Tuesday, June 11, 2013

This Is Why Your MuuMuu Doesn't Fit: Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe

This week in Horrifying Food News: it's the release of the Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe.

The appalling sandwich consists of a glazed Krispy Kreme donut that's split in half, slathered with sloppy joe, drowned in a tomato-based sauce and topped with cheddar cheese.

Oddly enough, Krispy Kreme officials were adamant in pointing out that they had nothing whatsoever to do with the ghastly concoction. It's the brainchild of Chicken Charlie's, a purveyor of deep-fried, tallow-based novelty foods at the San Diego County fair. They seem to specialize in ruining other companies' products, as their menu includes Deep-Fried Twinkies, Deep-Fried Oreos, Bacon-Wrapped Pickles and Fried Kool-Aid.

The company's Facebook page has this to say about the pants-splitting new sandwich: "Your stomach will thank you!" If by "thank you" they mean "shut down and refuse to function again," then I would have to agree. Just looking at that thing makes me feel like I need to go for a brisk walk.

Frankly I'm at a loss to understand why Krispy Kreme isn't putting the kibosh on this thing. They say there's no such thing as bad publicity, but what about when their product's being used in a way that makes me never want to eat anything ever again?

I can practically feel the North American continent growing heavier as we speak.

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