This Week In Bad Advertising

As most readers of Bob Canada's BlogWorld know, I'm a graphic designer by day and have worked in advertising and marketing for most of my adult life.

I dunno how things work elsewhere, but here at my job, when I finish laying out a project, it's only the beginning. Every ad I design is submitted to a veritable army of department heads, supervisors, sales associates and compliance officers, all of whom give it a glance before signing off on it. At least fifteen to twenty people have to approve my work before it's sent off to the printer. There are numerous opportunities to catch mistakes or change the content.

That's why it never ceases to amaze me when I come across a truly bizarre or inappropriate ad. How the hell do so many embarrassing, laughable or downright offensive advertisements get approved on a daily basis?

Like this online ad I saw on Yahoo recently. It's for one of those home DNA testing kits that analyzes your genetic makeup and lists your true ethnicity.

All well and good. But for the love of Thor, can someone tell me what the hell's going on in this ad? "What will your DNA tell you?" I dunno, but this horrifying banner seems to be implying this woman isn't quite as human as she assumed she was all these years!

Let's zoom in for a closer look, shall we? Can anyone explain why the lady in the ad is trying to shove a cow out of the way? Did it wander into the photoshoot and inadvertently stand on her test results? 

Or perhaps the cow ate her readout, and she's positioning herself so she can get a good look into its anal cavity, hoping to spot her DNA report?

What clinically insane art director thought this was a good idea and gave it a pass?

Then there's this one. It's supposed to show a little girl having fun using Elmer's Glue to mix up a batch of slime.

And yet it looks for all the world like she's howling with laughter as she holds up a giant pair of her mom's blue panties! I defy anyone to look at that sheet of slime and NOT see a pair of underpants!

Again, how did the Elmer's corporation let this slip through the cracks, no pun intended?

Weird Retro Xmas Ads

The only explanation I can come with for the existence of these Xmas ads is that it had been a long, hard year at the Ad Agency and the Art Director just didn't give a frak anymore...

Cigarettes were apparently a popular gift back in the time when you could advertise them. There are dozens of Xmas-themed ads like this one. Giving out smokes for Xmas was so popular they even made special holiday cartons, complete with pre-printed gift tags!

It might seem tacky, but a carton of cigarettes is certainly not a cheap gift; these days it would set you back at least 60 bucks.

You know what else guards against "Throat-Scratch?" NOT SMOKING, THAT'S WHAT!

Even Actor/Former Governor/Future President Ronald Reagan got in on the act. Here we see him addressing a pile of coffin nails to all his Hollywood pals.

It's a known fact: Depression and thoughts of suicide increase dramatically during the Holiday Season. So what better gift for the sullen loner on your list than their very own handgun?

That's a pretty ominous note too, lying there next to the pistol. And who exactly wrote it? The guy who bought the gun? Or one of the many voices in his head?

This year everyone in the Compound got their very own rifle, and it was the best Overthrow the Government Day, er Xmas ever!

In a survey, nine out of ten serial killers indicated that they absolutely loved this campaign.

Dear Lord, could this ad be any more disturbing?

Aw, what could be more adorable than an innocent little girl leaving milk and cookies for Santa. Right in front of a roaring fireplace.

Looks like Frosty sleeps with the fish sticks.

A brand new Hoover vacuum cleaner is the perfect gift for your paraplegic wife.

This poor family of wretches has apparently been without proper head support for a very long time. Dad's positively in ecstasy as he paws at that new pillow. Little Suzie is even ignoring her brand new doll so that she can cop a feel off of that stuffed sack of Nirvana.

Eyes front, Santa. 

He's so desperate to get her up on that ladder that he's making up reasons for her to do so. Why else would he be handing her presents to lodge into the tree branches, twelve feet off the ground? Who's going to be able to reach those?

You know, whenever I get the urge to play with my model train set I always strip down to my underwear.

Somehow it just doesn't feel like the Xmas season to me until I listen to the Six Million Dollar Man Christmas Adventure Album.

Ad Fail

This caught my eye on Yahoo today. It's an ad for some ADHD drug for kids called INTUNIV. In the ridiculously lengthy litany of side effects, it says, "Your child should not drive or operate heavy equipment until you know how INTUNIV affects your child." Sloppy grammar, but good advice just the same.

So remember moms, after you dose little Timmy, don't let him drive the truck down to his job at the construction site. Safety first!

Mystery Ad Man

OK, who is this homeless drifter, and why is he suddenly popping up on every website I see?

Obviously he's a piece of clip art, given that he's featured in three different ads as three different people. I'm curious as to who thought a photo of an unkempt sleepy-eyed Dead fan would make a good spokesperson for their business. When you pick a person to be your mascot, they become the face of your company. Who thought this was a good face?

And what's up with that first ad? He's definitely not a mom. Did anyone even proofread these ads?