I've Got A Bad Feeling About This: Adobe Creative Cloud

Last week, in a move seemingly designed to piss off 98% of their customer base, Adobe announced that they'll no longer be selling their Creative Suite software in physical form. From now on it'll be called Adobe Creative Cloud and will only be available for downloading at the low, low subscription fee of $50 a month ($30 if you just want one piece of the Suite such as Photoshop).

That's right, for just $600 a year you'll be granted the privilege of renting their software (yes, I know that according to the user agreement everyone accepts that's been the case all along, but still...)..

Adobe officials are of course touting this as a good thing for their customers. In a press release they had this to say, in a spectacular piece of MarketSpeak™:

“The urge to be creative is universal, and harnessing the creative spark – in everyone from school children to creative pros – has never been more important,” said Shantanu Narayen, president and chief executive officer, Adobe. “Wherever and whenever inspiration strikes, Adobe will be there to help capture, refine and publish your ideas.”

“We launched Creative Cloud a year ago and it has been a runaway success,” said David Wadhwani, senior vice president and general manager, Digital Media, Adobe. “By focusing our energy -- and our talented engineers -- on Creative Cloud, we’re able to put innovation in our members’ hands at a much faster pace.”

Wow, how Mr. Narayen managed to say all that without bursting out laughing, I have no idea. I bet he was sore the next day! 
 
See, by charging us a monthly fee our ol' pal Adobe is doing us all a favor, dontcha know? From now on we'll never have to worry about not having the latest software because we'll be constantly forced to upgrade. It's a win-win situation!

They're not fooling anybody. The only ones who'll benefit from this boneheaded idea is Adobe. This is a cash grab, pure and simple. A cash grab so transparent you can read the newspaper through it. Now instead of a burst of revenue every time they release a new, slightly different version of their software that ain't worth the trouble they'll have a steady, monthly revenue stream from now until the end time.

Adobe knows all too well that most people keep their software for years until the day it finally stops working on their computers. Not any more! Now you'll be forced to upgrade whether you want to or not, and if you don't upgrade, Adobe will kill it. Right there on your machine! Because you don't own their software now, remember? You're only renting it. And they don't have to rent to you if they feel you're not worthy.

I'm also 100% positive they're doing this to stem the dreaded scourge of piracy. I will admit this is probably a legitimate concern for them. Everybody knows someone with a copy of Photoshop that they don't mind sharing. While I don't encourage piracy, I can definitely understand it. When your software package costs well over $1,500 motherfrakin' dollars it's only natural that some consumers are going to be reluctant to pay for it.

Many have said that the new subscription price of $600 a year will be a substantial savings over the old purchase price. That's certainly true if you rush out and upgrade every time Adobe releases a new version. The thing is, nobody does that. I don't know a single person who feels compelled to do so. Everyone I know keeps whatever CS version they have indefinitely. Even the various companies for which I've worked have done this, upgrading as an absolute last resort. When you look at it that way that $600 a year ain't no bargain.

An extra $50 a month probably won't be too big a burden for most corporations, but this is gonna kill small Mom & Pop companies.

It'll be especially painful for freelancers whose income fluctuates from month to month. I have a feeling many small-time freelancers are gonna fall by the wayside.

And what about casual users? People who aren't freelancers but just like playing around in Photoshop or InDesign for their own amusement? Screw you, that's what. Adobe just made your fun little hobby very damned expensive.

One of the many "benefits" Adobe is loudly trumpeting is that by subscribing you'll always have the absolute latest version of their software with all their brand new features and improvements that no one asked for. The thing is, the vast majority of consumers will never use any of this stuff. I've been using Photoshop since the early 1990s and there are features I've never used and never will. I have no use for them or even any idea what they do. All that these needless bells and whistles do is bloat the software and make it take longer to start up. 

Once you start subscribing, how will all these new features be updated on your computer? By downloading them, that's how. I don't like the sound of that. Do you have Adobe Acrobat on your computer? If so, did you ever notice how it'll bug you for days and days that there's a new version and you need to drop what you're doing and upgrade immediately? And then after a week of these annoying alerts, you finally throw up your hands and say , "Alright already!" and download the ferkakta thing and then it restarts tour computer and immediately tells you that there's yet another upgrade available. Get ready for even more of that.

And how long do you think it'll take to download all this stuff over even a fast connection? Minutes? Hours? I pity people in rural areas who still have dial-up.

Another annoyance: the way I understand it you'll need a working internet connection to use the new Creative Cloud. That's so the software can periodically send out a message to Adobe letting them know it's on your computer, it's the current version and most important of all that it's paid for. If you don't upgrade religiously or can't afford the subscription this month the software will tattle on you and Adobe will remotely disable it. Nice of them, eh? 

"Creative Cloud" indeed. A foul and noxious cloud that issued straight from Adobe's bum hole.

As you may have guess by now, I do not plan on subscribing to Adobe Creative Cloud for $600 a year. I'm still using Photoshop 7 and I get along just fine. It does everything I need for the kind of work I do and I'm gonna keep using it until the day it finally stops working. What are you gonna do, Adobe? Come to my house and take it back?

Good luck with your new customer-screwing endeavor, Adobe. You're not the only game in town, you know. The biggest and most popular yes, but not the only. Looks like it's time to start learning SketchBook Pro. And if that fails, there's always pen and paper.

Bosses From The Eighth Circle Of Hell: Color Correction

Throughout my career I've prided myself on working hard, performing what's asked of me to the best of my ability, and being an all-around good employee. I've also done my best to get along with my various bosses.

Alas, sometimes that's just not possible. Sometimes you end up with a Boss From The Eighth Circle of Hell. 

Back in the 1990s I worked as a graphic designer at a marketing company, for a rather colorful boss. One day my Boss came into the designer's office all in a tizzy. He was holding a color photo in his hand, moaning and fretting and pacing back and forth. After several minutes of questioning I finally got to the source of his strife: the color photo he was holding needed to be converted to black and white and sent to a print shop in Indianapolis by noon. The Boss (who wasn't exactly a technical wiz) didn't know how we could possibly accomplish this in time, as he said it would take days for a color photo to be turned into black and white and mailed halfway across the state.

While he was gnashing his teeth and rending his garments, I took the color photo from him and scanned it into Photoshop. Once in the application I selected "Grayscale" from a drop-down menu and converted it to black and white. I then saved a copy of the file and emailed it to the print shop. The entire operation took less than five minutes. I interrupted the Boss' fit and told him it was all taken care of. Instead of thanking me though, he just stood there giving me a wary look, like he suspected I was some kind of witch. He hurried out of the office, suspiciously glancing back at me the entire time.

A few weeks later the Boss came into the designer's office with a new project for me. You can probably guess where this is going. He handed me a black and white photo and wanted me to "work my magic" on it and turn it into a color shot. I stared at him for a few seconds and then told him that was impossible. He said, "Well you turned that color shot into a black and white one, so why can't you do it the other way around?" 

I tried to explain that going from color to grayscale was easy— you're simplifying the image, taking millions of colors and distilling them down to 256 shades of gray. Going the opposite direction is just not possible. How would Photoshop know what color shirt a person in the picture was wearing? What color's their car? The building behind them?

As you might well imagine, this (and any kind of technical explanation) sailed far, far over the Boss' head. He snatched the photo back in disgust and said, "Why do we have all this expensive equipment around here if it can't do what I need it to do?" and stormed out.

Morey Goblinsky

It's been a while since I posted any of my actual art here on my blog. That's because my 2011 Xmas card took a lot out of me. Those cards always do. I work on them so intently and for so long that when they're finally finished I can't even look at my drawing table for a few weeks.

But yesterday I decided it was time to get back into the illustration habit, and I came up with this. This is actually something of an experiment for me. I normally spend a lot of time fussing over my line work, so this was my attempt at being looser and more spontaneous.

I picked a painterly Photoshop brush and just started slapping colors down. No real plan, and if you can see the brush strokes, so much the better. I did it fairly quickly; I think it took three or four hours.

It wasn't a totally successful experiment. It's still not as free and spontaneous as I'd like, but it's a step in the right direction. I don't know if I'll pursue this style any farther, but it was fun to try it.

Drawn in Photoshop on the graphic tablet.

The Deadly Tofu

Harold shuffled into the dark kitchen to get a drink and take his pills. He reached up, turned on the light and was startled by an object sitting in the middle of the room. When his heart began beating normally again, he saw what it was. It was That Thing again. No matter how many times he and Agnes shooed it out of the apartment, it always found a way back in. 

What what That Thing? Was it some sort of alien creature that found its way to Earth? Was it a cube of pure, undiluted evil? Or a chunk of tofu that sat in the refrigerator for too long, until it became sentient... and hungry.

I thought this was going to be a quick and simple little illustration, but as usual I underestimated the time it would take. I had planned on adding some kind of pattern to the man's boxer shorts, and I just noticed I forgot. Oh well. I spent more than enough time on the thing and I'm not going to go back and add more to it. There comes a point where you have to let go of a drawing and set it free. If it comes back to you, then it's yours. Or something like that.

The text was hand lettered, based on my new all time favorite font, Burbank. I changed the text a bit from the sketch as well.

Drawn in Photoshop on the graphic tablet.

Here's the original sketch of Harold and That Thing. Pretty rough stuff.

 

Here's the much tighter second digital sketch. 

Monster Bus Stop

Hey, whaddya know, I'm still alive! It's been a while since I've posted anything; blame that on a crazy work schedule, annoying and crippling computer problems, and a general malaise about the world that I hope I'll be over soon.

Looks like the high price of gas is even affecting monsters, causing them to park their cars and start taking the bus.

This illustration took FOREVER. I don't know if it was the lack of time, the computer problems or what. I used to be able to knock out a drawing like this in an evening. This one took a couple of weeks. Maybe I'm just in a slump.

Drawn in Photoshop on the graphic tablet.

Here's the original sketch. It's pretty close to the final drawing, with two exceptions.

Here's the second sketch. I decided I didn't like the student monster with the big horn, so he was replaced with a swamp monster type. The monster on the right hand side underwent a career change, from executive to construction worker.

J. Gnashington Hornswoggle

I drew this illustration back in August of 2009, but for some reason it never got posted to my blog. So here's J. Gnashington Hornswoggle, better late than never.

Drawn in Photoshop on the graphic tablet.

 

Here's the original sketch. As always I usually sketch with a ball point pen, but when I scan them they look for all the world like I did them in pencil. Weird.

Dirty Bird, aka Dirty Ol' Bird

This was a fairly quick little drawing based on a sketchbook doodle.

I've been doing a lot of vector illustrations the past couple of months, so I thought I should hurry and do a bitmap drawing before I forget how. It's a good thing I did; I honestly had to stop and think for a minute to remember the brushes I like to use!

I can't decide whether to call him Dirty Ol' Bird or just Dirty Bird, so I called him both.

Drawn in Photoshop on the graphic tablet.

Here's the original sketch of D.B. The final drawing is pretty much identical with just a few refinements. And his cane, of course.