Sunday, May 26, 2013

Oh Asylum, You've Done It Again!

Here's the poster for the latest epic from The Asylum studio. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about it seems familiar somehow...

The Asylum is the world leader in the production of "Mockbusters"-- fast and cheaply made straight-to-DVD knockoffs, usually based on the trailers of upcoming big budget films. They're released a few days before their namesakes in the hope they'll be bought by confused and befuddled consumers who think they're getting the real thing. 

Their business model must be working, as they've been around since 1997. Somebody out there must be buying these things. The budgets for their opuses (opi?) are reportedly "well under a million dollars and they claim they've never lost money on a picture.

I wonder what it must be like working at The Asylum? I imagine it's probably something like this:
Asylum Director: OK, let's start the production meeting. Jenkins, what's coming to the theaters in the next six months?

Jenkins: Well, there's Iron Man 3. And the new Star Trek movie. 

Director: Feh, the public's too familiar with those properties. We need something they haven't seen before.

Jenkins: Heh. This is Hollywood, Chief! The land of remakes and reboots. There's nothing out there they haven't seen before.

Director: Leave the jokes to me, Jenkins. What else you got?

Jenkins: Well... there is an upcoming picture called Pacific Rim.

Director: Woah, sounds kinky. What's it about?

Jenkins: It appears to be a slick-looking big budget Godzilla movie. Guys in big robot suits fighting giant kaiju.

Director: What the hell's a kaiju? Sounds like my Uncle Morty!

Jenkins: Kaiju means "strange beast." They're giant monsters.

Director: So why didn't you say so? Giant robots fighting giant monsters, eh? I like it. It's got everything we need-- people in robot suits and giant monsters! Giant everything. The bigger the better! Let's get rolling on this. I want a completed script by this Friday and we start filming on Monday. We'll wrap up filming four weeks from today!

Jenkins (rising from chair): Yes sir!

Director: Hold it, hold it! Not so fast! We forgot the title. We need a title... let's see.... Pacific Rim. Hmm.... Pacific., Pacific... hmm....

Jenkins: How about... Atlantic Rim?

Director: That's it! Jenkins, you're a genius! Now let's knock off for lunch!

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