Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Drug Names That Sound Like Volcabulary Words

It must be tough for Big Pharma companies to come up with a name for a new drug. Most of the time they can't use the actual scientific name because it's too long and hard to pronounce, as well as meaningless. For example, would Viagra have been as successful if they'd called it by its real name of sildenafil citrate? Eh, OK, bad example. People would still buy Viagra if it was called Hitlerific Schlonger-uppers. 

For most drugs though they need a catchier name. One that vaguely suggests its effects but doesn't mean anything embarrassing in a foreign language. They spend millions coming up with such names. In some cases, they needed to spend a million more. 

Here are Thirteen Drug Names That Sound Like Vocabulary Words (note: these are all honest-to-god actual names of real drugs).

Abilify
verb. 
To slander or persecute. 
"The conservative townspeople abilified the young unwed mother."

Ambien
noun.
A unit of mood light measurement in 1970s era bachelor pads.

Sectral
abbr.
The name of an evil organization that has frequent clashes with suave British super spies.

Cataflam 
interjection.
Something the early Jerry Lewis used to bleat out in his movies.
"Oy, Mr. Lady, please stop with the hitting and the hurting and the cataflam!"

Singulair
noun.
The thing found at the center of a black hole, from which not even light can escape.

Celebrex 
noun.
One of the Elven leaders in The Lord of the Rings.

Simcor
abbr.
A huge, evil corporation that makes unstable artificial humanoids that accompany the crews of deep space missions.

Skelaxin 
slang.
How a skeleton rap star spends a quiet evening at home.

Cisapride
noun.
The kind of parade they don't like these days in North Carolina.

Soma
Are you F-ing kidding me? Someone actually named a real world drug "Soma?" (see Brave New World)

Clobazam
interjection.
Magic word a weak and sickly doctor exclaims to transform himself into a god-like, brawny superhero.

Spiriva
noun.
A horrifying type of spirochete contracted through intercourse. 
"I'm sorry Mr. Jenkins, but I'm afraid your test results indicate you've contracted spiriva."

Clomid
adjective.
Atmospheric condition resulting in uncomfortable sleeping weather. 
"Man, I couldn't sleep a wink last night. The whole house was really clomid."

5 comments:

  1. "Skelaxin
    slang.
    How a skeleton rap star spends a quiet evening at home."

    I laughed for 10 minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Skelaxin
    slang.
    How a skeleton rap star spends a quiet evening at home."

    I laughed for 10 minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey, that's why I'm here-- making people squirt cola out of their noses since 2009!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah but rod, why does it have to be a rap star? are normal skeletons unable to relax? are rap stars known for there relaxation skills rod? i'm confused...

      Delete
  4. Skelaxin
    slang.
    How a skeleton rap star spends a quiet evening at home.
    Still laughing!!!

    ReplyDelete

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