Good News And Bad News

Huzzah! After a crushing defeat in my home state of Indiana on Tuesday night, simpering ninny, Zodiac Killer and lizard alien Raphael Edward Cruz, better known as Ted, dropped out of the presidential race. Thank the Maker! Our country definitely dodged a bullet there.

Unfortunately that leaves human Jack-O-Lantern Donald Drumph as the uncontested and presumptive Republican nominee. This truly is the Darkest Timeline.

My feelings about Cruz dropping out and Drumph winning the nomination are perfectly summed up by this gif.

Rarely have I seen such an oily, off-putting homonculus as Ted Cruz. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something about him that makes him completely unappealing in every measurable sense. 

Everything he does is awkward and uncoordinated. He even looks uncomfortable when he's simply standing still. It's like he grew up in a closet and has never been around other humans before. Or like an alien who donned a human skin suit for the first time.

And it's not just me. This is how his own wife kisses him! Look at the poor woman. She can barely suppress her shuddering revulsion as she pulls away in horror from him as he tries to insert his ovipositor down her throat.

Anyway, so much for Ted Cruz. Before I go, I'd like to leave you with this image from his concession speech, in which he punches and elbows his wife in the face not once, not twice, but three times! Good riddance, Ted!