Sometimes The 21st Century Embarrasses Me

At last, the perfect solution for people who can't quite figure out how to cut a thin slice off the end of a stick of butter. Behold the Butter Cutter!

No longer will you have to risk your personal safety with dangerous butter knives or fumble with unwieldy and complicated butter-holding harnesses and straps. No more will you have to engage the help of an assistant to hold down and steady your butter during the tedious slicing process. Now you can have a perfectly sliced pat of butter every time thanks to this extremely specific kitchen implement that performs one function, and one function only.

Need your frozen waffles buttered in a hurry? Boy, are you in luck! Just look at the speed at which the Butter Cutter expels its creamy oleo ammunition. Why, the camera could only capture the zooming pat as a vague yellow blur! Think of the hours you'll save every week!

Sometimes the 21st Century embarrasses me.

Honestly I'm glad that time travel is probably impossible. Imagine if a gentleman from the year 1800 somehow came to our century. What would he think when he saw modern man, his bloated and tattooed body straining against his stained sweatpants, using a contraption like this one? Most likely his reaction would be a combination of laughing his pantaloons off, sobbing uncontrollably and vomiting with rage as he witnessed what mankind has become.