ROB-ER-RATE!

This week a man in Utica, New York attempted to rob a bank armed only with a toilet plunger.

Police describe the suspect as gun metal gray in color, approximately 5 feet tall, cylindrical, one eye, with lower body covered in large nodules. Prone to shrieking "EX-TER-MIN-ATE" in a loud, grating voice. Suspect is armed with a disintegration gun and what appears to be a standard toilet plunger, and is considered extremely dangerous. Citizens are warned not to approach suspect, and if confronted, to run up the nearest staircase.