Not So Fast There, Power Rangers!

A few weeks ago I reviewed the dreadful new Power Rangers movie, noting that producer Haim Saban and Lionsgate Studios had high hopes for the film. They honestly expected the movie to be a massive hit, and were planning on leveraging it into a lucrative SIX film franchise (!).

In my review I pointed out that the film wasn't exactly burning up the box office, and I wouldn't hold my breath waiting on Power Rangers 2 - 6.

How frighteningly prescient of me. After a little over a month in theaters, the $100 million dollar film only managed to scrape up a disappointing $85 million here in the states. Ouch! Oddly enough it's done even worse overseas, where it grossed an anemic $54 million, for a worldwide total of $140 million.

Lionsgate was banking on the Chinese market to save the film, but they didn't want anything to do with it either. Power Rangers could only manage an embarrassing $3.3 million in its opening weekend in China! Double ouch! Meanwhile, Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 raked in almost $50 million in its Chinese debut!

Lionsgate's hoping the Japanese market can save the film, especially since it's based on the Super Sentai TV series there. I don't see any way that's gonna happen. Why would the Japanese go see a movie based on a pale imitation of one of their own shows?

So say goodbye to the Power Rangers Cinematic Universe!

If it sounds like I'm gloating here, it's because I am. I resented sitting through every second of this dreary film's bloated 124 minute runtime. Look, I know Power Rangers isn't Shakespeare. But it's a silly proper about superpowered teens who ride around in robotic dinosaurs. How the hell can you make an insane concept like that boring? The last thing a Power Rangers movie should ever be is dull. There's no reason Lionsgate couldn't have made a fun movie like Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2.

Note that Warner Bros. had similar plans for their recent King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword film, as it was designed to be the first of a six film series as well. And just like Power Rangers, it tanked at the box office, dashing all hopes of any follow up films. 

Hey, movie studios, here's an idea for you! Instead of foolishly betting your company's future on a series with no chance in hell of ever becoming a reality, maybe make one movie and see how that goes. If it's a hit, THEN go ahead with plans for a franchise. It's simple common sense, guys.

The Neverending Story

This week Lionsgate Studios announced that after the less than stellar box office performance of Divergent 3: Part 1, er, I mean The Divergent Series: Allegiant, the final chapter of the series will now be a TV movie instead of a theatrical film.

The first Divergent movie was a modest hit that grossed around $150 million, while the second brought in a decent $130 million. Lionsgate then revealed they'd be splitting the third film in the series into two parts in a blatant attempt to rake in more box office earnings in order to "do the story justice and give it room to breathe." The Harry Potter, Twilight and Hunger Games franchises pulled this same "split finale" crap, with great success.

Unfortunately for the studio, Allegiant turned out to be a huge flop, grossing just $66 million against its whopping $110 million dollar budget. I have no idea where all that money went, but it definitely wasn't up on the screen.

It's easy to see why Allegiant flopped. Unlike other Young Adult films, the Divergent series just doesn't have any stakes. In The Hunger Games films, teens are forced to hunt and kill one another in order to survive. In Divergent, teens are forced to pick one of five Factions in which to live and work. Seriously. That's it. They're rebelling against mandatory job placement. The horror. The horror...

Additionally, The Divergent Series can't even be bothered to stick with its own premise. The main concept of The Hunger Games— that of televised killing— was prevalent (to a degree) in every film. The "Forced Factions" premise of Divergent is dropped after the first movie, as the story quickly devolves into a muddled, plotless mess. It was also a huge waste of actress Maggie Q.

And then Lionsgate wonders why these films aren't box office smashes.

The final chapter of the series, The Divergent Series: Ascendant, was scheduled to hit theaters in June 2017. According to studio insiders, Lionsgate has scrapped that notion, and now plans to wrap up the series on the small screen with a much cheaper, scaled-down TV movie. The film will then segue into a TV series, starring a new cast of characters (which I guarantee will never come to pass).

At this point, the studio isn't sure if the cast of Allegiant will return for the TV movie or not.

All I have to say about the situation is "Good!" Serves the studio right for gouging the audience. Greedy bastards. They never should have split the final film in half in the first place. There was barely enough material in the last book for one movie, let alone two. You could practically feel the padding!

The whole sorry affair just pisses me off. I've already wasted devoted six hours of my life to watching these cinematic turds, and now I probably won't get to see the finale and find out how the story ends because they'll likely air on either HBO or Showtime. Frustrating!

Ah well. I can barely remember what happened in any of the movies anyway, so... who cares? 

Let's hope this incident puts an end to the "split finale" phenomenon once and for all.

The Horror... The Horror...

If you've attended the cinema at all in the past ten years or so, you've no doubt seen this ominous logo for Lionsgate Studios. Founded in 1997, they're the most commercially successful independent film company of all time.

Lionsgate of course specializes in the horror genre, with a dash of torture porn thrown in for good measure. They have several highly successful and lucrative franchises under their belt. This is but a small sampling of their massive output over the years.

They also distribute this.

I'm betting there are some parents out there who don't see any difference between the Thomas series and Lionsgate's prodigious horror output. Whoa, ZING! Am I right, folks? Especially when your precious little snowflake insists on watching the same damn video every single day of the year...

Odd as it may seem, maybe it's not a bad idea after all. Maybe Lionsgate is just being cagey and diversifying. If the horror genre ever goes belly up, they'll still have the "Anthropomorphic British Railroad With A Touch Of Whimsy" genre to fall back on.

By the way, take a close look at that train over at the left of this cover, whose name I can't be bothered to look up. Go on, zoom in, I'll wait. Tell me that that train's face wasn't modeled on Al Lewis, of TVs Car 54, Where Are You? and The Munsters fame. Go on, tell me! You can't, can you? It's a dead ringer for him!