Baby, It's Banned Inside

This month SJWs continued to prove they're the worst people on Earth by calling for an immediate and permanent ban of perennial Christmas carol Baby, It's Cold Outside. 

According to these geniuses, the song is highly offensive in these days of the #MeToo movement, as it glorifies sexual assault (!) and must be stricken from our society with utmost force.

Jesus wept. Is there anything that doesn't offend these people?

I know what you're thinking here: "But Bob, you said the very same thing as the people you're currently denouncing!" 

Yes, that's partially true. Way back in 2010, I wrote a series of posts I called Creepy Christmas Classics, in which I took a (hopefully) humorous look at traditional carols and mocked their now inappropriate lyrics. Among the songs I mocked was Baby, It's Cold Outside, which I called "a heartwarming Yuletide ode to date rape."

There's one important difference here though: my denouncement of the song was a joke. I wrote it in character, so to speak, as part of a bit. I wasn't actually serious when I claimed the song was really about a man drugging a woman and forcing himself on her.

You remember what a joke was, right? It's a story or phrase with a humorous climax, intended to provoke laughter. We used to hear them a lot before the Dark Times. Before the Empire.

See, I know that the song was written in 1944 by Broadway composer Frank Loesser, and he and his wife Lynn sang it together at cocktail parties to the delight of their guests. I'm aware that it was written for the couple's friends, and never really meant to be heard or performed in public. And I know it's about two consenting adults engaging in playful banter as they flirt with one another. It's all very innocent, and there's no underlying current of sleaze or rape. The whole "controvery's" silly and overblown.

But that's because I'm a rational human being, and not a knee-jerk SJW who must wipe out any and all dissenting opinions. I try to save my outrage for things that actually matter, like the antics of the orange homunculus in the White House.

All that said, even though I don't really think the song's about date rape, I do wonder how the hell it ever became a beloved Christmas carol! There's nothing Christmassy in it whatsoever, other than maybe the mention of snow and bad weather.

Now if you want a REALLY Creepy Christmas Classic, then go with Santa Baby. That's one's just straight up about a whore. No, strike that. At least a whore charges for her services. This song's about a shameless slut who'll do anyone for furs and jewels.