Friday, August 31, 2012

Tales From The Grocery: The Leak

A year ago I got a job as a cashier at a grocery store in order to pay off some bills. It was a miserable, humiliating and demoralizing experience in every measurable sense, and I got the hell out of there as soon as my bills were paid. I feel genuinely sorry for anyone who has to work in such a place.

Here is another terrifying Tale From The Grocery. All Tales are 100% true.

A young couple came through my checkout line with a basket of groceries. Among the items they were buying was a gallon of milk. The woman saw a couple of drops of milk on the register belt and said, "Is that milk leaking?" I looked at the bottom of the milk jug, didn't see any leakage and said that it probably picked up a few stray drops from the milk cooler and continued to ring up their order.

Her boyfriend then picked up the gallon of milk and squeezed it between both hands as hard as he possibly could. His forearms were both horizontal as he applied vice-like pressure to it, his face contorted into a grimace as his neck muscles bulged out like taut cables. He squeezed and squeezed with all his might until a jet of milk shot straight out of the side of the jug. 

He then said, "See, she was right. It IS leaking!" I stared at him for a few seconds, shook my head in astonishment and muttered, "Jesus Christ!" I finished ringing them up and got them the hell out of my line as quickly as I could.

The strangest part? They never exchanged their jug of milk for a non-leaking version.

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