Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Basket Case

Bad news this week for fans of overpriced wicker storage and novelty architecture. 

The Longaberger basket company, which had an annual revenue of $1 BILLION dollars back in the 1990s, has fallen on hard times lately. The once successful company now makes only a small fraction of that amount, which has resulted in hundreds of layoffs and drastic cost-cutting measures. 

This fall from grace is most likely due to the fact that people suddenly woke up and realized they don't really need an $87 dollar picnic basket, and in the unlikely event they ever do they can get one for $15 over at Target.

The iconic seven-story Longaberger building was constructed in 1997, built to look exactly like one of the company's signature baskets. It's located in Newark, Ohio, and quickly became a tourist destination.

Unfortunately the unique building is most likely doomed. The company's been forced to sell the building in order to pay off thousands in tax debts. It's going to be a hard sell though, as real estate in rural Ohio isn't exactly in high demand. It also requires a lot of maintenance and upkeep. For example, the building's massive "handles" must be heated in the winter to prevent ice from forming and falling onto the large skylight below.

Plus, who the hell's going to want a building that looks like a goddamned picnic basket? Yogi Bear? Most likely any investor who buys the joint would end up tearing it down.

"Looks like someone's (puts on sunglasses)… going to hell in a hand basket. Yeeeaaaahhhh!!!"

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