Friday, May 22, 2015

Spoiler Alert!

WARNING! SPOILERS BELOW! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

This is the poster for the upcoming summer blockbuster Terminator: Genisys. How about that eye-rolling spelling, eh? Why'd they stop there? Why not go all in and spell it Termynatyr Genisys?

Supposedly this film is a throwback to the very first one— Kyle Reese is sent back in time to 1984 to save Sarah Connor, but when he arrives he finds the timeline has been drastically altered.

Let's take a closer look at that poster, shall we? As is required these days, it's made from disparate images of the various actors, none of whom were in the studio at the same time, that have been crudely Photoshopped into something vaguely resembling a design.

See the figure in the center? That's actor Jason Clarke, who's playing John Connor in this film. It appears that his flesh is being burned away while he stoically strikes a dramatic pose. So I guess in this film, John Connor, the leader of the human rebellion against SkyNet, is actually one of the very same robots he's trying to destroy. 

I assume this is supposed to be the movie's brain-melting plot twist. So why the hell would they broadcast it on the goddamned poster? I don't get it. The various Terminator films have already traveled some pretty well-worn ground, so you think they'd jealously guard any surprises like they were precious jewels.

It's bad enough that modern trailers are basically two minute versions of their films and give everything away— now you have to avert your eyes in the lobby lest the posters spoil every surprise for you.

Thank Thor films like Psycho, Chinatown, The Empire Strikes Back, Fight Club or The Sixth Sense weren't filmed today, or their twists would no doubt be tag lines on their respective posters.

2 comments:

  1. Hysterical! "It's His Sled" ! And I thought Orson Welles was s'posed to be a genius. I just finished writing my 9th feature-length screenplay but of course my stuff will never have a chance so long as Hollywood continues to exploit existing properties and beat dead horses. I wouldn't mind another Terminator flick if it was well made or took the concept in a new direction I mean, why haven't they set an entire film in the future yet, beyond John Connor's timeline seeing as how they've used 5 different Actors to play him thus far ?

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  2. "It's His Sled!" isn't much worse than the original poster's tagline, which was, "It's Terrific!" Yeah, well what else would you say on a poster advertising a movie? "It's a slow-moving and pretentious melodrama?"

    If you count the Sarah Connor Chronicles TV series, there've been a whopping SIX different actors to play John Connor! Almost as many as it took to bring Darth Vader to life onscreen-- SEVEN (If you count the prequels, and the stuntmen and James Earl Jones).

    As for movie rehashes, you are correct. Right now it's possible to walk into a cineplex and see a Mad Max movie, as well as Poltergeist. What year is this?

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