Fall Festival 2011

Well, last week's 2011 Evansville Fall Festival (officially known as the Evansville West Side Nut Club Fall Festival) is now history. This year marked the 90th anniversary of the festival.

According to the West Side Nut Club, the Fall Festival is the second largest street fest in the U.S., right after Mardis Gras. I have no proof to dispute that claim; nevertheless I am somewhat skeptical. It seems hard to believe there's nothing between Mardis Gras' million person attendance and the Fall Festival's 150,000.

Some helpful tips for attending the Fall Festival: If at all possible, teleport to the entrance. Because this is a street festival that's held near a residential area, there is no adequate parking anywhere within miles. A second option would be to buy a home along the Festival street, so you can just exit your front door into the festivities.

Also if possible, go at nighttime. The Southern Indiana sun is a cruel and harsh mistress and she will relentlessly beat down on you, even in October. There is precious little shade, and what small amount there is will be occupied by slug-like beings on mobility scooters.

Feel free to bring your infant children and toddlers to the festival, but don't even think about pushing them around in an average, everyday stroller. Such a puny contraption would never survive the thick Festival crowds. Instead, several weeks before the festival, acquire a large, four person aluminum row boat and weld wheels to its side and a handle on the back. Now you've got the perfect sized vehicle in which to push your young one through the teeming crowds. The other festival goers won't mind you running over their feet or blocking their paths with your elaborate rig, because the comfort of your precious little snowflake is all that matters!

The Fall Festival is an outdoor event, so feel free to smoke to your heart's content-- don't worry about the other attendees. In fact, light as many cigarettes as possible! Hand them out to non-smokers and ask them to join in the fun and light up too! Envelope the entire West Side in a thick, noxious nicotine haze. The crowd's lungs will thank you.

When passing a counterfeit twenty dollar bill to an attendant in a food booth to show a little pride in your work! Print your fake twenties on high-quality archival bond, not cheap everyday printer paper. The attendant will recognize quality when they see it and may even compliment your craftsmanship.

Here are a few shots from this year's festivities.

I took these shots with my ancient ten year old digital camera; steadying it by the high tech method of holding it against a nearby tree to help reduce the bluriness as much as possible.

Here we see an "A-Hole" Smoked Turkey Leg. Seems a bit rude to me. What's that? I'm sorry, that should be "A WHOLE."

 

Just a few of the prizes you could win at the Festival. They're not pictured, but there was a lot of (probably knockoff) Angry Birds merchandise on display this year.

Did you know that if you approach one of the delightful carnies and just ask if you can purchase one of the prizes, they'll usually sell you one? You'll probably end up spending a lot less money that way.

The Fall Festival is known for its unusual food fare. Here we see a genuine "boneless" hot dog. My mind is positively reeling right now with dirty joke possibilities.

By the way, the signature dish of the Fesitival is the world famous mouth-watering Brain Sandwich. Did I say mouth watering? Sorry, I meant violent projectile vomiting. Seriously, people will stand in line for hours to get a brain sandwich. I've never tried one. And I never will.

 

Here I am trying to be arty. 

More artyness. 

Here we see a group of thill seekers riding one of the many carnival attractions. I believe this one is called the Vominator.

At one booth you could win a cuddly stuffed teddy bear dressed in a Department Of Corrections orange jumpsuit. Preparing the youth of today for their futures, perhaps?

 

Here's a photo series of the Freak Out ride in motion. I'm getting queasy just looking at it.

Mmm-mmm good! I'll have a Dirty Diaper, and my girlfriend will have a Chunky Diaper, please!

OK, I know these are intentionally "funny" names for these treats, but dear God, it's made with pumpkin! Pumpkin filling already looks disturbingly like baby poo; you're not going to help your sales by reminding people of that fact.

Another shot of the Freak Out ride.

And the Freak Out sign. Again, I was jamming the camera against the side of a tree to try and steady it for these night shots. Who needs a tripod?

Here are some shots of the gaily lit ferris wheel, or as I call it, the Alti-Spit. Riding this attraction allows you to hawk a loogee on virtually anything you can see in every direction for blocks and blocks.