Logo Go Go

Last week, one more sign of apocalyptic biblical prophecy came true as presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump named Indiana Governor Mike Pence as his running mate.

If you'll recall, Pence is a horrible, horrible public official who last year signed a controversial anti-LGBT law, which cost the Hoosier state millions, if not billions of dollars in lost business and tourism. He also signed a terrifying anti-abortion bill, and even stated that science is wrong about the harmful effects of smoking (!). 

The Trump/Pence ticket is truly a match made in the deepest levels of Hell.

Last Friday, the Trump campaign unveiled a brand new logo celebrating the two besties and running mates.

The logo proved to be quite provocative, as if featured a large, proud, throbbing letter T penetrating a submissive and receptive letter P. The thrust of the logo was unmistakable, as it pounded its message home, over and over again, faster and faster until it exploded in a spray of patriotic ecstasy.

Immediately after the logo was posted, the internet sprang into action, doing what it does best— relentlessly mocking it.

Apparently the taunts and jeers were too much for the Donald. Words hurt, you know! Less than twenty four hours after the X-rated logo appeared, it was pulled and replaced by a plainer, more family-friendly one. 

Note that Pence is apparently still a bottom, er, I mean on the bottom, under his new best friend and running mate.

Why So Pence?

INDIANAPOLIS– This week Indiana Governor Mike Pence signed his controversial new Religious Freedom Restoration Act into law. The bill has caused a furor in the Hoosier state, as opponents fear it will give businesses the legal right to refuse service to the LGBT community.

Governor Pence has adamantly defended the bill, saying, "This piece of legislation is absolutely vital for residents of Indiana, as it protects their individual religious freedoms, a topic already covered quite thoroughly by the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution."

Opponents of the bill say it's vaguely worded and could be used to discriminate against homosexuals and other minorities. When questioned about the intent of the legislation, Pence stated, "These rampant and illogical fears are completely unfounded. This bill that's expressly designed to allow businesses to discriminate against homosexuals will of course never be used in the manner in which it was intended. Leave it to the liberal media to imply that such a bill could ever possibly be used for its exact purpose."

Pence went on to add, "Hoosier citizens are behind this bill 100%, which is why I signed it in a secret ceremony, inside a bunker located hundreds of feet beneath the Governor's mansion, surrounded by a human shield of nuns, monks, priests, clerics, friars, padres, vicars, rabbis, shamans and wizards."

"Seriously," said Pence, "Just look at all of them I managed to pack in here! How could anyone, even the staunchest and most ill-informed liberal, possibly come to the conclusion that the Religious Freedom Restoration Act is a bad thing when I had this many religious nuts standing around me? A priest or a nun wouldn't just stand idly by, smiling beatifically while I signed something bad now, would they?"

"I tried to get the Pope to appear too," added Pence, "But his office wouldn't return my calls. And I think Mother Teresa died a couple years ago."

When questioned, many of the religious leaders who attended the photo-op admitted they had no idea why they were there. Rabbi Schlomo Mendelbaum was horrified when informed of true purpose of the ceremony. "I was told there'd be a spread here," said Mendelbaum. "I'm not seeing any food. Wha? I'm here for what? A bill that does what? Jesus Christ! Let me out of here! Where's the door?"

Other members of the so-called "religious" leaders in attendance were actually cosplayers, brought in from a nearby comic book convention. One was dressed as Gandalf the White, a main character from the popular Lord Of The Rings novels, along with several Jedis, the fictional order from the Star Wars films, and several Tenth Level Clerics from the Dungeons & Dragons role-playing game.

Many major corporations in the Hoosier state have expressed their outrage over the bill, threatening to relocate if the legislation isn't immediately repealed. Salesforce, a multi-billion dollar firm, has canceled plans for a major expansion in Indiana, while GenCon, a popular annual gaming convention, and the NCAA have also threatened to take their business elsewhere. These businesses and events represent billions of dollars, a loss the Hoosier state can ill afford.

Pence was nonplussed by the threats and boycotts. "Prolonged and devastating economic collapse is a small price to pay so that Indiana bakers have the right to refuse service to homosexuals," said Pence. "Which is not what the bill is designed to do, by the way! I'm just saying."

"If we don't act immediately, who knows how many small businesses will be forced to cater to those people?" added Pence, as he visibly shuddered in an exaggerated and cartoonish manner. "Today it's bakers, tomorrow it could be seamstresses, forced to make two gowns for the same wedding! Brrrr!"

Some pundits have speculated that Pence signed the controversial bill in order to gain favor among conservative Republicans, as preparation for a Presidential run. "I am absolutely and categorically not running for President," said Pence. "Honestly, I have no idea where you people get such ideas," he said, as he hurriedly shoved a form labeled "Application For President Of The United States Of America" into his desk drawer.

Walking Dead News: The Governor And The Return Of Merle!

I guess I should put a big ol' SPOILER tag here, in case you don't want to know any details about Season 3 of Walking Dead. You've been warned!

This week we got our first look at actor David Morrissey, who'll be starring as The Governor this fall. Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before, but it looks like November spawned a monster! Get it? Morrissey? Stop me? Spawned a monster? Hey, hey, take your coat off and get back here.

By the way, I don't know who that's supposed to be there in the background. The Governor's Filipino Pool Boy, perhaps?

I first covered the news that Morrissey was the Governor earlier this year, so I won't rehash old news. I wasn't quite convinced that Morrissey was the right man for the part, but he looks sufficiently badass here, so I'm willing to give him a chance (I'm sure he'll no doubt be greatly relieved to hear he has the support of my highly influential blog).

The comic book version of the Governor bore more than a passing resemblance to makeup artist/actor Tom Savini, who in fact lobbied long and hard for the role. As I'm not a fan of Mr. Savini, I'm not particularly torn up that he didn't get the part, or that the final character looks nothing like him. Based solely on other things I've seen David Morrissey in, I think they made a wise choice.

The Walking Dead producers keep insisting that they're not going to water down the Governor character for TV. Don't you believe a word they say, as they are big fat liars. There is absolutely no way that the TV show will be able to faithfully depict the comic book version of the Governor or the whole Woodbury story arc. It's just not possible. The Governor was a sadistic and depraved dictator who routinely resorted to torture and dismemberment to get what he wanted. That whole Woodbury comic book storyline was just brutal, and at times hard to get through. There's no way they can pull it off on TV, no matter what they say. Remember, early this year these same producers kept telling us that John Bernthal wasn't leaving the show, so right there they've proved they can't be trusted.

Also this week, actor Michael Rooker, better known as Merle Dixon, was spotted on the set. As you know, Merle has been a constant presence on the show despite the fact that he's only appeared about three times (and even then, one of those times was as his brother's feverish hallucination!). So is Merle back for good, or is he still a figment of Daryl's imagination? I'm guessing he's back for real, as one of the Governor's men. I have a bad feeling that when he does show up again, things aren't gonna go well for Rick. Remember, Rick's the one who handcuffed Merle to the roof of a zombie-packed building and left him there, causing him to saw his own hand off to escape. Things like that tend to make you hold a grudge.

I need a TARDIS so I can hurry up and see Season 3 NOW!

The Governator

Big news this weekend for Walking Dead fans-- the infamous Governor is coming to the show (in Season 3) and has finally been cast! And the winner is: British actor David Morrissey. No, not the mopey singer, the guy in the photo above.

It's an odd bit of casting if I do say so myself. In the comic book (SPOILERS!) the Governor is the sadistic ruler of a large compound, who routinely resorts to torture to get what he wants. He bears more than a passing resemblance to actor and former makeup wizard Tom Savini- about as far away as you can get from David Morrissey and his leading man looks.

Supposedly Tom Savini has been campaigning for the part of the Governor since the TV series began, saying the character was obviously modeled on him and the producers need look no further to cast the role.

Personally I don't care who gets the part, as long as it's not Savini. The role of the Governor requires a charismatic actor who can go from charming one minute to cruel the next. In my opinion, Savini just doesn't have the acting chops. Looking like the character ain't enough.

Actor John Hawkes was also rumored for the role. I'm not familiar with Mr. Hawkes' work, but I could see him in the part. He's got that lean meth-head look (well, he does!) that would suit the Governor very well.

For fans of Doctor Who, David Morrissey needs no introduction. He played Jackson Lake, the man who thought he was a future version of the Doctor in the 2008 Xmas Special The Next Doctor. He's a great actor and has the charisma and screen presence the role demands. Whether he can pull off a convincing American accent though remains to be seen. Andrew Lincoln, who plays Rick on the series, is also British and you'd never know it from listening to him on the show, so I suppose there's nothing to worry about in that regard. I'm sure he'll do fine.

To be perfectly honest though, I'm not all that excited by this news. I was never a fan of the Governor story arc in the comic, and am not looking forward to it showing up in the series. For one thing, it was incredibly dark and disturbing. Parts of it were actually difficult for me to read, as it openly flirted with torture porn. Aw, heck, who am I kidding? It didn't flirt with it, it drove it up to Lookout Point, threw it in the back seat and knocked it up. There's no way the TV series will be able to properly duplicate this storyline, even on AMC. It'll have to be significantly watered down, which, even though I didn't care for it, defeats the purpose of including it in the first place.

Another reason I'm not a fan of the Governor storyline is because it was so over the top. Up to that point everything that happened in the comic seemed real and plausible, or as much so as a story about a zombie apocalypse can be. Rick and the other characters were relatable and seemed like real people. Their problems were realistic as well, as they worried about food, shelter and basic survival.

Then along comes the Governor, an over the top character who rules his world with an iron fist, killing and torturing at will. He even forces his enemies to fight in an arena, gladiator style. With the advent of the Governor the series went from realistic to cinematic. It was like Darth Vader or Voldemort* wandered into the comic. Suddenly there were villains and torture and it became an action movie as the main characters tried to escape the evil clutches of the Governor. That was a big mistake, in my opinion. It took me right out of the story, which wasn't a good thing. I'm afraid the same thing will happen to the TV series. Ah well. The producers didn't consult me and ask me what I thought.

By the way, back in Season 1 of the Walking Dead, I predicted that Merle Dixon, everyone's favorite racist meth head, would end up becoming the TV version of the Governor. Looks like I got that prediction wrong.

* Jesus Christ, are you kidding me? Spell check doesn't flag "Voldemort?"