Tuesday, March 24, 2020

On Second Thought, Never Mind

Last week I noted that the Cornavirus Apocalypse has closed every cineplex in the country, making it literally impossible to see a movie on the big screen. I said this would be the perfect time for Drive-in movie theaters to make a comeback.

Imagine my surprise then when I went online this week and saw this! Apparently I'm not the only one who thought of this. Great minds think alike, I guess!

Of course Drive-Ins aren't a perfect solution to the problem. In fact the more I thought about it, the more I realized they'd be a temporary fix at best.

See, Drive-Ins are a fair weather activity. Even though you watch a movie from the comfort of your car at a Drive-In, your vehicle is still sitting outside. Meaning there'd be no movies when it's raining or storming. Unless you want to peer at the screen through your windshield wipers.

Heat's a problem as well. If it's 100° outside, that's how hot it's gonna be in your car. Many Drive-Ins offer double or even triple features, meaning you'll be there for five or six hours. You can't very well turn on your AC for that long, so you'll have to roll down the windows and stew in your own juices.

And the opposite's true in the winter. You can't run your heater for hours at a time, and you can't sit in a car when it's 18° outside. 

And let us not forget the fact that Drive-Ins can only show movies at night. No matinees at an outdoor theater! That's severely limit the number of showings per day.

So Drive-Ins aren't the answer to Hollywood's desperate prayers after all. Unless they figure out a way to put a roof over the lot, enclose it and pump in cooled or heated air. They could call these new venues "movie theaters!"

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