Sunday, January 15, 2017

This Week In The World's Greatest Police Sketches

This week the Toronto Police Service is searching for two suspects a man and a woman who robbed an area Home Depot. The suspects allegedly left the store with several stolen items, got into a scuffle with a security guard and drove away. The guard was reportedly injured while trying to hold onto their speeding getaway vehicle.

The Toronto authorities have released a police sketch of the male suspect in the robbery. He's around forty five years of age, and witnesses described him as "a real blockhead." He was last scene wearing a comically oversized baseball hat, a yellow t-shirt with a thick black jagged line on the bottom third and black shorts. He may have also been accompanied by a white beagle with black ears.

Eyewitnesses say that after the robbery, the suspect was apparently wracked with guilt, as he stopped by a homemade wooden stand labeled "Psychiatric Help," which was set up on the sidewalk and manned by a young, black-haired girl.

Shortly afterward, the suspect and the little girl moved to an empty field. The girl then place a football on the ground, holding it upright with one outstretched finger. She then encouraged the suspect to kick the ball to release his pent-up emotions. The suspect reportedly ran full force at the football and attempted to kick it, but the girl pulled it out of the way at the last second, causing him to fly through the air and land on his back with a sickening and audible thud.

Angered by the incident, the suspect reportedly parted company with the girl and decided to fly a kite, but unfortunately the string became inextricably entangled in a nearby tree. The suspect himself then somehow became interwoven in the string and tightly bound to the tree itself. He was then quickly apprehended and arrested, and is currently awaiting arraignment in the Toronto City Jail.

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