Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Why I'm Moving To The Mars Colony: The "Beyonce" Horsefly

This week Brian Lessard, allegedly a scientist at Australia’s Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization, discovered a brand new species of horsefly. Due to the unusual gold markings on its abdomen he named it Scaptia (Plinthina) beyonceae. Yes, you read correctly. A scientist named a fly after pop star Beyonce because of it's gold-colored ass.

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh... In case you couldn't tell, that was the sound of the last tattered remnants of my soul escaping from my mortal body.

Lessard, who insists he is a scientist and not a drunken frat boy who wandered into a lab by mistake,  said he wanted to pay respect to the insect’s beauty by naming it Beyonce. He actually felt no shame in publicly declaring that he named the fly after her because its golden backside is “pretty bootylicious."

Do you need a license to become a scientist? If so, someone please revoke this schmendrick's ASAP.

Fifty years from now– hell, make that ten years from now, scientists are going to see the name of this fly and think, "What the frak is that supposed to mean?"

I really, really want off of this planet. It's things like this that make me want to be first in line for the Mars colony.

You can read the all too real article here.

5 comments:

  1. you don't want to be a member of the first mars colony! don't you remember the doctor who episode "the waters of mars"? they all die!

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  2. The above comment made me laugh so hard I snorted my tea :)

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