Wednesday, September 9, 2015

I Hate To Say I Told You So, But...

Way back in 2011 I took a road trip to the Indianapolis Zoo. While there I visited the cheetah exhibit, and was slightly alarmed at how... accessible it looked. The cheetah was housed in a large pit, surrounded by what I considered to be a worrisomely low fence, that looked like it would be easy to leap over. Here's what I said about the cheetah exhibit back then:

Hopefully cheetahs aren't good jumpers. I got enough problems in my life without having my head bitten off by a cheetah in downtown Indianapolis.

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Welp, looks like my concerns were frighteningly prescient, just a bit early. Last week the cheetah at the Indy Zoo escaped its enclosure. The Zoo was put on emergency lock down until the cheetah was found and returned to its holding area.

Zoo officials reportedly have no idea how the cheetah manged to escape, and have closed the exhibit until they can figure out how it managed the feat.

No idea, you say? Um... how about it's a goddamned cheetah, to start with? Cheetahs can jump up to fifteen feet high. You put it in a pit with a wall that was barely that height. I don't see the mystery here. 

This isn't the first time animals have escaped from the Indianapolis Zoo. In 2014, two orangutans wriggled out of their enclosure, just two months after their exhibit was opened to the public. 

And in 1994, a wallaroo named Mooky escaped a Zoo van and hopped through downtown Indy.

Jesus Christ, guys! Do any of your cages have locks on them? Do you even have cages? Is this really one of those zoos you drive through, but no one told the public, so they're walking around among all the animals?

Cages with padlocks, dudes. It ain't rocket science.

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