Wherefore Art Thou, Rory-O?

For the past 5 years or so Underground Toys has been pumping out a series of excellent Doctor Who figures. I've been unashamedly collecting them since the first wave, much to my wallet's chagrin.

They've released hundreds of figures based on characters from the new and classic series. They've made a figure of pretty much everyone who's ever been on the show except one: Rory Williams.

Rory isn't just some obscure flash-in-the-pan character, he's a major part of Team TARDIS. He's the husband of Amy Pond, making them the first married couple to ever travel in the TARDIS with the Doctor. He's died several times, only to get better and come back; he was reincarnated as a robotic Roman Centurion (don't ask) and he even punched Hitler in the jaw! In short he's been a big part of the show for the past two seasons. His name is even in the opening credits, for Rassilon's sake.

And yet we still don't have a Rory action figure. We've got numerous figures of the Eleventh Doctor, and we've got FOUR Amy Pond figures (two as an adult and two as a child). Yet poor Rory doesn't even rate one measly little plastic effigy.

Fans haven't taken this outrage lying down. There've been numerous online petitions requesting, nay demanding that Underground Toys produce a Rory figure. As you can see from the photo above, he's had plenty of looks through the years so they could produce several different figures of him (something toy companies just love to do). So far the fan's demands have been met with an eerie silence. Bupkiss.

Then a few months ago rumors began circulating that Underground Toys was going to premiere a top secret exclusive figure at the 2012 San Diego ComicCon. The fans went wild with speculation. The most common theory as to the identity of the mystery figure: Rory! At long last! Our TARDISes would be complete, as we could all finally set our Rory figure in his rightful place alongside the Doctor and Amy.

Then the day finally came when the convention exclusive was announced. The mystery figure was this:

(blink)

(blink)

Jesus Jet-Skiing Christ, are you fraking kidding me? A WINSTON CHURCHILL AND DALEK figure from the episode Victory of the Daleks? Winston Fraking Churchill? Winnie? The British Bulldog?

We're getting a WINSTON CHURCHILL figure before we get a RORY WILLIAMS? Just let that sink in for a minute. What the hell is this, Bizarro World?

It's not like a figure of Churchill is totally out of left field, as he's a close friend of the Doctor and has been on the show twice in recent years. But WINSTON CHURCHILL? I'm honestly finding it difficult to type. I have no words.

Yes, what collector wouldn't want a fully articulated Churchill figure to display on their shelf? What child wouldn't want an action figure of a 400 pound Prime Minister? Imagine the hours of playtime fun as your Churchill figure reads dispatches from the front and confers with the Allies and... drinks tea. And smokes a cigar. And says, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

Actually it's not a bad looking figure, as action figures go. It doesn't look a whole lot like the real Churchill, but it's a pretty good likeness of the actor who played him on the show. I don't have a beef with the concept of the figure per se, it's just that WE GOT A CHURCHILL FIGURE BEFORE WE GOT A RORY!!!!

This I vow to you, Underground Toys. If you don't produce at least one Rory figure before he and Amy leave the show later this year, I'll... well, I will send a strongly worded email to your offices, outlining my outrage and displeasure. You've been warned.