Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Too Little, Too Late, Too Much

This week a company called Dragon Studios announced they're finally making a Baby Groot figure from this summer's mega-hit Guardians Of The Galaxy.

Talk about timely! The film premiered August 1, and the figure's due to be released in November, when the horse will not only be out of the barn, but down the road and well into the next county.

Why in the name of Stan Lee's Toupee was this toy not available when the movie first came out? Heck, they could have set up a card table outside every theater showing it and sold millions of these things to eager fans with money in their pockets. Marvel really dropped the ball here. I'm betting that someone in their marketing department probably received a hearty firing over this lack of foresight. 

Anyway, at long last you can get your Groot fix with this pre-painted model kit. The press release says it's scanned from the actual prop used in the film, so if you demand screen accuracy in your cinematic replicas, you're in luck. Baby Groot is seven inches high, and it's not clear what they mean by that. Is Baby Groot himself is seven inches high? Or do they mean the entire thing, pot and all, is seven inches? If I had to guess, I'd say the latter.

Now for the bad news: the Baby Groot model doesn't do anything. Doesn't move, doesn't squeak, doesn't sway to the rhythm of The Jackson 5ive's I Want You Back. Doesn't do anything but sit on your shelf and look cute. Disappointing!

And then there's the price tag. The Baby Groot model kit will set you back a whopping $80! Eighty smackers! Holy crap! That seems like excessive for a piece of simulated wood that doesn't even dance. Or massacre a corridor full of alien soldiers with a smile on its face. Or form a protective cocoon around you with its branches.

I wouldn't mind having a Baby Groot to collect dust on my own shelf, but between the ultra delayed release date and the week's worth of groceries price, I'm gonna have to pass.

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