Close Call

This week an Air Canada pilot mistook the planet Venus for another aircraft and plunged his plane towards the Atlantic Ocean to avoid a collision.

A report released Monday by the Transportation Safety Board of Canada stated that the Boeing 767 dropped 400 feet to avoid a crash with what the pilot believed was an oncoming US C-17 military cargo plane, but turned out to be Earth's closest neighbor.

The pilot's quick actions narrowly avoided a collision with the second planet from the sun, missing it by a scant 24 million miles.

Shortly after the Venus near miss, the pilot then swerved wildly to avoid another collision with what he described as a large, white, spherical UFO covered in crater-like pockmarks.

A few minutes later, the pilot reportedly executed several barrel rolls and a 180 degree turn in order to avoid yet another mid-air impact, this time with what he reported as a large, burning yellow face hurtling toward the beleaguered plane. After several tense hours the pilot was finally able to shake the relentlessly pursuing apparition when it apparently gave up the chase and disappeared below the horizon. 

The shaken pilot then ignored instructions from the tower and landed the besieged plane on a busy freeway. He then leaped from the cockpit and hid from the terrifying sky specters in a nearby barn.

The pilot was not available for comment.