Wednesday, August 21, 2013

A Message From Simon Pegg To His Beloved Star Trek Fans

In an interview this week with Simon Pegg, the actor had a heartwarming message for all his fans who thinks Star Trek Into Darkness is the worst movie of the franchise: "F@ck you."

Pegg was disappointed to learn that fans rated the movie last during a recent Star Trek convention in Las Vegas. "It absolutely isn't the worst Star Trek movie," bleated Pegg. "It's asinine, you know? It's ridiculous. And frustrating. To be subject to that level of sort of, like, crass f@cking ire, I just say f@ck you."

Well, Simon, that's certainly food for thought. I never quite looked at it that way before. 

Back in May I was unjustly harsh toward the film, giving it an undeserved C-, calling it "a lackluster, muddled and dumbed-down pastiche of several much better Star Trek films."

But after reading Mr. Pegg's erudite comments on the topic, I've decided to reevaluate my opinion of the movie. And you know what, Simon? You're absolutely right! Your flashy, soulless remake of a sequel to a movie based on a television show is one of the best films of this or any other year! How could I have been so blind? 

The way your film took a fascinating villain like Khan and completely wasted him by making him the puppet of a limp villain who hid behind the scenes is nothing short of brilliant. 

Establishing that the crew can now somehow beam clean across the galaxy, negating the need for starships, including the Enterprise? Unexpected and astonishing! The concept of using Khan's magic blood to cure death, essentially making humanity immortal? Now THAT's boldly going!

Not to mention rehashing Spock's death scene practically word for word, but substituting Kirk for the dying Vulcan. Genius! Sheer genius. 

Yes Simon, your concise, literate argument has completely changed my feelings toward this cinematic jewel. I feel properly chagrined and abashed for ever daring to disagree with your learned opinion. Only a Philistine of the lowest order would think your motion picture is anything but an undisputed classic.

"F@ck you," you say, Mr. Pegg? F@ck me indeed.

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For the record, this is the second time this month that a butt-hurt celebrity has publicly lashed out at anyone with the unmitigated gall to suggest their recent films were less than satisfactory. Sorry guys! If it looks like a bomb, smells like a bomb and soils the screen like a bomb, it's gonna get reviewed like a bomb.

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