Monday, June 27, 2016

The Walking Kids

Last week Alana Hubbard, a New Jersey-based photographer, unveiled her newest photoshoot, which features children recreating iconic scenes from AMC's hit series The Walking Dead.

Hubbard posted the photos to Facebook, and as you would expect here in the Offended States Of America, the internet lost its collective freakin' mind.

The Jittery Soccer Mom Brigade was so disturbed by the photos that they immediately sprang into action and reported the photos to Facebook, causing the social network to temporarily ban Hubbard for seventy two hours. Facebook officials later admitted they'd jumped the gun and suspended her in error, and have since reinstated her.

Hubbard defended the photos, saying that she doesn't see any difference between this and kids playing Cowboys & Indians. Sorry, sorry. I meant Evil Prairie Colonialists & Noble Oppressed Indigenous Population. Gotta be careful how you phrase things these days!

Hubbard went on to say that none of the kids in the photoshoot have ever seen The Walking Dead, and as far as they were concerned were just having a blast playing dress-up. She says the blood and gore were added after the fact in Photoshop, sparing the children's delicate psyches.

Personally I don't see a problem here, as I think the photos are a riot. Kids like pretending and dressing up, and they like monsters even more. Well, they did, until their uptight parents started banning everything even mildly exciting from their homes. 

I remember watching monster movies on TV when I was ten years old or younger, and I loved them. They didn't permanently damage my fragile mind, and I like to think I turned out OK. I gave up trying to make a skin-suit from the women in my basement pit long ago! People need to lighten the hell up.

Finally, Hubbard claims that every kid in the photoshoot had parental permission to be there. Some parents even provided their children's costumes! That pretty much shuts down any arguments right there. If the parents of these kids were OK with it, that's good enough for me. You don't get to tell other people how to raise their own kids, no matter how much it "offends" you.

Hubbard says she plans on another filming another Walking Dead photoshoot soon, this time recreating scenes with seniors sixty five or older! Maybe that'll shut up the whiners!

Here's a photo of the Season 6 main cast. From left to right we have Lil' Carol, Lil' Daryl, Even Lil'-er Carl, Lil' Rick, Lil' Maggie, Lil' Glenn and Lil' Michonne.

It's Lil' Morgan and Lil' Rick! Lil' Morgan is no doubt trying to explain why he needs an entire super-sized ninety minute episode to explain how he got his sweet bo staff skills.

Lil' Carol makes do with the ingredients she has in Alexandria and bakes some acorn and beet cookies. Judging by her expression, it looks like she just sampled one of them.

Here we see Lil' Eugene, Lil' Rosita, Lil' Abraham and Lil' Maggie, taking a break during their merry jaunt to Terminus. Hey guys, when you finally get there, don't ask "What's for dinner?" You won't like the answer!

Obviously no one ever taught Lil' Eugene about basic gun safety. He's gonna have to change his name to "Lil' Lefty" if he keeps that up!

Aw, it's a post-apocalyptic family portrait, featuring Lil' Rick, Even Lil'-er Carl, Microscopically Lil' Baby Judith and Lil' Michonne.

Lil' Jesus and Lil' Rick are ready to kick zombie ass.

Note that Lil' Jesus' beard here is only slightly less fake-looking than the one worn on the show by his adult counterpart.

Lil' Abraham tells his crush Lil' Sasha that life's too short in the Zombie Apocalypse, and since she ain't got many other choices, they might as well hook up. Seduced by his silver tongue and irresistible charm, Lil' Sasha sighs and says, "Eh, why not?"

HAW! It's Lil' Merle! And he's chained to a fence, seconds away from sawing off his own hand to escape. I should point out that he's got the wrong hand cuffed to the fence here, but I'll let it go.

I'm impressed that Hubbard somehow found a kid that actually looks like a young Michael Rooker!

It's a Greene family reunion. There's Lil' Maggie, Lil' Hershel and Lil' Beth. 

Once again, I should point out that Hershel's missing the wrong leg here. Does Hubbard have some sort of weird "bilateral symmetry" disorder?

Twitchy Lil' Father Gabriel's never looked cuter! Here he is watching over Oddly Normal-Sized Baby Judith. You better not let anything happen to that baby, Father!

Here we see Lil' Daryl trying to lead the Walker Parade away from Alexandria. Watch out for Lil' Dwight, Lil' Daryl!

Lil' Sasha, traumatized by life in the Zombie Apocalypse, copes in the only way she knows how— by trying to become one of them.

OK, even I have to admit Hubbard may have gone a bit too far with this one.

It's Lil' Negan, with his beloved weapon of choice, Lucille.

Here we see a recreation of the Season 6 finale. Maybe if we study this photo we can finally figure out who the hell Negan kills.

And we'll close with my favorite— Lil' Carol and Even Lil'-er Lizzie from the horrifying episode The Grove. "Look at the pretty flowers, Lizzie!"

Lighten up, people!

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