Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Star Wars: The Last Straw

Many of you have probably been wondering if I've seen Star Wars: The Last Jedi yet, and if so, when the hell am I going to get around to reviewing it?

Yeah, I've seen it. In fact I went the day it opened, way back on December 15th. I wasn't in any particular hurry to see it, but the internet had become a spoiler-filled minefield that week, so I went before I accidentally read an important plot point online.

As to when I'm gonna review it... Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I dunno. I'm honestly having trouble summoning up the energy to write about the thing. Sadly, I'm finding I just don't care about Star Wars anymore. Well, scratch that. I still love the Original Trilogy, warts and all. Those films are among my all-time favorites, and I doubt that'll ever change.

I hated the lackluster Prequels though, and I think they're responsible for killing my love for Star Wars, and the reason for my current ennui regarding the franchise.

Sadly, this New Trilogy isn't doing much for me either. Sure, they look amazing, but there's something hollow and unsatisfying about them that I just can't explain. My feelings for them can best be summed up by this actual screenshot of Han Solo from the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special

So I may get around to reviewing The Last Jedi, or I may not. There's so many other better films out there to talk about. Time will tell.

In the meantime, please enjoy these horrifying shots from The Last Jedi's most infamous scene. You know, the one in which the elderly Luke Skywalker (for no reason) graphically milks the disturbingly realistic and pendulous teats of an enormous, seven foot tall space walrus and then drinks its blue (or was it green?) milk.

It was one of the most appalling and off-putting things I've seen in a film in a long time. And I sat through The Human Centipede! 

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