Thursday, June 8, 2017

Imitation Something Something Flattery (Transformers: The Last Knight)

As longtime readers of my blog know, Transformers: Age Of Extinction will forever go down in my personal history as the film that almost broke me. I felt like I was being beaten about the head for every miserable second of its eight hour runtime, and the first time I ever wanted to get up and walk out of a movie. I would have too, but I didn't drive and had no way home. Maybe I should have just walked or sprang for a taxi.

I hoped that film might end the miserable Transformers series forever, but its $1.1 BILLION DOLLAR worldwide box office gross guaranteed that they'll never, ever stop making them.

In fact, in just a couple of months sadistic director and hater of all humanity Michael Bay is releasing a brand new way to torture the public, called Transformers: The Last Knight. Let's take a look at a few scenes from the new trailer, shall we? No? Well, too bad, we're doing it anyway.

As I watched the trailer for Bay's newest nightmare, I noticed a lot of it seemed awfully familiar...

For example, there's this scene, which inexplicably features an attack by a squadron of TIE Fighters. Seriously, those are freakin' TIE Fighters there. The same kind Darth Vader flew, with the angled-in wings.

One would think if one was going to blatantly steal a piece of production design, one wouldn't select an iconic vehicle from one of the most famous movies of all time. Steal something from Starcrash, for Thor's sake, not Star Wars!

Next up we have what appears to be ED-209 from the Robocop remake, crossed with an AT-ST from The Return Of The Jedi.
It even has the same awkward, clumsy gait as the AT-ST. Subtle!

Bay also apparently straight up lifted the ATOM robot from Real Steel, and gave it a C-3PO-esque butler personality. It's even got the same glowing blue eyes!

I dunno what's going on here, but this oceanic base is a dead ringer for the submerged alien spaceship in The Abyss.

And lastly, we have this three headed dragon that looks like it rolled around in scrap metal. Gosh, I feel like I've seen something like this before, but I can't figure out where (cough—King Ghidorah—cough).


The most amazing thing about this movie is the fact that it apparently took a whopping FOUR people to come up with the story and write the thing. And as we all know by now, the more screenwriters there are, the better the script, right?

I still haven't decided if I'm going to subject myself to this highly original waking nightmare or not. Stay tuned.
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2 comments:

  1. Cal's Canadian Cave of CoolnessJune 9, 2017 at 12:35 AM

    Now you are speaking my language. I can't remember a second of the last 4 Transformer movies. So much noise and those quick cuts worked my last nerve. Just hold the freaking camera for three more seconds and I wouldn't leave the theatre with a migraine. The new trailer looks like more of the same garbage but anything I say will mean nothing because like you said, it will make a billion dollars so the franchise will never ever end.

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  2. Bob CanadaJune 9, 2017 at 7:56 AM

    Totally agree. After seeing that fourth one I just wanted to lie down in a dark room for a while. I still don't know why I went to see it in the first place.

    I'm also trying to figure out how Michael Bay managed to trick Sir Anthony Hopkins into starring in a Transformers movie! My theory is they told him it was something else, gave him vague lines to recite, and he didn't realize what movie he was actually in until it was too late.

    That or they backed a dump truck full of cash to his front door...

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