THIS Is Why Al-Qaeda Hates America: Designer Diapers

You know how when you watch the news and see a story about al-Qaeda and they're always out in the streets chanting, "Death to America?" Did you ever wonder, "Gosh, what's their problem? Why do they hate us so much?"

It's because of things like this.

Last week Pampers announced they're rolling out a new line of designer diapers. The natty nappies are designed by Cynthia Rowley, whoever that is, and come in 11 different styles. Rowley says, "It's the first piece of clothing your baby will ever wear, and it should be special."

Oy gevalt.

Let me just say that I couldn't care less what Pampers prints on their diapers. They can print instructions for how to build the Hadron Collider on them and it wouldn't be any skin off my nose.

What I object to is the fact that they're marketing diapers as designer clothing. And they're charging for it too. These diapers will run about 40% more than a normal everyday plain old diaper-- $16 a box, around $6 more than plain, ugly diapers that commoners wear. They're essentially marketing to newborns now. Why wait until they're 5 years old to start telling them they're losers if they don't have the right kind of clothes? Hit 'em with the message when they're fresh out of the womb!

I need to find a new planet to live on.