It's Rumpin' Time!

For as long as our country's existed, it's generally been frowned upon for a sitting president to profit from his time in office. And there's for damn sure never been a president who's had his own line of merch! 

But here we are.

Late last year, Convicted Felon Trump launched a line of "luxury" watches, commemorating his inauguration. Why anyone in their right mind would want memorialize that black day in our nation's history, I have no idea. But that's a story for another time.

Like everything surrounding the Embarrassment-In-Chief, these $640 timepieces were tasteless, gaudy and shoddily made.

Case in point: when the watches finally (and surprisingly) arrived, rabid MAGA zealots were shocked to see the name on the dial read "RUMP" instead of "TRUMP!" 

There may be some justice in this world after all. I can't think of a more apt typo. Plus this is typical quality control for a product endorsed by the Convicted Felon.

Now that I think about it, the "T" accidentally falling off these watch faces was a little too perfect. This HAD to be a deliberate act of "quiet sabotage" on the part of some anti-Trump worker at the factory. If so, then my hat's off to this unsung hero. Keep up the good work, sir or madam!

The only thing that would make this story more perfect is if the Orange One's name was "TASSHOLE."

Buck Buck Goose

I've been seeing this billboard around my hometown for a couple months now. It features a giddy kid squealing with delight at he watches the circus.

As billboards go, it's not a bad design. It's simple and direct, and helpfully includes the date and a website address for more info. 

Unfortunately there's one BIG problem with it (as you likely knew there would be, since you're reading this on my blog).

That's supposed to be confetti raining down on the kid in the ad. Trouble is, the photographer snapped the pic right as a big white clump of it fell in front of the child's open mouth. This had the unintended effect of making him look like he's got a giant cartoonish buck tooth.

Jesus wept.

How the hell did this billboard get printed like this in the first place? As I've mentioned before ad infinitum, whenever I design a project at work it has to be sent to a couple dozen people, all of whom have to approve it before it goes to the printer. I assume it's the same at the agency that designed this billboard. So how did NO ONE there see the problem with it?

This would have been such an easy fix with Photoshop. In fact I took the liberty of editing it here, which took me all of five whole minutes. It ain't rocket science, guys! All you had to do was use the clone tool to erase the offending hunk of confetti and give the kid a normal set of teeth!

Sometimes I wonder if current designers even know how to use Photoshop, or are aware of all its many features. Heck, the latest version even has AI tools, which could probably have removed the confetti automatically!

Do I have to design everything myself in this town?

This Can't Be Good

I was oot & aboot recently, and saw this ominous billboard along the ironically-named Lloyd "Expressway" here in my hometown.

This is the first time in my life I've ever seen a billboard warning motorists of highway construction! That can't be good, right? I mean if they're actually ADVERTISING it, there's gonna be a hundred times more orange barrels lining the road.

 

Steamboat Nightmare

As you've no doubt heard by now, Disney's copyright on Mickey Mouse expired on January 1st of this year, and the character is now in the public domain. 

Well, sort of. Turns out it's just the Steamboat Willie version (which was the debut of Mickey) that's expired— Disney still owns the many other iterations of the character.

Like clockwork, the second the copyright expired everyone pounced on the opportunity and began exploiting the character. The cartoon began appearing EVERYWHERE online, and there's already a low budget Steamboat Willie horror movie!

And there's not a blessed thing Disney can do about it.

Amidst all the hubbub, it occurred to me that while I've been seeing clips of Steamboat Willie my entire life, I've never actually watched the entire cartoon.

So I finally sat down and watched it, and... YIKES!

At one point I was treated to this horrifying and disturbing scene, of Mickey Mouse playing a sow's teats like some sort of 

I've been aware of Steamboat Willie short my entire life, I've never actually seen the actual cartoon. 

I finally watched it today, and was treated to this horrifying scene, of Mickey Mouse playing a pig's teats like some sort of repulsive lap organ. 

Jesus Christ! What the hell, Walt?

The Overcommercialization Of Life Day

Ah, it's the Christmas Season once again! And because I apparently have deep seated self-loathing issues, I recently re-watched (yes, RE-watched) the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special.

Terabytes have already been written about the complete and utter awfulness of the Special, so I won't add to that here. But I did want to point out something I noticed during this re-watch that I don't think anyone's ever mentioned before.

The copy of the Special that I watched included EVERY commercial and promo that appeared on that fateful night of November 17, 1978— the one and only time it aired. As I watched these ads, something dawned on me— of the thirty two ads that ran during the Special, only a scant THREE of them were targeted towards children! The rest were aimed squarely at adults, as they featued cars, cosmetics, over the counter drugs and even wine (!).

I thought that was a bit odd, since Star Wars was ostensibly meant for kids (at least in the 1970s). Why not load it up with commercials for toys, cereals, cartoons and other things kids like? Seems like a no-brainer to me.

Of course, it's entirely possible that CBS intended to fill their ad space with kid-friendly commercials, but once companies got a look at the Special they gave it a hard pass and noped out. The network likely had to take whatever promos they could get!

If I'm being honest, the commercials were all far more interesting and entertaining than the show itself. Here's a list of the commercials that ran during the Star Wars Holiday Special:

• General Motors
The first of two ads from them, as they were apparently a major sponsor. Oddly enough, this commercial didn't advertise any of their actual products, but instead touted how much fun it was to work on their auto assembly line (?).

• Trail Tracker
One of the few commercials that actually advertised a toy. This one was for a little battery operated car that would follow a line drawn on a dry erase mat. Fun! I mean, dull and tedious!

• CBS promo
One of the many in-house commercials that ran during the Special, which meant they either couldn't find enough paying customers to advertise and had to fill up time somehow, or CBS' ratings were in the crapper and they were desperately trying to promote their terrible programming schedule.

This one was for their big Sunday night lineup, which included 60 Minutes, All In The Family, Alice, a Lucy Comes To Nashville special and Dallas. I thought All In The Family was always a Saturday night show, while Dallas ran on Fridays. Apparently my memory's faulty, or  they moved 'em around at some point.

• Comtrex Cold Reliever
Who thought it was a good idea to advertise cold remedies to an audience made largely of kids?

• International Ladies' Garment Worker's Union
Ah yes, because kids have traditionally always had a love of trade unions! 

This commercial was a HUGE deal, as it played constantly for a few years back in the 1970s. It was even mocked by the late night talk shows of the day, for its amateurish production values and bizarre anthem:

Look for the union label
When you are buying that coat, dress or blouse
Remember somewhere our union’s sewing
Our wages going to feed the kids and run the house
We work hard but who’s complaining?
Thanks to the ILG we’re paying our way!
So always look for the union label
It says we’re able to make it in the USA!

Strange that they went with such a sexist and exclusionary name, as there were plenty of men in the union too. Apparently I'm not the only one who thought so, as it's now known as the Union Of Needletrades, Industrial & Textile Employees.

• Bell Telephone
According to this commercial, buying your own landline phone was a thing back in the 1970s. I guess if you didn't like the standard black one the phone company provided, you could buy your own stylish and "fun" one.

• CBS promo
This one was for a presumably short-lived series called The Bible. I don't remember seeing or hearing about this back in the day, and I couldn't even find anything about it online. 

There's an IMDB entry for Greatest Heroes Of The Bible, which started airing the same week as the Special, so maybe they changed the name at some point for who knows what reason.

• Reggie!
A round "candy bar" named after and endorsed by MLB player Reggie Jackson. I suppose I could be generous and say this one might have been aimed at kids, since they love candy. I suppose I could do that, but I don't see why I should.

• General Motors
Yet another commercial from the auto behemoth, this time demostrating how they test each engine before it's shipped out.

• Pillsbury Plus Yellow Cake Mix
OK, kids like eating cake, so I guess I'll allow this one. I actually remember seeing these commercials, as their big selling point was the fact that there was puddling in the cake mix, which made it moister. Looks like cake baking technology peaked in the 1970s!

• Hungry Jack Biscuits
This would have been a perfect spot for a Froot Loops or Lucky Charms commercial. Instead we got one for Hungry Jack Biscuits. Do kids even eat those? 

• CBS News Break
Apparently they used to do quick news updates during prime time— something I doubt happens anymore.

• CBS Promo
Another in-house ad, this time for the ultra forgettable Bobby Vinton's Rock & Rollers special. Wouldn't this have been the perfect time for CBS to tout their Saturday morning cartoon lineup? Do I have to retroactively program ALL their commercials for them?

• The Wild Geese movie trailer
A film I've not only haven't seen but never even heard of. It starred Richard Burton, Roger Moore and Richard Harris as British mercenaries hired to rescue a deposed president from an African dictator. 

The Welsh Richard Burton and the Irish Richard Harris were both notorious drinkers, so I'm betting that was a wild shoot.

The movie's premiere was marred by Anti-Apartheid protestors, who were angry that it was filmed in South Africa. For what's it worth, it has a mediocre 6.8 out of 10 rating on IMDB.

• Consumer Catalog
You have no idea how ubiquitous these commercials were in the 1970s and 1980s. They were everywhere, constantly urging us all to write to Pueblo, Colorado for a free catalog. Sadly, I never took 'em up on the offer to find out what the hell was in it.

• TOBOR
The second of the three actual toy commercials that aired during the Special. TOBOR was a battery operated robot from Schaper, that was controlled by a "Telesonic" remote. Despite how hi-tech that sounds, all it did was make a clicking sound the toy responded to.

Clearly kids were much more easy to entertain in the 1970s.

For some reason it was very important for Schaper to point out that "TOBOR is 'robot' spelled backwards." Did that really affect sales in any way? Did some harried parent ever think, "Say, I wasn't gonna buy one of those things for my kid, but that backwards business pushed me over the edge!

• Revlon Cream-On Blush
One of many commercials for women's products. Who was the demographic for this show again?

• Whirlpool
Wow. If ever there was a commercial that didn't age well, it's this one. It features endless scenes of a majestic bald eagle swooping over a lake and plucking fish out of the water, accompanied by a gravely-voiced narrator who ominously drones on about how our country will be doomed unless consumers buy American products:

"This country may be in danger, and could be losing something we can't afford to lose. Once in this country, when a man produced a product, it was the best he could possibly make. He stood behind it, with pride. He lived a simple idea— do it right, or don't do it at all. Nobody told him that; no government agency dictated it. And it built a standard of living, for the world to aim at. Now that idea is threatened, by the slipshod, the second-rate. For some it means a quick death for the standards we have built. Some are fighting this threat. Whirlpool Corporation believes in one simple idea: to continue to design, build and service home appliances with pride. So you can live with them, comfortably for years— or they will not build them at all. If we can't keep this simple idea alive, then indeed, WE are the endangered species."

Did you get all that? If consumers don't buy American products, then our country will become extinct. This message is especially ironic, since at one point Whirlpool was the biggest employer in my hometown. Then the 1990s happened, and they begin quietly moving their manufacturing to Mexico, and laying off workers by the hundreds. Sadly, their factory closed for good in 2010.

• Anacin
Again with the drug commercials in a kids' show! Although perhaps this ad would come in handy for anyone watching this train wreck of a special.

• Woolite
For all the kids out there who hand wash their fine delicates.

• Sheer Indulgence Panty Hose

Again, who the hell did CBS think their target demographic was here? Young upwardly mobile gals working their first professional jobs?

• McDonald's Egg McMuffin
I was gonna comment that McDonald's really dropped the ball here by not going with a commercial for Happy Meals during what was ostensibly a kids' show. But then I remembered that the Happy Meal didn't come out till 1979— a year after the Special aired. So never mind.

By the way, the McDonald's Marketing Team was really into tongue twisting jingles back in the day. They had their Big Mac one, which went, "Two All Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onion On A Sesame Seed Bun," which ran for years. Then there was this one— "There's More In The Middle Of An Egg McMuffin Than An Egg In The Middle Of A Muffin."

• CBS promo
Another in-house ad, this time for the short-lived sitcom Flying High. 

It was your typical "jiggle" sitcom of the 70s, which were all short on plot and long on buxom young babes in various stages of undress. Unlike most of these shows though, this one was an equal opportunity exploitation vehicle, as it included a couple of guys for the ladies in the audience to leer at.

• Lincoln-Mercury Cars
Again with the cars! How many kids had the budget to buy a dull looking new 1978 car?

• The Wiz promo
A trailer for the film version of The Wiz, which was based on the musical of the same name, which was a race-swapped version of the classic 1933 film The Wizard Of Oz. This one features numerous clips of audience members excited exclaiming how great the movie was, in a flailing and obvious attempt to generate interest in it.

While most kids love The Wizard Of Oz, I can't imagine very many of them getting into this off-putting updated version.

• FTD Wishing Well Bouquet
A commercial featuring a FTD's Mercury mascot, clad in a form-fitting gold spandex onesie. Because kids send flowers to one another all the time, dontcha know.

I don't ever remember seeing this ad back in the day, so I have a feeling their fey, be-helmeted spokesperson was most likely laughed off the screen and was quietly and quickly retired.

• Fruit Of The Loom underwear
Kids the world over just love getting underwear for Xmas, so this commercial was a natural for them.

• Bell Telephone
Their second commercial of the evening, as they were apparently also a major sponsor. This one touted the benefits of calling long distance, which used to be a thing and something I'm sure kids did on a regular basis.

• No Nonsense Panty Hose
Yet another puzzling product to advertise during a children's show. This one stands out for featuring this ghastly and horrifying image, which will be forever seared into my brain.

• Twice As Fresh air freshener

I've nothing to say about this commercial, other than once again, it misses its target demographic by a country mile.

• Kenner Star Wars toys
FINALLY, something that makes some damn sense— a commercial for Star Wars toys during a STAR WARS show! How hard was that to figure out? They should have aired four or five of these during the Special!

At least in 1978 they actually had some Star Wars toys to sell! If you'll recall, the year before, Kenner actually sold consumers and empty box!

See, in 1977 Kenner signed on to produce action figures based on the film. Unfortunately it takes at least a year to develop such figures and get them into stores. Kenner desperately wanted to cash in on Star Wars mania for the 1977 Xmas season, but didn't have anything tangible. 

Incredibly, they came up with the idea to see the Star Wars Early Bird Package. For the low price of $7.99 (over $40 bucks in 2023 dollars!), parents could buy their kids a box filled with stickers, pictures and a mail-in certificate that could be sent in and redeemed for the first four Star Wars figures, which would arrive sometime in early 1978.

I can't tell if that idea is genius or insidious.

• Colony Wine

Incredibly, the final ad of the evening was for a brand of wine that doesn't exist anymore. Are you freakin' kidding me? A goddamn wine commercial in a children's show? What the hell?

Although to be fair, any adults who were roped into watching the Special with their kids likely needed a couple belts of booze by this point in the evening.

By the way, that's actor Spencer Milligan— aka Rick Marshall of Land Of The Lost fame— in the Colony Wine commercial. Wow, good gig!

I'm halfway convinced that Milligan also appeared earlier in the Anacin commercial as well, as the friendly pill-pushing druggist. It certainly looks like him to me, but the video quality's so poor it's honestly hard to tell for sure.

So there you go— yet another perplexing aspect of the Star Wars Holiday Special— one that's just as baffling as the show itself!

Doctor Who Cares Anymore?

As regular readers of my blog (all six of you) know, I used to be a HUGE Doctor Who fan. I dutifully watched both the old and new series, and bought tons of merch from the show. 

That all ended in 2017, when the BBC made the boneheaded decision to cast actress Jodie Whittaker as the Doctor. It was a stupid idea (in my opinion of course) and a blatant case of shameless pandering. 

As if that wasn't bad enough, it was also the point where the show ditched creative storytelling in favor of identity politics. How fun!

I wasn't the only one who felt this way, as the show's ratings plummeted after Whittaker entered the TARDIS (as I predicted they would). Audiences want to be entertained, not lectured!

Things got so dire that it honestly looked like the show might be canceled. In a desperate attempt to avoid that, the BBC announced it was bringing back David Tennant (arguably the most popular actor of the new era) as the Doctor, along with showrunner Russell T. Davies. 

Davies was the one who revived the show back in 2005, updating it for modern audiences. The show hit new heights of popularity with him at the helm, becoming a worldwide phenomenon. 

The news of his return actually gave me a small glimmer of hope, as I looked forward to him course-correcting the show and restoring it to its former glory.

Sadly, it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. In the years since he left, Davies has apparently hopped aboard the SJW train and is doubling down on the identity politics & pandering.

Case in point: Recently the BBC aired its annual Children In Need special (sort of the British equivalent to the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Telethon). Each year the special features a Doctor Who mini episode, to lure in viewers and donors.

This year's mini-episode featured David Tennant's Fourteenth Doctor encountering his archenemies the Daleks, as well as a familiar old foe. Well, kind of familiar.

This is Davros— a deranged Kaled scientist who created the Daleks. Clearly something bad happened to poor Davros at some point, as he's blind, missing his left arm and has a bionic hand. He may also be legless as well, and rides around in a Dalek-like mobility unit.

Davros has sported this look since he first appeared during Tom Baker's run back in 1975's Genesis Of The Daleks. He instantly became one of the show's most popular villains, and has returned numerous times over the years.

Oddly enough, this new mini episode features an all-new Davros, played by actor Julian Bleach— who's played the character for a couple decades now. For some reason, this updated Davros now looks like a hawk-faced Nazi and has four perfectly functioning limbs. What the hell?

At first I thought maybe this was a prequel, set sometime before Davros' accident. Makes sense, right?

Nope! According to Russell T. Davies, this is how our boy Davros is gonna look from now on.

Said Davies:

"We had long conversations about bringing Davros back because he’s a fantastic character. Time and society and culture and taste has moved on, and there’s a problem with the Davros of old in that he’s a wheelchair user who is evil. And I had problems with that, and a lot of us on the production team had problems with that, of associating disability with evil, and trust me, there’s a very long tradition of this. I’m not blaming people in the past at all, but the world changes and when the world changes, Doctor Who has to change as well."

"So we made the choice to bring back Davros without the facial scarring, and without the wheelchair, or his support unit, which functions as a wheelchair. I say this is how we see Davros now. This is what he looks like. This is 2023. This is our lens. This is our eye. Things used to be black and white, they’re not in black and white anymore. And Davros used to look like that, and he looks like this now, and that we are absolutely standing by."

"I thought it was absolutely vital to do this, and I’m very, very, very proud of the fact that we have."

Jesus wept. Nearly FIFTY YEARS' worth of continuity flushed right down the shitter, all because Davies feels Davros "associates disabilities with evil." Are you fucking kidding me? 

So now one of the best villains in the history of the show is ruined, because... we can't have evil people in wheelchairs due to representation or some crap like that. I assure you, at no time in the history of the show did ANYONE ever take a look at Davros and think "wheelchair user." And they certainly never thought, "Say, that disabled chap is evil. That means ALL such people are monsters as well!"

Here's a thought— if Davros is truly that problematic now in our miserable society, then... DON'T USE HIM! There are a crap-ton of other villains Davies could have dredged up that wouldn't have given him icky bad feelings.

I wasn't the only one who hated this pointless change. Many disabled fans actually loved the old Davros, and were offended that Davies apparently thought they were too frail and sensitive to handle seeing a handicapped villain, and complained about it online. His response to them? "Tough" and "Oh poor baby." 

Wow. What an asshole. Attacking the fans of your work for its shortcomings is always a classy move.

This is without a doubt the absolute stupidest thing the show's ever done. Davies has proudly come up with a solution to a problem that never existed, and patted himself on the back for doing so.

I should also point out that the Doctor Who episodes Rise Of The Cybermen and The Age Of Steel featured a villain named John Lumic. Similarly to Davros, he was the creator of the Cyberman, and... was confined to a wheelchair!

Note that these episodes aired in 2006, when the showrunner was (checks notes)... one Russell T. Davies. Hmm...

If that wasn't strange enough, in 2008 The Stolen Earth and Journey's End aired, and both episodes featured Davros as the antagonist. A quick check of those episodes reveals they were written by... Russell T. Davies!

Apparently disabled villains were OK in the 2000s, but problematic here in the hellscape of 2023.

If villains are that upsetting for today's fragile audience, why bother having one on the show at all then? Why not just show the Doctor sipping tea with his companion for the entire season?

If Davros' physical appearance triggers Davies, wait'll he gets a load of the Cybermen. They're from a future where humans gradually replaced their limbs and organs with mechanical versions, until they were more machine than man. How long until Davies retcons all of them into less provocative Ryan Gosling clones?

I tell you, the day's coming when EVERY franchise devolves into the Porch Pals. 

So I'm out! When I heard the news that Davies was returning to run the show, I was cautiously optimistic that he might be able to save it. It's clear now that that isn't going to happen, and it's just gonna be more of the same crap we've gotten for the past five or six years. He's actually saving me a lot of time here, as I won't be bothering to check out the show again now.

I'll end here with a drawing I did of Davros, as a big "Screw You" to Russell T. Davies and his cockamamie ideas. 

Snow White And The Seven "Magical Creatures"

Last year Disney announced they were pumping out yet another entry in their seemingly endless series of dreadful live action remakes. This time it was Snow White— the film that pretty much kicked off the entire studio!

Like most of their recent remakes, this one appeared to be more concerned with diversity and inclusion than story, as it would feature a Latina actress in the titular role. I know better than to even attempt to tiptoe through that particularly deadly minefield, so let's just ignore that and move on to the bigger topic at hand— the seven dwarfs.

Apparently actor Peter Dinklage— who's apparently now the self-appointed leader of the entire dwarf community— wasn't thrilled with this news. On the Mark Maron podcast he stated: 

"Take a step back and look at what you’re doing there. It makes no sense to me. You’re progressive in one way, but you’re still making that fucking backward story about seven dwarfs living in a cave together. Have I done nothing to advance the cause from my soapbox? I guess I’m not loud enough.”

Oh, trust me, Pete, you're definitely loud enough!

What the hell's he talking about here? The Snow White dwarfs didn't live in a cave. They lived in a lovely little cottage nestled deep in the woods! They marched to work every morning in a mine, which he apparently somehow mistook for a cave.

Dinklage is also confused about the nature of the dwarfs in the story. We're talking fantasy dwarfs here. They're a race of diminutive people who are all supposed to be small (think Gimli from The Lord Of The Rings). They're not humans with defective genes like him. 

As such, there's nothing the least bit offensive about the dwarfs in Snow White or other fairy tales.

Apparently Dinklage is one of the most powerful people in all of Hollywood. Immediately after his angry screed, Disney bent the knee to him and announced they were nixing the dwarfs from this new remake, and replacing them with a troupe of "magical creatures."

What the hell did that mean? Would their troupe now consist of seven unicorns? Centaurs? Dragons? A mix of them all?

Welp, this week we finally got our answer. Behold, here's our first look at Snow White with her band of magical creatures!

You have got to be shitting me here...

Jaysis, this looks like a bunch of rejects from the world's lamest Ren Faire. Or a particularly inept community theater. Seriously, I've seen comic con cosplayers with more professional looking costumes than this.

In addition to looking cheap and amateurish, none of them look particularly magical either.

And I can't help but notice that there still appears to be a dwarf on this little team. So... I guess seven dwarfs is somehow offensive, but one's perfectly OK? Does seven exceed some secret dwarf quota I don't know about? I honestly don't get it.

Also, I absolutely guarantee that Disney's gonna change ALL the names of these exciting new characters. The original dwarfs names would no doubt be far too triggering for modern audiences. Some, like Dopey and Grumpy, would be considered reductive. Others, like Sleepy and Bashful, would be offensive to people with sleep disorders or social anxiety. 

Let's take a look at 'em and figure out what new names Disney's gonna give 'em. From back to front we have Wish.com Jesus, Tokeena, Diversity Hire-O, Robert Baratheron, Discount Alan Tudyk, Dollar Store Lenny Kravitz and Not-Dinklage.

Well done, Disney! I can tell right now you've got another billion dollar blockbuster on your hands!

Corner's Reprt

Recently I rewatched Jaws for the umpteenth time and noticed something new.

After Sheriff Brody discovers the remains of Chrissie on the beach, he types up his official police report. A closeup of said report indicates he took the victim's remains to the "Corners Office." Yikes!

I'm gonna give Brody the benefit of the doubt here and say he was probably just rattled from finding the remains of a violent shark attack. And not that he's a moron who doesn't know how to spell "coroner."
 

News From The Darkest Timeline

As proof that we're all living in the Darkest Timeline, this week former president donald j. trump testified in the E. Jean Carroll trial. 

So what trouble is the gibbering shit gibbon in this time? Welp, it was a civil case in which Carroll accused him of raping her in a department store, denying her allegations and publicly defaming her. Our former president, ladies and gentlemen!

Incredibly, trump couldn't even be arsed to appear in person at his own trial, instead submitting a pre-taped video testimony. What the hell?

During the deposition, the prosecution asked trump point blank if he raped Ms. Carroll. Incredibly, his response was, "No, because she's not even my type."

Jesus Jetskiing Christ On A Cracker!

For the record, when any sane and rational human is asked a question like that, the proper response is, "Of course not!" or "No, I'm not a rapist." Saying, "Eh, she ain't my type" implies that rape would have been on the table if only he was a little more attracted to her.

Is he really that clueless and unaware? What am I saying, of course he is.

Later in the deposition, the prosecution showed trump a photo featuring himself, E. Jean Carroll, John Johnson (?) and trump's first wife Ivana. When asked to name the people in the photo, trump misidentifed Carroll as his second wife Marla Maples.

So let's see if I have this straight: trump couldn't have raped E. Jean Carroll because she just didn't float his boat, but he mistook her for his second wife— someone he presumably was attracted to. Got it.

When the prosecution pointed this out, trump made the excuse that the photo was too blurry to recognize any of the faces in it. Laws, yes. Just look at the poor quality of that picture above. Are those even people in it, or bowling pins? I honestly can't tell.

Ah, but the story doesn't end here! Once the prosecution rested its case, the jury quickly found trump liable in the case, and ordered him to pay E. Jean Carroll a whopping $5 MILLION DOLLARS! HA-ha!

It should be noted that this is actually the second time Carroll has sued trump for defamation. The first time was after he belittled her for accusing him of rape back in 2019. That case is still tied up in complicated litigation.

And now it seems Carroll may end up suing him a THIRD time! 

One day after the verdict, trump went on CNN, where he spoke about Carroll and the case: “This is a fake story. Made-up story. I have no idea who the hell she is. She’s a whack job. What kind of a woman meets somebody and brings them up, and within minutes you’re playing hanky-panky in a dressing room."

I would laugh my ass off if she sues a third time and wins another settlement! If he keeps opening his big trap, she may eventually end up a billionaire!

Deep Sheet

I fully embraced streaming several years ago, and as a result I don't watch much broadcast, over-the-air TV anymore. I did watch something "live" this week though, and quickly realized why I don't miss over-the-air TV one bit.

Behold, the latest commercial for Bounce dryer sheets! In particular, note the wonderful tagline here, which is a clearly a play on the phrase "It's The Shit." 

Well done, Bounce Marketing Team! 

I can only assume they chose this slogan over "Sheet Happens" and "Know Your Sheet."

We're very near the end of civilization...

Happy 20th Anniversary to The Streisand Effect!

Happy 20th Anniversary to The Streisand Effect, the phenomenon named after everyone's favorite entertainer Barbra Streisand, and created by her own hubris.

So what the heck is the Effect? Welp, back in 2003, the California Coastal Records Project rented a plane and flew along the entire coastline of the state, snapping aerial photos once a second or so in an effort to study erosion. 

When they were finished they put all 12,000 photos online, so that anyone without a life, er, I mean anyone with lots of free time could scroll through them. It turned out that Photo #3850 just happened to contain an innocuous view of Barbra Streisand's palatial estate.

Somehow Babs found out about this and flipped a table, claiming the photo severely violated her privacy or some crap. In fact she was so outraged by this grave injustice that she  threatened to sue the Project unless they removed the photo. Quite rightly they refused, so she took 'em to court. 

The judge in the case took one look at the photo in question and decreed that at no time did anyone trespass on her property or intrude on her privacy, and as such no laws had been broken. He then summarily ruled against her and told her to get the hell out of his courtroom. As icing on this particularly satisfying cake, the judge ordered her to pay a whopping $177,000 in court costs for wasting everyone's time! HA-ha!

People online then got wind of the case and immediately sprang into action. Prior to Bab's histrionics, Photo #3850 had been downloaded a grand total of six times— and two of those instances were by her lawyers! After she made such a stink about it, the pic was downloaded a whopping 420,000 times in the next month alone (and even more since).

Facebook wasn't around back then, but MySpace was, and people began posting it there. They also plastered it on blogs, emailed it back and forth and even set up dedicated websites featuring the photo— all just to spite her. Best of all, there wasn't a bloody thing she could do about it!

I can just imagine her storming around her mansion after that, throwing dishes against the walls and smashing priceless vases on the floor. No wonder her stepson grew up to be Thanos!

So that's the Streisand Effect in a nutshell. It's when one loudly complains about a trivial matter, thereby drawing far more attention to it than if they'd kept quiet. If Babs had simply ignored the online photo of her mansion, NO ONE would have ever been aware of it. She made the entire situation infinitely worse, and had no one to blame for it but herself.