Tuesday, November 12, 2013

There Is No God...

Last week it was reported that Mexican Coke may be an endangered species.

Mexican Coke of course uses pure cane sugar instead of the devil's pus known as high fructose corn syrup, and tastes much better than the American version.

I have to admit that the first time I tried Mexican Coke I couldn't tell any difference. But I kept on trying it and then one day drank an American Coke and nearly spit it across the room. Though subtle, there definitely was a difference, once which I noticed by its absence if that makes any sense.

In short, it is my considered opinion that Mexican Coke and Mexican Pepsi are much better than their American counterparts.

All that may be coming to an end though. On October 31st, Mexico's congress passed a steep sales tax on all soft drinks. This may force Mexican bottlers to save money by using fructose, which is much cheaper than sugar.

To quote one Mr. Darth Vader: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

As usual, every time I find something that makes me happy the Universe takes notice and does everything in its power to crush that happiness. This is why we can't have nice things.

To confuse things even more, in 2010 researchers at the University of Southern California's Keck School Of Medicine tested Mexican Coke and found it contained no traces of sugar. So now I don't know what the hell's going on. Does it have sugar or doesn't it? And if it doesn't, why are they talking about replacing it? 

I need to go lie down in a dark room. I'm getting one of my sick headaches.

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