Today's Trump Tidbit: The Constitution, The First Amendment, The Civil War And The Philippines

Wow! It's been a busy few days for Glorious Leader, as he rushed from interview to interview, spewing his patented incoherent ramblings and threats to our way of life to anyone who pointed a mic in his direction. 

Let's take a look at a few of the things our beloved president recently said, shall we?

During an interview with Fox News, Glorious Leader actually denounced the Constitution Of The United States Of America, blaming it for many of the problems and setbacks his administration has faced during his first one hundred days in office. Said Trump:

“It’s a very rough system. It’s an archaic system. It’s really a bad thing for the country.”

Jesus Fucking Jet-skiing Christ On A Motherfucking Cross!!!

Yes, Don, the Constitution is bad for the country, if by bad you mean "a safeguard to prevent would-be tinpot dictators like yourself from doing whatever the hell they want, with no way to keep them in check."

There's a slight possibility that Trumpenstein may have been talking about the filibuster process here, which actually is an outmoded and often counterproductive facet of our Constitution. If so, he should have clarified this, and not attacked the Constitution as a whole. Heh. Donald Trump actually clarifying something. What am I thinking?

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Meanwhile in an interview with ABC, White House Chief of Staff and Member of Slitherin House Reince Priebus actually said the president is thinking about amending or even abolishing the First Amendment of The Constitution, in an effort to eliminate what Trump considers to be unfair media criticism. Said Priebus: 

“I think it’s something that we’ve looked at. How that gets executed or whether that goes anywhere is a different story.”

I... I don't even know how to respond to that. Is this real life? If the idea of the Trump administration wondering how to eliminate the First Amendment doesn't send a trickle of pee down your leg, you're already dead.

For those of you scoring at home, the First Amendment is the one that, among other things, guarantees free speech. You know, the one that allows me to say I think Trump is a bloated, orange, semi-sentient despot with a rotted pumpkin for a head.

Despite my white-hot loathing for our "president," I admit there's a lot of misinformation in the media these days. You might even call it "fake news." But shutting down the goddamned First Amendment is not the way to fix it. You don't burn down your house because the faucet's dripping.

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Is Donald Trump smarter than a fifth grader? No. No he is not.

In yet another interview, this time with Sirius XM Radio (?), Trump went on an unintelligible and unhinged stream-of-consciousness rant about Andrew Jackson. Said Trump:

“I mean, had Andrew Jackson been a little later, you wouldn’t have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person, but he had a big heart, and he was really angry that he saw what was happening with regard to the Civil War. He said, ‘There’s no reason for this.’ People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, you think about it, why? People don’t ask that question. But why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”

The President Of The United States Of America, ladies and gentlemen! Jesus wept. I need to go lie down in a dark room. I'm getting one of my sick headaches.

First of all, I'd just like to point out that Andrew Jackson died in 1845, sixteen years before the Civil War even began. Trumpy seemingly realizes this at first, but then forgets it again in his very next sentence.

Trump's claim that Jackson "had a big heart" seems dubious at best as well. At the time of his death, Jackson owned around one hundred and fifty slaves, who lived and worked on his Hermitage plantation. He also signed the Indian Removal Act, which uprooted tens of thousands of Native Americans from their land. Jackson forced them to trudge westward on a literal death march, in a little incident called The Trail Of Tears. 

Oddly enough, Trump has often compared himself to Andrew Jackson (!), no doubt accounting for his romanticized and completely nonsensical view of him.

Additionally, Trump honestly doesn't seem to know why the Civil War was fought. Christ on a cracker, do I even have to go into this one? Slavery, Don. The Civil War was fought over slavery. There's more to it of course, but that's the simple answer.

By the way, how the hell does Glorious Leader have time for all these interviews? Doesn't he have a country to undermine and destroy run?

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And if all this wasn't bad enough, this past Saturday Trump made a phone call to Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte, going so far as to invite him to the White House (or more likely, Mar-a-Lago). 

Trump said the two had a "very friendly conversation," chatting about North Korea (!), as well as Duterte's efforts to rid his country of drugs.

Yeah, about that. Since becoming the Philippine president last year, Duterte's waged a bloody and grisly war on drugs in an effort to clean up the streets. The trouble is it's not just dealers being killed— many are publicly executed after having evidence planted on them, while hundreds of innocents are simply caught in the crossfire. Critics of Duterte say he's not declaring a war on drugs, but a war on the poor in his country.

Duterte is by all accounts a thug and a dictator, who has no business in the White House. So of course it only makes sense that Trump would want to rub shoulders and play a few rounds of gold with a merciless despot like this, who he obviously admires.