Monday, October 26, 2015

This Week In Off-Putting Fast Food Sandwiches UPDATE!

This week in Off-Putting Fast Food Sandwiches, we travel to the Orient, where McDonald's China just launched a burger with an unappetizing and unappealing gray bun.

Called the Modern China Burger, the buns resemble two carved and sculpted slabs of granite. Mm-Mm-ouch! If you've ever driven past a quarry and thought, "Say, I wonder what it would taste like if I crammed a piece of ground beef between two rocks and tried to eat it," then this is the burger for you.

This comes on the heels of the KFC Rose Cheese Chicken Leg Roasted Burger, which features an equally unpalatable pale pink bun, which is also from China. Apparently sales at KFC China are in a slump, so they're convinced bizarrely-colored buns are the answer.

Earlier this year Burger King Japan got in on the act with their Aka Burger, which featured an eye-searing bun colored with tomato powder. Lord knows what they put in the cheese to color it red like that. Maybe it's best if we never know.

And last year they came out with their sinister-looking Kuro Burger, which reportedly got its dark and Stygian coloring from squid ink. Yum!

American Burger King's also got in on the act last month with its black-bunned Halloween Whopper. Don't worry, there's no squid ink here! The bun reportedly got its obsidian tint from A-1 Sauce.

Unfortunately the Halloween Whopper had the unexpected side effect of turning the consumer's poo an alarming shade of green. Let's see the boys down in Marketing try and spin that one! It's the meal that keeps on giving!

After witnessing this Bizarre Burger Arms Race, all I have to say is, "Can I just get a goddamned plain, normal-looking tan-colored bun?"

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