Monday, August 2, 2010

Dino-Sore



Dear Science:

Please stop ruining dinosaurs.

signed,
The World

Man, Science, you just can't seem to leave dinosaurs alone, can you? Every year you come up with some new discovery that makes them more boring and less cool to millions of bright-eyed, enthusiastic kids world-wide.

First you told us the world's most famous dinosaur, the lovable, bumbling Brontosaurus, never actually existed. What we all thought for years was a Brontosaurus was really the much less appleaing Apatosaurus. You told us that an overzealous archeologist made up the Brontosaurus by sticking a skull from a different species on the neck of a nearly complete Apatosaurus skeleton. Way to go, Science.

Then you told us that Raptors (which you didn't even know existed until about twenty years ago) really had feathers. I don't know about anyone else, but I like my dinosaurs to be scaly and bald. I don't want to know that they were really just giant chickens. Once again, well done, Science.

Now you're telling us that my all time favorite dinosaur, the Triceratops, technically never existed. The Triceratops, according to you, is merely the juvenile form of the vastly less interesting and nowhere nearly as cool Torosaurs, which no one has ever heard of. Apparently as a Triceratops aged it morphed into the Torosaurus, which had longer horns that pointed in a different direction and a smooth, non-frilled head crest.

Sure, they look a lot alike, but Triceratops has a coolness that Torosaurus just lacks. So thanks. Thanks a lot, Buzzkill, I mean Science. You just HAD to wipe out my favorite dinosaur, didn't you?

What I don't understand is why couldn't they have switched it around and said that the Torosaurus never existed, and was the adult version of the Triceratops. Didn't think of that one, did you, Science?

Hey Science, maybe you should lay off the dinosaurs for a while, or at the very least keep your discoveries to yourself. You do realize that childhood interest in dinosaurs accounts for about 98% of museum attendance, right? By constantly de-coolinizing dinosaurs the way you're doing, you're going to discover yourself right out of a job. Go build some more supercoliders or something and leave the dinos alone.

2 comments:

  1. so. very. awesome. i agree. triceratops is my favorite dino and i've got one on my leg. i don't mind that they never really existed, i still love them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Freaking awesome. Best dino article ever written. :D

    ReplyDelete

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