Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I've Got A Bad Feeling About This: Robocop Remake

This week the interwebs gave us our best look yet at the new suit from the upcoming, unnecessary and sure-to-be-awful Robocop remake.

Oy gevalt! Look at that thing! Look at it! So I guess Robocop is now Stealth Armor Iron Man.

Look, I know it's not fair to judge a movie by a couple of covertly-snapped behind-the-scenes photos, but sheesh. There's no way that thing's gonna look any better once it gets projected on a forty foot high screen.

I loved the suit from the original movie; it was big and clunky and it actually looked like a robot, what with the pistons in the legs and the air vents and all. This one... it just looks like a guy in all-over police riot gear.

Is he at least going to wear some kind of visor over his eyes like the original? Some sunglasses? A Holly Hobbie bonnet? Something to cover up that incredibly incongruous baby face? Why would you bother building him a robotic body and then leave his face unprotected like that?

And why in the name of Zeus' Mighty Nose Hair would you leave him with a flesh and blood hand? Is his whole arm mechanical and they stuck a real hand on the end of it? How would that even work? 

And is that a pair of OCP logos embossed where his nipples ought to be?

I've thought this project was ill-advised from the start, and these photos aren't doing anything to assuage my anxiety (how'd you like that phrase!). This thing has "moderately strong opening weekend driven by a nostalgic audience followed by a huge plunge the next weekend as word of mouth spreads about how awful it is" written all over it.

Besides, didn't we already see this suit back in 2009 in the first G.I. Joe movie?

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