Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Over Rated

I review a lot of films here at Bob Canada's BlogWorld, and I generally grade films from A to F. Bright lads and lasses that you are, you can probably work out for yourselves just what those grades mean. But in the interest of clarity I present The Official Bob Canada's BlogWorld Hollywood Movie Rating And Classification System, Version 1.0.

By the way, why is there an "F" grade instead of an "E?" Is it because teachers were afraid people would think "E" meant excellent? Someone Google that for me.

Excellent! Knock down anyone in your way to get to the theater. The best Hollywood has to offer.

Get a good look at this one, because you won't see it around here very often. Few movies these days qualify for this grade.

Decent. Entertaining, but not perfect. With a script polish, better actors, a competent director and a studio that didn't interfere and demand insipid changes it could have been great.

Disappointing And Frustrating. Pandering, appeal-to-the-widest-possible-audience drivel that will still inexplicably end up grossing hundreds of millions of dollars. Watch it if you must, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Sadly, this is the grade you'll see most around here.

Mindless Dreck. You have a limited number of hours on this world. Do not waste two of them watching this. 

Things that are more entertaining than this film: organizing your spice rack, re-grouting your shower tiles or sitting on the edge of your bed and staring at the floor.

Avoid At All Costs. Do not see it in the theater. Do not rent it. If you see a copy of the DVD lying on the sidewalk, do not pick it up. Smash it with a stick and walk briskly away in the other direction.

I don't think I've ever given out an F grade, but Hollywood's trying their best to earn one.

And there you have it-- The Official Bob Canada's BlogWorld Hollywood Movie Rating And Classification System, Version 1.0. Study it. Learn it. Use it wisely.

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