Monday, June 22, 2009

Unused Boy Band Labels

Since the dawn of recorded history, there have always been Teen Boy Bands. Or maybe it's just been since the 1980s. Whenever they started, every boy band has legions of shrieking tween girls who follow their every movement and spend billions on any and all merchandise plastered with their sparkling grins.

Undoubtedly the most important part of every boy band are the labels. Each member has a short and descriptive label that sums up their superficial personality traits so that the fans can easily tell them apart. There's always "The Cute One, or "The Smart One, "The Funny One," "The Shy One," and so on.

But it seems there's a great untapped wilderness of labels that the bands haven't yet begun to use. As a public service, I present here a list of these Still Available Boy Band Member Labels:
  • The Sardonic One
  • The Morose One
  • The Regretful One
  • The Contagious One
  • The Moist One
  • The Morbidly Obese One
  • The Sticky One
  • The Binge & Purge One
  • The Tittering One
  • The Calciferous One
  • The Gangrenous One
  • The Standoffish One
  • The Virulent One
  • The Inflamed One
  • The Sullen One
  • The Fetid One
  • The Malignant One
  • The Ornery One
  • The Colicky One
  • The Toxic One
  • The Musty One
  • The Unsavory One
  • The Garlicky One
  • The Arthritic One
  • The Voluptuous One
  • The Swishy One
  • The Pallid One
  • The Seedy One
  • The Nine Toed One
  • The Clammy One
  • The Noisome One
  • The Tedious One
  • The Dingy One
  • The Mincing One
  • The Adulterous One
  • The Incontinent One
  • The Fleshy One
  • The Meaty One
  • The Effete One
  • The Living Dead One
  • The Pudgy One
  • The Convicted One
  • The Cursed One
  • The Excommunicated One
  • The Reanimated One
  • The Noxious One
  • The Sashaying One
  • The Executed One
  • The Moldering One
  • The Fictional One
  • The Tainted One
  • The Atrophied One
  • The Festering One
  • The Beefy One
  • The Puny One
  • The Delicate One
  • The Flaccid One
  • The Frail One
  • The Corpulent One
  • The Shaky One
  • The Sickly One
  • The Torpid One
  • The Flatulent One
  • The Decomposing One
  • The Prancing One
  • The Nervous One
  • The Palsied One
  • The Flabby One
  • The Feeble One
  • The Inaudible One
  • The Implausible One
  • The Bionic One
  • The Indisposed One
  • The Lily-Livered One
  • The Brittle One
  • The Cowering One
  • The Burly One
  • The Retired One
  • The Haggard One
  • The Senile One
  • The Leaky One
  • The Woozy One
  • The Limp One
  • The Litigious One
  • The Fabulous One
  • The Paunchy One
  • The Doddering One
  • The Jittery One
  • The Shrieking One
  • The Meek One
There are no doubt many more, but that will suffice for now. Boy bands, feel free to use as many of these labels as you want!

4 comments:

  1. Bob: With regard to the photo of the band, I'm putting my money on the guy on the far right being the flatulent one. -- Mykal

    ReplyDelete
  2. HAW!

    They're probably all a bit long in the tooth to be a boy band, but what the heck. At least they're stylish!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can kind of already guess what each one's fart would sound like.

    ReplyDelete
  4. As near as I can tell, the guys in that photo are a real band from Norway or Sweden or some such country. I think they're called the Gert Jonnys, or something like that.

    ReplyDelete

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