Friday, March 29, 2013

Piracy, Schmiracy

Dear FBI:

I just wanted to let you know that if I have to look at one more of these DVD Anti-Piracy Warnings I am going to plotz. 

I buy and watch a lot of TV and movies on DVD, and I shudder to think how many times I've had to stare at this screen. If I had to guess I'd say I've seen it at least 10,000 times.

Why should I be threatened every time I pop a movie I own into my player? I bought the ferkakte thing with my hard earned cash. I shouldn't have to look at this warning even onceSave your threats for the pirates.

As a matter of fact if I see this warning one more time I'm actually going to become a pirate. I'm going to be the biggest pirate you people have ever seen. I'm going to pirate everything I can, even movies I don't like. I'll even pirate movies I've already pirated. I'll make copies of the movies I've pirated and then pirate them. Hell, I'll pirate just out of spite. I'll spite-pirate. I'll pirate so hard I'll travel into the future and pirate movies that haven't even been made yet. Want a copy of the Justice League movie or Die Hard 6: Die Even Hardier? I got 'em, baby. Freshly pirated copies from the future.

You reap what you sow, FBI. If you treat people like criminals often enough, eventually they're gonna shrug and say, "Eh, why not?"

Yours truly,
A Dissatisfied Customer*

...whines the industry that made 12.5 BILLION dollars last year.

This screen especially gets my goat. Hey studios, did you ever stop and think that piracy might not be the cause of your falling DVD revenue? That maybe, just maybe sales are down because of streaming services like NetFlix? That people are still buying your product, but from a different source? No? Well then think about it. And stop forcing honest law-abiding citizens to have to stare at your unwelcome, threatening warning screens.

*Of course now that I've posted this it will no doubt generate a red flag in my file at FBI Headquarters. That's OK, it can join the other red flag I got when I freely visited China in 2005. One more and I'll probably disappear one night without a trace...

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