Monday, June 27, 2016

The Island Of Misfit Toys: Godzilla Apology Press Conference Figures

Welcome to a new feature here at Bob Canada's BlogWorld. As longtime readers of my blog know, I'm a grown-ass man who still collects toys and action figures. Hey, it's not weird, it's a hobby. Yeah, that's it! A hobby! You can justify almost any socially awkward behavior by labeling it a hobby!

Anyway, now and then I run across a line of toys so weird, so bizarre, so delightfully off the wall that they deserve to be exiled to The !sland Of Misfit Toys!

Tonight's Misfit Toys come from— where else Japan. I have a feeling most of the toys featured here will come from The Land Of The Rising Sun, where things are often just plain weird. And I don't mean weird in a "Oh, their culture is different from ours" way, but a universal, everyone else on earth would think it's weird way.

Case in point the Godzilla Apology Press Conference Figures. See, in Japan, when a public official or celebrity messes up or is caught doing something inappropriate, they're expected to hold a press conference in which they apologize while bowing low, and beg for forgiveness. So of course it only makes sense to sell a line of toys featuring kaiju doing just that!

Here we see an abashed and contrite Godzilla bowing before a podium (that has to be a hundred feet tall), issuing a heartfelt admission of guilt.

"Mistakes were made. Cities were destroyed, and innocents were trampled under my enormous feet. Buildings were razed by my radioactive breath. I will do everything in my power to make sure tragedies like this never happen again."

I recognize Godzilla's name there at the top of the podium, but I have no idea what the vertical text says. If anyone out there can read it, feel free to translate it for me.

Here's a penitent Mechagodzilla, announcing he's stepping down as a rampaging kaiju in order to "spend more time with his family."

A humbled and regretful King Ghidorah reads a prepared statement declaring he's taking a prolonged leave of absence.

"I've consulted extensively with my heads, and we all agree that it would be prudent at this time to temporarily remove ourselves from office and reflect on our future. Futures. Whatever." 

Lastly, a positively defiant Hedorah (aka the Smog Monster) refuses to bow or resign, as he apparently believes his actions were justified and he did nothing wrong.

Oh, Japan. If you didn't exist we'd have to invent you!

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