Friday, February 27, 2015

Sixteen Other Things Brian Williams Claims To Have Done

Last month NBC newscaster Brian Williams landed in hot water after admitting he fabricated the story of his helicopter taking fire in Iraq back in 2003. NBC has suspended Williams for six months over the incident, and it's not yet clear if he'll ever return.

Oddly enough, this isn't the first time Williams has embellished the truth. Here are Sixteen Other Things Brian Williams Claims To Have Done: 

• Took an Orcish arrow to the shoulder during the Battle Of The Five Armies.

• Invented Clamato.®

• Decapitated the Kurgan during battle, held his severed head aloft and shouted. "There can be only one!"

• Portrayed the little-known third Darrin Stevens on Bewitched.

• Was the actual author of Shakespeare's plays.

• Taught Tom Brokaw to do that weird "L" thing when he spoke in order to sabotage his career and take over his position.

• Sustained injuries when his starship was attacked by the Borg at the Battle Of Wolf 359.

• Trained the MTM kitten to meow on command.

• Was Lando Calrissian's co-pilot during the attack on the Death Star II.

• Came up with the concept of sitting behind a desk, dressing in a tailored suit and reading pre-written news stories to a television audience.

• Alerted the Colonial Militia of the approach of British forces before the battles of Lexington and Concord.

• Played "Bub" on the first five seasons of My Three Sons.

• Invented the internet, but fearing no one would believe him, talked Al Gore into taking the credit.

• Deduced the shocking plot twist in The Sixth Sense after hearing the title alone.

• Urged William Wallace to paint his face blue.

• Somehow got in trouble for exaggerating the truth while working for a news organization that deliberately feeds misinformation to the public on a daily basis.

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