Subliminal Advertising

I saw one of these trucks on the way to work this morning.

So, Cracker Barrel management, I get it. Most folks, if they think of you at all, think of you in terms such as "quaint," "down home," "rural," and "inbred." But you'd like to be perceived as a bit more sophisticated and cosmopolitan, in order to appeal to the urban demographic. I completely understand.

To that end, you asked your crack marketing team to come up with a brand new image for your restaurants. You told them you wanted to make the stores more attractive and alluring, to "sex them up" if you will. Nothing sells like sex, after all.

It's just that if you're going to use sex in your advertising the way the big time liquor companies and Disney do...  well, I just think you need to be a little less blatant about it.

Companies of the world, I implore you! Please take advantage of my services. I have the approximate emotional maturity of the average 14 to 16 year old male, so I know when an ad or slogan is mockable. All you have to do is submit your slogan to me in writing and I will evaluate it for potential mockability, double entendres and sexual innuendo and save your corporation untold shame and embarrassment.