All kidding aside, Dragon Sound's songs are easily the highlight of the film, and they take me back to a simpler time, before the world became a miserable cesspool.
The songs were all written by Angelo Janotti, the Hall & Oates-looking guy who plays Tom. Of course he's playing guitar shirtless.
He and Kathy Collier (who plays Jane, the Pat Benatar lookalike) were dating in real life at the time of filming. Supposedly Janotti didn't care for the fact that Collier's character was romantically involved with John (played by Vincent Hirsch), and was uncomfortable with their scenes together.
Whenever Collier and Hirsch were about to shoot a love scene, the crew would send Janotti out for beer or on other errands, so he wouldn't see the other two actors writhing around together.
Janotti and Collier were also the only two members of Dragon Sound who actually had any musical training or talent.
The rest of the band were just faking it and playing air guitar on stage. Let me tell you, you don't need to be a musician to spot the fact that they're not really playing their instruments. This is especially obvious in any shot featuring Y.K. Kim as Mark, whose air guitar skills are horrendous.
• There aren't many films out there that can boast a caption like this!
A couple of the Dragon Sound guys, like John and maybe Jack, actually look young enough to be college students. The rest of them though are clearly in their thirties, and far too old to likely be enrolled.
Oddly enough, Y.K. Kim looks like he's at least forty five if he's a day, but he was thirty one at the time of shooting!
• Possibly the best scene in the entire film is when Jeff and his thugs confront Dragon Sound for the first time.
Listen for the moment when Jane tells her brother Jeff that John is a friend of hers. For no good reason, Jeff bellows, "A FRIEND?" at the top of his lungs, which inadvertently makes it the most hilarious line reading of all time.
Also listen as Y.K. Kim, who has a VERY thick accent, struggles with his line, "You do not scare me! At all! Goodbye!" Which of course comes out something like, "You donut scat me atoll! Gerdbye!"
Also take note of Jeff's magnificent, Billy Mays-like ebony beard. This impressive shock of facial hair refuses to reflect so much as a stray photon, much the way a black hole in space absorbs all visible light. It's very impressive.
By the way, this is as good a place as any to address the name situation in the film. The seven main characters are named Mark, John, Jack, Jim, Tom, Jane and Jeff. These generic and similar names (five of 'em start with with a "J" for corn's sake!) make it extremely difficult to remember who's who. Even after seeing the movie several times, I have trouble remembering which name goes with what character.
• The group has a second hit song called Against The Ninja, and it's equally awesome. Oddly enough, the Dragon Sound members don't actually encounter any ninjas until the very end of the movie, which makes the existence of this song and its placement a bit puzzling. I guess they're just anti-ninja in general, even though they've never actually met any.
By the way, the middle of the song features a fist-pumping call and response line, in which the audience joins in. I've been racking my brain for months trying to figure out exactly what they're shouting here. I finally saw the lyrics online, and they're yelling, "Tae Kwon! Tae Kwon!" over and over. Yeah, I know, it doesn't make any sense, but whaddya gonna do?
• Naturally the Dragon Sound guys only have one car, and they all ride around together in it. Because they must always do everything together. EVERYTHING. Also note that they have a convertible, because of course they do.
Watch for the moment where Y.K. Kim tries to be cool and jump into the car, only for his left leg to get hung up on the side. You'd think a guy who can kick his leg straight up into the air would be able to leap three feet into a car, but you'd be wrong.
• There's some decent martial arts action in the scene in which Dragon Sound is attacked by Jeff's Gang. At least I think it's Jeff's. It could be one of the other several groups that are after the boys.
Most of the film's cast were students of Y.K. Kim's various taekwondo schools, which would account for the reasonably impressive stunt work.
Y.K. Kim was so popular and beloved in the Orlando area that the mayor's office allowed him to film anywhere in the city without a permit. He was even allowed to shut down streets for filming!
Apparently one precinct must not have received the memo, because during filming the police thought the street brawl was real and moved in to stop it!
• Because the members of Dragon Sound are all "orpans," (Y.K. Kim's way of saying "orphan"), they all live together in one house. Shirtless, of course.
This leads us to the famous scene in which Jim tearfully tells the others his tragic backstory. Apparently his mother was Korean, and his father was "black American," which is a term no one's ever said in the history of English. His father then left them, and his mother made Jim promise to find him some day.
Maurice Smith's emoting in this scene is as fascinating as it is cringe-worthy. Note how uncomfortable the other characters look while he's sobbing uncontrollably. Move over, Sir Laurence Olivier! There's a new World's Best Actor in town!
This was Maurice Smith's one and only acting gig. After Miami Connection wrapped, he went on to a successful career in business equipment sales. He's currently the sales VP of an online broadcasting service.
By the way, Jim apparently gets over this emotional outburst really quickly, because after this the film immediately cuts to the guys frolicking on the beach and hitting on various bikini-clad babes. I'm convinced this was done in an effort to assure the audience that this group of shirtless roommates didn't have a case of the gays.
• We're then treated to several runtime-filling moments of Y.K. Kim and his pals practicing their sweet taekwondo routines.
For some reason, Mark ends his routine with Jack (I think it's Jack) by trying to shove his entire fist into his mouth.
He then spars with John for a bit, ending their practice by pinching his nose between his toes. I... I honestly don't know what to say here. It's not like Mark kicks his leg out and grabs John's nose in the blink of an eye. That would have actually been impressive.
Instead John freezes and patiently lies motionless while Mark slowly brings his foot closer and closer to his face, fumbling around with his toes until he finally grabs his nose. It's one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen.
• Director Cameo Alert! Be on the lookout for the completely superfluous scene with restaurant owner Uncle Song, who's played by Woo-sang Park, the director of Miami Connection.
Uncle Song ends up kicking the ever loving sh*t out of a group of ne'er do wells who try to skip out on their tab. Note that despite what it looks like, the black gentleman in the center of the screen is NOT wearing a diaper. Those are what passed for men's shorts back in 1987. It was a different time.
• Per John's suggestion, Mark starts incorporating some of his taekwondo moves into Dragon Sound's act! Complete with the nose-grabbing routine!
The band also decides they're going to go on a world tour (!) and visit the home countries of all the members— such as Korea, Ireland and Israel. Because that's what local club bands do, right? Go on world tours?
• Jeff and his goons just can't seem to let Dragon Sound alone, so they send them a written invitation to a gang fight (!). I am not kidding here.
Amazingly, the Dragon Sound guys actually show up for the fight, rather than call the police like normal humans would. Maybe it's an honor thing.
Note the cartoonish gent at the left of the screen above. This is apparently what Y.K. Kim thought a gang member looked like.
The fight goes on for quite a while, until Jeff spots a couple of police cruisers in the distance. He then yells, "Cops!" and both his gang and the Dragon Sound guys beat it the hell out of there.
Really? Jeff is supposed to be the leader of a bloodthirsty gang of thugs, who're involved in drug trafficking, ninja cults and all sorts of shady dealings. Why the hell would he be afraid of the cops?
It kind of reminded me of kids soaping car windows and running away when they think they see the police.
• For absolutely no reason, we're then treated to at least ten minutes of B-roll footage of a biker gang milling around and getting drunk.
These were real bikers too, who were paid in beer to be in the film. Over a hundred of them ended up attending the movie's premiere in Orlando.
• A bit later Jeff tries to kill the Dragon Sound guys yet again. This guy just won't give up! The fight goes on for quite some time, culminating in Jeff and Mark battling one another at the top of a high tower.
Unfortunately for Jeff, during the fight he takes a wrong step and topples backwards off the tower and falls to his death. This is what's known in films as a Disney Death™. One in which the villain gets his comeuppance by accidentally killing himself, relieving the main character of the responsibility and preserving his heroic status.
• Those damned Florida Ninjas then hear about Jeff's tragic passing, and even though he technically killed himself, they vow vengeance against Dragon Sound.
The ninjas would probably look a bit more menacing if their movements weren't so perfectly choreographed here. They look like the Rockettes, or some kind of Vegas revue!
• Finally some good news! Jim checks the mail (shirtless of course) and discovers a letter from his long-lost father, who's flying down to Miami, er, I mean Orlando to see him! Huzzah!
This leads to possibly the most hilarious moment in the film, as Jim exclaims "Oh my GOD!" in a high-pitched, little girl's falsetto.
His shirtless pals then congratulate him. Shirtlessly of course. Note that Tom's out on the front lawn dressed only in a towel (!).
• The guys then pool all their money to buy Jim a brand new suit, so he can meet his father in style. Just then Jane shows up for some reason, after sitting out the last forty five minutes or so of the film.
We then get a tense— and puzzling— reunion between Jane and John, who haven't seen one another since Jeff's death. Jane tells John she's hurting inside, but couldn't stay away because she loves him. John says he's so sorry about what happened to Jeff, and says, "We had no choice. We had to do it."
Apparently John's reading from an early version of the script here, because he had absolutely nothing to do with Jeff's death. As I said above, Jeff blundered off the tower and inadvertently killed himself while fighting Mark! John wasn't anywhere near him!
• For some reason, only Mark and John drive Jim to the airport to meet his father. Along the way they're attacked by Florida Ninjas. They then leap out of their car and run into what appears to be a tropical jungle. Sure, why not?
Jim is attacked by a sword-wielding ninja, who slashes him in the stomach! Oh no! Not Jim's brand new suit! If you look closely you'll see they even sliced his new tie in half! The monsters!
• This is the point where Miami Connection goes completely off the rails (if it was ever on them to begin with). When Mark and John see their friend Jim lying bloody and dying on the ground, they both go into full berserker mode. John literally rips his shirt and jacket in half in one swift move! You can practically see their videogame power-ups appear on the screen!
The two then cut through a veritable army of ninjas, mowing them all down in a relentless orgy of violence and bloodlust. It's absolutely glorious in its insanity.
• ,,,,annnnnd then we cut from their manic, blood-stained faces to the group sitting patiently in a hospital waiting room!
I'm guessing the wild-eyed, bloodied pair took Jim to the ER, then called Jack and had him bring them some fresh clothes, as well as swing by the airport to pick up Jim's dad. That's him at the right.
Note that Jim's Dad appears to be approximately the same age as he is, complete with very obvious powdered grey hair, in a desperate attempt to make him look older. They couldn't have found an actual fifty year old black man anywhere in Miami, er, I mean Orlando?
Jim's Dad also doesn't look anything like the photo we saw of him earlier.
• The gang, along with the Dad, are then reunited with Jim. Despite the fact that he was almost sliced in half a couple of hours ago, he's apparently free to go home as they wheel him out of the hospital. Dad tells Jim he's very lucky to have such good friends, and says he'll never leave him again.
John then declares them all safe, as the happy-go-lucky members of Dragon Sound have managed to kill every single one of their enemies over the course of the film! Yay!
In the original cut of the film, Jim dies on the way to the hospital, as Mark and Jim look up to see his dad's plane fly overhead. When Kim screened the film for potential distributors, they told him that ending was too much of a downer, and he needed to change it.
Director Woo-sang Park had already returned to Korea at that point, so Kim shot a new ending— in which Jim lives— by himself. Kim decided the film needed additional reshoots as well, and for some reason tapped Joseph Diamond, who played Jack (I think) to write the new scenes.
Diamond had absolutely zero experience in screenwriting, so he reportedly bought eight or nine books on the subject and studied them before tacking the job. Maybe he should have bought a few more.
• We then see what has to be the most jaw-dropping title card in the history of cinema. Are you freakin' kidding me? This film is ninety minutes of nothing but violence!
Maybe I'm misunderstanding the card's message here. Maybe it's not advocating the elimination of violence, as it first appears. Instead, maybe it's saying that there can only be peace if you eliminate everyone who seeks to do you harm!
• Ah, but we're not done yet! Miami Connection is the film that keeps on giving, even after it's over. Once the story ends, we're treated to a bizarre credit sequence, in which we see short clips of the main players.
Only Miami Connection would use a shot of two people for an actor credit! So... I guess Y.K. Kim is probably the Asian guy here, right?
Um... one of these guys is probably Vincent Hirsch. You've got a fifty-fifty chance of picking the right one!
There were probably twenty five or thirty good closeup shots of Maurice Smith in the film. Y.K. Kim chose to use this one for the credits.
Is... is Angelo Janotti the girl who's framed in the center of the screen here?
Eh, Kathy's face is obscured by the guitar neck AND her name here, but I'm sure the audience will figure it out.
So once again, Happy 30th Anniversary to Miami Connection! If you've not seen it, I urge you to track it down and watch it. Trust me, you won't be disappointed.
