Friday, September 24, 2010

THIS Is Why Al-Qaeda Hates America: The Situation Shirt

You know how when you watch the news and see a story about al-Qaeda and they're always out in the streets chanting, "Death to America?" Did you ever wonder, "Gosh, what's their problem? Why do they hate us so much?"

 
It's because of things like this. 

This is "The Situation" t-shirt. It's a shirt with a clear plastic window in the middle so that you can show off your perfect abs, just like detestable homunculus Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino from the inexplicably popular Jersey Shore TV show.

Seriously, who would ever wear such a garment? Even if I had six pack abs, I wouldn't wear this thing in the house with all the lights off. Just looking at that photo makes me want to beat that guy with a tube sock full of Hot Wheels cars. Anyone thinking of buying this should save their money and grab a Sharpie and just scribble "douche bag" on their face.

The thing is, this isn't even an official "The Situation" shirt, but an unauthorized knock off. That means that we can look forward to authorized crap like this from Mr. Situation himself.

By the way, the Hollywood Reporter recently stated that between his MTV salary, endorsement deals, and his own branded products, "The Situation" could earn as much as $5 million in 2011.

When I read things like that it makes me want to lie down on the highway during rush hour. A billion people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight, but a man who's only apparent talent is lifting up his shirt becomes a multi-millionaire. Is there another planet I can move to? Some sort of Mars colony, or orbiting space station perhaps?

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