Legends Of Tomorrow Season 6, Episode 2: Meat: The Legends

This week on Legends Of Tomorrow, we get a perfectly adequate episode that features the addictive alien condiments, giant flying bugs and the origin of fast food. Oh, and Amelia Earhart thrown in for good measure as well! 

It was an enjoyable but unmemorable outing, but still light years better than what they're currently pumping out over on The Flash.

Meat: The Legends was helmed by Rachael Talelay, a prolific director who's worked extensively in movies & TV. She's best known for directing such films as Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, Ghost In The Machine and Tank Girl. On the TV side, she directed episodes of Boston Public, Ally McBeal, Supernatural, The Dead Zone. Riverdale and even Doctor Who!

She's no stranger to the Arrowverse either, as she directed numerous episodes of The Flash, Supergirl and Superman & Lois.

Last week I noted that I wasn't happy with how the producers had written Behrad, as they went way over the top with the stoner aspect of his character. I hoped that maybe they just overemphasized this in the season premiere to remind viewers what he's like.

Looks like that may actually be what happened, because the whole drug use angle is pretty much nonexistent this week. Good!

So far these first two episodes of the season have looked really good, and featured some amazingly well done CGI. About that... actor Brandon Routh (aka Atom) was no doubt the highest-paid member of the cast). Now that the producers have sh*tcanned both him and his real life wife Courtney Ford, I'm betting they have a lot more money to work with. Hence the improved visual effects! Silver lining, I guess.

And now the bad news. Back in April, series regular Dominic Purcellm aka Heat Wave,a announced on social media that he was done with the show, and wouldn't return for a seventh season. Booo!

A few weeks later he seemingly walked back his original statement, and said he'd make an "occasional appearance" in Season 7. In a recent interview, Legends showrunner Phil Klemmer clarified that Purcell "just needed a break from the show." 

Hmmm. I always thought that's what the between seasons hiatus is for. Eh, what do I know?

Purcell is one of just two original cast members left, the other being Caity Lotz, aka White Canary. Heat Wave's been one of my favorite characters since the series began, and it's definitely not gonna be the same without him. 

I feel like Purcell's departure would be the perfect time to wrap up the show as well. Six years is a perfectly respectable run, and honestly far more than I ever thought this show would get.

It'll never happen though, because this is The CW and they never know when to end a series (I'm lookin' at you, Supernatural!). They'll run Legends into the ground until it reaches the molten iron core of the Earth.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
Onboard the Waverider, Steel reminds the audience that numerous aliens were released into the temporal zone last week. Just then one slams into the windshield, which startles Heat Wave for some reason. He uses the ship's windshield wipers (?) to scrape it off.

Gideon then pipes up and says she's detected one of the aliens in 1955 San Bernadino— the birthplace of fast food. She says the alien signal's coming from a place called Big Bang Burger, a restaurant owned by local businessman Bert Beeman.

Unfortunately according to the timeline the entire population of San Bernadino will be killed within 24 hours.

Sharpe assumes the alien's responsible for the deaths, and Spooner can question it to find out where Canary is. Spooner balks, saying she's only staying till they get the alien implant out of her head. Behrad reminds her that Gideon found no trace of an implant. Spooner demands they take her back home, but Sharpe refuses until she helps them.

The Waverider arrives in 1955. The Legends all don period garb and begin searching for the alien.

Elsewhere, Gary & Canary's ship crash lands on an alien planet. Gary tells Canary he was hired by an alien warlord to gather the universe's most dangerous creatures and bring them to his world of Pliny X19. Gary figures that must be where they are. Unfortunately they're also out of fuel, so they can't leave. Canary spots a dog (if all things!) scampering around outside, and figures the atmosphere must be safe. She & Gary exit the wrecked ship and follow it.

The Legends make their way to Big Bang Burger, which is bustling with customers A waitress named Sandy Sledge (who'll become important later on) approaches and cheerily takes their order. Zari 2.0 thinks this is the perfect time to tell Behrad he needs to start sharing the Air Totem with her. Spooner gets a sharp pain in her head & says there's an alien in the vicinity.

Sharpe & Constantine notice a couple of cops chowing down on Big Bang burgers. Sharpe asks if there've been any murders in the area, but they ignore her. The cops get a call on their radio, but are so intent on eating that they completely blow it off.

Suddenly Spooner senses alien signals, and thinks they're coming from Sandy. She yanks off the poor waitresses glasses, assuming they operate like Gary's camouflaging pair. Naturally nothing happens, and Sharpe apologizes to Sandy.

Just then Heat Wave drives up in a cop car he stole, and says there's a disturbance at a nearby butcher shop and figures that's where they'll find the alien. Sharpe, Constantine & Spooner go with Heat Wave, while Behrad, Zari 2.0 and Steel stay at the burger joint. Behrad sees a help wanted sign, and before you can say "cut to the next scene," he & the others are working at Big Bang Burger.

Back on the alien planet, Canary & Gary follow the dog. Along the way, Gary tells her about his alien side, saying he has no special powers, and he was actually "traded" to his fiancé Kayla. The dog disappears over a hill and reappears with a large bone in its mouth before running off again.

Sharpe, Constantine & Spooner (I guess Heat Wave stayed in the car?) arrive at the butcher shop and begin searching. They spot the alien mascot from Big Bang, and Spooner tackles it. She pulls off its head, revealing a human inside who's can't seem to stop eating raw meat. They take him to the Waverider for questioning.

Canary & Gary follow the dog to a hut. As they approach it, a woman exits and points a homemade spear at them. Gary recognizes her as Amelia Earhart. Yeah, that Amelia Earhart.

Back at Big Bang, Behrad goes all Zen as he lovingly grills the perfect burgers. Zari 2.0 whines about the Totem again, accusing him of keeping it because he's jealous of her or something.

On the Waverider, Gideon scans the Mascot and reveals he's human. Constantine casts a truth spell to make him spill his guts. Apparently the spell works literally, as he vomits a steady stream of orange goo at the ceiling. Sharpe somehow recognizes it as Big Bang's Secret Sauce, and Spooner senses it's alien in origin. They figure the sauce causes anyone who consumes it to have a deadly craving for meat.

Sharpe calls Behrad & the others, tells them the sauce is alien and orders them to stop serving burgers. They find Bert and ask him where he gets his sauce. He says his wife makes it in their home. Steel relays this info to Sharpe, and she and the others head for the Beeman house.

Back on the planet, Amelia Earhart invites Canary & Gary into her hut, and cooks dinner for them. When questioned, she says she doesn't remember how she got there and doesn't know where they are. Canary mentions their "aircraft," and wonders if Amelia could repair it and get them home. She agrees to take a look at it, after they all eat.

Sharpe, Constantine and Spooner arrive at Bert's house. For some reason Spooner thinks this is a bad idea, and tells Sharpe she should accept the fact that Canary's dead. Sharpe says she'll never give up hope and intends to save Canary no matter what.

Sharpe goes in alone, where she meets Bert's wife Rhonda. They have a pleasant 1950s chat, and eventually Sharpe asks about the secret sauce. Rhonda says she's not sure the public's ready to hear the truth about the sauce— as it contains an exotic ingredient called "rice vinegar."

Sharpe notices the sauce dripping from a vent in the ceiling. She tells Rhonda she'll show herself out and then sneaks upstairs.

At Big Bang, Behrad & the others gather up all the secret sauce to keep it from the public. The customers, driven ravenous by the sauce, begin storming the counter. Steel hastily shuts the windows.

Back at Bert's house, Spooner gets bored and decides to check out their garage. Inside, she & Constantine discover one of the alien pods that was jettisoned from Gary's ship last week. Constantine contacts Sharpe and tells her the alien is here.

Sharpe, who's sneaking around in the attic, says she already knows, as she just found a giant cocoon dripping orange goo and hanging from the ceiling. Suddenly Rhonda appears behind Sharpe and knocks her in the head with a mixer.

Sharpe wakes to find she's tied to a chair, and Rhonda says she could tell she was up to no good. Sharpe tells her she has to destroy the cocoon before it hatches and whatever's inside kills everyone in town. Rhonda refuses, saying the cocoon is a miracle. She claims it arrived a week ago, when she discovered that everyone loves the goo it produces. She says it's saved the family business, as well as her marriage..

Sharpe points out that the cocoon is growing and becoming more dangerous. Rhonda poo-poos the notion, saying its size will help them to expand Big Bang into a franchise. Just then Spooner sneaks up behind Rhonda and knocks her out.

Back at Big Bang Burger, the ravenously insane customers are about to break through the windows and attack. Zari 2.0 gets a brainstorm, and sprinkles her Dragon Ash herbal supplement into the burgers, reasoning it'll calm them down. Behrad fries up some more patties as Steel dishes 'em out. Sure enough, the calming supplement puts the customers to sleep (?).

At Bert's house, Constantine frees Sharpe, who says the alien's using the goo to fatten up the townsfolk before it feeds on them. Just then the cocoon splits open and the alien emerges and eats Rhonda alive. Before the others can react, it busts through the ceiling and flies off.

Sharpe radios the others and tells them the alien's heading for Big Bang. Sure enough, it flies overhead, then swoops down and eats Bert. Sharpe and the others arrive, and Spooner shoots the alien with her inexplicably futuristic blaster. It knocks the alien into the Big Bang sign, where it's electrocuted.

Back on the Waverider, Spooner apologizes to Sharpe for her earlier outburst. She says she was abducted by aliens as a child, and has spent her whole life wanting revenge. Now that she finally killed an alien, she feels empty and unsatisfied. Sharpe invites her to join the Legends.

Elsewhere on the ship, Behrad watches a news report, in which Sandy Sledge takes over Bert's restaurant and renames it Big Belly Burger.

Behrad then tells Zari 2.0 she was right, and they should share the Air Totem. Zari 2.0 refuses, saying she needs to respect his boundaries. They go back and forth like this for an annoyingly long time.

Inside the Totem, Zari is reading a book and overhears the siblings. Eventually she can't take it any more, so she somehow duplicates the Totem, giving each of them a copy.

Back on the planet, Amelia tidies up after dinner. Canary asks again how she survived all this time. She says she doesn't remember how she got there and doesn't know where they are— the exact same words she said before.

This unnerves Canary & Gary, and they start to leave. Amelia grabs Canary and her jaw drops opens an unnatural amount, revealing a barbed tongue that lashes out and stings Canary. Gary knocks Amelia in the head and helps Canary out of the hut. They run for a bit, but Canary collapses from the alien venom.

Gary sees a light in the distance, and thinks it's a firefly (?). Suddenly dozens more lights appear, and it's clear they're glowing eyes. The two find themselves hopelessly surrounded.

Thoughts: 
• This week's title is a riff on the Season 5 episode Meet The Legends. I'm sure that'll never cause any sort of confusion in an episode guide or online search.

• Lita's AWOL for the second episode in a row. I guess her storyline must be done and she's exited the show for good. Too bad, as her relationship with her pops Heat Wave was the highlight of last season.

• Speaking of absences, Astra's in the opening credits again this week, but isn't in the actual episode. Did she just take a break this week? Or did she leave the series, and they can't afford to change the credits? Inquiring minds want to know.

• So apparently the Waverider has windshield wipers. That was... unexpected.

As the ship's flying through the temporal zone, an alien that Canary jettisoned last week smashes into the windshield like a bug on the highway, prompting Heat Wave to activate the wipers and make an even bigger mess.

I guess wipers make a certain amount of sense, since it's conceivable the windows could get obstructed or dirty. It just seems funny to me for a futuristic spaceship to have such a mundane function.

By the way, the alien that hits the windshield appears to be the same one that attacked Canary inside Gary's ship last week.

• When the alien hits the windshield, Sharpe thinks they can use it to find Canary. Heat Wave quips, "Sounds like more unpaid labor to me."

Was that an "illegal alien" joke? I guess he's not a fan. Is he afraid they'll steal his job?

• So we've established that Canary inadvertently loosed numerous aliens into the temporal zone. This week Gideon reports that one's landed in 1950s San Bernadino. It's a good bet that ALL the aliens are gonna end up somewhere on Earth all through this season. But why? Couldn't they exit the zone on another planet? Does it only open up onto Earth?

• When the alien's pod crashes in San Bernadino in 1955, we see a sign stating the city's population is (was?) 127,530.

I couldn't resist and had to look up a fact like that. According to the 1950 Census, San Bernadino had a population of a bit over 63,000. It seems unlikely the city would double in size in just five years, so... Whoops!

• Once the Waverider arrives in 1955 San Bernadino, Gideon tells the Legends, "The anomaly seems to have started at Big Bang Burger, owned by local businessman Bert Beeman... The entire population was killed overnight leaving no survivors. Historians dubbed it "The Massacre On Main Street."

Wait... so she's saying the ENTIRE population of 127,530 people was killed in a single night? JAYSIS! "Massacre" is right! That's like FORTY TWO 9-11s!

That would make it the biggest single disaster to ever take place on American soil! The only thing that comes even remotely close is the Galveston Hurricane of 1900, which killed an estimated 8,000 people.

• There's some definite weirdness going on in this episode regarding Spooner and her alleged alien implant:

Spooner: "And what exactly is the plan here?"

Sharpe: "Oh, the... well, you're the plan. So you're gonna help us find the alien and then you're gonna get it to tell us where Sara is."

Spooner: "Uh, no way. I'm only staying on this ship till you guys get this thing out of my head. That was the deal."

Gideon: "Apologies, Ms. Cruz, but that won't be possible."

Spooner: "What?"

Behrad: "I was gonna tell you before the whole, you know, alien pods thing. Gideon didn't find anything to remove. I'm sorry."

Wait, what? Why's Spooner acting like she doesn't already know about this? Last week in Ground Control To Sara Lance, Behrad had Gideon scan her for an implant. When Gideon says she found no trace of one, Spooner is literally sitting right there in the exam chair. There's no way she didn't see or hear the results.

I suspect her playing dumb here is the writer's clumsy attempt at reminding the audience that there's no implant. Surely there was a less... stupid way to get that across though.

• The Big Bang Burger featured in this episode is very obviously a thinly-disguised parody of fast food giant McDonald's. 

Out here in the real world, the restaurant was founded in 1940 by brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald— in San Bernadino, California (!). They eventually turned it into a franchise, and added the Golden Arches logo in 1953. In 1955 (the year in which this episode's set), businessman Ray Kroc joined the team, and eventually purchased the franchise from the brothers.

Oddly enough, all through the episode the characters never actually utter the name "McDonald's." At one point Bert suspects the Legends are trying to steal his secrets and says, "Who are you spying for? It's those two brothers... the Mc-whatevers!"

Later his wife Rhonda caresses the alien cocoon and purrs, "We'll put those brothers out of business!"

I'm assuming the writers must have been forbidden from mentioning the name "McDonald's" for legal reasons? I guess I can see why. The episode's basically implying that fast food chains feed addictive alien slime to their customers!

• Math is hard! When we first see Big Bang Burger, there's a sign on a building in the background that reads, "45th National Orange Show." 

Once again I couldn't resist and had to look it up. Sure enough, the Orange Show is actually a thing in San Bernadino. Good job, guys!

Unfortunately the first one was held in 1911— which was forty four years before this scene takes place, not forty five! Oooh, so close! You almost had it!

The Orange Show is usually held in March. According to Gideon, the bulk of this episode takes place  on October 10, 1955. I suppose it's possible this sign is advertising NEXT YEAR's Show, which would indeed be the 45th one— in which case it would be right. Do I believe that's what the producers had in mind here? No. No I do not.

• When the Legends arrive at Big Bang Burger in 1955, they're all wearing period-appropriate attire. Sharpe even tells Spooner, "The goal here is to blend." So then why's she dressed like a male cast member from West Side Story? 

I assume when the Legends were suiting up that Spooner told them there was no way she was ever putting on a dress. But women wearing pants (outside the home at least) was most definitely frowned upon in that era, and her outfit would most definitely have drawn unwanted attention to her.

• Speaking of outfits, Constantine's dons a 50's outfit as well— but still puts his ever-present trench coat on over it. I'm wondering why he bothered. His standard "uniform" of white shirt, black pants and red tie seems pretty timeless, and would fit in just about anywhere. I guess he just felt like playing dress up this week.

• Anachronism Alert! Outside the Big Bang Burger there's a mascot wearing an alien getup. He waves at the customers as he says, "Wel-wel-wel-welcome to Big Bang Burger!"

Note that his "wacky stutter" here is very similar to Max Headroom's trademark "glitching speech." Trouble is, that character debuted in 1985— a full thirty years after this episode takes place!

• When Behrad slicks his hair back, he looks more than a little like David Tennant, aka the Tenth Doctor. Appropriate I guess, since this is a time travel show!

• Zari 2.0 tells Behrad she thinks he should share the Air Totem with her. Behrad dismissively says, "Why, so you can dry your hair faster?"

Hold up now... just five seconds earlier he used the Totem to cool off a French fry before he ate it! And he's worried SHE'LL use it for trivial purposes?

• Canary and Gary crash land on what may or may not be Pliny X19. Several things here:

Last week I said it looked like the show was setting up Warworld, a large mobile planetoid from the comics, which was controlled by an alien warlord named Mongul. 

This episode pretty much confirms this theory. When Canary wonders where they are, Gary says, "I do know that we were hired by some power-hungry space lord to gather the universe's most dangerous creatures, and now we're on his planet" Sounds like Mongul and a budget-friendly Warworld to me!

Then once Gary finds out they're stuck on the planet, he says, "And, uh, good news... I've got my deck of strong American women playing cards. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Dolores Huerta, Representative Shirley Chisholm..."

I trust there's no need to explain who RBG is, so I'll skip her. I have to admit I've never heard of Dolores Huerta though, so I had to look her up. She's an American labor leader and civil rights activist. I remember Shirley Chisolm, but some of you youngin's might not. She was the first black Congresswoman in history, and in 1972 actually ran for President (SPOILER ALERT: She lost)!

Lastly, note that the producers depict this alien world by placing a few otherworldly plants and smoke pots in the background, and adding a purple filter to the image in post.

Cheesy? Most definitely, but I appreciate the effort they put in to make the Vancouver woods look a little more like an alien planet.

• Star Trek Homage #1: As they wander around the alien planet, Gary babbles incessantly about his world. saying "Careful, careful. On my planet, there are plants that can literally liquify you. Also ones that can sing, which I guess is besides the point, but..."

I'm betting his line about singing plants was a reference to this scene in The Cage (the first Star Trek pilot). In that episode, Spock & Captain Pike encounter alien foliage that emits a pleasant audible tone, that's silenced when touched.

• While wandering around the planet, Canary & Gary spot a VERY out of place Golden Retriever wearing a scarf. Gary says, "OK, Gary, resist the cuteness. You've been fooled by dogs before!"

This is a callback to Season 5's Ship Broken, in which Gary adopted an "emotional support" dog (named Gary Jr., natch)— which he found while he was briefly in Hell (!).

Of course his new dog turned out to be a Hell Hound, as well as the Son Of Sam— the very same canine who told serial killer David Berkowitz to kill.

• Star Trek Homage #2: Canary and Gary find a small hut on the planet, which is inhabited by famed aviator Amelia Earhart (!). 

In the Star Trek: Voyager episode The 37s, the crew landed on an alien planet in the Delta Quadrant, where they discovered several humans in cryongenic stasis. After thawing them out, they learned they'd been abducted by aliens in the year 1937 and brought to the other side of the galaxy to act as slave labor (???). Among the abductees were Amelia Earhart (again) and her navigator Fred Noonan!

Earhart's presence here is CLEARLY a shoutout to the Voyager episode. At first I assumed it was an identical situation— that aliens abducted her and brought her to their planet for reasons. Gary's people snatched up Canary & Spartacus, so why not Amelia Earhart?

But then in the third act Earhart reveals she's an alien and even attacks Canary, so she's obviously not human.

I'm betting she's an alien shapeshifter, and read Gary's mind while he was looking at his strong women playing cards and pulled the image of Amelia Earhart from his mind.

• The Legends encounter the Big Bang mascot, who has an insatiable thirst for meat. Spooner suspects he's an alien, they take him to the Waverider for testing. When Gideon pronounces him human, Constantine says he has a spell that'll reveal any alien influence that may be inside the mascot.

As the team discusses whether the mascot's human or not, Heat Wave summons up as much disdain as possible and groans, "Let's get this over with!"

Jesus Christ, look at him here! I have a feeling he wasn't acting in this scene. Have you ever seen a person LESS disinterested in their job? 

Even more telling, right after this scene he completely disappears for the rest of the episode! It appears actor Dominic Purcell is most definitely done with this show!

• The Legends discover that Big Bang Burger's "secret sauce" is actually a parasitic alien secretion, that makes anyone who eats it become ravenous for meat. They question Burt Beeman about the sauce, and he says his wife Rhonda makes it. 

Sharpe then pays Rhonda a visit at her home, looking for clues about the sauce. Man, look at that awesome Mid-Century Modern kitchen! I want my house to look like that!

• I had to laugh when Rhonda initially told Sharpe that the secret ingredient in her sauce was "rice vinegar from the East!" She was honestly worried the people of San Bernadino weren't ready for the truth about such an exotic additive— which, given the social climate of the 1950s, was probably a legitimate concern!

• Rhonda eventually admits her secret sauce is actually goo from an alien cocoon in her attic, prompting Sharpe to ask how she came to use it as a condiment. Rhonda explains that one night she cooked dinner for Bert, and a drop of the slime leaked from the attic and fell onto his meal. He loved the taste, thought it was her secret recipe and began using it at the restaurant.

Wait a minute... we've seen that anyone who ingests the goo becomes insanely ravenous for meat. So why didn't it affect Bert the way it does his customers? Whoops!

I suppose it's possible that a person has to consume a certain amount before it begins affecting them, and Bert just didn't eat enough yet?

• Driven crazy by the goo, the customers try breaking into Big Bang Burgers to consume all the meat— like zombies looking for brains. As they pound on the windows, Behrad, Zari 2.0 and Steel make their last stand.

Note that Steel's arms himself with a bowling pin, of all things. Where the hell did he get that? Is the restaurant next to a bowling alley?

Zari 2.0 then gets the bright idea to feed the horde burgers laced with her Dragon Ash herbal supplement, hoping it'll put them all to sleep.

To that end, Behrad fries up a bunch of burgers and says, "Comin' in hot!" Zari 2.0 then uses the Air Totem to levitate the patties over to some buns. I don't see any way this wouldn't make the burgers ice cold. I guess the insanely starving crowd won't mind, but still...

Now that I think about it, why bother grilling the burgers at all? Heck, at one point Sandra was even eating burgers out of the trash— the horde clearly doesn't care about taste. Just sprinkle the Dragon Ash on raw patties and throw 'em at them!

• When Rhonda's alien cocoon hatches, it looks much like a giant moth. Oddly enough, when it roars it sounds exactly like Classic Godzilla.

Note that when Sharpe alerts the others that a "huge flying bug" is headed for Big Bang, Behrad says, "Like Mothra, cool!"

• Spooner uses her (apparently?) homemade energy weapon to blast the alien into the Big Bang sign, where it's instantly fried. Note the smaller sign near the bottom right— it originally read, "Crispy Fried & Burgers." Once the bug's electrocuted, the sign shorts out and says, 
"Crispy Bugs." Com-O-Dee!

Of course I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't point out the awkwardness of that slogan. No one in their right mind would word it as "Crispy Fries & Burgers." Who the hell would ever want a crisp hamburger? What's that even mean? It's obvious they wrote it that way just for the joke.

• After Spooner kills the alien, everything's seemingly fine again in San Bernadino. So... what about the giant horde of people who'd been driven insane with hunger by the alien goo? Did they all return to normal after the alien died? Or did the effect just gradually wear off? Apparently it's none of our goddamned business, because the episode never bothers to explain.

• After Bert & Rhonda Beeman are killed, former waitress Sandy Sledge somehow becomes the owner of Big Bang Burger. She reopens it under a new name: Big Belly Burger!

The chain originated in the comics, where it first appeared in 1988's Adventures Of Superman #441.

It's a familiar name to all good Arrowverse fans too though, as Big Belly Burgers has appeared in literally dozens of episodes of both Arrow and The Flash. Before the Crisis, there was a Big Bang Burger on nearly every Earth in the Mulitiverse!

While this episode seemingly gives us the origin of Big Belly Burgers, it also creates a big incongruity. According to the Official Arrowverse Wiki, the restaurant was founded by a man named Angus T. Belle. I suppose the Crisis must have wiped him out of existence and replaced him with Sandy?

• When Behrad & Zari 2.0 argue over the Air Totem, we see Zari sitting inside it. She gets fed up with the two of them and splits the Totem in half, so they each have one.

This seemingly innocent scene raises a ton of questions, as well as some truly depressing and disturbing implications about Zari's current existence. 

First of all, it's clear from this scene that Zari can hear everything her stoner brother Behrad says and does whenever he's wearing the Totem. I can only imagine all the appalling things she's been forcibly exposed to since taking up residence inside it.

Secondly, why is she able to split the Totem in the first place? Is the strength of each Totem now halved? Or did she legitimately create another exact copy of the first one, each with full power?

If she can make full strength copies of the Totem, they why doesn't she conjure up one for each member of the Legends? Then they'd all have wind powers! This would be particularly handy, since as I pointed out last week, a good 90% of the team has no actual superpowers whatsoever.

Finally, if you'll recall last season's Swan Thong, Zari discovered that her presence was killing Behrad. She realized that her timeline— in which her Behrad died— was trying to overwrite this new one in which he was still live. In order to save this version of him, she willingly went to live inside the Air Totem.

Based on the scene here, it appears she's stuck for all time in this tiny efficiency apartment that looks like the interior of the magic bottle in I Dream Of Jeannie. Jesus Christ! Is this one room the extent of the Totem dimension? Is there anyplace outside the room that she could visit, for an occasional change of scenery? 

Where's she getting food & water? Does she even need to eat in there? Or go to the bathroom? Is there plumbing inside the Totem?

If course the writers gloss over all these implications, as it's presented as a fun little scene. In reality I can't imagine a worse hell than to be permanently confined to one small room. Zari's basically in prison for the rest of her life, which is inexplicably played for laughs. What the hell?

• This Week's Best Lines:

Gideon: "The entire population was killed overnight leaving no survivors. Historians dubbed it The Massacre On Main Street."

Sharpe: "Mm, no, I would've gone with Suburban Slaughter."

Steel: "Save it for the podcast."

Sharpe: "This is good news."

Spooner: "Y'all are dark!"

(Canary & Gary crash on an alien planet. She looks out the window & sees something.)

Canary: "What is... what is that?"

Gary: "Dog? A really cute dog."

Canary: "Three moons. Three moons, yeah, I can get behind that, but a dog, that's weird!"

(The Legends apply for jobs at Big Bang Burger. Sandy holds up a pair of roller skates for Zari 2.0.)

Sandy: "Size nine, right?"

Zari 2.0: (icily) "7 1/2, and I am not wearing those."

Canary: "How did I get here? Don't you have any alien super powers that can find a dog? Super smell or echolocation?"

Gary: "I'm not that kind of alien. I'm not that different from you, really. Carbon based, a few more tentacles."

Canary: "Yeah, and you eat people."

Gary: "I come from a savage planet. They killed for sport, ate their own. The concept of oral hygiene was completely unknown!"

(Spooner thinks the Big Bang mascot is an alien, but he turns out to be a kid in a costume.)

Sharpe: "The kid is not an alien. Would you stop pointing your gun at him? Look."

Spooner: "You sure? 'Cause I never saw a man so mad for meat, and I grew up along our nation's storied buffet belt."

(Spooner picks up one of Constantine's magic books and leafs through it.)

Spooner: "So you just rattle off this hooey and magic stuff happens?"

Constantine: "Yeah, that's right."

Spooner: (reading) "Hoc Carmen, conuro..."

Constantine: (grabbing the book from her) "Don't finish that sentence, not unless you wanna summon a trickster prawn."

(Constantine casts a spell that causes the mascot to vomit gallons of secret sauce onto the ceiling.)

Spooner: "That's some high-grade hooey."

Sharpe: "Wait a second. I think I've seen this stuff before. Is that Big Bang Burger's secret sauce?"

Spooner: "Wait, don't touch that, and definitely don't eat it."

Sharpe: "Why would I eat it?"

Spooner: "That's the alien!"
Heat Wave: "THAT'S the alien?"

Constantine: "What, you mean they're charging 25¢ extra to eat an alien? That's kind of a bargain, really.:

Rhonda: "I knew you were up to something. Is your husband even a policeman?"

Sharpe: "Well, you see, my wife... well, she's my fiancée. Well, technically, she hasn't asked me yet, but I did say yes, so I guess that makes us... Never mind. Sara, my friend, she was abducted by aliens, and that's exactly what that thing is. It's an alien."
Rhonda: (completely bewildered) "I have no idea which part of that sentence makes the least sense."