Clowning Around

In the past few months, there's been a nationwide rash of reports of sinister clowns trying to lure children into nearby woods.

These incidents reportedly have the "professional and amateur clowning community" on edge. In an effort to calm the public's fears and reclaim their "positive" image, clowns have taken to Facebook and started a #realclownsareaboutlove hashtag.

How about this for a hashtag: #clownsaren'tfunnyandeveryonehatesthem.

So now we have to be mindful and tolerant of freakin' clowns and their rights? Jesus Christ! I think the thing that bugs me most about this story is they seem to see themselves as a legitimate minority. Clowns aren't a separate race, you pasty-faced morons. You're just a bunch of idiots who paint fake smiles on your face to hide your true emotions.

If I see even one t-shirt that says "Clown Lives Matter" on it, I swear to f*ck I will sign up for Elon Musk's Mars colony.