Legends Of Tomorrow Season 5, Episode 14: The One Where We're Trapped On TV

This week on Legends Of Tomorrow, it's the penultimate episode of Season 5.

The One Where We're Trapped On TV is another "Altered Reality" episode, in which the villains win (temporarily of course) and use a McGuffin to change the entire world. The show used this same basic plot way back in Season 2's Doomworld. 

These types of episodes are generally a lot of fun, as it's interesting to see the cast get to play different versions of their characters.

Of course the writers always have to stack the deck a bit in favor of the heroes, to give them a fighting chance against the villains— as they did here. Logically, Lachesis and Atropos should have eliminated the Legends. Of course they bow to Charlie's request and let them live out their lives as characters on various TV shows, with no memories of their pasts. Stupid Fates!

This episode borrows VERY heavily from dystopian works such as 1984 and Brazil, with a dash of Apple's infamous Macintosh commercial. Wait, did I say "borrows?" I mean outright STEALS. It lifts so much from 1984 that I hope the novel's in the public domain by now, or the Orwell estate's gonna come knocking on The CW's door. 

It's also an odd framework to build a world upon, since you'd think the Fates would be more familiar with an ancient Greek theme. But what do I know.

The One Where We're Trapped On TV features the directorial debut of Legends co-creator Marc Guggenheim. He does a pretty darned good job here, juggling a whopping FIVE different settings and shows-within-a-show— all of which feature radically different production design and filming styles. It would have been a difficult shoot for a seasoned director, so it's all the more amazing he pulled it off on his first time out!

Finally, I mentioned this last week, but it's worth a repeat as this episode doubles down on it— I am not a fan of the whole Canary/Sharpe "co-captains" thing. I've nothing against a woman being in charge, and think Canary's done a bang up job as captain for the past four years. 

But adding Sharpe to the crew and suddenly appointing her captain as well just rubs me the wrong way. Yes, Canary got the job when Rip gave it to her at the end of Season 1. But she's grown into the position over the seasons, and proven herself worthy. She earned the title.

Sadly, the same can't be said for Sharpe. She was a terrible Director of the Time Bureau, and she's done nothing since coming onboard the Waverider to warrant her position. 

Making her a co-captain actually diminishes Canary and her accomplishment. If anyone can just be appointed captain, then it lessens the title. 

I would have no problem with Sharpe being Second Officer or ACTING captain when Canary's not on the ship. But a full-fledged captain? No.

I feel like the only reason they came up with this harebrained idea is because once the Time Bureau was shut down, they needed to find a reason for Sharpe to stay on the show. Unfortunately, "co-captain" was all they could think of.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
Charlie and her sisters have used the Loom Of Fate to once again control the destiny of humanity. The world is now a 1984-like Brutalist dystopia, in which the Fates rule and free will is not allowed.

Mona Wu works at her desk, rewriting history for the Fates. Her coworker Geoffrey whispers to Mona that what they're doing doesn't seem right. Mona says the Fates give everyone food, shelter and TV— what more could one ask for? Suddenly Atropos appears on a monitor and announces that Geoffrey's reached his Fate, and his life thread has ended. He immediately drops dead to the floor.

Mona makes her way back to her living unit. She walks past Gary Green, who's now a crazy, wild-eyed protester. He says he recognizes Mona, and asks if she remembers him. She tells him to get the hell away from her and hurries off.

Mona enters her living unit, heats a bowl of Mush and sits down to watch TV. Ultimate Buds is on, and we see it stars Zari 2.0 and Behrad. Zari 2.0's boss is coming for dinner, and she asks Behrad if he bought Grey Mush. He says he got every color but that, as the studio audience roars with laughter.

Just then their neighbor Steel enters and announces he auditioned for a role on Arrow. He then accidentally shoots his prop crossbow, causing Mush to fly everywhere. Behrad takes off his Air Totem (?) and sets it on a table while he goes to clean up. Zari 2.0's not happy about being left alone with Steel, as the two of them once kissed.

Just then the Totem glows, and Steel touches it. The Original Zari emerges from the Totem and looks around in confusion. She merges with Zari 2.0, sees Steel and embraces him. The audience reacts to their kiss, and Zari asks who's making the noises. She asks where the Legends, the Waverider and Mona Wu are.

Mona's shocked to hear a TV character mention her by name. Behrad then comes back, and Zari's shocked to see him alive again. Just then Zari 2.0's boss arrives, so Behrad and Steel hide Zari in the closet till they can figure out what's wrong with her. They let the boss in, and typical sitcom hijinx ensue.

Unseen by the others, the Air Totem flies under the closet door. A second later Zari uses it to blow the closet door open. She says they must have somehow become stuck inside a sitcom, and looks for a way out. She spots a door, and none of the others seem to know what's behind it. She opens it, revealing a wall of static beyond. Zari touches the static, and it resolves into an Edwardian mansion.

Zari, Behrad and Steel go through the door, and find they're somehow now wearing period-appropriate attire. Constantine enter, dressed as a butler and welcomes them to Highcastle Abbey. He doesn't seem to recognize any of them, and leads everyone to the parlor.

Lady Astra and her mother Lady Natalie enter and introduce themselves. Lady Natalie announces that Behrad's to marry Astra, in order to keep Highcastle in the family. Constantine, thinking Steel is Behrad's footman, takes him to the servant's hall. Zari excuses herself to visit the "lavatory."

Zari finds Constantine and Steel hanging out in the kitchen. She tells Constantine she needs to talk with him alone, and he dismisses the other servants. She tells him he's really a chain-smoking sorcerer with an apprentice named Gary. As they talk, Steel sneaks a taste of Blue Mush, and Constantine turns and casts a spell that wraps him up in an apron.

In the real world, Mona sees this and hears Zari mention Gary's name. She wonders if he's not so crazy after all.

Back in the parlor, Lady Natalie leaves Astra and Behrad alone. Astra confesses she wishes she'd been born a man, so she could have adventures. Behrad says there's no reason she can't have them, as she's a "diva."

In the kitchen, Constantine tells Zari he's ashamed that part of him's been seduced by dark magic. Zari says that's the REAL Constantine, and asks him to help her and the others escape.

Mona finds Gary and drags him back to her place. She tells him the people on TV are mentioning them by name and makes him sit down and watch. He decides she's crazier than he is.

Zari says they need to find their captain White Canary. Behrad and Astra enter the kitchen, as Constantine lights a Tarot card on fire and tells everyone who's going with him to grab hold. They all take one another's hands as they disappear.

Mona remembers Canary from another show called Star Trip. She says they need to break into Clotho Productions (the studio that films all TV shows in this world) to get answers.

Cut to the Star Trip show, where Canary and a Vulcan Sharpe co-captain the USS Faterider. They detect a Gromulan ship ahead and hail it. The Gromulans appear onscreen, and we see they're actually Zari, Behrad, Steel, Constantine and Astra, all with bumpy alien foreheads.

Canary wants to immediately blow them out of the sky, but Sharpe suggests they talk with them first. Zari tells them that none of this is real and they have to escape. Behrad then casually pushes a random button, which causes the Gromulan ship to fire on the Faterider. The ship's nearly destroyed, as the entire crew's killed except for Canary and Sharpe (of course). Zari beams Canary and Sharpe over to the Gromulan ship.

Mona and Gary sneak into Clotho Productions by posing as Mush machine vendors. They make their way to the control room, where they find a typewriter that's automatically generating the Star Trip script. They also see a tube filled with life threads attached to the typewriter, and Mona realizes there are real people trapped inside the show.

On the ship, the crew picks up an odd radio transmission from the planet "Kuldezax." They recognize as a song, and Zari says they should try and make contact. Behrad pushes another button, and suddenly a giant hand appears and grabs the model of their ship, er, I mean their ship.

The crew then find they're in the Mr. Parker's Cul-De-Sac show (last seen in, what else, Mr. Parker's Cul-De-Sac), and are dressed as Community Helpers. Mr. Parker says it's story time, and Canary tells him to take a walk around his circle. Zari tries to get the Legends to remember who they are, saying they're a bunch of misfits who're just trying to do the right thing and make the world a better place. Unfortunately this has no effect, as none of the Legends remember their former lives.

Mona hears Zari's words, sits down at the typewriter and begins editing the script so the Legends remember who they really are.

Mona's plan works, as the Legends' memories come flooding back. Canary and Sharpe hug, and Behrad wonders how he's alive again. Astra asks Constantine if her mother's really alive, and he admits he honestly doesn't know. Steel tells Zari he's never going to lose her again.

Just then a furious Charlie bursts into the studio and asks Mona what she's done. She begins rewriting the script to make them forget again.

Mr. Parker returns and sings a song about repressing bad feelings. He then snaps his fingers and sends Canary, Sharpe, Zari, Behrad and Steel back to their respective TV shows. Constantine threatens Mr. Parker with Hellfire, but Astra says she wants to go back— to make sure her mother is alive or not.

Constantine stands down and holds Astra's hands, and they find themselves back in Highcastle Abbey at Xmas. Lady Natalie enters and Astra embraces her. Constantine tells Astra they can stay in the show as long as she wants. He says she was his Original Sin, and he'll gladly play the role of Mr. Constantine to make up for it. Astra thanks him, and the two forget who they really are and slip back into their characters.

At the studio, Charlie says she's managed to get the shows back on track. She explains to Mona that she made a deal with her sisters that allowed her to hide the Legends in various TV shows, in order to save their lives. Mona said the shows only cause people to get used to obeying.

Back on Star Trip, Canary and Sharpe find themselves on their fully functional ship again. For some reason, the two remember who they really are. Sharpe says she wants to stay on the show because they always win and never die. Canary tells her life is beautiful and terrible at the same time, and existing on TV isn't living at all. Just then their old enemy Dhan (who's actually Heat Wave) appears on the viewscreen and threatens to destroy them. Sharpe loads the ship's torpedoes, but Canary refuses to fire. She says the only way they can be free is to lose for once.

Mona tells Charlie she has to save them. Charlie looks at the typewriter and hesitates. Canary and Sharpe kiss as their ship explodes around them. All over the world, people watch the show in horror, wondering what just happened. Among them are Ali and Lita (Heat Wave's old flame and daughter). Mona asks what Charlie did, and she says she just canceled Star Trip.

At Highcastle Abbey, Natalie gives Astra a present— a ticket to London, where she can have adventures. Astra says she can't leave her, but Natalie tells her she still has her whole life to live and leaves. Astra remembers, and tells Constantine it's time to go. He casts a spell and they find themselves on an empty soundstage.

On Ultimate Bros, Behrad says he can't handle eating Mush anymore, and the studio audience erupts in gasps. Steel says they can't go against the Fates, and Zari says screw 'em. The audience gasps again, and this time the three can see them sitting in the bleachers.

Charlie begs the Legends to stop, or they'll inspire a massive rebellion.

Zari tells the masses to get off their couches and take control of their own lives, as she throws a bowl of mush into the camera. She, Behrad and Steel then find themselves in the empty studio with the others.

Charlie says she gave them everything they ever wanted, and they're all morons for refusing it. She says she can still do rewrites, and takes Zari's thread and splits it into the Original and 2.0 versions, presumably as an incentive. She says if they don't accept their fates, her sisters will kill them. The Legends shrug and walk out of the studio. Charlie tells Mona and Gary that she can't help the Legends anymore.

Thoughts: 
• The name of this week's episode is a nod to the 1990s sitcom Friends, whose titles always began with the words "The One," such as The One Where The Monkey Gets Away or The One With The Flashback.

• The opening titles change this week, to reflect the fact that the Fates have wiped out all independent thought and free will. While I appreciate that the producers went to the trouble to create an episode-specific title sequence, I'm not sure why it looks like a Russian Revolution-era propaganda poster. I guess because this new Loomworld is an oppressive regime just like Russia?

• As the episode opens, we see Mona Wu's now working in the Historical Sanitation Department. A couple things here:

First of all, this is a VERY obvious nod to 1984. In the novel, main character Winston Smith works at The Ministry Of Truth, altering historical documents to reflect his country's current party line. Mona does the exact same thing at the Historical Sanitation Department, doctoring history books to remove any hint of free will.

Secondly, the fact that there's an entire department dedicated to altering historical records pretty much proves that the Fates aren't all-powerful. Sure, they used the Loom Of Fate to change the world as we knew it, but there are apparently limits to their abilities. Otherwise they'd have altered the history books themselves while they were weaving.

• Mona hands her altered documents to her coworker Geoffrey, who wonders if what they're doing is wrong. At that precise moment, Atropos appears on a monitor and announces that Geoffrey's time has come to an end, and cuts his life thread.

Was Geoffrey's time REALLY up, or did Atropos hurriedly cut his thread to shut him up before he caused an insurrection? It'd be an astronomical coincidence if he "just happened" to die a second after he questioned the New Order.

On the other hand, maybe it was just his time. A few seconds later we see Gary Green openly protesting the state of the world, as he literally stands in front of propaganda posters of the Three Fates. Atropos doesn't strike him down for his blasphemy, so maybe she didn't kill Geoffrey out of wrath after all.

• One last thing about Geoffrey. Atropos appears on a monitor, tells Geoffrey his time's up and he instantly keels over dead. Note that at no time does she ever touch him. Heck, she's not even in the same room with him.

Compare that to when she killed Behrad (in Zari, Not Zari) by literally reaching into his chest, pulling out his life thread and slicing it. Why the difference? If she can kill people without making physical contact, then why the big production with Behrad?

• Boy, I'll bet Dionysus is really pissed with Charlie right now. In Freaks And Geeks he agreed to let her use his Chalice on the condition that she promise not to use the Loom Of Fate to eliminate free will and put an end to his eternal partying. And then she helps her sisters do exactly that! He's gonna be one angry god!

• Nice attention to detail: During the Ultimate Buds show, it looks like they used a video filter to make the scenes look like a cheap sitcom.

Note that they also even added a promo snipe in the corner of the screen, just like the annoying ones The CW adds to its own shows.

• The general public lives in a grey, joyless world devoid of any hope. The Fates use television to pacify the populace, so they'll be too distracted to think about rebelling. So far, so good.

But then every single TV show on Fate+ features characters wearing bright clothing in cheery settings, having fun and adventures. Wouldn't that make everyone realize their lives suck in comparison, and fuel thoughts of insurrection?

Or does the public just see the TV shows as escapism, and live vicariously through the characters?

• As mentioned above, television plays a huge role in the Fates' plan to keep the population oppressed. So then why does everyone have a tiny picture tube TV with a 14" screen? If it's that important, shouldn't every domicile have a massive 75" flatscreen monitor?

And where the hell did all these old school sets come from in the first place? No one makes picture tubes anymore. Did the Fates use the Loom to conjure 'em up?

• I guess Charlie's in charge of all TV? Is that a subtle joke? She uses the Loom to spin the life threads of everyone on Earth, right? So is that a reference to "spinning yarns" or stories?

• The producers did an amazing job evoking the look and feel of the Downton Abbey title sequence. Especially the shot of the servant bells ringing and the logo at the end. Well done!

• This is some extreeeeeeme nitpicking, but whatever. When the Legends find themselves in the Highcastle Abbey show, Steel says, "We went from a hilarious yet heartfelt sitcom, but now we're stuck on some stuffy BBC period piece."

I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't point out that Downton Abbey (on which this show-within-a-show is based) airs on ITV in England, not the BBC. And how would he know about the BBC anyway? In Loomworld there's just one network— Fate+! Whoops!

Told you it was extreme.

• Astra's mom appears in Highcastle Abbey, as the Lady Natalie. If I'm not mistaken, we've only seen Natalie once before, in a flashback and in ghost form in A Head Of Her Time. She looks really different here— I bet a lot of viewers were wondering who the hell she was.

• Mr. Constantine takes Steel to the kitchen, where they have the following conversation:

Constantine: "In this household, servants should be seen and not heard in the company of their superiors."
Mrs. Hutchens: "Which means we should all be silent round you. Isn't that right, Mr. Constantine?"
Constantine: "Mrs. Hutchens, trying to hold your tongue will be as easy as swimming through custard in Wellington boots."

Wait, what? The only food in this dystopian world is Mush, a porridge-like goo which comes in various colors. There's no such thing as custard anymore! Whoops!

Does this mean that the residents of Loomworld remember their former, unoppressed lives? Kinda seems like it, based on this custard reference and the fact that Mona's aware that she's revising history. 

That seems like a baaaaad idea to me, as remembering the past is a recipe for unrest. You'd think when the Fates wiped out free will, they'd have erased everyone's memories while they were at it. That way there'd be no incentive to riot. Of course if they did that, then there'd be no hope for the heroes to change things, and the series would be over, so...

• I was much less impressed with the Star Trip titles. Yeah, they got all the beats of Star Trek's opening right, but they did so by making the ship look like a cheap model that wobbles as it passes the camera, as if it were on strings.

It always pisses me off when modern fans mock The Original Series and complain it looks "cheesy." Of course the FX look somewhat dated now— the show's over fifty years old! But back when it first aired it was revolutionary. No one had ever seen FX like that on TV before— especially on a weekly series!

And contrary to current popular opinion, the Enterprise model was NOT hung on a string, but mounted on a pylon and shot in front of a blue screen— pretty much the exact same way the ships in Star Wars were filmed.

So stop calling The Original Series cheesy, and try to look at it in its historical context.

• Canary and Sharpe appear in the Star Trip series as ersatz versions of Kirk and Spock. Several things:

First of all, note that Canary's wearing a green shirt. As all good Star Trek fans know, Captain Kirk's shirt was actually olive green, but for some reason the velour material looked gold on film. I'm assuming Canary's shirt is a shoutout to this. I'd be too big a coincidence otherwise.

Second, why does Sharpe have platinum blonde hair here as a Vulcan? It's WAY lighter than her normal color. If there's a joke here, it flew far over my head.

Lastly, note that all the background crew— even the men— are wearing black short shorts as part of their uniform.

Was this a nod to the infamous unisex "skant" uniform, seen in a couple of early episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation? I'd say signs point to yes.

• I hate to say it, but Caity Lotz's Shatner impression left a LOT to be desired. Unless it was supposed to be awful, in which case mission accomplished!

• Man, that Gromulan makeup was spot on, and perfectly captured the look of 1990s-era "bumpy forehead" TNG aliens.

• During the Star Trip show, Heat Wave appears as Dhan (a thinly-disguised version of Khan from Star Trek: The Wrath Of Khan), complete with luxurious long hair. Gotta say, Dominic Purcell's Ricardo Montalban impression was pretty bad as well.

• At Clotho Studios, Mona and Gary find Charlie's script-writing machine, which features a small monitor with a magnifying glass in front of it. That was definitely a big 'ol shoutout to the 1985 film Brazil. In fact much of this episode's production design apes the look of that movie. If you've not seen it, it's definitely worth a look.

According to director Marc Guggenheim, the Legends' props and art departments worked together to whip up the script-writing machine, and it really worked! The keys actually moved by themselves and typed what we saw on the screen.

• Of all the characters I thought we'd see on the show again, Mr. Parker was WAY down on the list!

• I kinda like Charlie's "Fate Hairdo" here. It's definitely better than that braided nightmare she sported a couple episodes back.

• After they're sent back to the Star Trip show, Canary tells Sharpe the only way they can escape and become free again is if they lose and let Dhan destroy them. Sharpe considers it, then says, "Let's get the hell out of here."

I'm betting that's a reference to The Original Series episode The City On The Edge Of Forever. At the end of that episode, Kirk loses the love of his life in order to restore the timeline, and famously ends the episode by saying, "Let's get the hell out of here."

• When Star Trip is canceled, we get a brief, blink-and-you'll-miss-it Beebo cameo on the test pattern! No idea why Charlie would add him, since she wasn't even part of the team when they faced off against Beebo, but there you go!

• Lita and her mom Ali make an appearance this week! Since no one remembers who they used to be, they probably don't realize they're actually seeing Heat Wave when they watch Star Trip. Although Ali does note that she finds Dhan oddly hot.

• As of this episode, we now have 3, count 'em THREE versions of the same character: Original Zari, the shallow Zari 2.0 and Behrad, who lived all of Original Zari's adventures in the altered timeline.

I wouldn't get too attached to this arrangement, as there's no way in hell all three of them will stick around past the season finale. It'd take up too much time and be far too expensive to shoot scenes with two Zaris from now on.

My gut instinct says that either Zari 2.0 will volunteer to hang out inside the Air Totem, which will restore Original Zari to her rightful place on the team, or the two Zaris will merge and form yet another version with qualities of both characters.

As for Behrad... who knows? I like the character quite a bit, and would hate to see him go. I don't think they'll kill him off, since they finally restored him this week. But it seems unlikely they'd have two characters who share the same power. Most likely he'll leave the show and go back to business college, where he's supposed to be.

Or, here's a wild idea: what if the Tarazi siblings both stay with the show and become the Legends version of the Wonder Twins! Form of... a waterspout! Shape of... a ring-tailed lemur!

• At the end of the episode, the Legends refuse to return to the safety of their respective TV shows and march out of Clotho Productions to face off against the Fates.

This scene inadvertently mirrors the end of the Season 4 finale Hey, World!, in which the Legends marched offscreen in a very similar manner.

• This Week's Best Lines:
Mona: "Man, some days rewriting history to eradicate any notion of rebelling and free will is hard."

(Mona watches the Ultimate Buds sitcom, which begins with a ridiculous theme song.)
Singer: "They're the Ultimate Buds, and they're Fated to have some fun!"

Sharpe: "Look, I... I told Charlie to come up with a way to outsmart her sisters. Maybe hiding us on TV was that way."
Constantine: "Bloody Charlie. A butler? I feel violated!"

Behrad: (to Original Zari and Steel) "Guys, love that you're back together. And let's just say that I'm processing what it means that my best bro is in love with my sister, who lived my same experiences in a different timeline. But where's my Zari?"

Mr. Parker: "Did someone say 'problem?' It sounds like being stuck in a TV universe and suddenly remembering two different timelines is very confusing. Well, maybe I can try to help."

(Mr. Parker sings a song to force the Legends to forget who they are again.)
Mr. Parker: "Sad feelings. Bad feelings. Make you so mad you wanna scream feelings. Everyone sometimes has those feelings. When you do, just sing this song. 
Sharpe: "Mr. Parker, I know you're just trying to help, but you..."
Mr. Parker: "Repress. Repress. I'll go back and repress. It's better to bury my feelings, than feel as awful, as this."

Constantine: "Astra, look at me. What have I got to show for myself? Thirty eight crap years of pain and broken promises. You wanna know what my original sin was? It was you. Astra. I rail against the angels and the demons for being arrogant bastards, but I'm worse than the bloody lot of them. You know, I thought that I could use your innocent soul as a bargaining chip to save your mother. Bollocks. If you're happy here, then I will spend an eternity as ruddy Mr. Constantine trying to make it up to you and Natalie."

Legends Of Tomorrow Season 5, Episode 13: I Am Legends

I couldn't decide which "cover photo" to use this week, so I included 'em both. Hey, it's my blog, I can do what I want.

This week's episode of Legends Of Tomorrow is a loving tribute to zombie movies, featuring a ton of references to the most beloved examples of the genre.

It's also something of an exercise in frustration. Last week the Legends spent the whole episode trying to get a hold of the Chalice Of Dionysus, which would grant them all "immortality for a day," and allow them to use the Loom Of Fate. This week circumstances prevent them from returning to their ship, causing their immortality to run out and making the entire previous episode completely moot!

I assume this was done to drag out the Loom storyline another week, but as I said, I found it very frustrating and disappointing. Fortunately there was plenty of fun zombie action to make up for it.

With just two episodes to go in the season, this episode is Legends Of Tomorrow's version of The Empire Strikes Back. It features our heroes at their lowest point, right before they regroup, conquer the villains and save the day.

The writers continue to push the Constantine/Zari 2.0 pairing, taking their relationship to the inevitable next level in this episode. Once again, I'm not a fan of this combo. The two of them have little or nothing in common, and very little chemistry, in my opinion. I'll be glad when this little story arc plays itself out and mercifully ends.

One pairing I DID approve of in this episode was that of Gary and Imaginary Gideon! If The CW was smart, they'd pull the plug on Batwoman and give these two their own spinoff! I'd definitely watch it!

Lastly, (um, SPOILER ALERT, I GUESS) there are quite a number of unexpected deaths in this episode. I'm assuming the writers expected us to be shocked and stunned by these brutal casualties, and sob uncontrollably as we did at the end of Avengers: Endgame.

Sadly, that's not the case here. The deaths in this episode made me feel little or nothing. At all. That's most likely because by the end, EVERY ONE OF THE LEGENDS (except for Charlie) dies a horrible death. Since it's unlikely they're gonna change the name of the show to LEGEND Of Tomorrow or The Charlie Show, it's a good bet that they'll all get better and return in the season finale. Nice try, writers, but your attempt to shock and sadden us didn't work.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
Picking up right where we left off last week, the Legends (except for Zari 2.0) have all become "immortal for a day." Zari 2.0 sets a timer on her phone, saying they now have 24 hours to use the Loom Of Fate and resurrect Behrad, Astra's mom and restore White Canary's eyesight.

The Legends exit Constantine's House Of Mystery, er, I mean manor, only to find the portal linking the place to Hudson University has inexplicably disappeared. This means they're now stuck in Northumberland County, England. They also notice that both Gary and Astra are gone.

Cut to the Waverider, where Gary's tending his rabbit, Gary Junior II. He asks Gideon to fabricate some carrots, but she tells him she's been compromised right before her voice cuts out. He hears footsteps and sees Astra walking through the corridors with Lachesis and Atropos. As we saw last week, Lachesis called in her favor to Astra, forcing her to work with the two Fates.

Back at the house, Canary tries to contact Gideon, but there's no answer. The Legends all assume Astra stole the ship, but Constantine defends her, saying she wouldn't do something like that. Charlie fears her sisters are involved somehow. Sharpe takes Canary's hand to reassure her, causing her to have one of her future visions. It's apparently a bad one, as Canary quickly draws away. Sharpe asks what she saw, but Canary brushes it off, saying the immortality potion is short-circuiting her powers.

Sharpe says the Time Bureau had safe houses all over the world, and there's one in London. All they have to do is get to the city, enter the safe house, find the stash of Time Couriers inside and teleport back to the ship.

Cut to the Legends waiting at a bus stop. Zari 2.0 checks her phone and notes that it's either 275 miles or kilometers to London. Eventually a bus arrives, but the driver won't let them on unless they pay. Heat Wave grabs the driver and throws him out, and the Legends steal the bus. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!

On the Waverider, Atropos doesn't trust Astra and wants to kill her. Astra tells her to go ahead and try, as she's immortal after drinking from the Chalice. She agrees to use the Loom with Lachesis and Atropos, but says she has some demands— she wants prunes to disappear, dogs to remain puppies forever and her mother brought back from the dead. Lachesis tells Atropos to run along while she and Astra discuss her list.

After they leave, Atropos picks up her Loom Ring and walks to a globe in the Study. She mutters an ancient Greek spell, and we see England turn black on the globe. That can't be good!

Back on the bus, Canary tells Sharpe she should captain this mission. Sharpe isn't sure, but Canary tells her the Legends need her right now. Zari 2.0 looks at the timer and frets. Steel assures her they'll be able to use the Loom in time. Heat Wave's driving the bus, and suddenly sees a woman in the road. He slams on the brakes too late and hits her.

The Legends get out of the bus and see the woman lying dead in the road. Suddenly she gets up and charges at them! Heat Wave punches the zombie in the face, and Charlie says this is the work of her sister Atropos, who'll do anything to stop them.

More zombies appear and attack. Constantine braces himself for a fight, but they run right past him. He realizes they're ignoring him because he's a damned soul. A zombie attacks Zari 2.0, but Constantine saves her by frying its head with Hellfire. The rest of the Legends fight the horde, eventually "killing" them all.

On the Waverider, Gary tries to get Gideon back online. He plugs in a cable and manages to electrocute himself. When he comes to, he sees Gideon— in physical form— standing over him. She says he needs to hide the Loom Rings from Astra and the Fates before they use them.

Elsewhere, Heat Wave looks at the bus' engine and says it was somehow damaged in the zombie attack, and will take hours to fix. Constantine says he knows someone in the area who may have a car they can borrow. He and Zari 2.0 take off on foot to find them.

On the ship, Lachesis manipulates Astra, asking her why she wants to bring her poor dead mother back to life. She shows her a vision of the future, in which an older Astra's sobbing at her dying mother's bedside. Astra shocked, and asks why she'd show her such a thing. Lachesis says human life is nothing but pain and heartache, and bringing her mother back will only be postponing the inevitable.

Constantine and Zari 2.0 walk down the dark and deserted road. He tells her Behrad may be doomed to die in any timeline, and bringing him back might not be possible. She angrily tells him to go to Hell, and he says he's already been there. She hisses that she's getting her brother back, no matter what.

On the ship, Atropos' chilling out in the Study, right next to the Rings. Gideon distracts her long enough for Gary to sneak in and take the three Rings.

Back at the bus, the Legends hear trucks approaching. They run out to flag them down, and see it's a military convoy. The soldiers spot the Legends' bloody clothing (from their fight with the zombies) and assume they're infected as well. Sharpe says that's ridiculous as she walks toward the soldiers. Suddenly one shoots her in the head!

Sharpe collapses to the ground, seemingly dead. A few seconds later she stands up as the bullet's pushed out of her forehead. The terrified soldiers then assume they're super-zombies who can talk, and take the Legends captive.

On the Waverider, Atropos returns to the Study and sees the Rings are gone. She informs Lachesis, who says there must be someone else on the ship. Astra looks down and sees a chunk of carrot, and says she knows who it is.

In the Medlab, Gary shows Gideon that he got the Rings. She says next they need to find a Time Courier and bring the Legends back to the ship.

Zari 2.0 and Constantine make it to his friend's junkyard, but it looks deserted. He sees an old chip truck they can borrow. They enter the garage and Zari 2.0 finds the keys to the truck, but the zombies surround the garage, trapping them inside.

Constantine tells Zari 2.0 that the zombies won't attack him, but she's another matter. He says he can cast a spell to stop her heart, which will make her "invisible" to the zombies. He warns her it's dangerous, but she tells him to do it anyway.

Meanwhile, the Legends are locked in the back of an army truck on its way to a military base. Heat Wave says trucks like this always have a weak spot, and tells Steel to armor up and punch the door. He does so, and the door pops open. They ask what they're supposed to do now, as the truck's barreling down the road at high speed. He tells them to jump as he shoves Steel out the back.

The Legends all jump out of the speeding truck, getting injured and mangled in the process. After a few seconds their immortality kicks in and they're good as new. They see they're now only 80 miles from London.

Constantine casts his spell and stops Zari 2.0's heart. He then opens the garage door and slowly carries her through the horde of zombies. Fortunately, they completely ignore them both. He puts her in the back of the chip truck and casts a spell to revive her, but nothing happens. Panicking, he starts CPR on her. Suddenly she gasps and comes back to life. The zombies hear her, and run toward the van. Constantine slams the door shut, starts up the van and they roar off.

Gary and Gideon run to the Lab and find a Time Courier. Before he can use it though, Astra and the Fates arrive. Atropos tells him to hand over the Rings or she'll skin him alive. He yells to Gideon for help, but she tells him she can't, as— to no one's surprise— her physical form has been a figment of his imagination all along. She encourages him not to give in. Gary holds out the Rings, and makes them disappear with a simple obfuscation spell. Atropos pokes his neck with her bone knife and demands to know where the Rings have gone.

The Legends are walking along the road when they hear a vehicle approach. Constantine and Zari 2.0 pull up and tell the gang to get it. They finally make it to London, only to find the city eerily dark and empty. They arrive at the Winchester Pub, er, I mean the Time Bureau safe house and enter.

Sharpe finds a note saying there's been a zombie apocalypse, and the post is abandoned. She shrugs and digs a Time Courier out of the cash register. Of course it's dead, so they'll have to wait till it recharges.

Zari 2.0 retreats to another room to sulk. Constantine enters and she says it feels like the Fates are against them. He tells her doom & gloom don't suit her, and she says he has a savior complex. He counters by accusing her of being shallow. They begin arguing and of course at one point stop and kiss. Oy.

On the Waverider, Astra straps Gary to a table and prepares to torture him till he gives her the Rings. Gary reminds her she joined the Legends out of hope, and she says that was a mistake— as was wanting her mother back. She says Lachesis opened her eyes and she can't handle losing her mother a second time. Gary asks if Lachesis showed her all the good times she'd have with her mother before she dies.

Constantine & Zari 2.0 join the others, having obviously had sex. The Legends then discuss what they would have done if they'd been able to use the Loom Of Fate. They then make a toast to dreaming.

Sharpe senses Canary's keeping something from her, and demands to know what. Canary says there's nothing wrong with her powers, and that she saw their future. She says the Time Courier doesn't recharge before the zombies break in, and she dies trying to save the team. That's why she wanted Sharpe to take point on this mission— to get the Legends used to following her.

Right on cue, the pub's surrounded by zombies who try to break in. Zari 2.0 announces that their immortality has officially run out. The Legends struggle to barricade the door.

Back on the ship, Astra shares a memory of her mother with Gary. She makes a decision, then grabs a Time Courier and tells him to show her how to use it. Unfortunately Atropos comes in, says Astra's immortality is gone and hurls a bone knife into her chest. Astra falls dead to the floor (!), and Atropos demands that Gary give her the Rings.

In the pub, the Legends try to hold off the zombies till the Courier charges. They break in, and Canary tells Sharpe she'll hold them off as long as she can. She jumps up on a pool table and begins fighting the zombies with a pool cue. The other Legends join the epic battle, each using their various powers.

Unfortunately Canary's overrun and the zombies swarm on top of her. Sharpe screams in anguish as she watches her die. Just then the Courier reaches full charge. She grabs it and tosses it to Charlie, telling to get back to the ship and stop her sisters. Charlie opens a portal and looks back as each of the Legends is killed. She jumps through onto the ship.

Charlie finds Gary in the Medlab and frees him. He tells her what happened and makes the Rings reappear. Right on cue, Lachesis and Atropos enter the Lab. Atropos stabs Gary in the heart and kills him. Lachesis tells Charlie she came back just in time. Charlie says she's done running, and it's time to get to work.

Thoughts:
• Methinks the writers are mixing genres with this week's title. Obviously it's based on the book (and film) I Am Legend, but that story dealt with an invasion of vampire-like creatures, not zombies.

• Nice attention to detail: This episode picks up right after last week's. Appropriately enough, the Legends are all wearing the same clothes they had on in Freaks And Geeks! Well done!

• This is some heavy duty nitpicking, but hey, it's what I do.

In last week's episode, the Legends ladies started up their own sorority at Hudson University. Charlie and Zari 2.0 found an abandoned house they could use, but the interior was a wreck. Ever the resourceful one, Charlie used a Time Courier to open a portal in the doorway of the sorority house, which led to the interior of Constantine's manor in England. 

In other words, the outside of the house was in Central City, while the inside was in Great Britain. 

In this episode, Sharpe exits the manor and walks out onto the front stoop. She should be standing outside the house in Central City, but instead sees she's inexplicably still in England. Apparently at some point the portal leading back to America quit working. 

OK, here's the nitpick. Oddly enough, there's a sign on the door that reads, "Join Delta Chi Sigma 2020." Wait a minute! That shouldn't be possible! Remember, the outside of the house is still back in America. ITS door is the one that should have the Delta sign stuck to it! The exterior of the manor was never visible to anyone in Central City. Whoops!

Told you it was heavy duty!

• As I said in the plot description, this episode picks up right where Freaks And Geeks left off. In fact according to Zari 2.0's phone time, it begins just fifteen minutes after that episode. Lita played a prominent role in that story— so where'd she go this week? I guess she took a cab home between episodes while we weren't looking?

• I mentioned this last week, but it's worth a repeat. Once they drink from the Chalice Of Dionysus, the Legends keep saying they're now "immortal for a day." Yeah, that doesn't make any sense, and I can't tell if it's a deliberate joke or the writers just don't know the definition of "immortal." I think they mean "invulnerable for a day."

• So the Legends are now "immortal" for twenty four hours, but discover they're stuck in England and can't make it back to their ship to use the Loom Of Fate. 

Gosh, if only they had a team member who was able to, oh, I don't know, CAST TELEPORTATION SPELLS!!!! Jesus Christ! If Constantine can teleport travel to Hell and back whenever he gets the notion, why the f*ck can't he transport the Legends back to the Waverider?

And before anyone "actuallys" me and says teleporation spells require special powders and ingredients and are extremely difficult to perform, might I remind you that in The Great British Fake Off, Gary Freakin' Green was able to easily transport himself, Sharpe and Heat Wave to Hell and back! 

If GARY can do that, then how hard would it have been for Constantine to open some doorway onto the ship?

That's one of the problems with having a character with magical powers. There're usually no well-defined, concrete limits to their abilities, so their power level tends to fluctuate based on the needs of the script. In other words, they can do anything they need to until the writers decide they can't.

• Did we skip an episode this week?

In Romeo V. Juliet: Dawn Of Justness, the writers planted the seeds of a Constantine/Zari 2.0 romance. Then they began officially falling for one another in The Great British Fake Off. Last week in Freaks And Geeks, Zari 2.0 was still flirting with Constantine, telling him "she bites" as she took a long, hard leer at his butt.

Annnnnnd then suddenly in this episode the two of them can't stand one another for some reason. In fact Zari 2.0's openly hostile toward Constantine for most of the episode (until they realize their true feelings for one another in the third act).

So what happened here? Did they have a major falling out in the fifteen minutes between this episode and the previous one? Does Zari 2.0 worried about Behrad and is taking it out on Constantine? Or did the writers forget what they already established in previous episodes?

• Gary returns to the Waverider to take care of his rabbit, Gary Junior II. Note that all through the episode, Gary Junior II makes "squeaking" noises no rabbit on Earth has ever made.

• When the Legends realize their stuck in England, they decide to make their way to a Time Bureau safe house in London. We then see them waiting impatiently at a bus stop. Zari 2.0 checks her phone and says it's "275.8 to London." When Steel asks if that's miles or kilometers, Canary says it doesn't matter as either way it's far.

Actually it DOES matter! 275 miles is, well, 275 miles. But 275 kilometers is only 170 miles! Still far, but not nearly as bad as if the distance is in miles!

• A bus finally stops for the Legends, but the driver won't let them on without any money. So they decide to steal the bus. When Heat Wave throws the driver out, note that he utters the Wilhelm Scream as he flies through the air.

Yeah, it's way past time that sound effect was retired. It was fun the first 75,000 times I heard it, but now it's become cringeworthy.

• During the bus ride, Canary says that Sharpe should take command on this mission. Sharpe disagrees, saying that she and Canary are "co-captains for life."

Who thought THAT was a good idea? Every time they said it in the episode, all I could think of was Oscar's quote from The Office.• As the Legends make their way to London, Atropos puts on her Loom Ring and summons a zombie invasion to stop them. Fortunately the team uses their various powers and makes quick work of the zombies.

Not gonna lie— now I definitely wanna see Heat Wave and Constantine show up on The Walking Dead! What an awesome crossover that would be!

• I loved the zombie who tried to bite Steel in his armored form— complete with "clinking" sound effects as it tried to bite his metal arm.

• Check out the expression on Constantine's face as he realizes the zombies aren't interested in him because he's damned. He almost looks like he's disappointed!

• After the zombie fight, the Legends discover the bus won't start. Heat Wave looks under the hood and says, "Well, the engine's busted after the fight, and the fuel pump's got no power."

So how the heck did that happen? No one— Legend or zombie— ever got anywhere near the bus' engine during the fight. The only thing I can come up with is the engine got damaged when Heat Wave hit the zombie standing in the middle of the road.

• Back on the ship, Gary tries to repair Gideon and rescue the Legends. Unfortunately he electrocutes himself, and when he wakes up he sees Gideon physically standing before him.

It's always a highlight whenever Gideon appears on the show in human form. Amy Pemberton is just so damn hot! Can I say that? Am I allowed to say that here in 2020? And man, does she have an awesome voice! It sounds even better when it's not being electronically filtered as it usually is.

I wish someone on the team would create a Gideon hologram, so she could take human form and walk around the ship each week— ala the Doctor on Star Trek: Voyager or Rommie on Andromeda.

• Gary and Imaginary Gideon made for a great team! Who knew we'd ever get the chance to see the two of them team up for a mission? They were wonderful together!

Gary: "We should have our own spin-off!"
(He begins singing in a deep, heavy metal voice.) 
Gary: "Gideon and Gary, having adventures! Solving problems and saving the world!"
Gideon: "Brilliant song, Gary! You must teach it to me once you've managed to wrestle control of the Waverider from those pesky sisters."

I agree with Gary— they should have their own spinoff! I'd watch the hell out of that!

• I loved the scene in which the Legends are mistaken for "super zombies." In particular I liked Sharpe's resurrection, as she wobbles to her feet and moans in the most undead way possible. Actress Jess McCallen is actually pretty funny— too bad she doesn't get to use her comedy chops more often on the show.

• Funniest part of the episode: When Zari 2.0 uses her wind power to kill a zombie, and her gag reflex kicks in as she sees what she's done!

• So Constantine casts a spell to stop Zari 2.0's heart so he can carry her through a horde of zombies to the chip truck. Once he gets her in the back of the truck, he tries to start up her heart again. 

Can anyone explain to me why the holy frak he DIDN'T CLOSE THE GODDAMNED DOOR OF THE TRUCK BEFORE HE STARTED CASTING THE COUNTER-SPELL? Jesus Christ! I get that time was of the essence here, and he had to act fast before Zari 2.0 died for good. But how long would it have taken to close the door? A second?

Of course because he doesn't close the door, the zombies hear him and start sprinting toward the truck.

• Jesus Christ, how far did Constantine and Zari 2.0 walk, anyway? 

OK, stay with me here. The Legends steal a bus and head for London. After a while the bus breaks down, so Constantine and Zari 2.0 take off on foot— in the general direction of London— to find alternate transportation. While they're gone, an army convoy captures the rest of the Legends. They throw them in the back of their truck and take off at high speed for their HQ— which is also in the general direction of London. After a time the Legends jump out of the moving truck. Moments later, Constantine and Zari 2.0— now traveling back the way they came— pull up in their chip truck and rescue the Legends.

OK, we don't know how long the Legends were in the army truck or how far it carried them. It looked like it was flying along at a good 50 to 60 mph. Even if they were only in the truck for fifteen minutes, they'd have traveled 15 miles. Did Constantine and Zari 2.0 really walk that far in less than an hour?

• When Constantine pulls up to the Legends in the chip truck, Zari 2.0 leans out and yells, "Get in losers, we're going Looming!"

That's a reference to the movie Mean Girls (of all things), in which Regina says, "Get in loser, we're going shopping!"

• Man, Lachesis gives Wormtongue (of The Lord Of The Rings fame) a run for his money in the manipulation department. Just listen to her mealy-mouthed, conniving conversation with Astra:

Lachesis: "Astra, dear, we have been very patient with you, especially considering you betrayed us without saying a word."
Astra: "You betrayed me first. Besides, I had to take my destiny into my own hands and try to bring my mother back myself."
Lachesis: "And I appreciate your gumption, but I'm afraid you don't fully grasp what that means."
Astra: "Right now my mother is dead. I would like her to be alive. Fairly simple concept."
Lachesis: "But as you know, life as a human is very difficult. If you insist on having a normal life with your mother, you will be bound to the rules of nature, which are not kind to humans. See for yourself."
(She shows Astra a vision of her mother dying in a hospital bed.)
Astra: "Why would you show me that?"
Lachesis: "Because that is what is going to happen if you bring your mother back. Life as a human is a life of pain and suffering. Constantine promised to bring your mother back as if it would solve all your problems, but what he didn't tell you was you're just postponing the inevitable. Why bring your mother back only to lose her all over again?"

See? She's pure evil!

• I Am Legend is a veritable love letter to zombie movies, and features a butt-ton of references to various films of the genre. Here are all the ones I spotted (and I'm sure there're a few I missed):

— The fast-running zombies with the veiny faces are likely a reference to the undead in 28 Days Later and its sequel.

— Constantine looks for suitable transportation at the junkyard, and finds a chip van labeled "Pilato's."

That's a reference to the late Joe Pilato, who played Captain Rhodes in Day Of The Dead. Pilato famously delivered the hilariously over the top line, "I'm running this monkey farm now Frankenstein, and I want to know what the f*ck you're doin' with my time!"

— Constantine stops Zari 2.0's heart so the zombies won't be interested in her. He then cautiously carries her through a herd of them to safety. Check out the very familiar-looking zombie on the far right.

He's a dead ringer for director George Romero, who single-handedly created the modern zombie genre. Romero directed Night Of The Living Dead, Dawn Of The Dead and Day Of The Dead, among many others.

The zombie Constantine passes is obviously a nod to Romero, as it's wearing his trademark vest and giant glasses!

— During the junkyard scene, there's a shot of a zombie (in the center of the screen) who pulls his arms up to his chest and does this weird, stiff little jig for a second. I think that may have been a reference to Michael Jackson's Thriller video. Or maybe I'm just looking so hard for references that I'm seeing things that aren't really there?

— In a later crowd shot, we see a prominently featured zombie with a bright pink punk rock hairdo.

She's obviously a shoutout to Trash, the character played by Linnea Quigley in the horror/comedy The Return Of The Living Dead. Even though Trash had red hair instead of pink.

— The entire third act of the episode is practically a shot-for-shot remake of the pub battle at the end of Shaun Of The Dead. 

The Legends make it to the Time Bureau safe house in London, which is disguised as a pub. Unfortunately the place is immediately surrounded by a massive horde of zombies, who eventually burst through the windows and force their way inside. The Legends then make their last stand against the zombies. That's pretty much exactly how the end of Shaun plays out!

At one poing Sharpe and Charlie leap over the bar to escape the zombies, just like Shaun and Liz did in Shaun Of The Dead.

And Sharpe's perpetually loaded shotgun is no doubt a Winchester, just like the one Shaun used (and which is the source of the pub's name in the movie).

Canary even jumps up on a pool table and distracts the zombies' attention away from the others, much like Shaun did when they were first entering the pub. The only thing missing is a necktie tied around her head and Don't Stop Me Now blaring on the soundtrack. No doubt The CW couldn't afford the music rights!

That's all the zombie movie references I spotted. As I said, it's entirely likely I missed some!

• At the pub, tensions between Constantine and Zari 2.0 come to a boil. They get into a bitter argument, as each belittles and disparages the other's personality traits. Of course this bickering leads to a kiss, and the two end up screwing like rabbits.

Jesus wept.

This is typical sitcom fodder, straight out of shows like Cheers. I'd be incredibly surprised to find out that anything like this EVER happened even once in real life. Usually when two people argue and resort to name-calling, they kind of, oh, what's the word... HATE one another. And hatred rarely leads to sexual tension, as the two individuals tend to avoid one another after their spat.

• During the final minutes of the episode, each of the Legends is killed by the zombie horde. Oddly enough, we see Steel die as well— even though he's in his armored form! So tell me, how do zombies kill a man who's made of solid steel? 

Did the zombies dog pile on him and crush him with their weight? Did they smother him till he suffocated? Heat him to 1370° and watch him melt?

His death makes zero sense here. Of them all, he's the only one guaranteed to survive the zombie battle.

• A couple weeks ago in Ship Broken, we finally got a closeup of the three Rings Of Fate, and saw that each featured a different symbol relating to its owner.

The only one I could clearly make out was the Ring Of Lachesis, which had a hand clutching a coin engraved on its face (which made sense, since she was initially known as the Coin Maker). Unfortunately at the time I wasn't able to make out the symbols on the other two.

In this episode we get our best look yet at the Rings, as Gary makes them reappear. The gold one at left is the Ring Of Clotho. A few weeks back I thought maybe its symbol was a sword, but now I see it's a spindle of thread— appropriate for the Fate who weaves the lifeline of humanity.

That's the Ring Of Lachesis in the center. The one on the right is the Ring Of Atropos. For some reason its symbol appears to be a pair of tongs? Or maybe they're some kind of cutting blades. That'd make sense, since she's the Fate who cuts the life threads of everyone.

• By the way, when Atropos demands Gary hand over the Rings, he says, "Yeah, I may have been electrocuted by Gideon's mainframe, but I could still do a simple obfuscation spell." He then passes his hand over the Rings and makes them disappear. Atropos stares in amazement at this, and seems completely bamboozled by his little trick.

But... obfuscation just means "to make obscure or unclear." To me that implies that Gary didn't teleport the Rings somewhere, he just made them invisible. In fact they're probably still in his hand! Too bad Atropos didn't realize that, as she could have just grabbed 'em out of his hand even if she couldn't see them.

• This Week's Best Lines:
Canary: "I think it's the Chalice. It's probably messing with my powers."
Heat Wave: "So what, so now you're just blind?"
Zari 2.0: "That's not helpful."
Steel: "Come on, that's insensitive."

Lachesis: (to Astra) "Thank you for delivering this lovely timeship. And Atropos, thank you for shutting off that aggravating talking computer. She thought she was so witty."

Astra: "Fine, I'll join you, but I have some demands."
Lachesis: "Demands, really?"
Astra: "Yeah. Now I've experienced life on Earth again, some things have gotta change, like prunes. Disgusting. I want them gone. And dogs? They should stay puppies forever. Oh, and there's just one more thing. I want to bring my mother back to life."
Atropos: "Let's kill her."

Zari 2.0: "Look around. The sky hasn't fallen, the world is still here, and for whatever reason, the cabal of mystical seamstresses hasn't started spinning yet, which means we still have time to stop them."

(An army convoy approaches the Legends.)Soldier: "Stay where you are!"
Soldier 2: "They've got blood on their clothes. They might be infected."
Canary: "But... No. No, it's not."
Sharpe: "No, no, no, we're not infected."
(A soldier shoots Sharpe in the middle of her forehead, and she collapses on the ground.)
Canary: "Ava!"
(Sharpe comes back to life as her immortality kicks in. She struggles to her feet, moaning much like a zombie as the bullet pops out of her head.)
Sharpe: Oh. Ow! Ow!"
Soldier 2: "My God. These zombies can withstand headshots."
Heat Wave: "Since when do zombies talk, you idiot?"
Soldier 2: "Super-zombies who have become sentient. Round them up and take them back to base camp!"

(Constantine and Zari 2.0 approach the junkyard.)
Zari 2.0: "How'd you hear about this place?"
Constantine: "Well, back in the day, Old Man Joe called me about a demon-possessed '75 Fiat. It was a right messy exorcism. And a right crappy car."

Sharpe: "And let's try to get creative and think about what resources we have. Okay. Look, we've got a guy who turns into steel. We've got a shapeshifter, right? That's fricking amazing. We've got a kickass blind assassin. And a reformed thief turned romance novelist."
Heat Wave: "Who you calling reformed?"