, you know, actual superheroes? They're gonna have to ramp up the super heroics quite a bit or I'm afraid viewers will become bored and start tuning out.

They'll also need to shake up the formula now and then, because if each week it's "normal citizen gets super powers and S.H.I.E.L.D. has to track them down and capture them before they destroy a city, while making witty comments" it's gonna get old fast.

It was nice to see Clark Gregg as Agent Coulson back from the dead, or whatever happened to him. The rest of the characters seemed pretty weak though. I guess that's to be expected-- you can only squeeze in so much character development in a pilot episode. Hopefully they'll flesh out the team a bit more in subsequent shows.

It would be awesome if Samuel L. Jackson or Robert Downey Jr. made a surprise cameo in an episode, but I wouldn't hold my breath. If it did happen, there's no way it would be a secret. Disney and ABC would promote the ever-living hell out of their appearance every hour on the hour for months prior.

Thoughts (SPOILERS!):

• I liked Agent Coulson's dramatic reveal as he stepped out of the shadows in front of a gobsmacked Agent Ward. "Sorry, that corner was really dark and I couldn't help myself. I think there's a bulb out."

• At the beginning of the episode, unemployed factory worker Mike Peterson sees a building explode. Surprise! Peterson secretly has super strength. He climbs the burning building and rescues a woman, leaping from the top floor to the ground far below while holding her.

Luckily for the woman he was holding the laws of physics weren't paying attention. He landed with enough force to literally crack the pavement beneath his feet, all while holding the woman. Realistically she should have broken in half when he hit the ground.

• I liked all the little nods to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The Chitauri communicator from The Avengers, as well as references to Tony Stark, the Hulk, Thor, and Loki. They even offhandedly mentioned Natasha Romonov the Black Widow. 

It's very cool that events in the films influenced the pilot here. It really helps sell the idea that these shows and movies all take place in one big universe, just like they used to do in Marvel Comics. I wonder if the reverse will be true? Will the next Thor movie contain references to this TV series? Doubtful, but who knows?

It's amazing how effortlessly Marvel handles all this crossover stuff. It really does make it seem like all their properties are taking place in the same world. Meanwhile DC and Warner Bros. can't make one decent superhero movie to save their lives.

• A sampling of that patented Whedon dialogue: 
Agent Hill: What does S.H.I.E.L.D. stand for, Agent Ward?
Agent Ward: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.

Agent Hill: And what does that mean to you?

Agent Ward: That someone really wanted our initials to spell out "shield."
• Nice to see Ron Glass on TV again. Glass is a  native of Evansville, Indiana, my home city. Why, we're practically related!

Also good to see Ming Na Wen as well. Seems like I've been watching her on TV forever. I can remember seeing her on As The World Turns in the 1980s! Can you believe she turns 50 this year? Amazing!

• So it's implied that Agent Coulson actually did die at the hands of Loki in The Avengers. Is the Coulson we're seeing here a clone? Does Nick Fury have a vault full of replacement Coulsons somewhere down in the basement?

• I saw Stan Lee listed in the credits as some sort of producer. I love Stan, but I'm betting his total involvement in this series consisted of someone saying, "Hey Stan, we're doing a S.H.I.E.L.D. show" and he said, "Sounds good to me!"

• So we think Mike Peterson is a hero, but he turns out to be the villain of the week. True to form for the Marvel Cinematic Universe, he's not really bad, he's just misunderstood. Or being used. Just once I'd like to see a villain who's evil because he's just an asshole. Loki comes close, but even he has deep-seating psychological reasons for his villainy.

• So Mike Peterson's not a mutant, he got his superpowers from the Extremis formula. Thanks, Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. for reminding me that the awful Iron Man 3 film exists.

• Once the agents figure out who Peterson is and the threat he poses (blowing up himself and anyone nearby), they say they only have two choices: Kill him or let him die. Coulson immediately says, "We need to come up with a third option."

Kudos to the writing team for this line. Hear that, Man Of Steel writers? You don't have to have your hero snap the villain's neck to learn that killing is wrong.

• At the end of the pilot Agent Coulson is tooling around in his beloved car Lola. He pushes a button on the dash and Lola transforms into a flying car, zooming offscreen.

Nick Fury had a flying car very much like this one (except it wasn't bright red) in the comics back in the 1960s.

Next week the Agents face a Code 084, whatever that is.

Monday, September 9, 2013

MasterChef Massacre

I stopped watching live TV a couple of years ago so I just became aware of this today. Apparently Fox is currently airing a show called Junior MasterChef, a kid's version of their MasterChef program.

Like the adult version, it's hosted by profanity-spewing professional chef and all around ass-hat Gordon Ramsay.

What cocaine-addled network executive thought this would be a good idea?

There's only one reason anyone would ever watch this show: to see Gordon Ramsay freak out and shriek obscenities at a ten year old until they break down in tears while trying their best to cook franks & beans without scorching them.

"You. What's yer name?"

"T-tina."

"What is this supposed to be, Tina?"

"F-franks and beans."

"Don't you ƒ@¢#ing lie to me! Where are the ƒ@¢#ing franks? All I see are ƒ@¢#ing beans! Did you even ƒ@¢#ing put any ƒ@¢#ing franks in your ƒ@¢#ing franks and beans?"

"I... I don't..."

"LOOK AT ME WHEN YOU ƒ@¢#in' LIE TO ME, YOU LITTLE GOBSHITE!! I'm a ƒ@¢#in' chef and I ƒ@¢#in' hate liars!"

"There's some franks in there, but they must have burned up and disappeared."

"YOU ARE SUCH A ƒ@¢#ing LIAR! DO I LOOK LIKE I'M ƒ@¢#ing FIVE YEARS OLD? (Flings pot across room, where it splashes against the wall in a spectacular spray of dark red sauce). THAT IS THE WORST ƒ@¢#ing FRANKS AND BEANS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE ƒ@¢#ing LIFE! IT'S SO ƒ@¢#ing BAD THAT IT'S MAKING YOUR ƒ@¢#ing DOG DIE AND YOUR PARENTS GET DIVORCED! CLEAN IT UP!!!"

Junior MasterChef airs Fridays at 8pm on Fox.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

New "The Office" Spinoffs

NBC recently announced that they're planning on creating an Office spinoff series featuring fan favorite character Dwight Schrute. The series will most likely be set on Dwight's family beet farm.

I'm a big fan of The Office but this sounds like a really bad idea to me. Spinoffs are a risky proposition and rarely ever work. For every successful spinoff such as The Jeffersons and Frasier there are a thousand failed ones like Joey, AfterMASH and The Tortellis (look 'em up, kids). The TV landscape is littered with them.

The reason most spinoffs fail is because they generally take secondary characters and try to turn them into the star of the series. Take the aforementioned Dwight Schrute, for instance. He's a very offbeat character with many bizarre traits. Because he's so much larger than life, he works best when used sparingly. 

When you make a character like Dwight the focus of the series it's necessary to tone him down quite a bit so he doesn't overwhelm the audience. This dilutes the character into someone the audience no longer enjoys watching, and you end up with yet another failed pilot. It's a very fine line for creators to walk, and few can do it successfully.

Whether a Dwight spinoff is a good idea or not, it doesn't look like NBC can be talked out of it– it's scheduled to air sometime in 2013.

Despite my misgivings about the idea, I've decided to be a good sport and brainstorm some spinoffs concepts for the rest of The Office cast. Hey, NBC– I just wrote your entire new prime time lineup. You're welcome.

Stanley's Dozen
Everyone's favorite Office curmudgeon finally gets his own series! 

On the day of Stanley Hudson's long-awaited retirement from Dunder Mifflin he receives a shocking telegram: his estranged and unmarried sister has unexpectedly died, leaving custody of her thirteen children to him. After unsuccessfully trying to fight the custody decree Stanley has no choice but to move to Chicago and take over his sister's household.

Watch the hilarity as Stanley unwillingly becomes father to thirteen unruly children ranging in age from 16 to 2 years of age. See his ordered life get turned upside down as he has to deal with surly teens, missed curfews, incessant texting, loud music and even changing diapers!

Who knows, if Stanley's not careful, the kids may even teach him a thing or two!

Stanley's Dozen airs Mondays at 8:30 pm Central.

Scranton Abbey
In this uproarious fish-out-of-water comedy, Meredith Palmer, Dunder Mifflin's resident alcoholic floozy, discovers that she's actually descended from British nobility.

 When the childless Earl of Scranton dies, his surviving relatives scramble to locate the nearest heir apparent, who turns out to be Meredith! Upon hearing the news she immediately quits her job, packs her bags and heads across the pond to claim her birthright as the new Countess of Scranton! 

Watch Meredith tangle with her snooty newfound relatives along with the servants of the household as they try to educate her in the ways of privileged society. Can England survive her lower class American ways? It's Yankee vs the Nobility in this laugh-a-minute comedy!

Scranton Abbey airs Thursdays at 8:00 pm Central.

Mr. & Mrs. Halpert 
By day Jim and Pam work side by side at their mundane office jobs at Dunder Mifflin, but at night the shocking truth is revealed: They're both sophisticated international spies who secretly work for rival agencies!

Can Jim and Pam successfully juggle their dual lives? Can they deal with downsizing, parenthood and daycare while stealing government secrets and plotting assassinations? And can they do it all without accidentally killing one another?

The laughs are anything but "top secret" in this fast-paced comedy!

Mr. & Mrs. Halpert airs Thursdays at 9:00 pm Central.

Quantum Creed
An action-packed sci-fi adventure series! When Dunder Mifflin's Quality Control Officer Creed Bratton ingests a special "herbal" concoction of his own making, he blacks out and wakes up in the 1940s. Initially convinced it's just a bad trip, he soon finds out that the situation is all too real. He discovers he can now move backward and forward through his own time line.

Creed then travels throughout the past six decades, determined to change the past in order to make a better future for himself, and maybe for the world if there's time. Watch as he helps public figures and private citizens alike make the right decisions at crucial moments in history!

But Creed must be careful in his temporal travels, as he's inadvertently drawn the attention of a mysterious Dark Man, who relentlessly pursues him through time.

Who is this Dark Man? Is he a Time Cop determined to preserve history? An extraterrestrial bent on the destruction of Earth? Or an alternate version of Creed himself, trying to preserve his own existence? Watch as we drag out the thrilling answer over seven seasons (God willing).

Quantum Creed airs Fridays at 9:00 pm Central.

Hey Dean!
Andy Bernard gets the chance of a lifetime when he's offered a job as dean of what he assumes is an Ivy League college. He immediately leaves his job as manager of Dunder Mifflin and accepts the new position, only to find that instead of being the head of a prestigious university, he's now the dean of a small community college.

Watch the hilarity as smug Cornell alumni Andy swallows his pride and deals with the day to day running of a small and struggling school on the verge of collapse. Can he turn the school around while preserving his dignity? 

With a supporting cast of wacky teachers and quirky students, you'll give it an "A" for Amusing. It's academic!

Hey Dean! airs Thursdays at 8:30 pm Central, right after Scranton Abbey.

The Kapoors
A hilarious supernatural comedy series in the tradition of Bewitched and I Dream Of Jeannie


Poor Kelly Kapoor has tried everything to get her irresponsible boyfriend Ryan Howard to marry her, much to the dismay of her traditional Indian parents. Frustrated, Mr. and Mrs. Kapoor pray to Shiva in the hope that he will compel Ryan to finally marry their daughter and ease their family's shame. 

Shiva answers their prayers by placing a special curse on Ryan. Now whenever he mistreats Kelly in any way, he is swiftly and comically punished by the deity: losing his voice when he lies, shrinking to the size of a child when he comes home late, or having his entrails consumed by jackals when he thinks impure thoughts about other women.

How long will Ryan be able to endure Shiva's cosmic punishment until he gives in and marries Kelly?

Ryan's bad karma makes for good comedy!

The Kapoors airs Wednesdays at 8:00 pm Central.

Hail To The Chief
A irreverent and wacky political comedy that'll get your vote... for LAUGHS!
 


Kevin Malone leaves the comfort of Dunder Mifflin and moves to Washington D.C., where he becomes assistant to the President's Press Secretary. Through a series of unlikely bureaucratic mix-ups, the chain of command passes to Kevin and he becomes the President of the United States. 

In his first official act, President Malone appoints former co-worker Oscar Martinez as his Vice President. Watch as the two of them attempt to solve the country's problems without starting World War III. 

With a supporting cast of quirky advisors and international leaders, you won't veto the laughs! Politics was never like this! 

Hail To The Chief airs Wednesdays at 8:30 pm Central, right after The Kapoors.

Angela's Feline Follies
An edgy new animated cartoon in the tradition of The Simpsons and The Family Guy

Angela Martin shares her cozy, tastefully decorated home with a group of zany talking cats– who let her think she's in charge! Watch the fur fly as her ungrateful house guests comment on everything from her choice of cat food to her fashion sense, and even her taste in men!

The feline cast includes Mr. Wiffles, the lazy, overweight leader of the group who'll do anything to avoid exertion of any kind. Tabathina is the haughty female cat who's quick to criticize Angela's every move. Sprinkles II is the youngest of the group, an adorable kitten who thinks nothing of selling out his friends to curry Angela's favor. 

It's the purr-fect formula for comedy!

Angela's Feline Follies airs Sundays at 8:00 pm Central.

The Devil Wears Lane Bryant
Get ready for big laughs in this fashionable new sitcom!

The always stylish Phyllis Vance decides the time is right to leave her sales position at Dunder Mifflin and realize her life's ambition: starting her own Scranton-based fashion magazine for plus-sized women!

Everything goes smoothly until her husband, Bob Vance, insists she give his thin, chic niece a job at the magazine as her protégé. Watch as her New York style clashes with Phyllis' matronly fashion sense. The claws'll come out on the catwalk each week!

Featuring an offbeat supporting cast of models, photographers and stylists. Laughter is "in" this season!

The Devil Wears Lane Bryant airs Thursdays at 8:30 pm Central.

My Three Moms 
When Dunder Mifflin receptionist Erin Hannon receives a piece of junk mail mistakenly addressed to a "Mrs. Hannon," she takes it as a sign that her real mother is still alive and that she's not an orphan after all. 

She then leaves Scranton and heads west to San Francisco (the return address on the junk mail). She rents a room in a boarding house and discovers that the other three tenants are all women in their forties. 

Erin becomes convinced that one of her fellow boarders is her real mother. But which of the three, if any, could it be? There'll be lots of red herrings, false leads and season-ending cliffhangers before we finally tell you!

My Three Moms airs Tuesdays at 8:00 pm Central.

Flenderson P.I.
Dunder Mifflin's Human Resource Representative gets his own series in this "arresting" action/comedy. 

Bored with his pedestrian life, Toby Flenderson packs his bags and heads south to The Magic City, otherwise known as Miami. He then sets up shop as a private investigator, probing the seamy underbelly of the city's neon-soaked streets.

You'll fall in love with Toby's hilarious cast of drug lords, hookers, pimps and informants! It's elementary!

Flenderson P.I. airs Sundays at 9:00 pm Central.

Displaced
An exciting sci-fi action/mystery series. One fateful day Gabe Lewis wakes up to find his life is torn asunder. By day he manages a failing mid-level paper company, but when he goes to sleep he becomes a rogue samurai wandering the dangerous landscape of a post apocalyptic America. 

But which life is real, and which is the illusion? Both? Or neither one?

Join Gabe as he splits his time between solving trivial employee disputes and saving villagers from lawless gangs of cannibalistic psychopaths, armed only with his wits and his trusty katana blade.

Tune in each week as we pile on the mysteries and questions without ever bothering to answer anything. You'll swear we're making it up as we go along!

Displaced airs Saturdays at 9:00 pm Central.

So there you go, NBC. There's your new fall lineup. You can pay me through PayPal.
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