Saturday, December 21, 2013

THIS Is Why Al-Qaeda Hates America: Bruce Jenner

You know how when you watch the news and see a story about al-Qaeda, they're always out in the streets chanting, "Death to America?" Did you ever wonder, "Gosh, what's their problem? Why do they hate us so much?"

It's because of things like this.

Last week professional celebrity Bruce Jenner reportedly met with his plastic surgeon about undergoing a Laryngeal Shave procedure, or as it's known to you and me, getting your Adam's apple flattened.

Why would any sane, rational human consider such a thing? Is it riddled with tumors? Throbbing with pain? Swollen with disease? 

Nope, none of those. When asked why he was having it sanded off, Jenner replied, "I just never liked my trachea." 

Jesus wept. 

I won't lie to you. I'm just like everyone else. There are parts of my body I'd change if I could. But I can honestly say I've never once in my life, for even a second, given any thought to my trachea and how it looks.

But all that was last week. This week Jenner allegedly cancelled the procedure because he was angry that the details leaked from his doctor's office (I'll admit he has a point there). He's vowed to "take his business elsewhere." Note that he didn't say he's dropped the cockamamie idea altogether, merely that he's shunning that particular clinic.

Remember when Bruce Jenner was a fit, handsome and normal looking Olympic athlete? Back before he was accidentally killed by that extraterrestrial who was visiting Earth, who then felt guilty about the incident and used his poorly-developed shape shifting powers to assume his identity? 

I miss those days.

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