Make Up!

There was a time not all that long ago when I was a huge fan of Doctor Who. Sadly, that time has passed. I've not watched a single episode since Peter Capaldi left the show, nor do I plan to. My reasons are my own, I've stated them before and there's no point in rehashing them here.

Despite the fact that the show's dead to me now, it's nigh impossible to avoid seeing or hearing about it. Last week I ran across a few pics from the recent episode Orphan 55, and noticed something interesting about the alien makeup in current Doctor Who...

I think this gentleman from the episode is supposed to be an alien. Or perhaps he's just a human with a thing for anime. Either way, it appears the makeup budget ran dry this season, so they spent $9.99 on a wig at a pop-up Halloween store and unceremoniously plopped it on this unfortunate actor's head.

And then there's this... thing, which calls itself "Hyph3n with a three." What... what the frak is that?

Here's a closer look at Hyph3n (sorry about that). I assume she's supposed to be some sort of human/cat hybrid? Maybe? So apparently the show's given up on using prosthetic makeup altogether, and just hired a ten year old to paint vaguely feline features on an actor's face.

This is just embarrassing! They obviously wanted her to have a ca-liket muzzle, but instead of following the lines of her face they just painted right over her nasolabial folds and hoped no one would notice. They clearly don't know what they're doing here.

Internet wiseacres have pointed out that Hyph3n closely resembles Barf from the movie Spaceballs. They're not wrong! At least that movie had the excuse that it was a comedy, and not meant to be taken seriously like Orphan 55!

I actually feel sorry for the poor actress who had to try to perform with this embarrassment on her face. Hell, the Cats stage play has more convincing makeup than this. Same goes for Peter Criss of KISS!

For comparison, here are two Catkind members of the Sisters Of Plentitude from the David Tennant era of Who. As you can see, they used elaborate prosthetic makeup here, and the result was quite convincing. They really do look like feline aliens.

The early years of New Who had some amazing looking alien makeups. In fact The End Of The World (the second episode of Christopher Eccleston's run) featured a whole slew of impressively elaborate aliens...

There was the Moxx Of Balhoon.

The Ambassadors Of The City State Of Binding Light (whatever that means).

Coffa, Jabe and Lute, who were living trees from the Forest Of Cheem.

And the massive and imposing Face Of Boe, who was literally a giant head in a jar.

As I said, these alien makeups and animatronics all appeared in one single episode of the show! Quite a change from Orphan 55, eh?

The Eccleston era also gave us the Family Slitheen from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorious (no, really!).

Tennant's run had a host of outstanding alien makeups as well. The Sycorax appeared in his first episode, The Christmas Invasion.

Then there were the Ood...

An exceptional update of the classic villains the Sontarans...

And revamped Silurians as well.

Tennant's era also gave us the amphibious Hath.

Chantho the Malmooth (actually that should be "Chan Chantho the Malmooth tho").

And the fly-like Tritovores.

But Bob, I hear you bleat— the latest episode of Jodie Whittaker's run featured the return of the Judoon! Just look at how elaborate and awesome those animatronics are! Surely that pokes a giant hole in your rambling complaint!

Yes, it's true that everyone's favorite space rhinos did appear in Fugitive of The Judoon. But they're legacy aliens, created back in the Tennant era. The BBC just dug the masks and costumes out of their storage closet and trotted them in front of the camera. They're hand-me-downs, and they didn't spend a dime making anything new for the episode.

So what the hell's going on here? How's it possible that Doctor Who aliens look worse in 2020 than they did fifteen years ago in 2005?

I'm assuming that as always, it comes down to money. The BBC is notoriously cheap, and always has been. Heck, just look at the episode count if you need proof. In the Eccleston, Tennant and Smith eras, they pumped out thirteen episodes per season (plus an Xmas Special). Starting with Peter Capaldi's run though, they cut it down to twelve. Now that Whittaker's, er, taken over, the episode count's down to a measly ten per season! Eventually there's gonna be one ep a year!

There's no doubt in my mind that this austerity initiative has spread to the Doctor Who makeup department as well. Their budget's been cut so much that they likely fired Millennium FX (who created the prosthetics during the Eccleston through Capaldi runs) and have resorted to using primitive stage makeup for their "aliens."

At this point I think Classic Doctor Who had more impressive makeup!