Flushed With Pride

There are several important milestones in a person's life. The day you buy your first car. The day you buy your first television set. The unforgettable day you buy your first house.

This past weekend I reached another milestone: For the first time in my life I bought a new toilet seat. Ah, the joys of home ownership.

I ended up having to go to the home improvement store twice; the first time I went I didn't realize there was more than one size of toilet seat. Never having thought about them all that much, I naturally assumed that all toilets are the same standard size. Silly me. There are round ones and oval ones and they come in a variety of widths. I had no idea what kind I needed. I ain't exactly in a position to study my toilet seat when I'm using it, so I never noticed its dimensions before. I had to go home and measure it and go back for one the next day.

For the record I bought a plain white seat to match my plain white toilet. I decided not to go with the camouflage model or the transparent Lucite one with coins inexplicably imbedded in the rim.

It was quite a momentous occasion, buying a new toilet seat, one that I savored as I doubt I will ever have cause to buy another. I can't imagine anyone ever having to buy more than one of them in their lifetime. Two at the absolute most. If you're wearing them out that fast then you're using them wrong.