Friday, December 12, 2014

For Your Consideration

HAW HAW! Wow. Somebody over at Paramount Studios has apparently lost their damned mind. This week the studio took out an ad in the Hollywood trade papers, demanding that the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences-- the people who hand out the Oscars-- consider giving the Best Picture nod to Transformers: Age Of Extinction.

Let's let that concept sink in for a minute, shall we?

The mind boggles at the astronomical amount of chutzpah it takes to suggest such a thing. Surely this is some sort of long con the studio is playing on the Academy and the public at large? I refuse to believe anyone of sound mind could genuinely think this film is Oscar worthy. Heck, I refuse to believe anyone of sound mind could think it qualifies as a film at all. 

The cocaine must be flowing very freely over there at Paramount. Either that or there's a major gas leak. Just think, someone actually paid thousands of dollars to run this ad.

These "For Your Consideration" ads are nothing new. Studios routinely run them at year end, in a futile attempt to sway the Academy voters. They generally tend to promote good movies though, not cinematic cesspools such as this.

The Transformer movies are all awful, awful wastes of film, time and effort, but Age Of Extinction may be the worst of the lot. A film doesn't have to be high art, but it does need to be entertaining. Transformers: Age Of Extinction was neither of these.

This is the film that nearly broke me. I almost didn't make it to the end. Halfway through it I just wanted to get up and leave. But I decided I wasn't going to let a stupid movie beat me, so I stuck it out. 

It was a painful grueling chore. The 165 minute run time seemed more like twelve hours. Hours that I'll never get back. In the 1990s I participated in a bike ride across my home state-- 160 miles in one day. At the end of that punishing ride I bet the expression on my face was the same one I had at the end of this movie.

The other films listed in the ad are an interesting lot as well. Noah was generally panned by critics, and Hercules was only in theaters for a week around here. Men, Women And Children is an Adam Sandler "comedy" for Thor's sake. Interstellar is probably the best film on the list, but hardly Oscar material. Same deal with Top Five

Oddly enough, The Gambler and Selma haven't even been released yet (as of today). Jumping the gun a bit, aren't we? Asking the Academy to nominate films for Best Picture before they even come out?

Next time you're having a bad day at work and need a laugh, don't reach for those kitten videos! Just take a look at this Transformers: Age Of Extinction For Best Picture ad and you'll be guffawing and slapping your knee in no time!

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